RedEye Chicago Magazine 20130129

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BYJULIABORCHERTSFORREDEYE | [email protected] »GETMOREEAT.DRINK.DO.IDEASATREDEYECHICAGO.COM
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GETTYIMAGES
TOO NICE
DITCH THE
DOORMAT THING
Thetraitsthatmakenicepeoplesopleasant—they
givepeoplethebenefitofthedoubt,theycare
aboutmakingothershappy—canputthemata
disadvantageiftheydon’thaveboundaries.Here
areafewstrategiesforbeingassertivewhilere-
mainingnice.
Peopleaddictedtopleasing
darksidecanunderlieitscheerysurface.
otherscancomeupshorthanded People eager for approval can overextend themselves to ex- »Judgepeople’sactionsratherthantheirstated
intentions,clinicalpsychologistGeorgeSimon
haustion, their compulsive “yes”-ing driven by any number of
said.Ifyou’renotsurewhethertotrustsomeone,
ChicagoTribune fears:ofbeingtossedoutofthegroup,ofconfrontation,ofmiss-
lookforevidenceinhisorherpastbehavior.
YoucouldalwayscountonKathyChurch.Whenfriendscalled ingoutonanopportunitythatmaynotcomeagain,ofbeingper-
tovent,shewouldpickupthephone.Whentherewasacrisis ceivedaslazyorselfishoruncaring,saidSusanNewman,asocial »Actquicklytoconfrontbadbehavior,Simonsaid.
atwork,she’ddigin.Whenfamilymembersgottogether,she’d psychologistandauthorof“TheBookofNo:250WaystoSay Nicepeopletendtoletthingsslidebecausethey
showup,nomatterhowmuchshedidn’twantto. It—andMeanItandStopPeoplePleasingForever.” don’twanttoseemtooharsh,butasthesaying
Churchwasalwaysgameandalwaysnice.Butassheveered “Weliveunderthismisconceptionthatsayingyes,beingavail- goes,givepeopleaninch,andthey’lltakeamile.
intochronicpeople-pleasing,itateawayatthegoodwillshewas able,alwaysatthereadyforotherpeople,makesusabetterper-
tryingsohardtocultivate. son,butinfactitdoesquitetheopposite,”Newmansaid.“You »Don’tacceptexcusesforhurtfulbehavior.
Blamingotherpeopleorcircumstancessuggests
Unwillingtosaynotoanyrequest,Churchgrewstressed,un- getstressedandanxious;you’reviewedasapatsy.”
someonehasnointentionofchanging.Ifyoudon’t
abletosleep,andresentfulofthepeoplewhoweretakingher Niceness,ofcourse,isn’talwaysdrivenbyinsecurity.Buteven
seeanimmediate,clearchangeoratleastgenuine
time—andofherselfforlettingitbetaken.Overworked,shequit whenitcomesfromanaturalinclinationtobeagreeable,oryears
empathyforyourconcern,therewon’tbeany.
herjobtostartherowncompany,buteventhenfoundherself ofbeingpeacemaker,withoutboundariesitcanbackfire.
takingonprojectsshedidn’twantbecauseshewassoworried In a 2011 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psy- »Followthethree-strikesrule.Socialpsychologist
aboutoffendingsomeoneorbeingdisliked. chology journal, University of Notre Dame researchers found andperenniallyniceguyRonaldRiggiogivespeo-
“Itwasaself-esteemissueallthewayaround,”saidChurch, thatmenwhowereagreeable(theacademictermfornice,warm, plethreechancestomendtheirbehaviorbefore
nowarecoveringniceaholic,whoownsavirtualadministrative cooperative)earned18percentlessthantheirdisagreeablecoun- walkingawayfromtherelationshippermanently.
consultingcompanyinPhoenix.“Ididn’tregardmyselfasimpor- terparts, and agreeable women earned 5 percent less than dis-
tantasthepeopleI[considered]important.” agreeablefemaleemployees,perhapsbecausenicepeopleareless »Chooseyourbattles.Nicepeopleoftenfeelbad
afteraninterpersonalconflict,soknowwhenit’s
Thoughbeingniceoverwhelminglyisapositivetraitthatre- aggressiveornotsoadeptatnegotiating.(Thegendergapsug-
besttojustwalkaway,Riggiosaid.
search has shown to be beneficial to individuals and society, a geststhataggressivenessisnotsohighlyvaluedinwomen.)
