Official Manual SHRED 1

12 Pages·2009·6.03 MB·English

Official Manual
SHRED1
Art
Art of War
A Stool
Absurd
Assault
Abiotic
Abolition
Ascent
Angst
Welcome... Digression
Welcome to the first issue of Do you know the woman pictured? REDTUBE.COM (both amongst the top 50
the most important publication Someone does and we want to know. sites on the internet). There is the always
of our time—you may not Considerthisasociological(andbiological, attractive PAGE3.COM waiting. The point is,
realize it, but in a hundred when completely understood) experiment: whateveryouarelookingforwhenitcomes
years you will be considered to Can the readers of a small, brilliant topleasingvisuals,itiswaitingforyouon
have been a genius just for publication find a woman based on a bad the internet, so we do not need to do it
reading and copyofaniffyphotograph?Well? here...unless she is so naturally,
considering Thispublication has It is a common held belief that a unretouchedbeautiful...
these words. been designed for publication of words for non­ Also,astothevisuals,youbetternotjust
There are consumption by heterophobic men must have bealooker;talkwithwomen.Notonlyare
many plans for non-heterophobic 83% of its page count as they not scary, they are
maleswith the
, pictorials of semi­attractive, friendly and kind and
abilitytograsp
Obfufticial Manualno reason, logic and anorexic women that have loving—and they
guarantees. If beauty. All others been airbrushed and look smell good. Be a
you think you can pleasemoveon to likewaifsinperson.True, man, a
read these small a lessstimulating ifthemanissopoorhe gentleman, and
task. (Perhapsyour
pages and wander hairismussed and doesnothaveaccess talk to a woman,
off forgetting them, needsa good totheinternetorisin even with your
you are wrong. As a combing?) aremotelocationof insecurities. If you
participant in brilliance, theworld(orcannot are highly insecure,
it is incumbent upon you read). Since you try talking to them
to consider these words and
obviously have access to the internet, and without
insist on logic, clarity and
weranoutofspace—itwassupposedtobe expectation,
reason, and when the words
8 pages and could have been 24—we will without wanting
have failed, attack insightfully,
letyoufindthepicturesofsemi­nude/nude something from
intelligently. Welcome to
womenonyourown. them;onceyoudothatandfindouttheydo
—smile and
Oefnfjiociya.l Manual The internet allows every man to fulfill not bite, you can take it to the next level.
theirlustyvisualdesires.Forthetameand Theinternetisnotreal,womenare.
Simplyrearrangetheletters,twonameseach: judgmental, there is HOTORNOT.COM and Now,astothewomanpictured:Haveyou
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EEFHHIIINRRSTZCCDE hardcorers, there is YOUPORN.COM and busy,thisissomethingweneedtoknow.
2-OfficialManual
Abiogenic Oil?
Whatdoyoudowhenyougetintoanargumentwithanin­law
over the impending demise of civilization due to the rapidly
diminishing availability of oil? If you are wise, probably nothing.
Thoseofusofacontrariannature,andpronetotheseductionof
verbaldance,mightrespond,“What!?!”
If you like a good debate, or want to simply test your
understanding, you challenge [read antagonize]. Taking a
contrarian point of view for argument's sake not only forces the
doom­and­gloomer to buttress his argument but allows you to
exploreyourknowledgeandgraspofunderstandinginrelationto
your fellow conversationalist. As long as we are all polite, it is
educationalfunandgames.(Somefellowconversationalistshave
let it be known the “enlightening” experience is not always so
enjoyable.)
NowifthetopicisdiscussingthecircularshapeofEarthorthe
sunasaballoffire,itmaybeingoodcharactertosimplyagree.
