Raising Parents, Raising Kids: Hands-on Wisdom for the Next Generation PDF
Preview Raising Parents, Raising Kids: Hands-on Wisdom for the Next Generation
Praise for Raising Parents, Raising Kids… “This insightful and practical book by seasoned psychotherapist and parent, Dawn Menken, portrays parenting as an emergent and adventurous process, one that requires our wakefulness as parents. With concrete examples and useful tips, Raising Parents, Raising Kids helps parents to become in tune with their child, a key to deep parenting. Addressing issues ranging from emotional intelligence and dreams, to bullying, couples’ conflicts, and more, this valuable guide provides essential insights and down-to- earth tools to serve the sacred task of parenting.” —Tobin Hart, Ph.D. Author of The Secret Spiritual World of Children “At a time when both parents and children are becoming overwhelmed by technology and the busyness of modern life, Dr. Dawn Menken is deeply attuned to the importance of developing and nurturing the inner lives of children. Peppered with anecdotes from her practice and personal life, the book paints compelling pictures of how Dr. Menken works with children to engage them more deeply with their emotional lives, and provides concrete activities to help readers do this important work with children as well. I found myself reading chapter after chapter and nodding, yes! This is a crucial book for parents and educators of this millennium.” —Jenn David-Lang Editor of The Main Idea “Dr. Dawn Menken offers a sensitive and insightful understanding of how children experience and understand their inner and outer worlds. In Raising Parents, Raising Kids, she describes a range of dynamics that challenge children, parents, and families in both home and school life. By reaching below the surface through case illustrations and explanations, Dr. Menken guides the reader in how to validate the positive development of the child, skillfully offering useful tools and techniques to aid parents Raising Parents, Raising Kids not only addresses a total rainbow of possible and children in their relationships with each other and with the world.” parent-child interactions, dilemmas, and predicaments, but also offers an —Ingrid Rose, Ph.D. absolute pot of golden wisdom, practical advice, and heart for each one.” Author of School Violence —David Bedrick, J.D., Dipl. PW Author of Talking Back to Dr. Phil “Dr. Dawn Menken writes with great knowledge and passion about how to work with the critical issues children and parents face in today’s world. “This powerful and insightful book shows how to creatively explore par- Raising Parents, Raising Kids is a significant contribution to the growing enting issues and see them as a process of mutual learning leading to a field of process-oriented family therapy. Dr. Menken writes with great deeper connection between parent and child. With many case examples clarity and her new book is full of wonderful stories and examples that and creative and fun practical tips and exercises, this book teaches awareness, offer valuable tools for anyone raising or working with children either as shows the creativity of parenting, and helps raise an emotionally intelligent parent, caregiver, or professional. I wish I had had this book when I was next generation. A powerful addition to the literature on parenting—a must raising my own children.” read for parents, aunties and uncles, teachers, psychologists, and anyone —Gary Reiss, Ph.D. working with children!” Author of Families that Dream Together —Silvia Camastral, Ph.D. Child Psychotherapist, Australia “Dawn Menken’s reader-friendly book teaches us how to appreciate and flow with the unique journey of each parent and child. Her book is full of “I thoroughly enjoyed reading Dawn Menken’s book and feel it is a must lively and easy-to-understand examples. She not only supports the inner read for all parents. Every chapter spoke to me as a parent and an educator. wisdom and dreaming of children, but also addresses social issues that are The chapter on bullying, both for victims and bystanders, is especially relevant today. Her down-to-earth style and sensitive, therapeutic wisdom innovative, timely, and powerful. With a great sense of humor, humility, make this book important for everyone to read since each of us is at one and personal experience, Dr. Menken teaches us that our children are our time or another a parent, elder, teacher, or child!” best teachers and we can learn so much from them when we listen. This —Amy Mindell, Ph.D. is easily one of the best books I have