Relationally Queer: A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners

253 Pages·2023·3.021 MB·English

by  Silva Neves, Dominic Davies

‘This volume is a must have for affirmatively working with queer clients and their
relationships of today and tomorrow. Relationally Queer is as ground breaking to
the psychotherapy field as earlier volumes of the Pink Therapy series. Chapters
address areas ranging from challenging monogamism to counselling people who
sex work to addressing health issues – and more! A thoughtful overview of the
gender, sex, and relationship diversities (GSRD) framework is also provided’.
Markie L.C Twist, PHD, LMFT, LMHC, CSE-S,
Teaching Faculty, Antioch University New England;
Editor-in-Chief, Sexual and Relationship Therapy
‘Having trained relationship therapists – globally – for decades GSRD is of great
value to me: it recognises, defines and positions a wide range of relationship
expressions as either including everyone (and especially indigenous groups) or to
stand accused of perpetuating colonialism. This work hits the spot and I commend
the authors for this ground-breaking, courageous work. I am particularly excited
by the chapters on collectivist communities (African, Jewish, Muslim et al) in
which individualist psychotherapy models have limited value’.
Bernd Leygraf, Consultant Psychotherapist, CEO Naos-Institute
(www.naos-institute.com and www.psychosexualtraining.org.uk)
‘Relationally Queer is THE book that all GSRD specialists (including mental
health professionals in training) are waiting for. The publication fills in the gaps
in existing writings on the topic. It not only gives a fresh perspective of how to
talk about and talk to GSRD clients but also how to include practical tools into the
therapeutical space. The importance of perspective “nothing about us without us”
can help us create safer environment and change the world’.
Agata Loewe-Kurilla, PhD, Psychotherapist, Sexologist,
Sexospher and Tutor. Founder of Sex Positive Institute

Relationally Queer
Relationally Queer explores diverse intimate relationship styles and the
connections with self for clinicians interested in gender, sex and relationship
diversity.
Offering readers a more inclusive and queer-friendly way of thinking about
relationships, the book covers a range of topics that include intersectionality,
consensual non-monogamy, working with shame, intimate partner violence,
religious identities and living with HIV. Exploring beyond a Eurocentric
perspective, the book features a chapter on African-centred therapy and also
includes the relationships of often erased populations such as bisexual people, sex
workers, people with chronic health issues and trans people.
The book will help psychosexual and relationship therapists, counsellors
and psychologists who work with clients of diverse genders, sexualities and
relationships.
Silva Neves is a COSRT-accredited and UKCP-registered psychotherapist
specialising in sexology and intimate relationships. He is a Pink Therapy clinical
associate. He is a course director for the Contemporary Institute of Clinical
Sexology (CICS), an international speaker, broadcaster and author.
Dominic Davies is the Founder of Pink Therapy, a clinical supervisor and
sexologist and course director of two training programmes in gender, sex and
relationship diversity therapy. He has been internationally recognised as one of
50 gender and sexual health revolutionaries.

Relationally Queer
A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners
Edited by Silva Neves and
Dominic Davies
Designed cover image: © Thomas Dyson
First published 2023
by Routledge
4 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN
and by Routledge
605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10158
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
© 2023 selection and editorial matter, Silva Neves and Dominic
Davies; individual chapters, the contributors
The right of Silva Neves and Dominic Davies to be identified as the
authors of the editorial material, and of the authors for their individual
chapters, has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of
the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or
reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical,
or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including
photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval
system, without permission in writing from the publishers.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks
or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and
explanation without intent to infringe.
British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN: 978-1-032-19725-8 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-1-032-19724-1 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-003-26056-1 (ebk)
DOI: 10.4324/9781003260561
Typeset in Times New Roman
by Apex CoVantage, LLC
Contents
Acknowledgements ix
List of contributors xi
Foreword by Meg-John Barker xiv
Introduction 1
SILVA NEVES AND DOMINIC DAVIES
1 Getting real about monogamism: disrupting mononormative
bias in sex therapy and relationship counselling 5
DR Y GÁVRIEL ANSARA
2 Loving freedom (beyond monogamy – opening up a dyad) 24
NIKI D
3 Common presenting issues in consensual non-monogamy 41
DK GREEN
4 When sex, health and stigma collide: counselling people
who sex work (and their partners) 58
CYNDI DARNELL
5 The trans compass: a way of hearing and understanding
trans people’s relationships with their identities 74
ELLIS MORGAN
6 Working with bi+ clients: considerations for individual and
relationship therapy 87
DR SUSANNAH GRANT
viii Contents
7 Sankofa’s Quest: Cultivating Queer, African-centred,
homecomings through intersectionality in therapy 107
JOEL SIMPSON
8 Working with intimate partner violence in GSRD intimate
relationships 123
RIMA HAWKINS
9 Exploring the impact of a religious background or identity
on LGBTQ people 141
SAQUIB AHMAD
10 Chronic health issues, disability and Queer people 156
DR ALEX IANTAFFI
11 The impact of antiretroviral therapies and PrEP on gay men 170
GUILLERMO LLORCA
12 GSRD-affirmative supervision of psychotherapy 186
DR DANIEL BĄK
13 Living and working within our communities 204
DOMINIC DAVIES
Conclusion 228
SILVA NEVES AND DOMINIC DAVIES
Index 230
Acknowledgements
Silva and Dominic would like to thank:
All our authors who contributed chapters for this book. We are grateful for their
hard work, their time and for sharing their expert knowledge.
Our dear colleague Meg-John Barker for writing a Foreword to the book and
offering excellent coaching to some of our authors who were writing for print for
the first time.
Dr Agata Loewe-Kurilla, Professor Markie L.C Twist and Bernd Leygraf for
being willing to read a draft of the book and say great things about it on the back
cover.
Thanks, too, to Thomas Dyson for the fab book cover.
We would also like to thank the people of Pignetto in Rome, the neighbour-
hood where we completed this book. To Nadia, our Airbnb host, the cafe owners,
restauranteurs and gelateria all contributed vital sustenance in our short breaks
away from the laptops.
We are both sustained by the 3,000 therapists on our Pink Therapy Facebook
group and supported by the volunteer moderators. We are incredibly grateful to
our students, who entrust us with their hearts and minds to train them to serve our
GSRD communities better.
Silva would like to thank:
Dominic Davies for being a wonderful co-editor on this book and being so
generous with his knowledge and great clinical experience.
My colleagues and friends whose love, kindness and support are invaluable:
Julie Sale, Rima Hawkins, Lorraine McGinlay, Dr Francesca Tripoli, Babette
Rothschild, Kate Moyle, Dr Roberta Babb, Lohani Noor, Aoife Drury, Remziye
Kunelaki, Juliette Clancy, Lisa Etherson, Diana Moffat, Andrew Mirrlees, Julie
Gaudion, David Piner and Clare Staunton, to name just a few. I’m so lucky to
have them in my life.
My followers on my professional social media platforms who identify as Queer
and Queer allies. It feels good to see them out there.
The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT). I’m proud to be
an accredited member.
My husband, Dr James Rafferty, for his consistent love and unwavering support
of my work. He brings much Queer joy to my life.