playboy's party jokes

214 Pages·2010·62.04 MB·English

I
t’s that time of year when your aging uncle PLAYBILL
shows up for the holiday dinner to tell—
and demand you listen to—his tread-worn
jokes. Chuck Palahniuk knows the feeling.
In his new story, Knock-Knock, the author of
Fight Club and Choke describes a father-son
relationship tortured by forced laughter and
honest silence. A century after his death,
Chuck Palahniuk
another celebrated if less explicit (though he
did once compose an ode to onanism) story-
teller, Mark Twain, responds with timeless
wit to the conclusions of fortune-tellers who
were asked to read his handprints. The Palm
Readers is our exclusive, previously unpub-
lished excerpt from the forthcoming second
volume of the Autobiography of Mark Twain.
We had a chance to examine the palm of
Kendra Wilkinson at a Mansion party. We
accurately predicted the star of The Girls
Next Door and Kendra would again appear in
the magazine to rave reviews. See for your-
self in Simply Kendra. As you may have
Mark Twain
heard, the global economy has a dark side.
In Vulture Capitalism, Aram
Roston investigates the preda-
tory creditors who make a killing
by squeezing the poor in Argen-
tina and the Congo. It’s too bad
more of them aren’t doing time.
Kenneth E. Hartman, author of
the prison memoir Mother Cal-
ifornia, is in the fourth decade
of a life sentence. He lyrically
recalls his final days of free-
dom in Last Days on the Other
Side of the Fences. On Decem-
ber 2 LeBron James returns to Kendra Wilkinson
the scene of the crime when
his new team, the Miami Heat,
plays for the first time since his
Aram Roston
departure in the city he is said
to have betrayed. In City of Broken Dreams,
screenwriter and Cleveland resident Joe
Eszterhas defies anyone to mess with his
town. L eBron knows drama, as did Twenti-
eth Century Fox, which transformed Norma
Jeane Baker into a public performance
known as Marilyn Monroe. In (Secret) Mar-
ilyn, Joyce Carol Oates examines the
contradictions of the actress’s life based on
Fragments: Poems, Intimate Notes, Let-
ters, a new collection of Monroe’s diary Kenneth E. Hartman Joe Eszterhas
entries and other missives. Marilyn might
have identified with the anguish of novelist
Jim Harrison, whose sudden windfall after
Legends of the Fall caught him by surprise.
He recounts in Homesickness the salva-
tion he found in a remote Michigan cabin.
Conan O’Brien had some unexpected quiet
time last year when NBC snatched back
The Tonight Show, apparently because not
enough elderly uncles got the jokes. In the
Playboy Interview he discusses the ghost
of Christmas past (that’s you, Jay) and
future—his TBS gig, Conan, which debuted
last month. We hope our cabin has cable. Joyce Carol Oates Jim Harrison Conan O’Brien