read on parenting and I offer my Author of Metaskills highest recommendation.” —Brian Anderson “Dr. Menken’s profound respect for the child-parent relationship highlights Elementary School Principal, Portland, Oregon the mystery and mutuality which are critical to both child and parent becoming themselves together. While many children are taught the “In Raising Parents, Raising Kids, Dr. Dawn Menken portrays parenting as necessary rules by their parents, Menken shows how they are nurtured at a continuous evolutionary process, a unique and sacred path that parents their roots by the authentic movement and unfolding of this precious bond. and children take together. We raise each other as children and parents, of the child, skillfully offering useful tools and techniques to aid parents Raising Parents, Raising Kids not only addresses a total rainbow of possible and children in their relationships with each other and with the world.” parent-child interactions, dilemmas, and predicaments, but also offers an —Ingrid Rose, Ph.D. absolute pot of golden wisdom, practical advice, and heart for each one.” Author of School Violence —David Bedrick, J.D., Dipl. PW Author of Talking Back to Dr. Phil “Dr. Dawn Menken writes with great knowledge and passion about how to work with the critical issues children and parents face in today’s world. “This powerful and insightful book shows how to creatively explore par- Raising Parents, Raising Kids is a significant contribution to the growing enting issues and see them as a process of mutual learning leading to a field of process-oriented family therapy. Dr. Menken writes with great deeper connection between parent and child. With many case examples clarity and her new book is full of wonderful stories and examples that and creative and fun practical tips and exercises, this book teaches awareness, offer valuable tools for anyone raising or working with children either as shows the creativity of parenting, and helps raise an emotionally intelligent parent, caregiver, or professional. I wish I had had this book when I was next generation. A powerful addition to the literature on parenting—a must raising my own children.” read for parents, aunties and uncles, teachers, psychologists, and anyone —Gary Reiss, Ph.D. working with children!” Author of Families that Dream Together —Silvia Camastral, Ph.D. Child Psychotherapist, Australia “Dawn Menken’s reader-friendly book teaches us how to appreciate and flow with the unique journey of each parent and child. Her book is full of “I thoroughly enjoyed reading Dawn Menken’s book and feel it is a must lively and easy-to-understand examples. She not only supports the inner read for all parents. Every chapter spoke to me as a parent and an educator. wisdom and dreaming of children, but also addresses social issues that are The chapter on bullying, both for victims and bystanders, is especially relevant today. Her down-to-earth style and sensitive, therapeutic wisdom innovative, timely, and powerful. With a great sense of humor, humility, make this book important for everyone to read since each of us is at one and personal experience, Dr. Menken teaches us that our children are our time or another a parent, elder, teacher, or child!” best teachers and we can learn so much from them when we listen. This —Amy Mindell, Ph.D. is easily one of the best books I have read on parenting and I offer my Author of Metaskills highest recommendation.” —Brian Anderson “Dr. Menken’s profound respect for the child-parent relationship highlights Elementary School Principal, Portland, Oregon the mystery and mutuality which are critical to both child and parent becoming themselves together. While many children are taught the “In Raising Parents, Raising Kids, Dr. Dawn Menken portrays parenting as necessary rules by their parents, Menken shows how they are nurtured at a continuous evolutionary process, a unique and sacred path that parents their roots by the authentic movement and unfolding of this precious bond. and children take together. We raise each other as children and parents, every step guided by life’s mystery and the parent’s and the child’s inherent wisdom. This book invites the reader to rethink what parenting means placing it in the larger context of social, historical, and global issues. As a medical doctor and mental health counselor, I encounter on a daily basis how vital it is that we all learn to parent ourselves, our children, our communities, and the environment. Dr. Menken’s book is a must read for everybody who cares about the state of our relationships