»Rememberthatwhenyousayno,thefallout
We live under this misconception that saying yes, being available, isneverasbadasyouthinkitwillbe,socialpsy-
chologistSusanNewmansaid.Peoplewon’tthink
always at the ready for other people, makes us a better person ...”
you’reabadperson,andyou’resavingtimeand
emotionalenergyforthetasksandpeopleyou
—SusanNewman,asocialpsychologistandauthor wanttogivethemto.TRIBUNE
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6 coverstory
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BELIEVEITORNOT,ADIET
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Y, Reuters
A
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S WhenCalvinJenkinsswitchedfrom
E
U
T drivingtoworkeverydaytotakingpublic
transportationinJanuary,hewashoping
tosavemoney,timeandgas.Heactually
endeduplosing—afewpounds,thatis.
“Istoppedworkingout,”saidJenkins,30,
asalessupervisorwholivesinWestTown
andworksdowntown.“ButIlostweight.”
Hisstoryisnotunusual.Peoplewho
drivetoworkeverydayarepackingon
slightlymoreweightthantheircolleagues
whousetrains,busesandbicyclestoget
totheoffice,eveniftheyexerciseintheir
sparetime,accordingtoanewstudy.
“Evenifyouareefficientlyactiveduring
leisuretime,ifyouuseacarforcommuting
daily,thenthathasanimpactonweight
gain,”saidleadauthorTakemiSugiyamaof
theBakerIDIHeartandDiabetesInsti-
tuteinMelbourne,Australia.
THE
FATTEST
COMMUTE?
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Whetheryoudrive,ridetheCTAorbike,you’regoingtoseealotofchangescomingto l
T
Chicagotransitin2013.Theyearpromisestobenoteworthy—andattimeschallenging—con- U
E
sideringthemanytransportationprojectsandinitiativesthatlieaheadforbusandtrainrid- S
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1.Widening, N
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rebuildingJane A
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Addamstollway Y
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TheIllinoisTollwayplansto ,
2
spendabout$415million 0
13
thisyeartobeginrebuild-
ingandwideningtheeast-
boundlanesoftheJane
80 AddamsMemorialTollway
(I-90)fromRockfordto
Elgin.
2.Newinterchange
HEATHERCHARLES/
atI-90,Highway47
TRIBUNEFILEPHOTO
WHO Theinterchangeisexpect-
DRIVES? edtoopenin2013onthe
7.RedLinerebuild:Southbranch
AddamsatIllinoisHighway
About80per- %
47nearHuntley. InMay,theentirebranchoftheCTARedLinesouthof
centofworking
RooseveltRoadwillbeshutdownforaboutfivemonths
Americanadults
3.Connecting whiletracksandsignalsarereplacedtocreatewhatCTA
takeacarto
I-294andI-57 PresidentForrestClaypoolcalls“awholenewrailroad.”
workeveryday.
Motoristswillencounter
E.JASONWAMBSGANS/
moreroadworkbetween
TRIBUNEFILEPHOTO theTri-StateTollway(I-294) 8.Upgrades 11.NewPacebuses,
andI-57nearMarkhamas aheadforO’Hare serviceonI-55
constructionbeginson Thesecondnewrunwayto Pacecustomerswillseeup-
Among people in the study who got at towork,accordingtoresultspublishedinthe rampsconnectingthetwo bebuiltatO’Hareinmore gradedridesin2013.Sixty-
least two and half hours of weekly exer- AmericanJournalofPreventiveMedicine. interstates. than40yearsisscheduled ninenewstainlesssteeland
cise, car commuters gained an average of “Simplyachievingtheamountofmoder- toopeninOctober.The fiberglassbuses,costing
4 pounds over four years—about half a atephysicalactivityotherwiserecommend- 4.CTA,Paceto new$1.2billionrunwaywill $400,000each,willbein
launchVentra helpreducedelays,increase servicebyspring.
