No Friends 1 (Fall 2015)

2015·41.7 MB·English

interviews
with...
AUSMUTEANTS.
music
MARTIN
reviews.
SORRONDEGUY.
RAY CREATURE.
columns.
TOM
SCHARPLING.
photos. THE 2O4O.
PORK
MAGAZINE.
etc.
SLUGBUGS.
LUMPY AND
CAPITALIST
THE DUMPERS &
KIDS.
AUSMUTEANTS
FLEXI RECORD
TRANCE.
INSIDE!

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AUSMUTEANTS
Ausmuteants are one of those bands, in a long line of bands... their influences are blaringly
obvious—Devo, the Ramones, Wire—but not obsolete. It’s punk music. Short, fast, and melodic
songs—and Ausmuteants do it so well. The writing is great. It’s straightforward and catchy.
They are also incredibly prolific and hardworking people. It seems like they are constantly
putting out a new record—lucky for us they gave us a couple of songs for this issue even.
Interview by Ray, photo provided by Ausmuteants, intro by Jim.
Who is Felix? Did he really try to kill himself? Jake: I just steal ‘em from a whole bunch of other
Jake: I was on a Euro tour with Frowning Clouds in stuff. The Simpsons, a book, another song, think of
2012, I spent at least six hours a day shitting (every a funny title and make shit rhyme.
type of shit you can think of), two hours a day puking
for the better part of six weeks. I definitely felt like Having three singers, do you ever get into
offing myself. On the plane home I was watching fights over who’s songs get played and when
The Odd Couple. Felix is Jack Lemons character, and in the set?
at the start of the movie a bunch of his friends are Billy: Nah not at all, I prefer to only sing one a set.
playing poker together and find out his girlfriend has Shaun: Nah, cause all of our songs are pearlers,
dumped him. They’re scared he is going to commit no matter who wrote them. Quadruple-threat.
suicide at their house, so they go to ridiculous lengths Jake: I want them to sing more. Or I want to play
to prevent it. Also, I remember from watching a synth and guitar less and just rock da mic. All
Steven Segal movie as a kid, that he could kill a man four of us sing at least one song. We usually get
11 different ways with a toothbrush, something that in fights over cooler stuff… politics, eco-system,
stuck with me. Also my mum always points out that Nasdac, who started punk, do you have butter with
Steven Segal walks like he has a stick up his bum. a peanut butter… etc.
AUSMUTEANTS
Have any of you actually been kicked in the You toured the States for the first time
head by a horse? recently. Had any of you been here before?
Jake: Nah, this dude from Geelong did. He was an What were your thoughts on us as a
oddball who used to claim to have two dicks. He country?
used to be best mates with our pal Dylan (who’s dad Jake: It’s hard to sum this up in a sentence
has to hide orange juice from him because he will because every state is like a different country.
skull the whole two litre in one sitting, who tried to My favourite places were St Louis, Chicago, New
have a wank in the same room as me and Billy, who Orleans, Austin and Memphis. The food was next
wipes up piss with his knee) but something went level. Also—a big fan of Walmart. What a place.
down and Dylan head-butted him, probably in the Favourite fast food was probably In & Out. I really
same spot he got kicked by the horse. One girl came liked Taco Bell, but everybody else hated it—I
up to me when we were playing in LA (I think) and think the key is choosing a burrito over a taco,
was like “I got kicked in the head by a horse, and I rookie mistake. Favourite activity was shooting
didn’t find it funny!” I guess it is only funny if you guns on my birthday with our pal Meghan.
have two dicks and are best friends with a guy who Shaun: I’ve visited to see family in Phoenix
knee-mops piss. before, but all the places we went to on tour were
brand new to me. America is huge and it feels
Where the fuck do your lyrics come from? like huge cultural shifts happen once you cross
Cause sometimes they’re cleverly dumb and a couple of state lines, so it’s hard to say what
sometimes political/social. Are you trying to I thought of the country as a whole. General
get anything in particular across? impressions:
Billy: There’s usually a funny story behind all of The South—Stocky farmhand physiques and the
