Positive Discipline

111 Pages·2015·6.55 MB·English

by  Jane Nelsen

P O S I T I V E
D I S C I P L I N E
Workbook
Facilitators Guide
Dr. Jane Nelsen
Illustrated by: Alicia Diane Durand and Paula Gray
The Positive Discipline
Workbook
Facilitator’s Guide
Copyright © Jane Nelsen 2010
Revised 1/14
All rights reserved
Many of the activities are taken from the Teaching Parenting
the Positive Discipline Manual by Lynn Lott and Jane Nelsen.
www.positivediscipline.com
Published by Positive Discipline
www.positivediscipline.com
Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 2
FACILITATOR’S GUIDE INCLUDES
1. An outline for each of the six lessons in the Positive Discipline Workbook, with
referenced page numbers for the workbook so you can let your participants
know where to find them. You can follow the outline as is, AND/OR delete
and/or add whatever activities you prefer. Some facilitators may want to skip
the break and tighten the schedule for a 2 hour instead of a 2 1/2 hour class.
2. A one page “Week at a Glance” agenda including topics, activities, reading
assignments, and practice suggestions for each week that can be copied for
participants.
3. Let participants know that you have a specific time schedule to follow. This is
one of the best ways to deal with monopolizers. “I would be happy to talk
with you after class, but I need to stick to our schedule to fulfill my promise to
cover all the material.” Or, “I’m glad you brought that up. It will be covered in
an upcoming class. First, we need to create a foundation.” Or, “Please write
down your question for the ‘parking lot’ (sticky notes that can be posted on a
designated sheet of paper) and we’ll get to it during the Q and A time.”
4. Full versions of the short activities covered in the Positive Discipline Work-
book, plus the full version of the alternative activities suggested for that class.
Keep in mind that you have the discretion to use different activities from the
Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way Manual by Lynn Lott and Jane
Nelsen (or others that have been created) that may seem more pertinent to
the needs of your group.
5. At the end of this guide you will find 26 posters that you can laminate (and
enlarge, if you choose) to enhance important Positive Discipline tools and
concepts. Your class room can be made more attractive by hanging these
posters on the walls and pointing them out during appropriate lessons.
6. Reading assignments for the next class and suggestions for journaling. Let
your participants know that many more tools are covered in the Positive Dis-
cipline book, and that journaling about experiences with the Positive Disci-
pline Tools covered during classes will deepen their learning. Taking time to
write about experiences, both in class (when appropriate) and/or as a home-
work assignment, accesses a different part of the brain. (Parents may be sur-
prised at the new insights they have when journaling.)
7. The latest revision of the Parents Helping Parents Problem-Solving Steps.
The workbook also serves as a quick summary of what is presented in class.
Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 3
Parents Helping Parents Problem-Solving Steps
Lynn Lott and Jane Nelsen, Revised 2/14
1. Invite the volunteer to sit next to you and explain what the Parents Helping Parents
Problem-Solving Steps are. (And how he or she is now a co-teacher with you to help oth-
ers.)
2. Ask for a scribe to write the volunteer’s name, spouse’s name, and the names and ages of
all the children and other household members on a flip chart.
3. Ask the volunteer to give a newspaper type headline of the concern (just a few words). Ask
the group for a show of hands of those who have had a similar concern or felt the same.
(This is encouraging to the volunteer—and you can point out how many people he/she will
be helping.)
4. Ask the volunteer to describe the last time the problem happened, in enough detail, so the
group can get an idea for how to role-play the problem. To help the volunteer focus on
specifics, ask, “What did you do and say? What did the child (or others) do and say? And
then what happened?
5. Ask the volunteer, “How did you feel?” If he/she has trouble finding a feeling (or says, “frus-
trated”), show the Feelings column on the “Mistaken Goal Chart” and ask him/her to
choose the feeling that comes closest. Ask the group, “How many of you have felt the
same?”
6. The volunteer and the group can now find the mistaken goal in Column One and the “belief
behind the behavior” in Column Five. Point out that this is just a working hypothesis and
move quickly to the next step.
7. Ask the volunteer, “Are you willing to try something new that may be more effective?”
8. Set up a role-play. Invite the volunteer to role-play the child (or, in some cases, offer the
choice to watch). Ask for volunteers to play each part, starting with the lines they heard
during the description of the problem. Advise that they “be” the part instead of “acting” the
part. (Include volunteers to play people who might have been in another room.)
9. Stop the role-play as soon as you think they have had time to experience feelings and de-
cisions (usually less than a minute). Process by asking the role players, starting with the
child, what they were thinking, feeling, and deciding (to do) as the people they were role-
playing.
10. Ask the group to brainstorm suggestions the volunteer could try. Be sure suggestions are
addressed to the scribe at the flipchart, not to the volunteer, so the scribe can record all
suggestions. For ideas, invite the group to refer to the last column of the Mistaken Goal
Chart, and/or the Positive Discipline Tool cards, or suggestions from their personal wis-
dom.
11. Ask the volunteer to choose one suggestion to try (even if he/she claims to have tried all).
12. Bring back the volunteers to role-play the suggestion the volunteer chose, with the volun-
teer playing him/herself (so he or she can practice) or playing the child if a punitive sugges-
tion is chosen (so he/she can experience the child’s reaction). At the end of the role-play,
process the thoughts, feelings and decisions of each role player, starting with the child.
13. Ask for a verbal commitment from the volunteer to try the suggestion for one week and re-
port back to the group.
14. Ask the group for appreciations for the volunteer. (What help did you get for yourself by
watching this? What did you see that you appreciate about the volunteer? What ideas did
you see that you could use?)
Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 4
SKILLS FOR STAYING ON TASK
Most facilitators like to be over prepared instead of under prepared. This facilitators
guide includes more than you can cover in 2 1/2 hours, so it will be up to you to choose
what you want to cover, discard or replace. I suggest you have a "General Agenda"
posted on the wall as follows: (Adapt the times if you are doing 2 1/2 hours.)
7:00 - 7:25 
Review of reading assignments, questions, sharing of success stories.
7:25 - 7:40
Warm-up
7:40 - 8:00 
PD Information (often through an activity or demonstration)
8:00 - 8:15 Break for networking
8:15 - 8:25 Questions, comments, sharing
8:25 - 8:45 Activity (followed by processing and discussion)
8:45 - 9:20 Parents Helping Parents Problem-Solving Steps.
9:20 - 9:30 Go over homework and reading assignments.
This agenda leaves plenty of time for 2 activities (choose your favorites) and processing
what people are learning from the activities. There is even time to refer them to a page
or two in the workbook. The rest of the workbook can be used for homework review.

