Out of the Shadows Understanding Sexual Addiction PDF
Preview Out of the Shadows Understanding Sexual Addiction
title :Out of the Shadows : Understanding Sexual Addiction author :Carnes, Patrick. publisher :Hazelden Publishing isbn10 | asin :1568380550 print isbn13 :9781568380551 ebook isbn13 :9780585171906 language :English subject Sex addiction, Behavior, Addictive, Sexual Dysfunctions, Psychological. publication :1994 date lcc :RC560.S43C38 1994eb ddc :616.8583 subject :Sex addiction, Behavior, Addictive, Sexual Dysfunctions, Psychological. Page i " . . . a formidable yet worthwhile and pioneering task in a difficult, unpopular area of disturbed human behavior . . . Interesting, readable, original . . . Of value to begin to understand these age-old complex sexual behaviors." Domeena C. Renshaw, M.D. Journal of American Medical Association "This is an affliction that affects large numbers of men and women." Phil Donahue "Carnes has pioneered a treatment for sex addiction." USA Today "What's significant about the (sexual addiction) concept is that it gives people a label for understanding their very puzzling and destructive patterns of sexual behavior." John Grace, therapist St. Paul Pioneer Press/Dispatch "Carnes is the acknowledged expert in a field that until recently didn't exist." Philadelphia "I just want to say thank you for understanding me. It's the first time that I felt my problem crystallized for me. I not only (speak) as a professional, but as an addict. It's the first step for me." Anonymous Page iii Out of the Shadows Understanding Sexual Addiction Second Edition Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. Page iv Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176 ©1992 by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Second edition 1992 Previously published as The Sexual Addiction Previously published by CompCare Publishers 1992 First published by Hazelden Foundation 1994 Printed in the United States of America No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher ISBN: 1-56838-055-0 Editor's note: The Twelve Steps are reprinted and adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism onlyuse of the Twelve Steps in connection with programs and activities that are patterned after AA, but that address other problems, does not imply otherwise. Page v This book is intended as a guide to understanding both the sexual addiction and the Twelve Steps as a means of recovery. Neither the book, its author, nor its publisher endorses any specific Twelve Step group for sexual compulsiveness. Readers are encouraged to investigate thoroughly any such group as to its appropriateness for them. Page vii Contents Foreword ix Preface xv IntroductionA Moment Comes for Every Addict xix 1. The Addiction Cycle 1 2. The Levels of Addiction 23 3. The Family and the Addict's World 63 4. Co-addiction 87 5. The Belief System 115 6. Twelve Steps to Recovery 133 7. The Future Is Conditional 161 References 165 Resource Guide 169 Twelve Step Fellowships 173 About the Author 175 Index 177 Page viii Charts and Diagrams The Addictive System 15 Levels of Addiction 54 The Abuse Checklist 74 The World of the Sexual Addict 82 The Co-addictive System 93 The Co-addict's Checklist 100 The World of the Co-addict 110 The Male Sexual Addict's Beliefs about Sex, Men, and 120 Women The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous 136 The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous 137 Adapted for Sexual Addicts The Twelve Steps and Changing Beliefs 146 The Addict's Worksheet 156 Page ix Foreword to the Second Edition I had given my friend Sherod Miller an early draft of what was to be called Out of the Shadows. Sherod, whose organization had published an earlier book of mine, was a respected author, with his Couples Communication in seventeen foreign editions. I really wanted his opinion of the manuscript. As we talked over dinner in a Minneapolis hotel, Sherod and I discussed my writing. Yet it became clear that the editorial state of the book was not his concern. He finally looked at me and said, "Pat, this book is going to change your life." A shudder of premonition went through mesomething that always seems to happen when an inescapable reality in my life is reached. I remember quietly dismissing the significance of Sherod's statement by assuring him that I was prepared to face whatever happened. Ten years later to the month, I can say that nothingnot Sherod's comment or anything elsecould have prepared me for what happened. And, yes, the book did transform my life. The book actually appeared in December 1983, entitled The Sexual Addiction. I have never agonized as much over any task before or since. I joked that I really did not know how the book was written. What I meant was that this book came from some quiet place of certitude within meand, in that sense, it was not about me or any abilities that I might possess. It was more about a truth that would not rest until expressed. I simply gave voice to the perception of sexual pain I saw in struggling people.
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