Parenting After Separation for Families in High Conflict Parent's Guide

104 Pages·2014·5.09 MB·English

Parenting After Separation
for Families in High Conflict
Parent’s Guide
Family Justice Services
Parenting After Separation for Families in High Conflict page i

TABLE OF CONTENTS
WHOM TO CALL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
SECTION 1 How is it Working? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
SECTION 2 Protecting Your Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11
SECTION 3 Managing Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
SECTION 4 Setting Boundaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
SECTION 5 Parallel Parenting Plans . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29
SECTION 6 Making it work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
The Realities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
SOURCE LIST . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
IMPORTANT INFORMATION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
How Kids Work 101 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
How to Answer Your Child’s Difficult Questions/Comments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
Definitions of Abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
Safety Planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
General Information about Restraining and Protection Orders . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
Monitored Exchanges and Supervised Access . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
Ask a Lawyer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57
5 High Conflict Personalities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
Parenting Plan Ideas for Difficult Situations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
Parallel Parenting Plans — A Working Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65
Contents

WHOM TO CALL …
Family Justice Services are a group of programs To contact Family Justice Services:
and services offered to families and individuals by • Calgary Family Justice Services:
Alberta Justice in collaboration with the Courts of 403-297-6981
Alberta . Family Justice Services is available to help
• Edmonton Family Justice Services:
you with the following:
780-427-8343
• The Family Law Act and Divorce Act • Edmonton Family Law Information Centre:
information and forms 780-415-0404
• Intake Services: safety assessment, options, • Grande Prairie Family Justice Services:
referrals 780-833-4202
• Family Mediation • Grande Prairie Law Information Centre:
• Court Counsellor Services 780-833-4234
• Courses/Seminars for parents and families • Lethbridge Family Justice Services:
parenting apart 403-388-3102
• Child support assistance • Medicine Hat Family Justice Services:
403-529-8716
• Parenting Plans assistance
• Red Deer Family Justice Services:
• Parenting Assessments and
403-340-7187
Intervention Services
• Elsewhere in Alberta — 403-340-7187
d ial 310-0000 first for toll-free access
in Alberta
• Website: www.albertacourts.ab.ca/
familyjusticeservices
To register for the Parenting After Separation Program (PAS) or Parenting After Separation
for Families in High Conflict (PASHC):
Brooks Drumheller Jasper Slave Lake
403-504-8026 780-820-7300 780-852-2117 780-523-6600
Calgary Edmonton Lethbridge Spruce Grove
403-440-3833 780-413-9805 403-320-4232 Stony Plain
780-962-7618 or
Camrose Edson Lloydminster
780-963-8583
780-679-1240 780-865-8280 780-853-8130
Canmore Fort McMurray Medicine Hat St.Paul/Bonnyville
780-645-6324
403-609-3743 780-743-7136 403-504-8026
Drayton Grande Prairie Peace River Westlock
780-349-5253
Valley 780-532-0373 780-624-6256
780-514-2204 Hinton Red Deer Wetaskiwin
780-361-1258
780-865-8280 403-343-6400
Parenting After Separation for Families in High Conflict page 1
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O To register for Focus on Communication in Separation (FOCIS), please contact:
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M Calgary Grande Prairie Medicine Hat Wetaskiwin
O 403-297-6981 780-532-0373 403-504-8026 403-340-7187
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W Edmonton Lethbridge Red Deer
780-644-5092 403-320-4232 403-343-6400
If you are in need of other information or resources:
1. For help finding a private mediator (fee for 5. Child Support Services (CSS) provides help to
service) individuals receiving:
• Alberta Family Mediation Society (AFMS) — • Income Support
call toll free 1-877-233-0143 or in Calgary call • Alberta Adult Health Benefit
403-233-0143, website: www .afms .ca
• Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped
• ADR Institute of Alberta (ADRIA) — (AISH)
call 780-433-4881 in Edmonton or
• Albertans with low income
1-800-232-7214 toll free
To contact Child Support Services:
2. Alberta Health Services Addiction and Mental
• Edmonton 780-415-6400
Health
• Calgary 403-297-6060
• Alberta Health Services Addictions Help Line —
1-866-332-2322 • To find the closest CSS office to you, call
• Alberta Mental Health Help — 310-0000 toll free or go to:
1-877-303-2642 www.employment.alberta.ca/css
3. Ministry of Human Services (includes Alberta 6. Collaborative Family Law — to find
Supports, Homelessness Supports, Employment Collaborative Family Law lawyers in your area
and Immigration, and Children and Youth go to: www.collaborativelaw.ca
Services) call 780-422-3004 or 310-0000 first 7. Divorce Kits — call 310-0000 toll free for
for toll free access in Alberta the Queen’s Printer, or go to the website at:
Website: http://humanservices.alberta.ca/ www.qp.alberta.ca
4. Child Support Recalculation Program — call 8. Law Libraries:
780- 401-1111 or 310-0000 for toll free access • Edmonton — 780-422-2342
in Alberta
• Calgary — 403-297-6148
Website: www.recalculation.gov.ab.ca
• Website: www.lawlibrary.ab.ca
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9. Lawyer Referral: If you need help finding a 14. Information about Emergency Protection Orders C
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Lawyer contact: (EPO) (which can be applied for to provide safety
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• Calgary — 403-228-1722 when family members are abusive) can be found …
through Family Justice Services .
• Edmonton — 780-429-3343
15. The Support Network connects callers to a full
• Elsewhere in Alberta —
range of community, social and government
1-800-661-9003 toll free