It is very important to leave a full 35 minutes for the PHPPSS and 5 minutes to go
over the homework assignments.

If your classes are 2 1/2 hours long, this gives you extra wiggle room and 15 min-
utes for a break—which is important for a 2 ½ hour class.

If you are going over this amount of time, it could be that you are wan-
dering off task into long lectures or allowing long conversations among
participants that do not lead to the discovery of learning through experien-
tial activities. (Experiential activities and the PHPPSS are what makes Positive Disci-
pline classes different and more effective than most parenting classes.
SKILLS FOR KEEPING ON TASK:
• "It is time to move on to our next part of the agenda."
• "We have an activity coming up soon that will address your question."
• "Are you willing to be the volunteer for the PHPPSS to handle that challenge?"
• Assign a volunteer to be the timer for each class to let you know when it is time
to move on to the next part of the agenda.
• Let participants know that it is important to stick to the agenda so they receive
the information and experience they need to implement Positive Discipline and
that you need their help to stay on task.
• Let them know that the PD Workbook will serve as a review of what they learn in
class and will provide additional, valuable information that is not covered in
class, and the PD book gives even more information and tools.
• Forget all you have been taught about it not being polite to interrupt. Kindly and
firmly interrupt to prevent rambling and to stay on schedule. This is respectful to
everyone and to the integrity of Positive Discipline classes.
Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 5
SKILLS FOR STAYING ON TASK CONTINUED

Watch your timing and notice when you slip into lecture mode instead of inviting
most of the learning to come from participants. (Mini lectures, with an emphasis on
“mini,” may enhance their learning.)

