Robin Alexander PDF
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Pitifully Ugly By Robin Alexander P u itifully gly © 2010 by Robin AlexAndeR All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions. ISBN 13: 978-1-935216-21-6 First Printing: 2010 This Trade Paperback Is Published By Intaglio Publications Walker, LA USA www.intagliopub.com This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. CRedits ExEcutivE Editor: tara Young covEr dEsign bY: tigEr graphics For the Rose with a golden heart. Acknowledgments My thanks and my love to my partner, Becky. She’s my inspiration. My editor, Tara Young, to whom I am very thankful because she hasn’t shot me yet over my poor use of the dreaded comma. Many thanks to Kate Sweeney, my business partner who makes a mean sangria and who doesn’t complain when I force her to listen to what I’ve written. Pitifully Ugly Prologue “Don’t you dare, Shannon. Those online dating sites are a hotbed of people looking to cheat on their mates, or worse, monsters masquerading as princess charmings. Just do it the old- fashioned way—charm some cutie into a date and see where it goes.” Kalen, my older sister, accentuated every point by stabbing her fork in my direction. As usual, I sat silent and listened to her well-intentioned advice until she stopped long enough to take the last bite of her dinner. “You’re missing the point,” I said. “I have no game, no charm.” “You have to practice.” Kalen’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “Practice on the waiter when he comes back.” “No.” “Why?” “He’s a man.” “I didn’t say seduce him and take him home. It’s simple. Just smile and maybe compliment him. Oh! Say something about his eyes.” Kalen looked around for the unsuspecting guinea pig. “Show me how it’s done.” Kalen rolled her eyes. She’d demonstrated the Brycen charming skills that I was sorely lacking countless times. Our victim was approaching too quickly for her to argue. I watched as she smiled up at him and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He was putty in her hands, and she hadn’t spoken a word. Flirting was second nature to Kalen, and if she were single, she’d never lack for companionship. 1 Robin Alexander I’ve often thought it a cruel cosmic joke that I was passed over for the charismatic gene that my parents and sister shared. If Kalen and I didn’t look so much alike, I would have gone in search of my real father, an introverted milkman who my mother had her way with. “See how easy that was?” Kalen said triumphantly. “He’s giving us a slice of pie on the house. We’re going to have to leave before he asks for my number because I might just give it to him.” “Better hope that my brother-in-law doesn’t answer when he calls.” Kalen raised an eyebrow. “When he comes back, you give it a whirl.” I opened my mouth to balk as I’ve always done, but then I wondered, why not? The food wasn’t that great. We probably wouldn’t revisit this place. What did I have to lose? I watched as the waiter weaved between tables, coming closer with each step. My hands tightened into fists as I tucked them under my legs. That was the closest I was going to get to being poised. All was going well until I heard my brain screaming out to the rest of my body. Oh, my God! She’s going to speak. Who told her this was a good idea? My stomach began to growl its protest, and it kind of sounded like Scotty from Star Trek. She’s breaking up, Captain. I can’t hold her much longer. My brain began barking out orders, but my body was too stunned to comply. Legs, what are you waiting for? Get moving! Can we have a coughing fit, a sneeze, anything? All fell silent as a slice of pie and two cups of coffee were set on the table. I glanced over at Kalen, who wore the expectant but fearful smile of a mother watching her baby take the first ride without training wheels. The waiter was smiling down at me, and it was show time. “I…you…well…I like your shirt.” The last part of my pathetic attempt came out sounding like a balloon being deflated. He blinked for a moment, then looked down at the black polo with the restaurant’s name emblazoned on the breast pocket. With no more than an awkward smile and a nod, he left me to my misery. 2 Pitifully Ugly I couldn’t look at Kalen. She cleared her throat and went on talking as though nothing gruesomely embarrassing had happened. “You know…there’s a new customer that’s been coming to the Rampart store. I think she may be single.”
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