Also,asthenatureofbeautyissubjective,youmaysimplywantto
politely acknowledge an observation of beauty no matter how
vehementlyyoudisagree.Butifonewishestoargueanimpending
Man=Motorized Bar Stool
global oil shortage while oil prices race; the economy toys with
recession/depression dips; oil is vilified as the summation of all
Themotorizedbarstoolisthetypeofthingmendo—when thingsevil;and,youhaveheardallofthisbefore,whatisleftbut
they have a moment of free time away from trying to neatly thedanceofverbiage,thewaltzofthepessimistandtheoptimist,
unwrapawoman'spackaging.Thinkaboutit,doyouknowa orsimplythecontrarian.
manwhowouldnotwanttogiveamotorizedbarstoolatest Tomakeitassimpleashedid,hereishisbasicargument:The
drive?“Oh,sweet!”followedimmediatelyby“Icoulddothat,” end of mankind is upon us, as we have reached a peak in oil
istheresponseofferedbymostmen. supply and it is down hill from here—rapidly, as our use has
We are the simplest of creatures. We want to explore, increased. You know, the same argument made since the '70s,
create,test(destroy)andinquire,allafterorinpursuitofone probably earlier, and yet, somehow, the world still grows and
uncomplicated goal: We must have the touch of a woman. prosperswithplentyofoil.Somuchoilthatvastresourceswithin
There are many methods to achieving a physiologically the United States are not even allowed to be accessed. It is his
induced psychological destination, but in order for a man to position that we are heading downhill fast as oil supplies
feelcomplete,ifonlyforamoment,thetouchofawomanis deplete—itmustbegrantedthatthisisoneofthemoregenerally
required, and not just any woman. When this happens, men acceptedtheoriesamongthosewhostudyoilproduction.
aremomentarilyatpeace. The fundamental basis of this argument, known as “peak oil
Menandtheirsimpleneeds.Atalltimeswecannotbedoing theory” around the oil trading desks, is that oil is a very limited,
whatwefantasizeabout,sowebuildspaceships,gotowar, finiteresourceandmostofithasbeenfound.Thismaybetrue.It
fix, invent, create, compete, fight fires, anguish, root, eat, isthegenerallyacceptedtheorythatfossilfuel(petroleum/oil)isa
drink, sleep, wrestle, ponder and build motorized bar stools, very limited resource created by the breakdown of prehistoric
amongstotherthings.Itmayappearwehavebecomedocile, organicmaterial,whichwasthenacteduponbythepressureand
but men are still capable of anything.And as simple as we heatoftheEarth'scrust.Notadifficulttheorytograsp.Itseems
maybe,onethingamanneverneedstodoisapologizefor somewhat reasonable and would understandably turn most
being a man, even when building or driving a motorized bar anyone into a pessimist as breakdown of organic material from
stool,unless,ofcourse,youaredrunkbehindthewheel... millions,no,billionsofyearsagoisnot [Continued on page 8]
OfficialManual -3
Art.
Toomanypeopledonotvisitmuseumsbecauseofthepretentioussnobswhowishtodefineart.Inarecentvisittoalarge,big
citymuseum,therewasanaluminumladderyoucouldpurchaseatanyhardwarestoreandthroughthethirdstepswasplacedaninflated
pooltoy,analligator.Andtheywonderwhypeoplearenotgoingtomuseums?Thisisart?
Youcanfindartanywhere.Howdoyouknowyouhavefoundit?Easy:artinspires.Theuptightcognoscentiwhowishtodefineartforyou
spendtheirtimelearninghowtheyaresupposedtoappreciateart.Learninghowyouaresupposedtoappreciate?No,eitheritspeaksto
youoritdoesnot.Artisinspirational.Whenyoulookatsomething,areyouinspiredbyitsbeauty,itsmagnificence,itsuniqueness?
Something,youmaynotalwaysknowwhatattheforefrontofyourthought,butsomethingtouchesyou.
Haveyoulookedatthegiantcanvasonawallwithalinedrawnacrossitandsaid,“Icandothat.That'sstupid!That'snotart!”?Your
instinctsaredeadon.Toyou,andmostofus,itisnotart.Theonlypeoplethatseemtoconsiderthattypeofworkartarethosetaught
whytheyshouldappreciateit,butyoucanbeassuredthatastrueartstandsthetestoftime,alineonthecanvaswillnot.Soperhapswe
shouldlookelsewheretofindrealart.
