Personal Conflict Management: Theory and Practice

360 Pages·2017·2.388 MB·English

by  Suzanne Mccorkle, Melanie Reese

Personal Conflict
Management
Personal Conflict Management, 2nd edition details the common causes of conflict, summarizes the theories
that explain why conflict happens, presents strategies for managing conflict, and invites consider-
ation of the risks of leaving conflict unsettled. The book balances information about conflict with
specific skills and tools to transform these difficult encounters, and explores how gender, race, cul-
ture, generation, power, emotional intelligence, and trust affect how individuals perceive conflict
and choose conflict tactics. Detailed attention is given to the role of listening and both competitive
and cooperative negotiation tactics. Separate chapters explain how to deal with bullies and conflict
via social media. The book caps off its exploration of interpersonal conflict with chapters that:
provide tools to analyze one’s conflicts and better choose strategic responses; examine the role of
anger and apology during conflict; explore mediation technique; and evaluate how conflict occurs
in different situations such as family, intimacy, work, and social media.
Suzanne McCorkle is an Emerita Professor of Public Policy and Administration, as well as Director
of Conflict Management Studies at Boise State University.
Melanie J. Reese is Dispute Resolution Coordinator for the Idaho Department of Education and
Professor Emerita at Boise State University.

Personal Conflict
Management
Theory and Practice
2nd edition
Suzanne McCorkle
Melanie J. Reese
This edition published 2018
by Routledge
711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017
and by Routledge
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4RN
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
© 2018 Taylor & Francis
The right of Suzanne McCorkle and Melanie J. Reese to be identified as the
authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with sections 77
and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or
utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now
known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any
information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the
publishers.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered
trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent
to infringe.
First Published 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: McCorkle, Suzanne, author. | Reese, Melanie, author.
Title: Personal conflict management : theory and practice / Suzanne
McCorkle, Melanie J. Reese.
Description: 2nd edition. | New York : Routledge, 2017. | Revised edition of the
authors’
Identifiers: LCCN 2017018431 | ISBN 9781138210981 (hardback) | ISBN
9781138210998 (pbk.) | ISBN 9781315453811 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Conflict management. | Problem solving. | Interpersonal
relations.
Classification: LCC HM1126 .M396 2017 | DDC 303.6/9—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017018431
ISBN: 978-1-138-21098-1 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-1-138-21099-8 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-315-45381-1 (ebk)
Typeset in Joanna MT
by Apex CoVantage, LLC
Visit the eResource: www.routledge.com/9781138210998
Contents
List of Toolbox Resources ix
List of Cases xi
Preface xiii
Acknowledgments xv
SECTION I: The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict and Its Causes 1
1 Conflict in Everyday Life 3
What Is Interpersonal Conflict? 3
Interpersonal Conflict Is Different From Argument 9
Seven Assumptions About Interpersonal Conflict 9
Beneficial Aspects of Interpersonal Conflict 11
Summary 13
Chapter Resources 13
2 Conflict Management Theories 16
The Purpose of Theory 17
Nature Versus Nurture 18
Communication Theory 18
Theories Influencing Conflict Management Studies 19
Summary 25
Chapter Resources 25
3 Competitive and Cooperative Conflict Approaches 28
The Competitive World 29
The Cooperative Approach 33
Interests Versus Positions 34
Which Approach to Conflict Is Best? 35
Supportive and Defensive Climates 36
Summary 39
Chapter Resources 40
4 Causes of Conflict 42
Conflict Topics Are Not Necessarily Conflict Causes 43
Conflict Behaviors Are Motivated by Reasons That Make Sense 44