pound more than people who got to work ed won’t provide enough compensation to
smartcard capacityandaccommo-
anotherway,orwhoworkedfromhome. overcometheeffectofcommutingforalong
Thissummer,theCTAand datethenextgeneration 12.Battling
Of822studyparticipants,onlythosewho periodoftime,”saidLawrenceFrankofthe
PacewilllaunchtheVentra oflargeaircraft,including ‘slowzones’
gotenoughweeklyexerciseandneverdrove School of Community and Regional Plan-
smart-cardpaymentsystem. theBoeing747BandAirbus A$66millionCTAproject
toworkmanagedtostaveoffanyweightgain ningattheUniversityofBritishColumbiain Commuterscanuseasingle A380,accordingtoO’Hare toreduce“slowzones”is
overthecourseofthestudy. Vancouver. farecardtopayforbusand officials. setforthefallbetween
Butnoteveryoneisconvinced. Thereprobablyareotherfactorsatwork rail. theMerchandiseMartand
Aaron Larson, 24, of Humboldt Park, thatwerenotconsideredinthestudy,noted 9.Bike-sharingtest, ArmitageAvenueonthe
raisesaneyebrowtothestudy’sclaims.Lar- Frank,whowasnotinvolvedintheresearch. 5.Metralookingat protectedlanes BrownandPurplelines
son’sexerciseislimitedtobikingtoandfrom “Peoplewhohavelongercommutestend paymentoptions TheChicagoDepartment alongasegmentknownas
workduringthesummer.Hetakesthebus topurchasealotoftheirfoodandrunalot ThatnewVentracardwon’t ofTransportationplansto theRavenswoodConnector.
duringcoldermonths.“Ithinkridingabike oferrandsontheirwaytoandfromwork,” workonMetra.Butthecom- testabike-sharingrental BrownLineandPurpleLine/
keepsmeinshape,”thesoftwareprofession- whichinfluencesweightgain,hesaid. muterrailagencysaysit programinearlyMaywith EvanstonExpressservice
hopestoinitiateapilotproj- 75-150initialstations.The overtheWellsStreetbridge
alsaid.“Idon’tknowaboutthebusthough.” Previous studies that focused on total
ectthissummerforaccept- goalistohave400stations willbesuspendedduring
Demetra Jackson, 34, of the Southwest timespentincarsperdayalsohavefounda
ingcreditcardsontrains inplacebyDecember. twonine-dayperiodsin
Side,alsoisskeptical.“Whenyou’reonpub- linktobecomingoverweightorobese. andalsoforsometypeof earlyMarchandlateAprilto
lictransportationyouweighmore,”shesaid. A2004 study of adults inAtlanta found universalfarepayment 10.RehabbingCTA, accommodatea$41.2mil-
“Butyougetmoreexercisebecauseyouwalk thateachadditionalhouroftimespentina method. Metrastations lionreconstructionofthe
more.”Jacksonsaidshedoesn’tworkoutthe careachdaywasassociatedwitha6percent Reconstructionofthebadly drawbridge.
way she used to, but she plans to start up increaseinthechancesofobesity. 6.CTAfareincrease deterioratedCTAWilson
13.AlgonquinRoad
again.Shedoesnotbelieveanycommuteto Bizzy Cowles of Logan Square isn’t sur- CTAriderswhousepasses stationisslatedtobegin
andfromworkisenoughtokeepthepounds prised that using public transportation can arepayingmorethisyear. midyear.Duringthefive- bypass
off.“Youcangotoagymandgetexercise. helpwithweightcontrol.“Idoatonofwalk- Thefirstfarehikesince monthshutdownofthe IDOTanticipatescompleting
Walkaroundinyourhome,”shesaid.“Itall ingupanddownsteps,soIguessthatmakes 2009affectsone-day,three- southRedLine,theCTA the$71millionAlgonquin
day,seven-dayand30-day alsowillmakeimprove- Roadbypassprojectin
dependsonwhatyouwantoutoflife.” sense,”Cowles,23,said.“Iseemtomaintain
passesandisprojectedto mentsateightofthenine McHenryandKanecoun-
Regardlessoftheirtransportationmode, thesameweight.I’vebeenthesameweight
generateabout$56million stationsonthebranch. ties,withfourlanestoopen
participants who didn’t get enough weekly foraboutfourorfiveyearsnow.”