HowaboutthePomonaSwapMeet?Thereisthegeneralartoftheclassiccarandsomeamazingartisticpaintjobsandcustomcars,but
whataboutthe
straightartistic
expressionof
something
unexpectedand
inspirational.Aguitar
madeofwoodand
metalwithbarbed
wireasstrings.
Unexpected.Unique.
Inspirational.Sure,
themakercould
undoubtedlyhave
drawnalineacross
ablankcanvas,but
thisartistsuffered
fromactual
inspiration.
Undoubtedly,thisis
art,andinthebest
museum
possible—outsideof
asterilebuilding
meanderingaboutin
therealworld.
Whoeveryouare,
keepupthegood
work,keepupthe
inspiration.
Andthankyou.
4-OfficialManual
Walking from Under a Dark Cloud begrudgingly.ButIstilldidtheblogeveryweekday,andthebad
? newswasgettingworse.
e
AfriendandIweretalkingeverydayabouttheeconomicand t Mostpeoplewhoareslightlyself­awarestarttoponderwhatis
o
political situation. Though we occupy different parts of the v wrongwiththeirlifewhentheyfindthemselvesinagloomyfog.
politicalspectrum,wefoundourselvesagreeingquitefrequently, o Ihadnoreasontobeinafunk,butIwas.Iwasnotgoingbroke
mostlyaboutthefacttheeconomywasamessandpoliticians t orlosingmyhouseorfacingmanyofthefinancialhardshipsI
were doing everything they could to make the problem worse. d knewsomeofmyfriendsandacquaintancestobesuffering.My
Since politicians seemed hell bent on not listening to solutions we family was doing well, all happy and healthy, enjoying the
other than those proffered by fellow purveyors of government, o fullnessoflife.Ihadalifefilledwithloveandfriendship,andyet
l
we came up with our solution: I would write a blog, which is l abovemeallIcouldfeelwasthisdarkcloudofmisery.Thesun
simplytechie­speakforanon­linejournal. a was out, the sky was beautiful and I did not care. There was
Theideaoftheblogwassimple.SinceIalreadyreadenough e clearlyaproblem,soIreflected.
b
to make sure I was over­informed and gravitated toward Immediately, I considered the possibility it was the dark and
television viewing that was dedicated to discussing the ever­ s direnatureoftheblogIwaswriting.IthoughtaboutthemenI
t
worsening problems of the economy, I would have no problem n had read about who were “bloggers” who had died relatively
a
withcontent.Thecontentwastobeshortandsweet;ahighlight s young.Itoldmyselftheymusthavebeenobese,inactivelosers,
oftheday'sworstfinancial/economicnews.Thiswasgoingtobe es trying to ignore the fact I had become inactive, gained weight
easy. r and was focused on the losing aspects of society. I foolishly
p
WhenIfirststartedtheblog,itwasentertaining,inadarksort e thoughtthatwhatIwasbloggingaboutwasashortexercisein
ofway.Iwouldspend30minutestoanhourlateatnightorearly d truthsoIwouldbeprotectedfromthestatsof“fatdorkinfrontof
i
in the morning highlighting the upcoming day's worst events. t thecomputerwhohasaheartattack.”Ofcourse,youcanonly
n
Beforethisendeavor,Iwasinterestedinallnews,from“Brittany a fool yourself for so long. I was not so keen on dying or being
gets her abs back!” to “Iceland Faces National Default”. Now depressedforthecauseofprovidingtheinternetwithcontent,
n
there was work to be done and there was no longer time to o something I described to my wife as “everyone in a football
wasteonbetterunderstandingthemoralperspectivesofbathing e stadium shouting at the same time, with everyone's word
suitwearingKatyPerry.(IfyoudonothavetimeforKatyPerryin pl carryingequalwisdomandweight.”
