Raising the Shy Child: A Parent's Guide to Social Anxiety

210 Pages·2015·4.31 MB·English

by  Christine Fonseca

Dedication
This book is for everyone who felt too shy and too scared to face the day. I
promise brighter times are possible.
Copyright ©2015 Prufrock Press, Inc.
Edited by Lacy Compton
Layout design by Raquel Trevino ISBN-13: 978-1-61821400-3
The purchase of this book entitles the buyer to reproduce activity pages for individual use only. No other
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Table of Contents
Acknowledgements
Author’s Note
Introduction
Part I. When Shyness Becomes a Problem
Chapter 1.Understanding Social Anxiety
Chapter 2.The Biology of Anxiety
Chapter 3.Environmental Causes of Social Anxiety
Chapter 4.The Impact of Social Anxiety
Part II. Feeling Safe Inside Your Skin
Chapter 5.Social Anxiety Comes to School
Chapter 6.Social Anxiety and Friendships
Chapter 7.Social Anxiety in the World
Part III. Creating Safe Havens
Chapter 8.How to Help
Chapter 9.Developing an Action Plan for Home
Chapter 10.When to Seek Additional Help
Part IV. Social Anxiety FAQs
Chapter 11.Social Anxiety
Chapter 12.Social Skills and More: Specific Questions Regarding SAD
Chapter 13.Educators Ask Questions
Final Thoughts
References
About the Author
Acknowledgements
Writing is never a solitary sport. And bringing to life a book like this always
takes the help of many in order to make it relevant. This list I’m certain is not
exhaustive, but it does represent those without whom this book would not exist.
To Lacy Compton and the team at Prufrock Press–once again your support,
encouragement, and insistence on quality continues to grow my art and provide a
platform from which I can help others. “Thank you” hardly seems adequate!
To my writing partner, Michelle McLean—once again I must thank you for
dropping what you’re doing and taking a few moments to read and provide
suggestions on another one of my books. One day I’ll figure out how to repay
you for this!
To my real-life BFFs and cheer squad: Jodi, Kelley, Nancy, Jill, Corrine, Joe,
Debbi, and Andrea—You are all such amazing friends and supporters of what I
strive to do on a daily basis. Thank you for being willing to share stories, lend an
ear, and just help when I need it. Trust me when I say that it never goes
unnoticed.
To Nancy Lewis and Jodi Curtis—Thank you for the last minute information
on all things speech and language related and for pointing me in the right
direction for some resources. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such talent
every day.
To the hundreds of contributors from more than five countries—Your stories
filled these pages and made my words more relevant than they would have been
otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your lives and sharing your
struggles and triumphs, your opinions, and questions. Although there were too
many of you to name specifically, I do want to send a special shout-out to Erin,
Gina, Sarah, Brittany, and the others who wished to remain anonymous in the
book. You guys are fearless. Thank you!
To the endless sea of support from the writing community, the bloggers,
readers, and fangirls I never dreamed I’d have—I haven’t met most of you in
real life, but wowza! You guys are really amazing. Your encouragement and
understanding of the industry we all love is nothing short of amazing.
Finally, my acknowledgements are never complete without a personal thank
you to my family, both immediate and extended.
To Dirck, Fabiana, and Erika—You are my life. Period. None of this would
happen without your support and willingness to share me with my stories and
my readers.
To my extended family—Thanks for making sure my hubby and kids don’t
feel too neglected when I’m under deadline. Thank you, also, for reminding me
that there is a life beyond my books! The balance means everything. And no, I’m
really not as stressed as I may seem from time to time!
—Christine Fonseca
Author’s Note
As a practicing school psychologist, I have been on the frontline of the
mental health crisis facing many school-aged children for almost two decades.
These children increasingly suffer from mental health concerns inadequately
addressed in private or public sectors, often resulting in significant impacts to
educational functioning.
Perhaps the most common mental health concerns I deal with in my daily job
are anxiety and social phobia. Ranging from the mild case of performance
anxiety to the more significant bouts of school refusal, agoraphobia, and
selective mutism, children from kindergarten through high school are stretched
to their limits. They’re asked to demonstrate coping skills beyond their capacity
in order to deal with our ever-increasing stressful world, often with disastrous
results that include increased school refusal, behavioral problems, suicidal
ideations, and reduced resiliency.
Most of my work with parents, educators, and children has focused on
developing strategies for daily use to negate the negative impact caused by
everyday stress. Through this work, I’ve witnessed the lack of information for
parents regarding the causes and treatment of anxiety in general, and social
anxiety more specifically. Without this information, parents are left to feel
hopeless in the face of their children’s resistance toward building friendships,
lack of self-advocacy, and school refusal.
It is my goal that this book will provide some of the much needed answers in
this area. Based on both my professional experience and the most recent, though
limited, research on social anxiety in children and adolescents, this book strives
to put into user-friendly language the science behind social anxiety. In addition,
I’ve collected the best evidence-based interventions and tips to provide parents
and children with the tools needed to end their cycle of embarrassment and
humiliation and develop the skills needed in our complex social world.
Finally, it is my desire that anyone dealing with social anxiety knows that he
or she is not alone in this struggle. As one of my contributors to this project said,
“Before I knew I had the disorder, I (had) never met anyone with it, or knew it
had a name.” I’ve included case studies and direct quotes from the people
impacted by social anxiety disorder throughout the book. Although I have
changed the names and any identifying information to protect the participants’