Table Of Content

PRAISE FOR RELATIONSHIP GOALS “The way God has moved this message like wildfire to millions of people speaks volumes about its value. There is no turnkey or quick fix to having rich relationships. With down-to-earth honesty, Michael Todd not only gives you a vision for what your relationships could look like, but he also gives you the road map to get you there. I’m confident that no matter where you are and no matter what stage of life you are in, Relationship Goals will be a game changer.” —LEVI LUSKO, lead pastor of Fresh Life Church and bestselling author “Michael Todd is one of my favorite preachers. He is a great man of God. I am so proud of him, and I am so glad he wrote this much- needed book about relationships. I know you’ll love his authentic, personal, and engaging way of explaining how relationships work best when we do them God’s way. Using principles from God’s Word, this book will help you learn how to have better and more intimate relationships with your friends, your spouse, and, most important, with God!” —ROBERT MORRIS, founding lead senior pastor of Gateway Church and bestselling author of The Blessed Life, Beyond Blessed, and Take the Day Off “We are often encouraged to practice what we preach. However, I think it’s also important to preach what we practice. This is exactly what Mike and Natalie Todd have done. They have taken their lumps and transformed them into lessons. They have taken their pain and turned it into purpose. They have taken their mistakes and turned them into ministry. They have taken their blessings and turned them into a book. If you are looking for a blueprint to a blessed relationship, this book is for you.” —DR. DHARIUS DANIELS, lead pastor of Change Church and author of Relational Intelligence “Mike has been a dear friend since we were twenty years old—just recording music in Tulsa together. As we’ve both moved into ministry, I’ve seen God expand Mike’s reach greatly, but his humility and kindness have never changed with all the public praise. He’s the real deal on and off the stage, and he’s such an exemplary man of God for our generation. The message God has given Mike on relationship goals is one hundred percent fire! It is so important for anyone wanting to build Christ-centered, successful relationships. I’m so thankful for Mike and Natalie not just sharing a message but sharing their lives as a great example for marriage and family!” —PAUL DAUGHERTY, lead pastor of Victory in Tulsa, Oklahoma RELATIONSHIP GOALS All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are taken from The Message. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers Inc. Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Details in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of the persons involved. Hardcover ISBN 9780593192573 Ebook ISBN 9780593192580 Copyright © 2020 by Michael Todd Cover design by Graceson Todd; cover photography by Graceson Todd; chapter 1 photographs courtesy of the author’s personal archives All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Published in the United States by WaterBrook, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. WATERBROOK® and its deer colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Todd, Michael (Pastor), author. | Stanford, Eric, author. Title: Relationship goals : how to win at dating, marriage, and sex / Michael Todd with Eric Stanford. Description: First edition. | Colorado Springs : WaterBrook, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC., 2020. Identifiers: LCCN 2019054904 | ISBN 9780593192573 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780593192580 (ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Interpersonal relations-Religious aspects-Christianity. | Dating (Social customs)-Religious aspects-Christianity. | Marriage-Religious aspects- Christianity. | Sex-Religious aspects-Christianity. Classification: LCC BV4597.52 .T63 2020 | DDC 248.4-dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019054904 ep_prh_5.5.0_c0_r0 Contents Cover Title Page Copyright 1 | Taking Aim 2 | Before the Person 3 | The S-word 4 | Intentional Dating 5 | Does It Need to End? 6 | Surrender Your Sexuality 7 | All Tied Up 8 | The Triangle 9 | Major Keys to Successful Marriage Conclusion | Bull’s-Eye Dedication Acknowledgments About the Author God’s plan, God’s plan I can’t do this on my own —DRAKE, “God’s Plan” #RelationshipGoals has been a trending topic worldwide for years now. Search for this hashtag on social media, and you’ll find celebrity couples posing at exclusive clubs, stills from romantic movies at the point where the boy gets the girl, cute couples kissing on a beach or cuddled up in bed, a boyfriend-girlfriend pair holding balloons in the park and giving the impression that their relationship has never been anything but pure happiness. And when people repost these pictures with the hashtag, what are they saying? They’re saying, “I want a relationship like that!” Kim and Kanye, Jay and Bey, Prince William and Kate, Will and Jada, some unidentified couple who look really good in a picture that happened to go viral—we can easily become obsessed with their seemingly perfect images and make them our idols and ideals. Okay, maybe you’ve never noticed the #RelationshipGoals tag online, much less posted anything with it. But if I were to ask you to think about the relationship you want, would an idealized picture flash into your mind? Maybe it’s you with a tall, handsome pro athlete who takes you on shopping sprees. Or maybe it’s you beside a girl who’s hood like Cardi B but has a sweet side like Carrie Underwood. Is he an amazing listener with a classic swag like George Clooney and a job that pays both his bills and yours? Can she cook like your mama and get just as hype as you do when your team scores? Now, if you just asked What’s wrong with that? in your head, allow me to submit to you that maybe there’s more to relationship than what pop culture has taught us or our own imaginings have dreamed up. Maybe our society sells an illusion of intimate relationship that’s more like a mirage—the closer you get to it, the more you realize it’s not real at all. Maybe the things we tend to celebrate are built on unstable foundations and are bound to eventually fall. But also…maybe there are some truths here that can be unlocked about how and why human connection is so important and how we can achieve it. I believe so, and that’s why I’ve written Relationship Goals…about real relationship goals. WHY OUR GENERATION IS SO CLUELESS Let me rewind really quick through some of the photos of my life so you can get to know me, okay? There’s baby Mikey in his crib, born 1986 in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Ain’t he cute?