a bathing suit, you have given up on life's simple pleasures.) I o OnedayItoldmyselfIwouldallowforadayoffandtakemy
e
had to find the worst, most foreboding information about the p wifetoamuseum.Ididnotdotheblogthenightbefore;Icould
economyIcouldfind...andthereisalotofbadnewsoutthere. d not.Ididnotdoitinthemorningbeforethetwohourdrive.Itold
Excitedly, I brought together the worst news about the l myself the world would be just fine if it did not receive my
u
economyonecouldfind.Visitorscame,becamedepressedand o affirmationofbadnews.Welefttown.
trafficgrew.Iwasnottryingtomakemoneyonthesite—which Sh Onthedrivetothemuseum,Ilistenedtotheradioandthebad
was good, because it was only an expense, even with the news, like an alcoholic not sure he is ready to quit, but I also
:
ridiculouslylowrevenuegeneratingGoogleAdSense—Iwasjust g begantoturnthevolumedown.Eventuallytheradiowasalow
having some “fun” sharing information I talked about with my n backgroundnoiseandItalkedwithmywifeabouttheillsofthe
i
buddy.Westillenjoyedourconversations,itwasjustthatIhad r world and imperfections of our relationship. The dark
e
setthetablewiththeblog. d conversations were short and we eventually began to discuss
Afterawhile,therewerenightsIdidnotwanttodoit,butIdid; on moreinterestingitemssuchastripsandadventureswewould
I had assigned myself an unpaid position responsible for P like to take together. Then, there was a pause. I thought of
providing content to the internet, fleeting content that was l something insignificant that I was allowing to bother me,
irrelevantnotlongafterithadbeenposted.WhatIdidnotnotice ca depress me. Before I could wallow, I was jolted back into the
was that I was eating more as I buried myself in bad news. I i moment.
h
knewIwasnotgettingenoughsleep. p Wethinkourfeelingsaresoimportantthatwesometimesget
The longer I went on with the blogging, the worse my diet so lostinthem.Assoonasthemanslammedintotherear­endof
became. Without making a conscious decision, I went from o my vehicle, all thoughts of petty importance were gone. I was
l
somesortofexerciseafewdaysaweektobeingdraggedoutof i uninjured. I looked at my wife, who had recently undergone
the house to exercise once a week, for a walk [Waddle?], Ph surgery, and she was fine, a bit [Continued on page 7]
OfficialManual -5
danger. suffer defeat:--let such a one
There are some writings 7. Heaven signifies night and bedismissed!
every man should read, day, cold and heat, times and 16. Whileheadingtheprofitof
and as this is seasons. my counsel, avail yourself
l it is our duOtfyficiatol 8. Earth comprises distances, also of any helpful
Menacnouuaragesuch.Onemustread great and small; danger and circumstances over and beyond
security; open ground and theordinaryrules.
is The Art of War by Sun Tzu. narrow passes; the chances of 17. According as
Written a few years back (6th lifeanddeath. circumstances are favorable,
century b.c.), the relevance of 9. The Commander stands for oneshouldmodifyone's plans.
this work cannot be the virtues of wisdom, 18. All warfare is based on
understated. Some will get it, sincerely, benevolence, deception.
courageandstrictness. 19. Hence, whenabletoattack,
some will not, but every man
10. By method and discipline wemustseemunable; whenusing
cangainfromitsreading. are to be understood the our forces, we must seem
marshaling of the army in its inactive; when we are near, we
We are serializing this short, proper subdivisions, the must make the enemy believe we
easy­to­read, challenging, graduations of rank among the are far away; when far away, we
officers, the maintenance of must make him believe we are
thoughtprovokingwork.(Ifyou
roads by which supplies may near.
do not think it is applicable in reach the army, andthe control 20. Hold out baits to entice
yourlife,youaredeadorcurled ofmilitaryexpenditure. theenemy. Feigndisorder, and
in a dark corner waiting for 11. These five heads should be crushhim.
death'ssweetrelease.) familiar to every general: he 21. If he is secure at all
who knows them will be points, be prepared for him.
