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Santa - this xmas I’d really love a divorce. For some reason my ex can’t muster up the courage to deal with a situation she and she alone created. What I want known is that I no longer have any association with her. That means I’d like Amy to stop using my last name. She never took it legally and has only used it for attention she’s never ever earned. I’ve asked my lawyers that my legacy be signed over to a non-profit that helps poor, uneducated artists. I will continue to fight to be legally divorced from a person I can not say enough sad but true things about. It’s important to me that Amy not have a stake in controlling my legacy after my death. It’s important to me that others know just how I feel about the deep betrayal I’ve survived. It’s important for me to let you know just how desperate and pathetic our relationship was. Amy latched onto me because I am a publisher of note and a cultural big deal in what was a small pond. She later claimed her marriage to me was due to her as a woman having no opportunities but to marry. It is true that I was the first man in chicago to take her seriously, and for that I'm repaid with absolute betrayal. Amy was given many opportunities through me that she squandered for her secret and repressed life. She has always blamed others for her shortcomings. She seldom takes responsibility for her results. Amy later claimed her secret life was a thing of fetish rather than what a secret life is… a christian-like repression. I really thought that because we shared a philosophy rooted in honest human expression I’d never have to deal with the deceit my parents lived through. It was Amy who quit our creative partnership to get a job at a bank. A job she eventually lost due to nefarious reasons. She took the bank gig, after her failed attempt to put together a book regarding a road trip we took. A book I later put together while sharing credit with her. It is easy to weaponize political issues in the Portland area. Gender issues and racial issues were used against me. I’ve heard my situation has been presented as something of feminists justice. That I somehow deserved this treatment. Contrary to what has been told to others, we were mutually abusive. It was mutual, it was typical. I was in therapy for three years prior to leaving my wife, and have been in therapy for over 6 years at this point. I continue to do the work to this day and see my therapist once a week. Anything that could be weaponized against me was, and it was used to manipulate others into taking sides for the purpose of greed and a childlike sadism, to steal my legacy, writing and artistic essence and, to absolutely steal my half of the little we amounted in our marriage including a home, car and art collection. My mental health struggles have been used against me in order to discredit anything I might say. Yet not one professional doctor, therapist or psychiatrist has diagnosed me as delusional, psychotic or having any loss of reality. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD prior to leaving and once I settled in Chicago I was treated for depression. About 6months ago I was taken off of my antidepressants and seem to be doing fine without them. Prior to leaving Amy, multiple doctors did warn me about my wife. They all told me she didn’t have my best interest at heart. Her enabling of my addictions and her threats of suicide if I didn’t partake in her 9 days of pie event were obviosly not healthy for me. But I continued to try. I became religious with the idea of what love is and thought my love could save us and, unfortunately I believed my ex-partner could love. As times gone on I’ve gathered evidence and been told tales of deep betrayal by Amy. I was really upset with myself as to just how far I let things go on, for so long. The fact is my wife was predatory from the start. But not a cool natural predator. This isn’t a story of classic evil or witchcraft revenge or even justice… our story is typical. And that’s probably the hardest thing for me to admit. We were typical and played out our parents' abuse and trauma. Amy knew that I think differently, that I’ve been diagnosed with spectrum disorders since I was a child. She took full advantage of qualities that make me special in many ways, those same qualities also present a vulnerability that up until recently I haven’t been able to manage. Now I do the best I can to deal. My wife wants to be seen as an occultist and evil witch. Truth be told, her brand of evil is typical, pathetic, clown-like and sad. The book body keeps the score could explain things better than I. What I’m asking you Santa is for a legal divorce from my ex-partner. I’d like it to be legal and binding for her to no longer use my last name in her effort to be seen and to let her depend on her own work, her own name and her own art for once. Santa, if I could wish for another gift it would be to see the body of work I had built up over 20 years. My writings, the videos I’ve shot, audio files I’ve collected, interviews I’ve obtained, my sculptures, there’s just so much she won’t give back… jeeze santa, when I think of all thats been kept from me I would trade those items for some sort of justice. A justice that holds a person accountable for their actions, for stealing an artist's work, damaging an artist's hard earned reputation and for the celebration of hurting me. I did not deserve the treatment I received that had me leaving all I love behind, nor do I deserve the treatment I am receiving now. Contrary to what some have been told. I was loyal and dedicated to my family. I was able to find the strength to leave a person I loved and thought loved me, it took everything I had in me to leave all that I loved. I have a lawyer who is trying to work this out with her. We had a trial date set for Jan 7th. That doesn’t seem to be happening based on Amy’s lack of cooperation. I don’t expect to get back my artwork or tools I used to make a living so long ago. Nor do I expect Amy to be honorable and split our collective worth in an honest and fair way. I’m pretty sure that my hard drives full of over 20 years of work, my decades of physical photos, the videos I’ve shot and all traces of my past will be harvested for content then destroyed if they haven’t already. Awwwww santa… I’d just like to be able to move forward and a divorce would really help with that. The rest seems like wishful thinking. The divorce and an equitable split of property and spousal support after leaving seems like a gift that could happen if you twitch that red nose of yours. Thanks for listening santa - your friend, shane