It is respectful to stay on task and to honor the time commitment you make to peo-
ple. It is more important for them to learn a few things in the depth they receive from
the experiential activities than to try covering everything in Positive Discipline or trying
to answer all their questions. Let them know that you will cover as much as possible
and then offer another class.
PARENTS HELPING PARENT PROBLEM-SOLVING STEPS!
! Emphasize to your group that the PHPPSS is not just for the person who volunteers.
Often it is the observers and other role-players who get the most out of it—especially
when it doesn't "seem" to work. Explain that part of "Trusting the Process" is knowing
that most of the activities and the PHPPSS "keep cooking" long after the class experi-
ence—and that deepened learning takes place during the "cooking."
• If you are taking more than 35 minutes (25 minutes would be better) for the
PHPPSS, you are not sticking to the steps. :-) Are you making any of the follow-
ing mistakes?
• Are you letting the volunteer take too long to share his or her "story" instead of
sticking to the last time the challenge happened and providing a brief script?
• Are you letting people discuss and analyze the presenting challenge?
• Are you letting the role-play go too long?
• When it is brainstorming time, are you allowing people to "discuss" suggestions,
instead of teaching them to make short suggestions?
• Are you making sure the suggestions are directed to the “flip chart”—not to the
volunteer (which can seem like threatening advice giving).
• If the second role-play doesn't turn out the way you "want it to," are you trusting
the process and just leaving it alone, or are you trying to make it "work better?"
Trusting the process means knowing that what doesn't "seem" to work is just as
valuable as what does—if not more so because it encourages thinking and proc-
essing and often coming up with something better on their own.
• Give everyone a copy of the PHPPSS and inviting them to interrupt when you or
the group members gets off task?
• Study the expanded version of the PHPPSS in the Teaching Parenting Manual on
pages 269-273 to be reminded of the meaning of each step?
You will learn to revise your lessons every time you teach a class as you learn from your
mistakes and enjoy your successes.
Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 6
Week at a Glance
Week Topic Activities Read Weekly
Practice
1 - What Do You Want? - Two Lists 1 & - Remember what you
- Curiosity Questions - Asking vs. Telling 2 want for your children.
- Hugs for Connection - Intro to Tool Cards - Go a whole day (or more)
- Intro to Positive Discipline - Hugs of asking not telling.
Tool Cards - Parents Helping - Try a hug.
Parents Problem Solv- - Choose a PD Tool Card.
ing Steps
2 - What is Positive Discipline? - What have you tried? 3 & - Practice being kind AND
- Kind and Firm - Competent Giant 4 firm.
- 3 R’s of Punishment - Tool Cards - Treat your children the
- Five Criteria & PD NO NOs - Brain in the Palm of way you would like to be
- Understanding the Brain the Hand treated.
- Positive Time Out - Piaget Demo & PTO - Create a positive time out
- PHPPSS area WITH your child.
3 - Not so Perfect Parenting - Fighting & the 3 Bs 5 & - Complete the Mistaken
- Birth Order and Sibling Ri- - Candle Demo 6 Goal exercises on pages
valry - Mistaken Goals & 10-13 of your workbook.
- Belief Behind the Behavior Tool Cards - Avoid taking sides when
- Not your Job to Make your - Connie P. video children fight—treat them
Children Happy - PHPPSS the same.
4 - Why Children Misbehave - How Adults May 7, 8, - Be aware of how you
- Childhood Decisions Contribute to Misbe- & 9 MIGHT contribute to mis-
- Natural and Logical havior behavior.
Consequences/Solutions - Mr./Mrs. Punishment - Start family meetings.
- Family Meetings - Family Meetings - Create a routine chart
- Routine Charts - Routine Charts with your child.
- PHPPSS
5 - Not Perfect Review - Asking vs. Telling 10, - Remember to make a
- Connection before Correc- - Thermometer Demo 11, connection before correc-
tion - Encouragement vs. tion.
&
- Encouragement vs. Praise Praise - Create a wheel of choice
12
- Wheel of Choice - Wheel of Choice with your child.
- Don’t Back Talk - Model what you want
Back from your children.
- PHPPSS
6 - What is My Part? - What is my part and - Notice your part in con-
- Lifestyle Priorities the 4 R’s of Recov- flicts.
- Mistakes as Opportunities ery from Mistakes - Use empowering state-
to Learn - Top Card ments (review pages 12
- Empowering vs. Enabling - Empowering vs. and 13 in your work-
Enabling book).
- Ball of Yarn - Practice mistakes as op-
- PHPPSS portunities to learn.
Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 7
LESSON ONE
What Do You Want for Your Children? Curiosity Questions, and Hugs
7:00 – 7:15! Family Name Card Activity. Use the simplified directions.
7:15 – 7:20! Introduce yourself. Be sure to share why you are teaching Positive
! ! ! ! Discipline —what it has meant to you.
7:20 – 7:40 !Invite participants to introduce themselves and their children using their
! ! ! ! family !name cards—and what they hope to gain from the workshop. Ask
! ! ! ! for a volunteer to write what they want on a flip chart.
7:40 – 8:00! Two Lists Activity
8:00 – 8:15! Asking vs. Telling Activity
8:15 – 8:30! Break
8:30 – 8:40! Introduction to the Positive Discipline Tool Cards
8:40 - 8:55! Hugs Activity
8:55 – 9:25! Parents Helping Parents Problem-solving Steps (You can briefly introduce
