Reclaiming the Fire: How Successful People Overcome Burnout PDF
Preview Reclaiming the Fire: How Successful People Overcome Burnout
ALSO BY DR. STEVEN BERGLAS Your Own Worst Enemy: Understanding the Paradox of Self-Defeating Behavior Self-Handicapping: The Paradox That Isn’t The Success Syndrome: Hitting Bottom When You Reach the Top RECLAIMING THE FIRE RECLAIMING THE FIRE How Successful People Overcome Burnout DR. STEVEN BERGLAS RANDOM HOUSE / NEW YORK Contents 1. People Who Hit Bottom When They Reach the Top 2. Success Depression and Encore Anxiety 3. Why So Many Baby Boomers Suffer Supernova Burnout 4. Pyrrhic Revenge: “I Hope This Hurts You More Than It Hurts Me” 5. If at First You Do Succeed, Try Thinking Like a Woman 6. Toward Resolving the Paradox of Supernova Burnout: How the Enchantment with Success Became an Obsession 7. The Goldilocks Dilemma: Embracing Challenge, Innovation, and Change 8. Generativity: Developing People, Not Building Monuments 9. True Happiness Is a Verb Acknowledgments Notes Copyright Page For Jennifer— my gift from God A way of life cannot be successful so long as it is mere intellectual conviction. It must be deeply felt, deeply believed, dominant even in dreams. —B R ERTRAND USSELL RECLAIMING THE FIRE CHAPTER 1 People Who Hit Bottom When They Reach the Top Few highly successful people contact a mental health professional unless they experience a crisis. Actually, most successful professionals, even in the throes of a crisis, are loath to admit to needing a “shrink.” The vast majority of my clients are referred to me by third parties who sense that without professional help the crisis that their colleague, friend, or lover is suffering will get worse. Given the energy expended to get a successful person to accept the need for a psychotherapist, corporate consultant, or executive coach, some may find it odd that the first thing I do when meeting a new referral is attempt to illustrate the two ironies of his or her situation. The first irony lies in the fact that no successful person I can think of became successful without conquering some form of crisis. Career success signifies an ability to overcome obstacles, to persevere in the face of competitive threats, to adapt to change, and to endure grueling periods of deprivation. Someone who succeeds must have experienced the travails of (1) acquiring a new or specialized skill, (2) perfecting skills in order to display talents and abilities in a stellar fashion, or (3) deconstructing the status quo (as an entrepreneur, artist, inventor) and creating a new paradigm or prototype of excellence. Successful people are conquerors, so when they come to see me, the first thing I do is remind them of that fact. This reminder sets the stage for helping them understand why they are at a point where they can no longer do—or refuse to do —what they once did superbly. The second irony involves the self-defeating nuances of meaning every successful person imposes on the idea of “crisis.” When I begin treating people who suffer success-induced disorders, I try to help them accept the fact that connotations can kill. I start by showing them the Chinese symbol for crisis, which consists of two intertwined characters: the symbol for “danger” and the symbol for “opportunity.” To help successful people in crisis help themselves, my job is to move them away from focusing on danger and help them begin focusing on opportunity. Finding opportunity in crisis is not a facile fortune cookie cure. Crisis need not connote impending catastrophe; it can be understood as a turning point, a choice point, an opportunity for change. One patient of mine who read tarot cards as a hobby pointed out that the “death card” has a similar duality: loss plus generative potential. As Picasso allegedly observed, “Every act of creation is first of all an act of destruction.” We suffer loss and opportunity throughout our lives, yet during our youth these events do not typically precipitate crises. When adolescents lose the protective status of being minors (at approximately the time we begin our search for identity), they typically focus on opportunity and feel elated. What freedoms adulthood holds! To drive a car. To hold an esteem-building job outside the sheltering (and at times restrictive) protection of the nuclear family. To date. It is undeniable that when something familiar dies, the loss arouses anxiety, but it is always possible to find exhilarating challenges before you. The key is to understand them as such and not focus on the potential threats they impose. Being pushed from any nest is unsettling, but contrast the entrapment of the nest with the freedom of flight! A paradox of success lost on successful people in crisis is how constraining, tedious, and demanding their ostensibly favorable status is. There is great danger in abandoning the tried and true; to be a rookie after enjoying years as a superstar exposes you to humiliation and shame should you fail to live up to the image you’ve created. But what about the danger inherent in never freeing yourself from Sisyphean monotony? What about the danger inherent in not expanding your horizons or failing to actualize untapped potential? You know what they say about the tortoise who cannot get anywhere without sticking his neck out? It is safer within one’s shell of success, but at what cost? So people come to see me after a proven history of mastering crisis, yet they feel impotent to address a new one. They (or those who have referred them) seek my help to cope with perceived threats, despite knowing that they have mastered the dangers inherent in striving for success. When successful people visit me for the first time, they are aware of only the potential for loss, the potential for pain, the potential for shame. These are the concerns of people coming to grips with the syndrome I call Supernova Burnout.
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