On the death of a child

266 Pages·2009·3.571 MB·English

by  Celia Hindmarch

On the Death of a Child
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On the Death of
a Child
THIRD EDITION
CELIA HINDMARCH
BA (Hons)
MBACP Accredited Counsellor
MBACP Accredited Supervisor
Radcliffe Publishing
Oxford (cid:129) New York
CRC Press
Taylor & Francis Group
6000 Broken Sound Parkway NW, Suite 300
Boca Raton, FL 33487-2742
© 2009 by Celia Hindmarch
CRC Press is an imprint of Taylor & Francis Group, an Informa business
No claim to original U.S. Government works
Version Date: 20160525
International Standard Book Number-13: 978-1-138-03104-3 (eBook - PDF)
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Contents
Preface ix
How to use this book xi
About the author xiii
Acknowledgements xiv
SECTION 1: THEORY AND PRACTICE 1
1 Incidence and characteristics of child death 3
The death of a child is different from other bereavements 5
Sudden and accidental deaths 7
Prenatal and perinatal loss 14
Death from illness 18
Death from congenital conditions 20
Socially diffi cult deaths 23
Organ retention 26
2 Features of grief and mourning when a child dies 29
Introduction: starting from experience 29
The development of bereavement theory 31
New understandings of grief 36
What the death of a child means for different family members 43
Mourning rituals 50
SECTION 2: GOOD PRACTICE GUIDELINES 55
3 Professional roles 57
Bereavement support workers 58
Chaplains/spiritual care advisors 59
Clergy 61
Coroners 62
Counsellors 64
Funeral directors 66
General practitioners 67
Health visitors 70
Hospital doctors 72
Mortuary technicians 75
Nurses 77
Midwives 79
Paramedics 81
Pathologists 83
Police 85
Registrars of births, marriages and deaths 87
Social workers 88
Teachers 90
4 Guidelines for all 93
General principles 94
Supervision 98
Training 101
Skills 102
Helping strategies 103
Resources questionnaire 105
5 Guidelines for stressful situations 107
Breaking bad news 108
Emergency procedures and intensive care 110
After the death 113
Attending the funeral 118
On fi rst visiting the family 119
Anniversaries 120
Suicide risk assessment 121
6 Guidelines for talking with children 124
Introduction 124
Child experience of loss and bereavement 125
First principles 127
Helping children understand about terminal illness 130
Informing children of the death 131
Telling children about a murder or suicide 133
Summary of dos and don’ts 136
SECTION 3: BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT 139
7 Support for families 141
Practical support 141
Befriending 143
Counselling 145
Psychology 154
Psychiatry 154
Groups 155
Social activities 158
Support for children 159
8 Support for schools 164
How schools are affected 164
Planning and preparation 168
Psychological support: who does what and when? 172
Levels of support following critical incidents affecting schools 175
After a suicide 177
9 Support services 181
Core conditions 182
Starting a support group 183
A co- ordinated approach 186
10 Hope, meaning and resilience 190
The rippling effect 190
Some parents’ stories 193
Comment 213
APPENDIX A: Useful contacts for support organisations 217
APPENDIX B: Children’s hospices 224
APPENDIX C: Useful resources for working with children
and families 232
APPENDIX D: Use of geneograms in bereavement counselling 239
Essential references 243
Further reading 245
Index 249
Preface
While the death of a child is a comparatively rare event in the Western
world, it remains one of the greatest challenges to anyone supporting those
affected by it.
Childhood is associated with hope, promise, innocence and joy, and the
loss of a child is always emotive. Some high- profi le child deaths, such as
the murder of Rhys Jones in Liverpool and the abusive neglect of Baby P in
Haringey, bring public outrage as well as private grief. Others, such as the
death of Ivan Cameron, are inspirational as well as intensely sad, in this
case challenging society’s preconceptions of disability.
’Ivan’s death was tragic. His life was not.’
This life-a ffirming statement by Ivan’s father David, leader of the
Conservative Party at the time of his son’s death, echoes a new dimension
which I have sought to bring to this third edition.
Essentially, the addition of Chapter 10, Hope, meaning and resilience,
includes interviews with parents who reveal how the experience of losing a
child can build resilience, derive meaning from their child’s life, and inspire
hope for the future. Elsewhere in the book the reader is challenged by the
tragedy of the death: here the reality is balanced by hope. These parents
have found purpose in fund-r aising, public awareness, lobbying, and the
development of new support resources, as legacies from their children.
This is in keeping with the original inspiration for this book which
came from the fi rst years of the Alder Centre, founded 20 years ago in 1989,
and still going strong. The Alder Centre is situated at the Royal Liverpool
Children’s NHS Trust Hospital Alder Hey. Its remit is to support all those
affected by the death of a child, of whatever age and from whatever cause. The
Centre was initiated by a group of bereaved parents who recognised not only
their own need for support but the potential for supporting others through
ix