The Art of War victorious; he who knows them If he is in superior strength,
notwill fail. evadehim.
by Sun Tzu 12. Therefore, in your 22. If your opponent is of
(Lionel Giles' Translation) deliberations, when seekingto choleric temper, seek to
determine the military irritate him. Pretend to be
conditions, let them be made weak, that he may grow
I. LAYING PLANS
the basis of a comparison, in arrogant.
1. Sun Tzu said: The art of war this wise:-- 23. If he is taking his ease,
is of vital importance to the 13. (1) Which of the two give himno rest. Ifhis forces
State. sovereigns is imbued withthe areunited, separatethem.
2. It is a matter of life and Moral law? (2) Which of the two 24. Attack him where he is
death, a road either to safety generals has most ability? (3) unprepared, appear where you
or to ruin. Hence it is a With whom lie the advantages arenotexpected.
subject of inquirywhich can on derived from Heaven and 25. These military devices,
noaccountbeneglected. Earth? (4) On which side is leadingtovictory, mustnotbe
3. The art of war, then, is discipline most rigorously divulgedbeforehand.
governed by five constant enforced? (5) Which army is 26. Now the general who wins a
factors, to be taken into stronger? (6) On which side are battle makes many
account in one's officers and men more highly calculations in his temple ere
deliberations, whenseekingto trained? (7) In which army is the battle is fought. The
determine the conditions there the greater constancy general who loses a battle
obtaininginthefield. bothinrewardandpunishment? makes but few calculations
4. These are: (1) The Moral 14. By means of these seven beforehand. Thus do many
Law; (2) Heaven; (3) Earth; (4) considerations I can forecast calculations lead to victory,
The Commander; (5) Method and victoryordefeat. and few calculations to
discipline. 15. The general that hearkens defeat: how much more no
5,6. The Moral Law causes the to my counsel and acts upon it, calculation at all! It is by
people to be in complete accord will conquer: let such a one be attention to this point that I
with their ruler, so that they retained in command! The can foresee who is likely to
will follow him regardless of general that hearkens not to my winorlose.
their lives, undismayed by any counsel nor acts upon it, will
Next Chapter: WAGING WAR
6-OfficialManual
[cont. Dark Cloud]startled. I pulled to drive and came across an episode of difference if the blog had been about
the center of the freeway from the number Seinfeld[“TheHamptons”,aka“Shrinkage”] butterflies or balloons, if that would have
one lane (furthest left) and stepped out to and watched it with my son, who is only made a difference, and decided it would
seeifthecarthathitmewasallright.Itwas coming to know the brilliant show. We not.Bloggersseemtospendanexcessive
not. The front end of his econo­green­ laughed. It was a nice, full day. I went to amount of time writing about something,
machinewasdestroyed;mybumperhada bed, at peace with knowing I would never which has to take away from the joy of
scratch.Thedriverwasfine. writethatblogagain. doing. And, of course, you still have the
The man driving the other car was nice Thenextdaymyfriedcalled.“Whereisit? problem of all those voices in the football
and apologetic, taking responsibility What happened? That's the first thing I stadiumsayingnothing,incacophony.
immediately. Hitting someone in stop­and­ read!”hedemanded. My friend and I have a new topic of
go traffic is something we all seem to “Ican'tdoit,”Iansweredbeforeexplaining conversation,gardening.Thisisaninterest
experienceifwedriveenoughmonotonous howthenegativitywasbringingmedown. wedidnotknowweshared.Thereismuch
milesonlong,boring,congestedfreeways. He understood and had plenty of other tolearnandmuchtoshare,aswellasthe
We exchanged information. (I noticed an resourcesforhisinformation,andhopefully competitive aspect of growing your own.
