Open to Desire: The Truth About What the Buddha Taught

227 Pages·2006·1.35 MB·English

by  Mark Epstein

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Also by Mark Epstein
going on being
going to pieces without falling apart
thoughts without a thinker
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W
O P E N
T O
D E S I R E
The Truth
about What the
Buddha Taught
MARK EPSTEIN, M.D.
GOTHAM BOOKS
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Published by Gotham Books, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
Previously published as a Gotham Books hardcover edition.

First electronic edition, June 2006

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Copyright © 2005 by Mark Epstein, M.D.
All rights reserved

Gotham Books and the skyscraper logo are trademarks of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition of this title as follows:
Epstein, Mark, 1953–
Open to desire : embracing a lust for life : insights from
Buddhism & psychotherapy / Mark Epstein.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
MSR ISBN 0-7865-7799-1
AEB ISBN 0-7865-7773-8
1. Desire—Religious aspects—Buddhism. 2. Desire—Psychological aspects.
3. Psychotherapy—Social aspects. 4. Buddhism—Doctrines.
5. Reality principle (Psychology) I. Title.
BQ4430.D47E67 2005
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Earlier versions of some of the material in this book have previously appeared in Yoga
Journaland O: The Oprah Magazine.
Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to reprint the following:
An excerpt from “Craving” from The Dhammapada. Copyright, P. Lal, Writer’s Work-
shop, 162/92 Lake Gardens, Calcutta, India 7004S
Selections from William Buck’sRamayana, copyright © 1976 by the Regents ofthe Uni-
versity ofCalifornia. Reprinted by permission ofUniversity ofCalifornia Press, Berke-
ley, California.
Selection from Miranda Shaw’s Passionate Enlightenment: Women in Tantric Buddhism,
copyright © 1994 by Princeton University Press. Reprinted by permission ofPrinceton
University Press, Princeton, New Jersey.
Selections from On Wings of Awe (A Machzor for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur), edited
and translated by Rabbi Richard N. Levy, copyright © 1985 B’nai B’rith Hillel Founda-
tion. Reprinted by permission ofthe B’nai B’rith Hillel Foundation, Washington, D.C.
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for Arlene
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Contents
INTRODUCTION
THE BABY AND THE BATHWATER
PART I:
FOR WANT OF DESIRE
Chapter 1:Ramayana 21
Chapter 2:The Left-Handed Path 35
Chapter 3:Discontent 61
PART II:
CLINGING
Chapter 4:The Flavor of Separation 81
Chapter 5:The Backward Glance 95
Chapter 6:Renunciation 109
PART III:
THE END OF CLINGING
Chapter 7:From Object to Subject 131
Chapter 8: A Facilitating Environment 143
Chapter 9: The Fruit 161
PART IV:
A PATH FOR DESIRE
Chapter 10: Advice 181
Chapter 11: Jumping In 199
ENDNOTES 205
REFERENCES 213
INDEX 219
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Acknowledgments
This book could not have been written without conversations
with and support from the following people: John House, Na-
dine Helstroffer, George Lange, Rob Stein, Alex McNear,
Michael Vincent Miller, Barbara Boris, Michael Eigen, Em-
manuel Ghent, Daniel Goleman, Sharon Salzberg, Robert
Thurman, Elizabeth Cuthrell, Joseph Goldstein, Jody Shields,
Mickey Lemle, Cyndi Stivers, Janine Antoni, Kathleen Tolan,
Ann Epstein, Bernard Edelstein, Larry Brilliant, Catherine In-
gram, David Lichtenstein, Stephen Batchelor, Martine Batche-
lor, Kiki Smith, Carroll Dunham, Neil Gordon, Ed Rothfarb,
Lisa Gornick, Ken Hollenbeck, Krishna Das, John Bush, Amy
Gross, Fred Sandback, Mohani Dindial, Genine Lentine, Jeffrey
Hoffeld, Carol Hoffeld, Marion Stroud, Jack Kornfield, Richard
Alpert, Franklin Epstein, Sherrie Epstein, Jean Shechet, David
Shechet, Marilyn Robie, Arthur Shechet, Sonia Epstein, Will
Epstein, Ellie Shechet, Ben Shechet, Anne Edelstein, William
Shinker, Lauren Marino, Margery Cantor, Emilie Stewart, Jef-
frey Hopkins and Arlene Shechet. My patients have generously
shared their inner lives with me and provided material for this
book; in all cases cited herein, I have changed names as well as
other identifying details, or constructed composites, in order
to protect privacy.
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“There’s no prayer like desire.”
Tom Waits
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Introduction
The Baby and the Bathwater
O
ne of my favorite stories comes from the Sufitradition
of mystical Islam. It is a tale that tells us exactly what we
will have to face if we endeavor to walk the path of desire. A
man sits in the center of a Middle Eastern marketplace crying
his eyes out, a platter of peppers spilled out on the ground be-
fore him. Steadily and methodically, he reaches for pepper after
pepper, popping them into his mouth and chewing deliberately,
at the same time wailing uncontrollably.
“What’s wrong, Nasruddin?” his friends wonder, gathering
around the extraordinary sight. “What’s the matter with you?”
Tears stream down Nasruddin’s face as he sputters an an-
swer. “I’m looking for a sweet one,” he gasps.
It is one of Nasruddin’s most endearing qualities that he
1