Conflict Behaviors Are Learned 46
Goal Interference Causes Conflict 47
Four Main Goals During Conflict 48
Perception Patterns Affect How Goals Are Interpreted 52
Goals Are Dynamic 53
Skills to Enhance Goal Analysis and Development 54
vi CONTENTS
Summary 56
Chapter Resources 57
5 How Sex/Gender, Race, Culture, and Generation Affect Conflict 60
Sex/Gender 61
Race 63
Culture 64
Age and Generation 68
The Taking of Privilege 70
Mastering Conflict Management Research 71
Summary 72
Chapter Resources 73
6 How Power, Trust, and Humor Affect Conflict 77
Power 77
Trust 82
Humor 83
Sources of Conflict Patterns 85
Summary 85
Chapter Resources 85
SECTION II: Conflict Management Skills 89
7 Listening and Seeking Information 91
The Listening Process 93
Barriers to Effective Listening 95
Listening in Competitive and Cooperative Bargaining 97
Types of Listening 97
Eight Steps for Effective Listening During Conflict 99
Summary 106
Chapter Resources 107
8 Conflict Style and Emotional Intelligence 110
What Is Style? 112
Personality Styles 113
Conflict Management Styles 117
Communication Styles That Impact Conflict 123
Conversational Style 124
Emotional Intelligence 125
Transforming Dysfunctional Communication 128
Summary 128
Chapter Resources 129
9 Negotiation 133
What Is Negotiation? 134
Contrasting Approaches to Negotiation 136
Competitive Negotiation 137
Cooperative Negotiation 146
The Choices Negotiators Make 152
Summary 156
Chapter Resources 157
CONTENTS vii
10 Conflict Assessment 161
Understanding Conflict From the Inside Out 161
Simpler Conflict Analysis Tools 162
Comprehensive Conflict Analysis Tools 166
Transformation Is the Key to Changing Conflict 173
Summary 173
Chapter Resources 174
SECTION III: Conflict in Specialized Circumstances 177
11 Bullies and Difficult People 179
An Overview of Difficult Encounters 181
Critical Insights About Difficult Encounters 182
Skills When Facing Difficult Encounters 183
Bullying 186
Summary 196
Chapter Resources 196
12 Mediation and Other Conflict Interventions 200
Approaches to Solving Conflict 201
Conflict Coaching 203
Third-Party Resolution Processes 204
Mediation 205
Mediator Approaches 207
The Balanced Model of Mediation 208
Summary 213
Chapter Resources 214
13 Managing the Aftermath: Anger, Apology, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation 216
Anger 218
Apologies 221
Forgiveness 224
Reconciliation 230
Summary 231
Chapter Resources 231
SECTION IV: Conflict in Context 235
14 Families and Conflict 237
The Family As a Communication System 238
Conflict and the Family 245
Privacy Management 248
The Dark Side of Family Conflict 252
Conflict Management Skills for Families 254
Summary 257
Chapter Resources 257
15 Conflict in Intimate Relationships 263
Intimate Relationships and Conflict 264
Conflict Topics Among Intimates 264
Conflict in Relationships: Good or Bad? 267
viii CONTENTS
Gender and Personality Factors in Relationships 269
Understanding Relationship Conflict: Lifespan, Types, and Patterns 270
Relationship Maintenance 271
When Conflict Turns Violent 272
Summary 274
Chapter Resources 274
16 Conflict at the Workplace 279
The Workplace Is a Unique Context 280
Workplace Communication 282
The Nature of Groups 285
Conflict in the Work Setting 288
Preventing and Managing Conflict at Work 292
Summary 300
Chapter Resources 301
17 Conflict and Social Media 305
The World of Social Media 305
Theories of Online Behavior 306
Summary 315
Chapter Resources 316
Appendix 321
Glossary 325
Index 339
Toolbox Resources
Toolbox 3.1 Transforming Defensiveness 38
Toolbox 4.1 Identifying Goals 56
Toolbox 6.1 Are You Trustworthy? 83
Toolbox 7.1 The Emotional Paraphrase 102
Toolbox 7.2 Asking Questions 103
Toolbox 8.1 What’s Your Emotional Intelligence? 126
Toolbox 9.1 Negotiating for a Car 141
Toolbox 9.2 Preparing to Negotiate Cooperatively 147
Toolbox 9.3 Introducing Brainstorming 150
Toolbox 10.1 Conflict Causes Worksheet 164
Toolbox 10.2 Mapping Worksheet 166
Toolbox 10.3 Comprehensive Conflict Checklist 167
Toolbox 10.4 Conflict Road Map 169
Toolbox 10.5 The Awareness Wheel 170
Toolbox 11.1 The Four-Step Feedback Technique 184
Toolbox 11.2 De-escalating Potential Violence 190
Toolbox 11.3 What Not to Do When Faced With Violence 191
Toolbox 11.4 Should I Take On the Bully? 195
Toolbox 17.1 Rules for Interactive Messaging 315