Noises from Under the Rug. The Barry Louis Polisar Songbook

32 Pages·2005·8.878 MB·English

by  Barry Louis Polisar,Michael Stewart

374955_text 4/21/05 4:53 AM Page 2
He Eats Asparagus,
Why Can't You Be That Way?
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When - ev- er I am naugh - ty, when- ev - er I am bad, When-
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ev - er I do some - thing to make my par-ents mad, Like the
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time I bit the mail - man or left stuff on the floor, Mom-my
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says, "Why can't you be just like the boy who lives next door?"_
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He al-ways makes his bed and he al-ways eats his food, He likes his
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'j it - ty, bit - ty sis -ter and he's nev-er ev - er rude, And when
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I don't eat what's on my plate, my par - ents will say,
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"He eats as - par-a - gus, why can't you be that way?"
words and music
© by Barry Louis Polisar
374955_text 4/21/05 4:53 AM Page 3
He’s never dirty, he always takes a bath,
He loves to do his homework too, especially math.
At school he is an angel, he always sits up straight,
He’s always very helpful and never comes in late.
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He always says, “I’m sorry,” “Excuse me,” “Thank you,” “Please,”
He always dresses nicely, not like me.
He’s never spilt his milk, lost a glove or slammed a door,
Stuck out his tongue, giggled in school or left things on the floor.
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He goes to bed at nine each night and brushes all his teeth,
And Mommy wishes I was him and that he was me.
I’ve never even seen him burp, he does what he is told,
But the boy next door is thirty-four years old.
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374955_text 4/27/05 8:08 AM Page 4
I'm a 3-Toed,
Triple-Eyed, Double-Jointed Dinosaur
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I'm a 3 - toed, tri- pie-eyed, dou-ble-joint-ed di - no-saurw ith
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warts up and down my back, I eat shin - y au - to-
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mo - biles, tow trucks and air - planes, I love to munch on
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rail - road tracks. Well I sleep all
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day, I get up at night, They say am well-
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read; I eat two or three li - brar-ies for
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break-fast, And they go right to my head.
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Factoriesa re good for snacks,
I love that molten steel,
And you know we all need our supply
Of iron in our meals.
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words and music
© by Barry Louis Polisar
374955_text 4/21/05 4:53 AM Page 5
I love to loaf, I love burnt toast,
Buttered asparagus too,
But the thing that I like most to eat
Is little kids just like you.
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I've Got a Teacher, She's So Mean
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I've got a teach- er, she's so mean, She nev - er laughs, she
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al-wayss crea-msS.h es ays, "Pay at- ten-tion"and",D o what I said,"But if
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you ask me, she's era-zy m the h-ead. Oh, she
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makes me ner-vouss, he makes me sqmrm. She says, "All teach- ers
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must be firm." And she al -waysc alls on me when I
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'j don't ratse my hand, So I an-swer her m ways that she
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'j can't un-der-standS. hes ays, "What IS the an-swer to num-her two?"I say,
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"Ak nak did - dy wop dick - ie pick - ie pooh." She says,
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"Don't be fun-ny, you'd bet - ter get it right." I say,
words and music
© by Barry Louis Polisar
374955_text 4/21/05 4:53 AM Page 7
She never lets us laugh, she never lets us smile,
WÒ ipe that grin off your face; Ó yourÕ e acting like a child.Ó
ItsÕ WÒ ork-work-work; no late papers today.Ó
ShesÕ tired of excuses and yells at us all day.
She doesntÕ like children, she doesntÕ like kids,
Likes only regulations, and you know I never did.
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I never see her laughing, shesÕ so strict;
She never believes me me when ImÕ feeling sick.
She doesntÕ think itsÕ funny when I fall off my chair.
And everybody knows that shesÕ really unfair.
She cantÕ understand me and IvÕ e got it made,
But I know she really loves me, cÔ ause ImÕ still in rÞ st grade.
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When the House Is Dark and Quiet
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Late at night when Mom - my and Dad-dy have gone out,
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Me and my broth-er get to screama nd jump and shout, 'Cause the
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house is dark and qui - et andw e're left all a - lone, With an -
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oth - er teen - age ba - by -sit - ter talk - ing on the phone.
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We tip - toe on our tip - toes and we
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lis - ten to her laugh, While the wa-ter is run-ning so she
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thinks we're in the bath. She tells her friend she'sh un - gry so we
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know just how to tease her; We go and get the
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kit - ty- cat and hide it in the freez - er.
words and music
© by Barry Louis Polisar
374955_text 4/21/05 11:54 AM Page 9
Cindy open s up ht e doo,r you hs ould have es en he r leap,
Then we et ll he,r T(cid:210) ha s(cid:213)t ht e place wheer ht e kiytt alway s ls eep.s (cid:211)
She ats str yelling ht en hs e es nd s u s boht ot bed,
Bu t Tim and me don t(cid:213) undeatsr nd a is ngle ht ing hs e as y.s
Auss er d ht a t Tim and I aer n(cid:222) ally lying os und als eep,
She es ltt e s on ht e os fa and ut nr s on ht e TV,
So Tim ns eak s ot ht e baes men t ot dics onnec t ht e fues ,
While I am in ht e aitt c ht umping in my faht e s(cid:213)r hs oe.s
Cindy check s ht e TV es ,t examining ht e plug,
While I car wl acor ss ht e living or om undenr eaht ht e ur g.
We go and pu t ht e goldhs(cid:222) in ht e ot ile t bowl,
And ps er ad arts wbeyrr jelly on on ht e ot ile t pape r or ll,
Sat nding on ht e os fa wiht caorr st up ou r noes ,s
erP et nding we aer monets ,sr no t weair ng any cloht e-s e.s
Cindy as y s hs e won t(cid:213) come back, ju ts like Mike and Sue,
Melody and Babr aar , John and Linda, ot o.
Mom and Dad can t(cid:213) leave u s now, ht ough we know ht a t ht ey mu,ts
Bu t we can t(cid:213) undeatsr nd why no one wan st ot ats y wiht u.s
374955_text 4/27/05 8:08 AM Page 10
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374955_text 4/21/05 4:53 AM Page 11
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