and our world.” —Pierre Morin, M.D., Ph.D. Coauthor of Inside Coma and clinical director of Lutheran Community Services Northwest “Dr. Menken’s amazing book, Raising Parents, Raising Kids, is a much- needed wake-up call, challenging us to turn away from the distractions and diversions of the outer world and turn inward to cultivate our rich and nourishing inner worlds. This book is a treasure trove of insightful stories, advice, and guidance for parents, therapists, teachers, and all of us interested in growing our inner lives, and becoming more emotionally and spiritually intelligent. In a very concrete and easy-to-read style, Menken addresses conflict, bullying, jealousy, power issues, and a host of other topics relevant to parents through a lens of process-oriented psychology, Hands-on Wisdom for Raising Parents, Raising Kids is a powerful reminder of the sacred journey the Next Generation of parenting, whether we are parenting children or our own inner lives.” —Julie Diamond, Ph.D. Coauthor of A Path Made By Walking Dawn Menken PhD Foreword by Arnold Mindell PhD BELLY SONG press Santa Fe, New Mexico every step guided by life’s mystery and the parent’s and the child’s inherent wisdom. This book invites the reader to rethink what parenting means placing it in the larger context of social, historical, and global issues. As a medical doctor and mental health counselor, I encounter on a daily basis how vital it is that we all learn to parent ourselves, our children, our communities, and the environment. Dr. Menken’s book is a must read for everybody who cares about the state of our relationships and our world.” —Pierre Morin, M.D., Ph.D. Coauthor of Inside Coma and clinical director of Lutheran Community Services Northwest “Dr. Menken’s amazing book, Raising Parents, Raising Kids, is a much- needed wake-up call, challenging us to turn away from the distractions and diversions of the outer world and turn inward to cultivate our rich and nourishing inner worlds. This book is a treasure trove of insightful stories, advice, and guidance for parents, therapists, teachers, and all of us interested in growing our inner lives, and becoming more emotionally and spiritually intelligent. In a very concrete and easy-to-read style, Menken addresses conflict, bullying, jealousy, power issues, and a host of other topics relevant to parents through a lens of process-oriented psychology, Hands-on Wisdom for Raising Parents, Raising Kids is a powerful reminder of the sacred journey the Next Generation of parenting, whether we are parenting children or our own inner lives.” —Julie Diamond, Ph.D. Coauthor of A Path Made By Walking Dawn Menken PhD Foreword by Arnold Mindell PhD BELLY SONG press Santa Fe, New Mexico Published by: Belly Song Press 518 Old Santa Fe Trail Suite 1 #626 Santa Fe, NM 87505 www.bellysongpress.com Cover image: Howard Menken Book cover design: Howard Menken Interior design and production: Ann Lowe Copyright © 2013 by Dawn Menken No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form or by any means except for brief quotations in reviews or for purposes of criticism, commentary, or scholarship without written permission from the publisher. Raising Parents, Raising Kids is factually accurate, except that names, locales, and minor aspects of some chapters have been altered to preserve coherence while protecting privacy. Printed in the United States of America on recycled paper PUBLISHER’S CATALOGING-IN-PULICATION DATA Menken, Dawn. Also by Dawn Menken Raising parents, raising kids : hands-on wisdom for the next generation / Dawn Menken ; foreword by Arnold Mindell. -- Santa Fe, NM : Belly Song Press, c2013. Speak Out! Talking About Love, Sex and Eternity p. ; cm. New Falcon Press ISBN: 978-0-9852667-4-5 ; 978-0-9852667-5-2 (PDF) ; 978-0-9852667-6-9 (Kindle) ; 978-0-9852667-7-6 (ePub) Includes bibliographical references and index. Summary: A cutting edge approach to parenting, based on process-oriented psychology, that goes beyond the conventional “how to” book. Using anecdotes from the author’s practice and personal life along with practical tips and exercises, this book for parents, educators, and counselors covers such topics as children’s inner and emotional lives, power and autonomy, and cultivating a life of meaning. New inroads are made to address power struggles, conflict, bullying, diversity, and social issues. Explores typical challenges to the parenting relationship, parents’ own personal growth, and inspires the joy and wonder of the parenting experience.--Publisher. 1. Parenting. 2. Child rearing. 