empty baby seat in back and wanted to someoneelsetodiscusstheissueswithas Wewillnotbebloggingaboutadventuresin
suggest that a more substantial car would well. the garden, and to the guy who is and
betterservehischild,butrefrained.)Itwas Anotherdaypassedandmyfriendcalled. provides the detailed difference between
a simple accident, where fault was not an He said he had thought about what I had tomatovarieties:Thankyou,nowgospend
issue,butIwasconcernedforhimandhis said and about how he had been eating moretimeinthegarden.
car and insurance, willing to let it go if it more, and becoming depressed, and...and
were a hardship, but he insisted his couldnolongermirehimselfindoom.Just
insurance company would take care of because the information was factual and ­ The author insists his lovely wife has
everything.NotoncedidIthinkoftheglobal wasthetopicofthemomentdidnotmeanit givenhimafreepasstosleepwithanyone
economicconditions. was not weighing us down and turning us starlethecanseduce,aslongassheisof
Ispentanicedayatthemuseumwithmy intocarriersofagiantdarkcloud.Wewere age, a household name and he has
beautiful wife, admiring and being inspired done with steeping in doom. Life has too completedeverythingonhis“honey­do”list.
by art, as well as being contemptuous of muchtoofferandistooshort. (He is naïve if he thinks she will ever let
muchthatpassesasart.(Alineonawall? Immediately, I started to get out and that happen.) When asked if we could
Really?) Had a nice meal. Enjoyed my exercise again. I spent more time with my verifythiswithhiswife,heinsisteditwasa
wife'scompany.Itwasaverygoodday. family and watched TV for entertainment, confidential agreement and begged us not
WhenIcamehomethatnight,oneofmy for laughter. I have time for useless tosayanythingtoher.Askedifheextended
kids had just come back from riding his information. thesameprivilegestoher,hisanswerwas
bike.IturnedtheTVontounwindfromthe I wondered if it would have made a asexpected.
Godsays... questions. Our quest for knowledge we learn, the more we realize how knowledgewithallthatisunknown,
leads us to our ignorance; not littleyouknow. butGod'sanswerissimple:Withall
Itwouldbefoolishforonetospeak answersbutquestions. Whatwedonotknowgrowsevery youknow,youknownothing.
the words of God, unless one was Oneofthebeautiesofmanisour day and what we do not know can Gods have always been used to
simply putting to words what God quest for knowledge, our optimism be defined, simply: God. As our explain the unexplainable. It could
has already eloquently stated. Yes, that so much of it is attainable.An knowledge grows, our ignorance be said that this is the purpose of
Goddoescommunicate. ignorance of man is the hubris that grows exponentially. Humbling, it God.Ourgrowingignorancemakes
We know what God knows; ourknowledgeisnotonlysignificant shouldbe,butmanyhaveseizedon it clear that God's presence is
everything.Whatdoweknow?What but that this limited knowledge ourinfantknowledgeandproclaimed growing,whetherornotwewishto
doyouknow?Whenyouthinkabout places the universe, nature, under themselvesnotonlyGod'sequalbut acknowledge the presence, or
it,whatdoesanybeingreallyknow? our domain. The truism passed God's master. God, as always, has answer. But if we listen, God
Any time we ask a question and it alongtosomanyaschildrenholds responded. speaks,envelopedinallwedonot
appears to be resolved by science, astruetodayasitdid50,100,500, Itmaynotseemlikemuchtothose know.
in truth, it leads to greater, grander thousands of years ago: The more with the hubris to match their
OfficialManual -7
[cont. Abiogenic]
something we can wait ridiculed—perhaps rightfully so. Though,
to have happen again. Before the clouds couldyouimaginethegrowthineconomies
becometoodark,weshouldtakeamoment theworldoverifoilisnolongerconsidered
to ask if there are any reasonable viable a very limited resource? Prices would
alternativetheoriesregardingoilcreation. plummet, and cheap energy is the fuel of
Isthereanothertheory?Isthereanything prosperity.
toexplainwhywehavenotrunoutofoilas Youhaveachoice:
the doomsayers have been promising for ­Theory1:Peakbiogenicoil,andweare
decades?Thesimpleanswercouldbethat pastthepeak.