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CONTENTS
FEATURES
70 (SECRET) MARILYN
JOYCE CAROL OATES deconstructs Norma Jeane.
74 LAST DAYS ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE FENCES
KENNETH E. HARTMAN recalls life before prison.
84 THE PALM READERS
MARK TWAIN responds to five fortune-tellers.
60 88 HOLIDAY SPIRIT
A toast to festive drinking. By TERRY SULLIVAN
98 15 INNOVATIONS THAT WILL
VULTURE
CHANGE THE WORLD
CAPITALISM STEVEN KOTLER reveals the most radical tech-
nologies on the horizon.
116 TIP-OFF 2011
A primer for the upcoming college hoops
season. By JOHN GASAWAY
When disaster strikes, so do they—preying on the poor and the vulnerable. 122 HOLLYWOOD FIXER
ARAM ROSTON investigates the unscrupulous creditors and low-life investors Meet Aaron Cohen, private commando to the
who make a lavish living off the impoverished in Argentina and the Congo. stars. By STEVE ONEY
126 HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE
The coolest toys to bestow this season.
146
130 HOMESICKNESS
JIM HARRISON on the joys of his remote cabin.
KENDRA 140 IF CELEBRITIES WERE SNOWMEN
Frosty caricatures by MARK SUMMERS
142 CITY OF BROKEN DREAMS
JOE ESZTERHAS blasts Cleveland haters.
INTERVIEW
53 CONAN O’BRIEN
Coco opens up about life before and after The
Tonight Show. By ROB TANNENBAUM
20Q
92 OLIVIA WILDE
The Tron beauty talks to ERIC SPITZNAGEL about
cars, aliens and getting married in a bus.
FICTION
94 KNOCK-KNOCK
A son grasps at jokes to cope with his father’s
death. By CHUCK PALAHNIUK
COVER STORY
Gorgeous, funny and always sans filter, Kendra Wilkin-
son has nestled herself in the hearts of the masses by
being unabashedly herself. We gathered some of her
sexiest photos for your viewing pleasure, while our
Rabbit nestles himself close to Kendra’s heart. 7
RVOL. 57, NO. 11—DECEMBER 2010
CONTENTS
PICTORIALS PLAYBOY FORUM
104 PLAYMATE
64 SEX IN CINEMA 2010 191 AN OBSOLETE WEAPON
From primal vampires to exotic ava- ASHLEY HOBBS DANIEL WATTENBERG on how gun advo-
tars, a look back at the year’s most cates’ gains are bullets to the NRA.
provocative on-screen moments. 193 THE UNITED STATES OF
78 PRIVATE DANCER ABSTINENCE
Polish beauty Nina Bajerska channels Why Americans never get tired of say-
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in ing no. By JESSICA WARNER
Black Swan for this erotic arabesque.
104 PLAYMATE: ASHLEY THIS MONTH ON
HOBBS
PLAYBOY.COM
Suffering from the winter blues?
Golden-haired beach beauty Miss BARMATE OF THE YEAR Nicholle
December will melt them away. Lottman is the prettiest drink slinger in
132 WHY WE LOVE THE ’80S all the land—see more of her online.
NFL PLAYOFF PICKS Playmate Jaime
An ode to the in-your-face era of sexy
Faith Edmondson models sexy gear from
Lycra, leg warmers and big hair.
this year’s top teams.
146 KENDRA WILKINSON HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE Like what you see
Everybody loves Kendra—especially in this issue? Find even more of the best
gifts for guys this season online.
us. We salute Hef’s former girlfriend
with a trove of her sexiest photos. THE SMOKING JACKET Enjoy safe-for-
work girls, gear and Internet hilarity at
CARTOONS thesmokingjacket.com.
102 CLASSIC CARTOONS
PLAYBOY ON PLAYBOY ON
OF CHRISTMAS PAST FACEBOOK TWITTER
GET SOCIAL Keep up with all things
A collection of quintessential holiday Playboy at facebook.com/ playboy and
cartoons from bygone issues. twitter.com/p layboy.
NEWS AND NOTES 92
13 THE WORLD OF PLAYBOY
20Q
Hef sits down with Jimmy Kimmel; Bridget
M arquardt hosts Playboy’s Good Life Party; Hef
and Ray Bradbury hit up the Fahrenheit 451
screening; t he Playboy Redux art exhibit opens
in Chicago.
14 HANGIN’ WITH HEF
Jane Fonda and Richard Perry visit Hef; Jack
Nicholson’s son takes a tour of the Mansion; Play-
mates Claire Sinclair, Crystal Harris and Hope
Dworaczyk take in weekend movie nights.
188 PLAYMATE NEWS
GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY, 680 NORTH LAKE SHORE
Miss December 2001 Shanna Moakler hosts Bridal- DRIVE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611. PLAYBOY ASSUMES NO
RESPONSIBILITY TO RETURN UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL OR
plasty on E!; Miss March 1964 Nancy Scott finds GRAPHIC OR OTHER MATERIAL. ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS
AND UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL AND GRAPHIC MATERIAL
joy in painting; Miss February 1999 Stacy Marie WILL BE TREATED AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED FOR
PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES, AND MATE-
Fuson is the face of Effen vodka. RIAL WILL BE SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY’S UN RESTRICTED
RIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS
DEPARTMENTS CPLOAPYYBROIGYH, TP L©A 2Y0M1A0T BEY APNLDAY RBAOBY.B AITLL H REIAGDH TSSY RMEBSOELR VAERDE.
MARKS OF PLAYBOY, REGISTERED U.S. TRADEMARK
OFFICE. NO PART OF THIS BOOK MAY BE REPRODUCED,
5 PLAYBILL SANTOYR FEODR MIN BAY RAENTYR EIELVEACLT RSYOSNTICE,M M OERC HTARNAINCSAML,I TPTHEODT ION-
COPYING OR RECORDING MEANS OR OTHERWISE WITHOUT
120 17 DEAR PLAYBOY PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE PUBLISHER. ANY
MEN IN SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES IN THE
FICTION AND SEMI-FICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND ANY
21 AFTER HOURS REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
FOR CREDITS SEE PAGE 184. DANBURY MINT ONSERT IN
BLACK DOMESTIC SUBSCRIPTION POLYWRAPPED COPIES. JEAN
28 REVIEWS PAUL GAULTIER SCENT STRIP BETWEEN PAGES 48–49 IN
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45 MANTRACK PAGES 162–163 IN DOMESTIC SUBSCRIPTION COPIES. CER-
TIFICADO DE LICITUD DE TÍTULO NO. 7570 DE FECHA 29 DE
JULIO DE 1993, Y CERTIFICADO DE LICITUD DE CONTENIDO
Black-tie season is upon us. These 49 PLAYBOY ADVISOR NO. 5108 DE FECHA 29 DE JULIO DE 1993 EXPEDIDOS POR
LA COMISÍON CALIFICADORA DE PUBLICACIONES Y REVIS-
tuxedo tips from STEVE GARBARINO 114 PARTY JOKES TGAOSB EILRUNSATCRIÓAND,A MSÉ DXEICPOE.N RDEISEENRTVEA DDEE DLAE RSEECCHROEST A04R-I2A0 0D0E-
will ensure that you sport your formal- 071710332800-102.
8 wear with finesse and style. 196 GRAPEVINE PRINTED IN U.S.A.