3. Parent and child. 4. Child development. 5. Child psychology. 6. Bullying. 7. Interpersonal conflict. 8. Parents--Life skills guides. 9. Parents--Attitudes. I. Title. HQ769 .M46 2013 2013940350 649/.1--dc23 1310 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 Published by: Belly Song Press 518 Old Santa Fe Trail Suite 1 #626 Santa Fe, NM 87505 www.bellysongpress.com Cover image: Howard Menken Book cover design: Howard Menken Interior design and production: Ann Lowe Copyright © 2013 by Dawn Menken No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any form or by any means except for brief quotations in reviews or for purposes of criticism, commentary, or scholarship without written permission from the publisher. Raising Parents, Raising Kids is factually accurate, except that names, locales, and minor aspects of some chapters have been altered to preserve coherence while protecting privacy. Printed in the United States of America on recycled paper PUBLISHER’S CATALOGING-IN-PULICATION DATA Menken, Dawn. Also by Dawn Menken Raising parents, raising kids : hands-on wisdom for the next generation / Dawn Menken ; foreword by Arnold Mindell. -- Santa Fe, NM : Belly Song Press, c2013. Speak Out! Talking About Love, Sex and Eternity p. ; cm. New Falcon Press ISBN: 978-0-9852667-4-5 ; 978-0-9852667-5-2 (PDF) ; 978-0-9852667-6-9 (Kindle) ; 978-0-9852667-7-6 (ePub) Includes bibliographical references and index. Summary: A cutting edge approach to parenting, based on process-oriented psychology, that goes beyond the conventional “how to” book. Using anecdotes from the author’s practice and personal life along with practical tips and exercises, this book for parents, educators, and counselors covers such topics as children’s inner and emotional lives, power and autonomy, and cultivating a life of meaning. New inroads are made to address power struggles, conflict, bullying, diversity, and social issues. Explores typical challenges to the parenting relationship, parents’ own personal growth, and inspires the joy and wonder of the parenting experience.--Publisher. 1. Parenting. 2. Child rearing. 3. Parent and child. 4. Child development. 5. Child psychology. 6. Bullying. 7. Interpersonal conflict. 8. Parents--Life skills guides. 9. Parents--Attitudes. I. Title. HQ769 .M46 2013 2013940350 649/.1--dc23 1310 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 acknowledgements My dreams had hinted at the ecstatic experience that awaited me once I would become a parent. And although my dreams were somehow prophetic and uncanny, I did not anticipate the beautiful child that would come into my life. My deepest gratitude goes to my son, Theo Ackermann, for opening up new paths that I could hardly imagine and for guiding me in the awe-inspiring world of parenting. I am also grateful to and feel enriched by the many parents and children that I have worked with over the years. Thank you for your inspiration, heartfelt expression, and courage. It is my hope that the stories used in this book will be encouraging to others. My approach to parenting and working with children and families is based in the paradigm and theory of process-oriented psychology, also known as process work. I am forever indebted to its founder Dr. Arnold Mindell. I have cited his works throughout the book, however my entire way of thinking is steeped in process work and is reflected in my approach and writings. No words can adequately express my profound ix acknowledgements My dreams had hinted at the ecstatic experience that awaited me once I would become a parent. And although my dreams were somehow prophetic and uncanny, I did not anticipate the beautiful child that would come into my life. My deepest gratitude goes to my son, Theo Ackermann, for opening up new paths that I could hardly imagine and for guiding me in the awe-inspiring world of parenting. I am also grateful to and feel enriched by the many parents and children that I have worked with over the years. Thank you for your inspiration, heartfelt expression, and courage. It is my hope that the stories used in this book will be encouraging to others. My approach to parenting and working with children and families is based in the paradigm and theory of process-oriented psychology, also known as process work. I am forever indebted to its founder Dr. Arnold Mindell. I have cited his works throughout the book, however my entire way of thinking is steeped in process work and is reflected in my approach and writings. No words can adequately express my profound ix
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