the biogenic based peak oil theory is ­Theory2:Abiogenicoil,stillcreatingoilin
correct, it is just that their continually thedepthseveryday.
growingestimateontheworldsupplyofoil ­Truth:Asstrangeasitseems,wearenot
was too low...consistently too low.Another sure of the genesis of oil nor its true
answer may be an alternative theory, availability. We know we have oil and
rejected by most, known as abiogenic oil. thatitisthefueloftheworld'seconomic
Besidethefactthatithasanicename,the engine, all else is theory. Think about
“abiogenic theory” of oil states that that: our understanding of the formation of oil, or at least accept that we are still
inorganic (abiogenic) material contained in of oil is simply the current working discovering oil's genesis. Also, to better
theEarth'scrustcontainsthehydrocarbons theory.Thisisfact,allelseistheory.(To calmthefears,realizethatsomedaythere
necessarytoproduceoil,whichitdoesand befair,alltheoriesarenotequal,butwe will be another energy revolution that will
isslowlyseepedintotheoildepositsweare do not want to let the fact a theory is make us ask, “Well, what are we going to
tapping.Thedeeperwedrill,thecloserwe generally accepted hinder alternative dowithalloftheoil?”
get to abundance and having to look for research.) All in good contrarian fun and prodding,
some other crisis theory (dull drill?), many There is nothing new about peak oil; the but the possibilities are endless and our
ofwhicharewaitingtheirturninthewings. end is always near, yet, mysteriously, oil knowledge is always in its infancy, as the
The abiogenic theory has a very small productionandsupplycontinuetoincrease. more we learn the more we realize how
following,primarilyinRussia(becomingthe Ifyouwishtoignorethefacttheworldhas muchwedonotknow.
world's largest oil producer), as it was sufficientoilandwatchtheskyfall,lookup As for the disconnected family member:
popularized by a Russian geologist most and wait for the end to come. If you are hehastoomuchinvestedinthefallingsky
recently. There has been research that tired of waiting for the promised oil toconsiderthepossibilityofsunshine.(He
some would suggest supports the theory, crises—non­manufactured—one might couldbecorrect,butdonottellhimthat.)
but it is still little accepted and often suggest you consider the abiogenic theory
A Man?
[For those looking for an easy
woman with no self-respect or
boundaries, just find one who would
defend a man like this. They are
out there, but you may want to (Oh, you look good...
expect more from yourself.]
Remember:Justbecauseyoudisagreedoesn'tmeanyouareright.Haveagreatday!
8-OfficialManual
UnfilteredBouts with Genius
by purchasing “carbon offsets”. (If you ever impossible to say this without appearing
encounter someone who purchased a insulting, but trees not only have no need
carbonoffset,stoptalkingimmediately,asit for money, they have no understanding of
Politicalcorrectness is not does not become any of us to belittle the money, or you, or the planet. The money
mentally challenged.) Sure, it appears for you spend is to encourage human activity.
filtering, itis lying.
civilitywehavetoacceptthatthesepeople Not only have you taken an unnecessary
are stupid and have a right to their proudly international flight—no one needs to
heldstupidity,butcomeon...think!Ifyoubuy travel—you have accelerated economic
co2 Spew a “carbon offset” for a completely activity with your purchase of “carbon
unnecessary international flight, do you offsets”.Itisbeginningtosoundlikeyouare
We really are not supposed to say this really not understand you are exacerbating theproblem.
stuffoutloud—youknow,theuneditedstuff the “problem” you proclaim your desperate The“you”sthataretheproblemaredoing
you say to your friends. You can say desiretoaddress? this out of guilt—actually ignorance, but...
