Psychoanalysis and Maternal Absence: From the Traumatic to Faith and Trust

165 Pages·2022·1.507 MB·English

by  Ofrit Shapira-berman

Psychoanalysis and Maternal Absence
Experience of maternal absence manifests in a variety of ways and this book
explores a selection of its emotional, psychical, and somatic consequences as they
relate to an individual’s relationship with their body, psychic-emotional internal
life, and intimate relationships.
This book is not about mothers, but how individuals handle the trauma of
mothers they have not had. Spanning backgrounds such as the collective child-
rearing method of the kibbutz in Israel through to the possible difficulties of
children who are parented by single parents, born out of sperm or egg donation,
and adults who have suffered chronic sexual abuse, Shapira-Berman observes the
precarious position of the analyst and the tension between the acts of witnessing
and participating in client interventions. Espousing the values of authenticity and
creativity, this text concludes with a reconfiguration of the roles of faith and trust
within psychoanalysis and offers hope to those on their therapeutic journeys.
This book will be a valuable resource for psychotherapists, as well as for
various undergraduate and postgraduate studies in object relations, childhood
trauma, sexual trauma, and clinical therapy.
Ofrit Shapira-Berman, PhD, is a psychoanalyst and a professor at the Hebrew
University, Jerusalem, and a member of the Tel -Aviv Institute for Contemporary
Psychoanalysis. She maintains a private practice in Tel Aviv.
“Ofrit Shapira-Berman’s book brings together two fundamental subjects that
preoccupy psychoanalysis: Motherhood and faith; or, taken from the other
side of it, motherly-absence and trauma. With a unique and lively voice, and
with a wealth of experience and knowledge in trauma, Berman portrays the
phenomena of the absent mother from an intriguing variety of perspectives –
sociological, psychosomatic, and literary – all met by a bold, fresh and original
psychoanalytic eye. The reader is not only moved by the stories and enriched
by their insights, she is also gaining hope and trust in the ability to understand
and repair deep wounds. The clinical evidence and the theoretical elaborations
reflect deep faith in psychoanalysis; in the profound reparatory power embed-
ded in being with someone who is willing to be present.”
Merav Roth, Head of the Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Program,
Sackler School of Medicine, Tel Aviv University, Israel
“This is a beautifully written exploration of the nature of maternal care and
its effects on the very experience of being human. The book offers insightful
clinical discussions of some of the most fundamental qualities of human life:
the complementarity of the roles of faith and trust, and of witnessing and par-
ticipating; the place of dreaming in the communication of psyche and soma;
and ways analysis may provide a form of experiencing in which formerly
unlived aspects of the self are reappropriated. This is a remarkable book not to
be missed. I cannot recommend it more highly.”
Thomas Ogden, Personal and Supervising Analyst,
Psychoanalytic Institute of Northern California, USA
Psychoanalysis and
Maternal Absence
From the Traumatic to Faith and Trust
Ofrit Shapira-Berman
Cover image: dra_schwartz / Getty Images
First published 2022
by Routledge
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© 2022 Ofrit Shapira-Berman
The right of Ofrit Shapira-Berman to be identified as author of this work
has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988.
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British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
A catalog record has been requested for this book
ISBN: 978-1-032-06645-5 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-1-032-06647-9 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-003-20319-3 (ebk)
DOI: 10.4324/9781003203193
Typeset in Times New Roman
by Deanta Global Publishing Services, Chennai, India
With Love and Gratitude
To my parents – for being my family, the landscape from which
I have grown
To Inon, and Gali, Yair, Ori, Yahel, and Itamar – for teaching
me everything I have ever wanted to know about love and
commitment.
To Merav Roth – whose signifcance in my life is beyond words.
To Thomas H. Ogden – whose friendship and wisdom I treasure.
To my patients – who have trusted their hearts in my hands.
I value this profoundly.

Contents
Introduction 1
1 A “mother-of-one’s-own”: An analytic perspective of
object-relationships of adult patients raised in the kibbutz 5
2 “Love thy work”: From having no mother to being
everybody’s mother – re-examining the professional choice
of women psychotherapists who grew up in the kibbutz 31
3 That which was “not”: Some thoughts regarding Oedipus’s
modern conflicts 53
4 The “choice” between illusory life and acceptance of the
death of one’s love object 72
5 Psychosomatic symptoms as physical dreams: Emotional
experiences given expression through the body 91
6 When hunger strikes: Re-thinking Kafka’s “A Hunger
Artist” in light of Winnicott’s theory of the psyche-soma 114
7 What do faith and trust have to do with psychoanalysis? 128
Index 151

Introduction
Each one of us is weaved out of endless threads. We are all influenced, con-
sciously and unconsciously by culture, social norms, gender, family histories, the
era in which we were born and raised, etc. Personally, ever since I can remember
myself, I have always been preoccupied with mothers and babies, and specifically
with maternal absence.
I cannot think of a more difficult role than that of being a mother. Perhaps
only second to being a baby. Yet, this book is written from the perspective of the
“child,” regardless of her/his current age. If I was to write a book about mothers,
I would without a doubt have written about how difficult it is to be a mother, and
to mother another individual. As a socially constructed ethos, mothers and women
are being held responsible for children’s well-being and as such, are often held
responsible and guilty for everything that goes wrong. It is not easy to distinguish
the sociological constructs from the psychological and the biological, when it
comes to “mothers” and “motherhood” and even in the psychoanalytic jargon,
we do not speak of the “good enough parent,” but of the “good enough mother.”
Mothers are worshipped and judged, almost equally. They are often valued
based on their devotion and ability to intuitively understand their children, and
they are harshly criticized and held guilty when they fail to supply their children’s
needs. They are expected to hold and to let go, in accordance with what the child
needs, putting their own needs, desires, pains, and fears aside. They need to be
an object and a subject, at the same time, serving the needs of their children and
their spouses, regardless of their own struggles. Although contemporary social
constructs allow a wider definition of what is a “family” (at least in Western sec-
ular societies), influenced by various factors, such as women’s participation in
the labor force, and the LGBT community, still women are the main caretakers
of young children, both within and outside the home (mothers and educators, in
accordance).
A mother is not merely a role. It is, so I believe, the most fundamental and
crucial psychic construct, often undefinable. The mother-construct goes back to
our most primary experiences – sensual, physical, emotional. For many it is the
colors, smells and textures of all that was (and is) good. For some, it is the void
of that which was not. Mother is the most basic language we talk, although some
DOI: 10.4324/9781003203193-1