services information, and is a referral service for
• Website: www.lawsociety.ab.ca
non-emergency human services .
10. Legal Aid — call 1-866-845-3425 toll free or • Edmonton 24-Hour Distress Line —
go to: www.legalaid.ab.ca 780-482-HELP (4357) or
11. Law Information Centre (LInC) — for legal visit: 211edmonton.com
information (on matters other than family law) • Calgary 24-Hour Distress Line —
call: 403-266-HELP (4357) or visit: 211calgary.ca
• Edmonton — 780-644-8217 • Rural Distress Line (toll free) —
• Calgary — 403-476-4744 1-800-232-7288
• Grande Prairie — 780-833-4234 16. Victim Services:
• Red Deer — 403-755-1469 • Edmonton Police Service — 780-421-2760
• Website: www.albertacourts.ab.ca/ • Calgary Police Service — 403-206-8398
CourtServices/LInCLawInformationCentres • Rural Alberta — no exclusive phone line, please
contact the RCMP detachment for your area .
12. Maintenance Enforcement Program (MEP),
contact: • Main website: www.solgps.alberta.ca/
programs_and_services/victim_services/
• Edmonton — 780-422-5555
Pages/default.aspx
• Elsewhere in Alberta — call 310-0000 first for
• For a list of Victim Services sites go to:
toll free access in Alberta
www.solgps.alberta.ca/programs_and_services/
• Website: www.mep.gov.ab.ca
victim_services/Pages/victim_service_units.aspx
13. To contact the Courts:
• Provincial Court of Alberta (main) —
780-427-2711
• Court of Queen’s Bench of Alberta (main) —
780-422-2200
• Provincial Court of Alberta — Family (Calgary) —
403-297-3471
• Court of Queen’s Bench of Alberta (Calgary) —
403-297-5653
Parenting After Separation for Families in High Conflict page 3
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M 17. Other important numbers:
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• Alberta Supports Contact Centre is a new • Family Violence Info Line — all:
H
W service designed to help Albertans access 310-1818 (toll free, 24/7) or visit:
information about programs and services . www.familyviolence.gov.ab.ca
For more information call 1-877-644-9992 • Kids Help Phone — 1-800-668-6868
or 780-644-9992 in Edmonton, or visit:
• Parent Link Centers — 1-877-644 -9992
www.albertasupports.ca
• Bullying Help Line — 1-888-456-2323
• Child Abuse Hotline — 1-800-387-KIDS (5437)
page 4 Family Justice Services
INTRODUCTION
Parenting After Separation for Families in • Conflict revolves around the same
High Conflict is a three-hour course offered by issues time and again — there just seems
Alberta Family Justice Services for parents and to be no way to resolve some issues and
guardians who characterize their separation the parents find themselves in the same
and divorce as high conflict . This course is an arguments over and over again .
addition to the Parenting After Separation course • The conflict has been going on for years
that emphasizes the need for parents to work — some level of conflict is often present
together to raise their children after separation . when parents first separate, but it normally
For some families, the level of conflict between reduces over time . In some high conflict
the parents makes communication difficult or situations, the parents have been apart 3 or
impossible . Other parents may experience periods more years and are still fighting .
of high conflict alternating with times when
This course is divided into 6 sections that will help
things go smoothly . High levels of conflict
you in the following ways:
between parents will always negatively
affect children . Section 1: How is it Working?
This section will help you to understand the
Although each high conflict situation is unique,
toll the conflict is taking on yourself and
some common elements are:
your children .
• Every topic is a potential source of
conflict — sometimes it doesn’t matter Section 2: Protecting Your Children
what the parents are dealing with, they This section will identify important ways to
cannot discuss any issue without it turning protect your children from the toxic stress
into an argument or fight brought on by high conflict .
• There may be safety issues — there
Section 3: Managing Emotions
may be a history of violence in the family
This section will show how emotions play
or perhaps someone’s mental health or
out in high conflict situations and how
addictions or another factor in the family is
patterns of behavior keep conflict going .
putting someone at risk
• There may be extensive court Section 4: Setting Boundaries
involvement — sometimes the only way This section will show practical steps to put
parents seem to be able to get anything boundaries in to place and make them stick
decided is through a court application as a way to reduce conflict .
although the court orders never seem to
work and so the parents continually return
to court .
Parenting After Separation Program page 5
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Parallel parenting plans are the key to Expertise
managing conflict with the other parent .
The 2013 Parenting After Separation for Families in
This section will help you to protect your
High Conflict (PASHC) curriculum was revised and
child from conflict by learning how to
adapted by Marsha Kline Pruett, PH .D . from the
develop or modify a parallel parenting plan .
original PASHC curriculum which was developed
Section 6: Making it Work by Family Justice Services in Alberta in 2009 .
This section will put it all together by Oversight and approval for the PASHC revision was
providing you with some conflict reducing provided by the PAS Provincial Steering Committee .
strategies you can start using today . Funding for revisions was provided by the Norlien
Foundation Inc . with administrative oversight
Reducing conflict takes energy and commitment,
generously provided by Alisha Devji .
and it isn’t always easy . While this course does
not have the magic answers that will completely
PAS Provincial Steering Committee
eliminate conflict, it does provide you with
Justice Donna C . Read
knowledge and ideas that you can try out right
away to reduce the conflict and start a new, Judge Todd LaRochelle
more peaceful life for you and your children . Gordon Andreiuk
Frances Amery
Yogesh Gupta
Lisa Lindquist
Bernice Rawes
Jennifer Wells
Recognition and thank you for
contributions from:
Diane Shearer Sandra Fenton
Heidi Machl Jeannine Crofton
Fred Sudfeld Ken Hoag
Karen Nielson Nora Deisman
Kathy Hutchings Colleen Nicholls
Raelene Linehan Natalie Tymchuk
Tony Richard Marilyn Slawinsky
Chris Dylke Erika Keeler
page 6 Family Justice Services