anything to your friends. You can say Any money spent on “carbon offset” Doyouthinkpoorpeoplearesittingaround
anything to your friends because they tend worried about their carbon footprint? The
to have about the same level of insight, answerisaresoluteNO,incaseyouhave
Top 10
tolerance/intolerance as you. The absurd not allowed yourself to associate with the
things you say out loud to them they poverty stricken. Poor people do not
Animated Shows
understand you say not as fact but actuallyhavetimeforyourguilt,theywould
consideration, observation, irony, absurdity, 1)TheTick like opportunity, but the morons who have
mockery or just plain fun—and if you say carbonguilthavethetimeandresourcesto
2) South Park
somethingoutofline,theywillletyouknow. create a “problem”. Poor people walk and
3) South Park
Amongst friends, it is not out loud, it is often do not travel even a hundred miles
4)The Simpsons
confidentialbanter. fromtheirplaceofbirththeirentirelife.The
5)
Sincewearefriends... prosperous spew carbons like there is no
Why aren't all of those “Save the Planet”, 6) tomorrow. It appears the answer to your
reduce “carbon footprint” and “control co2 7) “problem”isobviousandquitesimple.
emission” cult members committing suicide 8) Since the guilty appear not to be truly
en masse? If we take them at their word, 9) Road Runner committed to the cause and willing to end
there is nothing more important than to 10) South Park theirowncarbonoutput,theleasttheycould
focus one's life on co2 management. (How * For some reason, people doisembracepoverty.Thisdoesnotmean
did the planet thrive for billions of years love this Top 10 stuff. We you can give your money to some charity
thought we would do it
before human comprehension of the because money is fuel and if you give it
right. Fill in the blanks
compound co2? What luck, mammals with whatever you deem away it will still be spent encouraging
survived for 200 million years before we worthy. (If it is really human activity.To support your cause, you
“discovered” the compound a couple good, let us know.) must destroy wealth. The environmentally
hundred+ years ago. Whew, that was a friendly way of destroying wealth is to
closeone!)Assumingtheyunderstandwhat encourages economic activity, and converteverythingtocashandthenputthe
they are saying, there is nothing more economic activity creates the nasty and cash into a shredder. Your destruction of
urgentthantofocusone'sshortlifeonco2. fearedco2—actually,co2wouldcontinueto wealth will help diminish economic
Thatbeingthecase,isthereanythingmore becreated,withlevelsfluctuating,ifthelife activity—and not help the starving people
directlyunderone'scontrolthantheirlife,a formhumanwasextinguishedtomorrow,but youwereoncesoconcernedabout,asthey
life that exists as a—oh my god!—co2 let us not allow thought to disturb the cult. are just carbon spewers anyway. (Did you
producinglifeform? Do you really think that if you pay a reallygiveuponthedestitutetoreduceco2
Some of these cultish co2 belching company to plant a tree to assuage your orbecauseitwasreallyhardandtheywere
machinestrytomakethemselvesfeelbetter guilt the tree gets the money? It may be dirty?) [Continued on page 10]
OfficialManual -9
[cont. Spew] Ifyouareatruebelieverthattheplanetneedstobe but wonder if they have any idea of the similarity between their
saved and you must do your part, you need to embrace extreme thinking and that of Pol Pot? It could be they consider the
poverty, you need to destroy wealth, and, honestly, to be fully genocidal agrarian dictator a noble environmentalist saving the
committed you should extinguish your own co2 spewing life form, planet...itfitstherestoftheirthoughtlessprocess.
butwhoisthatcommitted?(Thendoyoureallycare?)
Atleast,asaspecies,wecantakecomfortinthefactthatthose
Veracity: How bizarre is it that one of co2 control's biggest
most afraid of their impact on the planet are self­terminating and
advocates is completely focused on making money on carbon
will not bring forth any additional ignorant co2 emitters. (Perhaps control issues, thereby increasing economic velocity. Hmmmm,
thisisjustanotherwaynatureterminatesignorance.)
what does that say about how he truly feels about the cult, the
Whilewritingthesesillywordsaboutsillypeoplewhowanttobe
cause...Whydowehavetotakeignoranceseriously?
taken seriously to give themselves significance, one cannot help
TheSowers
10-OfficialManual