! ! ! ! the Mistaken Goal Chart while doing the PHPPSS, and have participants
! ! ! ! follow along. Let them know they’ll be learning more about the Mistaken
! ! ! ! Goals in Lesson 3.)
9:25 – 9:30! Go over reading assignments on Lesson One, page 12 of the workbook
Since many parents are busy and may skip reading the Positive Discipline book, assign
chapters to each class member (or two people per chapter) to read the assigned chap-
ter and provide a 5 minute synopsis at the beginning of the class. Suggest that they
read a few of their favorite passages.  If no one has read a chapter, say, "Okay, we are
going to spend just 10 minutes taking turns reading together, to get a taste of the valu-
able information in the book.”
Workbook: Invite participants to read all the pages in their workbook where they will
find reviews of the class lessons and activities, journal pages, and reading assign-
ments.
Alternative Activities: The T-Shirt Activity, page 25 in the TP Manual
! ! ! ! ! Do as I Say Activity, page 26 in the TP Manual
Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 8
FAMILY NAME CARD
OBJECTIVE:
To help participants remember names of other group members and to have a “picture”
of the children they will be helping.
COMMENT:
The Family Name Card is a way to “bring the children to class,” and is a fun way to re-
member names.
MATERIALS:
•! 8 ½ by 11 (or larger) tag board
• Photos of each family member (or see simplified version below)
• Colored Marking Pens
• Glue
• An example of your family name card
DIRECTIONS:
1. In advance, invite parents to bring small photos of themselves and their children to
class. If they don’t, they can still do the activity and add the photos at home.
2. Show an example of your family name card and then give the following instructions:
Fold the tag board in half so it will stand by itself on the floor. (During class, you will
place it in front of your feet.)
3. Paste a picture of the parent (or parents) at the top half of the tag board that will be
facing the group. Leave room for descriptive adjectives.
4. Paste pictures of children underneath, in order of their birth. Leave room for their
age and three descriptive adjectives. 
5. Use marking pens and write at least three adjectives that describe you and each
member of your family after the pictures—large enough to be seen across the room.
6. Bring your family name card to each class.
DIRECTIONS SIMPLIFIED:
Have a folded tag board sitting on each chair and the sample of your name card in the
middle of the floor. Ask participants to make their own family name card using three de-
scriptive words for each member of their family. Invite them to bring photos next time to
add to their name cards.
Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 9
TWO LISTS: CHALLENGES AND LIFE SKILLS
OBJECTIVE: To create a list of present challenges and future goals that will be used
in all future classes to help parents see how the challenges they face can be used to
help them understand what skills they need to teach.
COMMENT: Following with the Asking vs.Telling activity will make the above objec-
tive very clear.
MATERIALS:
•   Two Sheets of Flip Chart Paper labeled:
! “Challenges” !
! “Characteristics and Life Skills”
• Masking tape.
DIRECTIONS:
1. On the paper with the heading “Challenges” ask participants to brainstorm a list of all
the behavior challenges they experience with their children.
2. You may want to have participants turn to the blank lists in their workbook on Lesson
One, page 3 to fill in their challenges list before they brainstorm out loud.
3. Let suggestions come from members of the group. If they don’t mention something
you would like to add to the list, it is okay to add it when they are done. Make sure
“not listening” and “back talk” are on list for future activities.)
4. On the paper with the heading “Characteristics and Life Skills” ask participants to
brainstorm a list of qualities, characteristics, and life skills they think children need to
be capable, confident, contributing members of society? Invite them to include every
quality they hope to help their children develop.
5. Again, you might have them individually fill out their list on Lesson One, page 3 in
their workbook before brainstorming together.
6. After they have brainstormed both lists, let them know that typical lists can be found
on Lesson One, page 4 of their workbooks. Ask if there is anything on the typical
lists that they would like to add to their individual lists on page 3, and their group
lists.
7. Post the group brainstormed lists on a wall so participants can refer to them during
the Motivational Curiosity Questions (Asking vs. Telling) Activity.
COMMENT: In this class you will learn that all challenges can be used as clues for
what you need to do to help children develop the characteristics and life skills that will
help them become capable, contributing members of society. Now you can get excited
every time you are faced with a challenge because it offers an opportunity to help chil-
dren develop the characteristics and life skills—as the next activity will demonstrate.”
FACILITATORS NOTE: Be sure to bring the Characteristics and Life Skills list to
every class. You will refer to it often at the end of activities by bringing people who role-
play children to the list to see what they learned (as children) during the activity.
Positive Discipline Workbook by Jane Nelsen Facilitators Guide 1 - 10