Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect

241 Pages·2013·1.882 MB·English

by  Jonice Webb, Christine Musello

RUNNING EMPTY
ON
Jonice Webb has written a terrific book about what you didn’t get in
childhood - what wasn’t there that should have been: guidance, attunement;
in some cases, love. The damage caused by emotional neglect and what to do
to heal it are the subjects of this exciting, readable, and potentially life
changing work.
—Terrence Real
Internationally Recognized Family Therapist & Bestselling Author
Regular Contributor on Good Morning America & ABC News
In a compelling and articulate way, Running on Empty shines an
important light on the emotional legacy passed down to us from our parents.
It helps make clear how the parenting we receive as children affects us
emotionally and socially in adulthood. In a rich, warm, empathic voice, Dr.
Webb speaks directly to us, helping us identify our emotional roadblocks, and
providing a path through them.
—Jeffrey Pickar, Ph.D.
Clinical Instructor in Psychology
Department of Psychiatry
Harvard Medical School
Reading Dr. Webb’s Running on Empty immediately impacted my work
as a child and adolescent psychologist. Her conceptualization of emotional
neglect and its myriad effects on the developing child is crystal clear, and one
that I have not seen elsewhere. Dr. Webb provides tools so clinicians can
identify patterns of emotional neglect that may be occurring in the families
with whom they are working. More importantly, Running on Empty offers the
clinician practical guidelines to help parents of children and adolescents stop
emotional neglect in its tracks.
Stephanie M. Kriesberg, Psy.D.
Child and Adolescent Psychologist
Lexington, MA
EMPTY
RUNNING ON
Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect
Jonice Webb, PhD
with Christine Musello, PsyD
NEW YORK
RUNNING EMPTY
ON
Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect
Jonice Webb, PhD
© 2013 . All rights reserved.
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ISBN 978-1-61448-242-0 paperback
ISBN 978-1-61448-243-7 eBook
Library of Congress Control Number: 2012931742
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Emotional Neglect Questionnaire
PART I: RUNNING ON EMPTY
Chapter 1: Why Wasn’t the Tank Filled?
The Ordinary Healthy Parent in Action
Chapter 2: Twelve Ways to End up Empty
Type 1: The Narcissistic Parent
Type 2: The Authoritarian Parent
Type 3: The Permissive Parent
Type 4: The Bereaved Parent: Divorced or Widowed
Type 5: The Addicted Parent
Type 6: The Depressed Parent
Type 7: The Workaholic Parent
Type 8: The Parent with a Special Needs Family Member
Type 9: The Achievement/Perfection Focused Parent
Type 10: The Sociopathic Parent
Type 11: Child as Parent
Type 12: The Well-Meaning-but-Neglected-Themselves Parent
PART II: OUT OF FUEL
Chapter 3: The Neglected Child, All Grown Up
1. Feelings of Emptiness
2. Counter-Dependence
3. Unrealistic Self-Appraisal
4. No Compassion for Self, Plenty for Others
5. Guilt and Shame: What is Wrong with Me?
6. Self-Directed Anger, Self-Blame
7. The Fatal Flaw (If People Really Know Me They Won’t Like Me)
8. Difficulty Nurturing Self and Others
9. Poor Self-Discipline
10. Alexithymia:
Chapter 4: Cognitive Secrets: The Special Problem of Suicidal Feelings
PART III: FILLING THE TANK
Chapter 5: How Change Happens
Factors That Get in the Way of Successful Change
Chapter 6: Why Feelings Matter and What to Do with Them
1. Understanding the purpose and value of your emotions
2. Identifying and Naming Your Feelings
3. Learning to Self-Monitor Your Feelings
4. Accepting and Trusting Your Own Feelings
5. Learning to Express Your Feelings Effectively
6. Recognizing, Understanding and Valuing Emotions in Relationships
Chapter 7: Self-Care
Self-Care Part 1. Learning to Nurture Yourself
Self-Care Part 2. Improving Self-Discipline
Self-Care Part 3. Self-Soothing
Self-Care Part 4. Having Compassion for Yourself
Chapter 8: Ending the Cycle: Giving Your Child What You Never Got
1. Your Parental Guilt
2. The Changes You Have Made So Far
3. Identify Your Own Specific Parenting Challenges
Chapter 9: For the Therapist
Research
Identification of Emotional Neglect
Treatment
Summary for the Therapist
Conclusion
Resources for Recovery
References