Queer Blues: The Lesbian and Gay Guide to Overcoming Depression

236 Pages·2001·0.907 MB·English

by  Kimeron N. Hardin, Marny Hall

… a realistic and hopeful guide for coping with the blues—
with warmth, empathy, personal insights, and good humor.
—Rik Isensee, L.C.S.W., author of Love
Between Men and Are You Ready?
The Gay Man’s Guide to Thriving at Midlife
Dealing with depression is one of the most serious aspects of
my work. Queer Blues is an incredibly comprehensive look at
the issue of depression and queer people. It’s a must read for
mental health professionals, GLBT people, and their loved-ones.
—JoAnn Loulan, M.F.T., author of Lesbian Sex

tHe lesbian
& gay guide
to overcoming
dePression
Kimeron Hardin, PHd
marny Hall PHd
new Harbinger Publications, inc.
Publisher’s Note
Carehasbeentakentoconfirmtheaccuracyoftheinformationpresentedandtodescribegener-
ally accepted practices. However, the authors, editors, and publisher are not responsible for
errorsoromissionsorforanyconsequencesfromapplicationoftheinformationinthisbookand
make no warranty, express or implied, with respect to the contents of the publication.
Theauthors,editors,andpublisherhaveexertedeveryefforttoensurethatanydrugselec-
tionanddosagesetforthinthistextareinaccordancewithcurrentrecommendationsandprac-
ticeatthetimeofpublication.However,inviewofongoing research, changes ingovernment
regulations,andtheconstantflowofinformationrelatingtodrugtherapyanddrugreactions,
thereaderisurgedtocheckthepackageinsertforeachdrugforanychangeinindicationsand
dosageandforadded warningsandprecautions.Thisisparticularlyimportantwhentherec-
ommended agent is a new or infrequently employed drug.
Some drugs and medical devices presented in this publication may have Food and Drug
Administration(FDA)clearanceforlimiteduseinrestrictedresearchsettings.Itistherespon-
sibilityofthehealthcareprovidertoascertaintheFDAstatusofeachdrugordeviceplanned
for use in their clinical practice.
Someofthestoriesinthisbookwerebasedonactualinterviewsandlifeexperiences,someare
compositesbasedonourprofessionalwork.Exceptinthecaseswherepermissionwasgivento
revealtheiridentities,allnamesandindentifyingdetailshavebeenchangedtoprotectthepri-
vacy of the interviewees.
Chartonpage159isfromYouCanBeatDepression:AGuidetoPreventionandRecovery,
2ndEd.,©2000byJohnPreston,andisreproducedforKimeronHardinbypermission
of Impact Publishers, Inc., P.O. Box 6016, Atascadero, CA 93423-6016. Further repro-
duction is prohibited.
DistributedintheU.S.A.byPublishersGroupWest;inCanadabyRaincoastBooks;in
Great Britain by Airlift Book Company, Ltd.; in South Africa by Real Books, Ltd.; in
Australia by Boobook; and in New Zealand by Tandem Press.
Copyright © 2001 by Kimeron Hardin and Marny Hall
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
Cover design by Blue Design
Cover photos by (from left to right): Special Photographer’s Library/Photonica;
Issague
Fujita/Photonica; Steve/Mary Skjold/Index Stock Imagery
Edited by Erin Corrigan
Text design by Michele Waters
All Rights Reserved
New Harbinger Publications’ website address: www.newharbinger.com
10 9 8 7 6 2
This book is dedicated to two queer American heroes who
grappled with the blues: Kelli Peterson, a founder of the first
Gay-Straight Alliance organization in Utah, and Bayard
Rustin, the backbone of the civil rights movement in the
1960s. Although separated by generations, skin color, and
gender, they share the same orientation and inimitable spirit.

Contents
vii
Foreword
1
Introduction
CHAPTER 1
7
Shades of Blue: What Depression Is and Isn’t
CHAPTER 2
21
Blue Passages: How Society Contributes to
Depression for Lesbians and Gays
CHAPTER 3
39
Blue Genes: Internal Contributions to Depression
CHAPTER 4
59
Blue Portraits: Queer Stories
CHAPTER 5
75
Tips for Main Squeezes: How to Cope with a
Depressed Partner
CHAPTER 6
97
Monitoring the Minotaur: Self-Management and
Self-Nurturing
vi QueerBlues
CHAPTER 7
121
Queer Psychotherapy: The Talking Cure
CHAPTER 8
151
Medications and Other Biological Treatments:
Queer Psychiatrists Speak Out
CHAPTER 9
191
Befriending the Black Dog: Putting It
All Together
209
Resources for Support and Information
215
References
Foreword
By Betty Berzon, Ph.D.
Somewhere around the middle of the twentieth century I lost myself.
It was more than just depression, it was a spiraling down into an air-
less vacuum, an envelopingsilence, an affirmation of non-existence.I
was twenty-two years old. My first lover had left me, finally pushed
out by my disconnection from her, and my agony at the state of my
life. I didn’t want to live anymore. I didn’t want to be a homosexual.
I would rather be dead.
I woke up in hospital rooms that had bars on the windows. My
wrists were tethered to the bed rails. Once again I had tried to kill
myself and failed. I could not seem to prevail over the life force inside
me, the force that kept me coming back to try again to cope with this
terrible thing, this homosexual person that I didn’t want to be.
I asked for help and got it, a young psychiatrist who assured
me over and over that I was not really gay, that I could recover. He
was a kind and wonderful man. I loved him. He was going to make
me normal. He was doing what he believed to be the right thing, at
the time. Homosexuality was a disease and he was going to cure me.
I was very grateful.
I got out of the hospital for the last time. I reorganized my life,
returned to school, and studied psychology. Eventually, I even went
to work as an aide in the hospital where I had been a patient. That
wasabigstep.Inmywhitecoat,thekeystothebuildingsjanglingin
mypocket,Ifelt as if Ihadclimbeda mountain.Iwas there.IknewI
would never be a patient again.
My social life, the little I had time for, completely turned
around.Withthedoctor’shelpIwasbeingcured.Idatedmen,talked