ayearfortheCTA.OnFeb.1, Constructionisalsosched- bythefall.
exercisegainedweight,andtheamountthey manyMetrariderswillpay uledfornew“L”stations.
gainedwasnottiedtotheirmodeofgetting REDEYEINTERNZARAHUSAINICONTRIBUTED. more.Thepriceof10-ride Metrawillstartorcontin- SOURCES:CTA,ILLINOISTOLLWAY,
ticketsisscheduledtoin- uerehabworkonseveral ILLINOISANDCHICAGODEPART-
MENTSOFTRANSPORTATION
creaseby11percent. stations. KATIENIELAND/TRIBUNE
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10 nation|world
FROMNEWSSERVICES
Boy Scouts
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DALLAS Boy Scouts of America is two lesbian mothers, and Jennifer Tyrrell, a
1
considering ending a longstanding lesbianmotherfromOhiowhowasoustedas
ban on gay members and allowing local aScoutdenleaderandtreasurer.
organizations to decide their own policy, a “This is absolutely a step in the right
spokesmansaidMonday. direction,” said Wahls, who is founder of
Lifting the ban would mark a dramatic ScoutsforEquality,agroupthatincludes3,151
reversal for the 103-year-old organization, otherEaglescouts.
whichonlylastsummerreaffirmeditspolicy Wahls said he would turn to persuading
amidheavycriticismfromgay-rightsgroups local councils to enact nondiscrimination
andsomeparentsofscouts. policiesifthechangeisapproved.
“TheBSAisdiscussingpotentiallyremoving Tyrrell said she looked forward to a day
thenationalmembershiprestrictionregarding whensheandherfamilymightparticipatein
sexualorientation,”spokesmanDeronSmith scoutingagain.
saidinanemailtoReuters. “Anendtothisbanwillrestoredignityto
“The policy change under discussion countlessfamiliesacrossthecountry,myown
wouldallowthereligious,civicoreducational included, who simply wanted to take part
organizations that oversee and deliver inallScoutinghastooffer,”Tyrrellsaidina
Scouting to determine how to address this statement.
issue,”thespokesmansaid. GLAAD, an anti-discrimination advocacy
The organization, which had more than group,begantopressforareversaloftheBoy
2.6 million youth members and more than Scouts’policyafterTyrrellwasremovedfrom
1millionadultmembersattheendof2012, herson’sden,andmorethan1millionpeople
“wouldnot,underanycircumstances,dictate havesignedpetitionsonchange.orgseeking
a position to units, members, or parents,” anendtothepolicy.
Smithsaid. Patrick Boyle, whose 1994 book “Scout’s
The Boy Scouts won a 5-4 U.S. Supreme Honor”wasamongthefirsttoexaminesexual
Courtrulingallowingtheorganizationtoban abuseintheBoyScoutsofAmerica,saidon
gaysin2000,buthascomeunderincreasing Mondaythe“strikingreversalinpolicy”was
publicpressureinrecentyearsfromactivists. likelytheresultofgrowingpressurefromcor-
TheyincludeZachWahls,anEagleScoutwith porations.
Senate Club Lawyers: Parents
2 3 4 5
moves owners Prison clashat
immigrationbill detained cellsevidence gunhearing
Abipartisangroupof Brazilianpoliceon Lawyersforfive Anestimated1,400
senatorswhohave Mondaydetained allegedconspira- peopledescended
agreedonanimmi- theownersofthe torswhoattacked uponthestateCapitol
grationreformplan nightclubwhereafire AmericaonSept.11, onMondaytovoice
saidMondaythey killed231peopleas 2001,andsaythey theiroften-emotional
hopetomovequickly wellastwomembers weretorturedinse- viewsonguncon-
withlegislationgiv- ofthebandwhose cretCIAprisonshave trolinthewakeof
ing11millionillegal pyrotechnicstheysay askedaU.S.military lastmonth’sschool
immigrantsachance triggeredtheblaze, judgetoorderthat shootingmassacrein
toeventuallybecome asthefocusturnedto theprisonsbepre- Newtown,Conn.,and
Americancitizens. findingthoserespon- servedasevidence. parentsoftheyoung
sibleforthetragedy. victimsspokeonboth
sidesoftheissue.