Perfect madness : motherhood in the age of anxiety

351 Pages·2006·1.58 MB·English

by  Warner

J u d i t h W a r n e r

P
E R F E C T

M
A D N E S S

Motherhood in

the Age of Anxiety

RIVERHEAD BOOKS
New York

Praise for Judith Warner’s
Perfect Madness

“In the end [Warner] arrives at the controversial conclusion that moth­
ers are not victims of outside forces but rather their own worst enemies.
The bigger issue, Ms. Warner argues, is that whether working or not,
moms are consumed by what she sees as a new ‘soul-draining’ perfec­
tionism that’s turned parenting—from the first ultrasound to the last
college application—into a competitive sport. Ms. Warner’s observa­
tions inject new life into what has become a long, tired debate.”
—The New York Observer
“In this polemic about contemporary motherhood, Warner argues that
the gains of feminism are no match for the frenzied perfectionism of
American parenting. In the absence of any meaningful health, child-
care, or educational provisions, martyrdom appears to be the only fea­
sible model for successful maternity—with destructive consequences
for both mothers and children. Comparing this situation with her ex­
periences of child-rearing in France, Warner finds American ‘hyper­
parenting’—preschool violin and Ritalin on demand—‘just plain
crazy.’ The trouble is a culture that, though it places enormous private
value on children, neglects them in the arenas of public policy. She is
concerned less with sexual politics than with the more persuasive ef­
fects of the ‘winner take all’ mentality, and makes an urgent case for
more socially integrated parenthood.” —The New Yorker
continued . . .
“Modern motherhood is exacting costs....With Perfect Madness,
Warner convincingly shows the psychological damages.”
—The Washington Post Book World
“[Perfect Madness] has struck a chord among middle-class moms guilt-
tripped into being time-martyrs and trying to micromanage their chil­
dren’s lives.” —People
“A sharply observed study of motherhood in today’s culture.”
—The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
“Warner argues for a saner society, where everyone would have access to a
decent living and enough family time for themselves and their children.”
—Publishers Weekly
“[Judith Warner’s] words have struck a nerve with modern mothers.”
—The Richmond Times-Dispatch
“Warner has... inspired the beginnings of debate about where neu­
rotic motherhood leads.” —The Observer (London)
“Perfect Madness is the utter madness of life in a frenzy around the chil­
dren. But it also hints at the madness that is inherent in women’s at­
tempts to be ‘perfect mothers’ and have ‘perfect’ children. As a result,
they give up everything that distinguished them as individual
women—with a variety of wishes, desires, and interests—before they
became mothers.” —Ha’Aretz (Israel)
ALSO BY JUDITH WARNER
Hillary Clinton: The Inside Story

Newt Gingrich: Speaker to America

(by Judith Warner and Max Berley)
In and Out of Vogue
(by Grace Mirabella with Judith Warner)
You Have the Power: How to Take Back Our Country
and Restore Democracy in America
(by Howard Dean with Judith Warner)

J u d i t h W a r n e r

P
E R F E C T

M
A D N E S S

Motherhood in

the Age of Anxiety

RIVERHEAD BOOKS
New York
THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP
Published by the Penguin Group
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Copyright © 2005, 2006 by Judith Warner

Readers Guide copyright © 2006 Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Book design by Kate Nichols

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RIVERHEAD is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

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The Library of Congress has catalogued the Riverhead hardcover edition as follows:

Warner, Judith.

Perfect madness : motherhood in the age of anxiety / Judith Warner.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN: 1-4362-4778-0

1. Motherhood—United States. 2. Mothers—United States—Social conditions.

3. Mothers—United States—Psychology. 4. Guilt. I. Title.

HQ759.W346 2005 2004056615

306.874'3—dc22
To my mother—

Who fed me Yodels and Chef Boy-Ar-Dee

Who let me drink coffee (but Gatorade, never)

Who laughed with me until the tears rolled down our faces

And whose love and support never end.

And to Max, Julia, and Emilie—

In gratitude, and with all my love