Partnership Parenting: How Men and Women Parent Differently--Why It Helps Your Kids and Can Strengthen Your Marriage PDF
Preview Partnership Parenting: How Men and Women Parent Differently--Why It Helps Your Kids and Can Strengthen Your Marriage
0738213262-FM_Pruett_PP 6/29/09 7:35 AM Page i Partnership Parenting 0738213262-FM_Pruett_PP 6/29/09 7:35 AM Page ii This page intentionally left blank 0738213262-FM_Pruett_PP 6/29/09 7:35 AM Page iii PARTNERSHIP PARENTING How Men and Women Parent Differently— Why It Helps Your Kids and Can Strengthen Your Marriage Kyle Pruett, MD Marsha Kline Pruett, PhD, MSL A Member of the Perseus Books Group 0738213262-FM_Pruett_PP 6/29/09 7:35 AM Page iv Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Da Capo Press was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed in initial capital letters. Copyright © 2009 by Kyle Pruett and Marsha Kline Pruett All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America. For information, address Da Capo Press, 11 Cambridge Center, Cambridge, MA 02142. Produced in conjunction with Downtown Bookworks, Inc. Design and production by Eclipse Publishing Services Set in 9 point Imperial Page 72: Gatekeeper Quiz for Moms © National Fatherhood Initiative, reprinted by permission Page 74: Doonesbury (c) 1986 G. B. Trudeau. Reprinted with permission of Universal Press Syndicate. All rights reserved. Pages 80–83, 205: Copyright 2000 ZERO TO THREE. Questions reproduced with permission of the copyright holder. What Grown-ups Understand About Child Development. Further reproduction requires express permission from ZERO TO THREE (www.zerotothree.org/permissions). Page 151:David Alpert, 2006 D&A Records. Other Alpert Music Publishing/ASCAP. Page 199:Ideas About Parenting reprinted with permission of Gertrude Heming, Philip A. Cowan, and Carolyn Pape Cowan Cataloging-in-Publication data for this book is available from the Library of Congress. First Da Capo Press edition 2009 ISBN: 978-0-7382-1326-2 Published by Da Capo Press A Member of the Perseus Books Group www.dacapopress.com Note: The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. This book is intended only as an informative guide for those wishing to know more about health issues. In no way is this book intended to replace, countermand, or conflict with the advice given to you by your own physician. The ultimate decision concerning care should be made between you and your doctor. We strongly recommend you follow his or her advice. Information in this book is general and is offered with no guarantees on the part of the authors or Da Capo Press. The authors and publisher disclaim all liability in connection with the use of this book. The names and identifying details of people associated with events described in this book have been changed. Any similarity to actual persons is coincidental. Da Capo Press books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases in the U.S. by corporations, institutions, and other organizations. For more information, please contact the Special Markets Department at the Perseus Books Group, 2300 Chestnut Street, Suite 200, Philadelphia, PA, 19103, or call (800) 810-4145, ext. 5000, or e-mail [email protected]. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0738213262-FM_Pruett_PP 6/29/09 7:35 AM Page v For Lisa and Emily, with whom we started our co-parenting lessons; and for Liv and J.D., who closed the circle and continue to fill in the gaps. 0738213262-FM_Pruett_PP 6/29/09 7:35 AM Page ii This page intentionally left blank 0738213262-FM_Pruett_PP 6/29/09 7:35 AM Page vii ▼ Contents Foreword ix Acknowledgments xi Introduction xiii PART ONE 1 Becoming Parents Together 3 Life B.C. (before children) and A.C. (after children) 2 Cuddling vs. the Football Hold 15 Why Parenting Differences Are Not Deficiencies 3 Building a Partnership That Works 35 The Relationship Is the Solution, Not the Problem 4 Managing Conflict and Fighting Fair 49 The Dynamics of Healthy Disagreement 5 Valuing Your Spouse’s Contribution 65 So Glad I Chose You 6 Assumptions and Actions 79 What Grown-ups Do and Don’t Know About Raising Kids PART TWO 7 Discipline 99 “Wait ’til Your Father Gets Home!” 8 Care and Feeding 115 Keeping Your Child Healthy in Body and Mind 9 Co-parenting and Sleeping Children 133 Learning to Be on One’s Own 10 Safety 151 From Within and Without vviiii 0738213262-FM_Pruett_PP 6/29/09 7:35 AM Page viii viii ▼ Contents 11 Education 169 The Co-parenting Foundation to Lifelong Learning 12 Epilogue: For Divorce Prevention 191 Keeping the Parenting Partnership First So It Lasts Appendix A: Ideas About Parenting 199 Appendix B: Parental Profile Answers 205 Notes 207 Index 213 0738213262-FM_Pruett_PP 6/29/09 7:35 AM Page ix ▼ Foreword I ’VE BEEN PRIVILEGEDas a pediatrician to witness tremendous changes in the well-being of children over the course of my lifetime. As I’ve held newborns in my hands and watched their parents hold them in theirs, one change stands apart from the rest: These days, fathers are more actively engaged right from the start. This, as Kyle and Marsha Pruett so beauti- fully set forth in Partnership Parenting, is great news for all concerned. Watching a mother, father, and baby fall in love with one another right after birth is to see a miracle unfold. When I hold a newborn up in front of me and talk to him or her, he or she always turns to my voice. If I have the father compete with me, 80 percent of the babies will turn to their father’s voice. If they don’t, I tip their heads. Then, more often than not, the father takes his baby from me and exclaims, “You know me already!” iixx
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