Rethinking Misogyny sexualities in society series editor: helen hester, Middlesex University, Uk sexualities in society offers a dedicated and much-needed space for the very best in interdisciplinary research on sex, sexualities, and twenty-first century society. Its contemporary focus, methodological inclusivity, and international scope will provide a distinctive vantage point in terms of surveying the social organization of sexuality. It critically addresses numerous aspects of sex and sexuality, from media representations, to embodied sexual practices, to the sometimes controversial issues surrounding consent, sexual fantasy, and identity politics. It represents a critically rigorous, theoretically informed, and genuinely interdisciplinary attempt to interrogate a complex nexus of ideas regarding the ways in which sexualities inform, and are informed by, the broader sociopolitical contexts in which they emerge. Rethinking Misogyny Men’s Perceptions of Female Power in Dating Relationships DR AnnA ARRowsMith © Dr Anna Arrowsmith 2015 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the publisher. Dr Anna Arrowsmith has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the author of this work. Published by Ashgate Publishing Limited Ashgate Publishing Company wey Court east 110 Cherry street Union Road suite 3-1 Farnham Burlington, Vt 05401-3818 surrey, gU9 7Pt UsA england www.ashgate.com British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. The Library of Congress has cataloged the printed edition as follows: Arrowsmith, Anna. Rethinking misogyny : men’s perceptions of female power in dating relationships / by Anna Arrowsmith. pages cm. -- (Sexualities in society) Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 978-1-4724-6351-7 (hardback) -- ISBN 978-1-4724-6352-4 (ebook) -- ISBN 978-1-4724- 6353-1 (epub) 1. Men--Identity. 2. Masculinity. 3. Dating (Social customs)--Psychological aspects. 4. Man-woman relationships--Psychological aspects. 5. Sex role. I. Title. HQ1090.A7395 2016 155.3'323--dc23 2015016064 ISBN 9781472463517 (hbk) ISBN 9781472463524 (ebk – PDF) ISBN 9781472463531 (ebk – ePUB) Printed in the United kingdom by henry Ling Limited, at the Dorset Press, Dorchester, Dt1 1hD Contents Glossary vii Acknowledgements xi Introduction 1 A Note on my Methodology 7 Introducing Pickup Artistry 15 Conclusion 31 1 Men’s Thoughts about Themselves and Other Men 33 Homosociality in this Book 33 Body Image 52 Conclusion 62 2 Men’s Thoughts about Women 69 Dating Relations 69 Female Power 75 Men’s Responses to Female Physical Attractiveness 77 Concerns about Women 90 Conclusion 104 3 Men’s Thoughts on Dating 111 Making the First Move 111 Difficulties in the Dating Scene 114 Portrayals of Dating in the Media 117 Monogamy 120 Power Between Genders 123 Conclusion 135 Rethinking Misogyny Conclusions 139 Introduction 139 Masculinity Theories 145 On-going Gender Studies 150 Works Cited 155 Index 163 vi Glossary Confluent Love Part of Anthony Gidden’s (1991/2) theory of dating relations where an idealised relationship is imagined where a couple focuses on equality of emotional and sexual exchange to be achieved through mutual exposure. Constructed Certitude Ulrich Beck’s (1997) term used to describe the tendency of some to cherry- pick historic data to provide ways of understanding the world. The concept of certainty is used less stringently than in the age of modernity and is ‘justified’ rather than attained. Such data is useful in order to close down the need for questioning at a time of confusion of meaning and truth (postmodernity) in order to provide security, which leads paradoxically both to compulsions to act and to complacency. Hegemonic Masculinity Theory R.W. Connell’s (1987) highly influential theory of masculinity that understands all men to aspire to being competitive, aggressive, stoic, thrill seeking, and tough. In reality, few men attain this ideal and therefore a hierarchy of men exist in part dependent on a man’s race, class, and sexuality. Although she does not see all men as equally powerful like the theory of patriarchy does, she does still maintain that all men are thought to their share of the ‘patriarchal dividend’ which places them above all women. The Have/Hold Discourse Another of the three dating discourses outlined by Wendy Hollway (1984) this time regarding the assumption that women largely eschew casual sex in preference for long term, emotionally invested relationships. RethinkinG MisoGyny Homosociality Originally a term coined by John Gagnon and William Simon (1973) to refer to non-sexual relationships between people of the same sex being key for one’s self valuation, the term has been appropriated by gender theorists to largely refer to the means and practices men use to prioritise their male bonds over heterosocial ones, that is, ones between men and women, especially with reference to how this is detrimental to women’s development. Inclusive Masculinity Theory Eric Anderson’s (2009) theory of inclusive masculinity is based on research undertaken from the early 1990s to date which showed that young men’s relationships were not accurately described by a hegemonic masculine framework that sees a traditional masculine stereotype (competitive, aggressive, stoic, thrill- seeking and tough) as preferential. They were more likely to be inclusive of social groups such as gay men and of women in their social realms and often supported ideals of social equality. Overall, the theory argues men are split between orthodox (as with hegemonic masculinity theory) and inclusive types of masculine performance at this time and that we live in a time of transition of masculine performances by men. Individualism Ulrich Beck’s (1997) theory understands that we must now build our own life- trajectories since we have been dis-embedded from industrial-societal ways of life that once defined our roles clearly. The minutiae of life now forms part of our identities from which we must now choose in the absence of tradition and rules. An individual is now the legislator and the judge of their own life and the struggle to be free has now conformed to a general imperative. In dating, this leads to a tendency to seek person-related stability; we pin our hopes on the other person to provide and support our lives’ meaning because other reference points have gone. The Invented Historic Male My term for the concept used within gender studies that how the sexes behaved historically changes dependent on the current understanding of how gender works. When historical men are described it is more accurate to understand viii GlossaRy such descriptions as projections back in time from the current day (descriptions that may well focus on perceived positives that are now lost) rather than a true reflection of how men historically behaved. Project of the Self/the Life as a Project Anthony Gidden’s (1991) idea that individualism has encouraged us to think of our lives as projects that need managing if the best outcome is to be achieved. Such management involves much reflexive questioning about what one’s desires and needs and has a focus on one’s ability to choose and to change one’s life. Male Sexual Drive Discourse One of three cultural discourses defined by Wendy Hollway (1984) that outline the way we understand dating behaviour. This discourse describes the common assumption that men are mainly focused on attaining sexual intercourse with as many women as possible, and to wish to remain ‘free’ of emotional ties with them. Pickup Artistry (PUA) A movement of men based on the neuro-linguistic teachings of Ross Jeffries in the 1980s (later developed by both Neil Strauss and Mystery in 1990s), where men attend classes and join online forums in order to learn tricks to increase their confidence in the presence of women they are attracted to. The Pure Relationship Part of Anthony Gidden’s (1991/2) theory of dating relations which imagines an idealised relationship that exists solely for whatever rewards are possible to gain from a specific pairing; the voluntary nature of such relationships is highlighted, as is the relationship’s autonomy from the rest of societal influences. A relationship is imagined to be like a business partnership that must be mutually beneficial in order to make sense. ix
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