‘em. Jake’s a wise-ass when it comes to lyrics. best food.
AUsMUTEANTS
Midwest—Everything I have heard is true—double
so bad; I had a delicious burrito there.
denim and friendly dudes. Italian Beef is the best
Jake: Being asked for money by a guy texting on an
sandwich of all time.
iPhone. The Amoeba (it sucks) the overpriced produce
East Coast—I liked Philadelphia the most. I was
store, the shitty burrito I had, the constant pester
glad we went to MIT for a radio interview—much
of drug dealers, the plastic people, hacky sack, the
love to being a hacker in the ‘80s and Richard
Jerry Garcia worship, the “vibes.. y’know man—I just
Stallman. You were right about everything, rms.
felt kinda bummed that I’m a Libra and you’re an
Pacific Northeast—Wasn’t expecting the sleazy
Aquarius.”
undercurrent in Portland. Was disappointed when
Shaun: Jake was the worst I’ve ever seen him on
the strip club featured athletic dance routines
Haight street. He was walking around with his fists
rather than anything designed to give you a boner.
clenched, crazy eyes darting around everywhere,
Still regret not getting a lap dance from the girl
ready to punch a hippie. The burritos we got weren’t
who danced to Aqua in a tutu.
even that
West
good.
Coast—the
landscape of
You guys
Los Angeles
have gotten
is pretty
a lot of shit
fascinating, it
for some
feels like that
arguably
city wasn’t
homophobic
even designed
things–well,
to have people
mostly your
living there.
use of the
Herzog likes
word faggot.
California
There was
because
the art on
he feels it’s
the Stale
the place
White
in America
Boys... 7”
with the least
and some
European
comments
influence, but
in your MRR
he probably
interview.
just likes
Would you
art deco
care to
and spare
address any
landscapes
of this?
punctuated
with a few
Jake:
palm trees
Probably sparked from my obsession with Fear and
because it’s an emblem of civilization’s triumph
Spider Babies when I was younger, and my love of
over the savage violence of nature.
‘70s Australian movies where every insult has the
word “Poofter” in it. That MRR review was utter
How about the punk scene here? I know
garbage. Not one mention of the actual songs—it’s
you guys had a blast in the Midwest…
all just, “Fuck these guys, they replaced Fender
Billy: Midwest is best. I was stoked with
with faggot.” Bitch should stick to dumpster diving
how many good bands we saw all over the
and stealing her parent’s money. As for the actual
country.
homophobic content in Ausmuteants, it is all a huge
Shaun: We definitely played with some real good
joke. A lot of our friends are gay. The guy who did our
bands. Hardcore seems to be thriving there. I
first 7”cover is gay. A lot of my influences are gay. A
couldn’t get over how goofy all the punx were.
lot of my idols are gay. I used to find it funny trying to
Nickelodeon punx. A vibe I am very into.
take on another persona of “The douchebag” (trying
Jake: It’s incredible. Sure there’s some duds, but
to do an Andy Kaufman I guess) writing homophobic,
there is good bands everywhere! My favourite
racist or sexist things as a joke. Then I realised I just
bands I saw were Big Zit, Lumpy and The
sound like an idiot, and even if the song has funny
Dumpers, Real Numbers, Giorgio Murderer… urgh
words, I’m still acting like a fuckhead. So I try not to
I’m gonna stop—I saw loads of good bands. Not
do that anymore.
many bad ones at all.
Shaun: Not my lyrics *shrug*
What is the worst part of Haight and
Also, I think the record name Stale White
Ashbury?
Boys Playing Stale Black Music is genius.
Billy: Amoeba. Way overrated. Haight St. wasn’t
Jake: Probably having to tip for service. In
Where did that title come from? Australia, people in hospitality jobs get $20
Jake: A lot of these shitty garage, psyche, whatever an hour so there’s no need to tip. Also, calling
bands who have the blues influence. I guess it coriander ‘’cilantro.” Silly
has been happening since the ‘50s with Bill ‘Left Shaun: After we played in Chicago, this real
Eye’Haley and his Cum-its. The way I see it is blues muscular dude came up to me like,
starts, you get some crazy Blind Blake/Charlie “Man, I was feelin’ that song you were playing bro!
Patton/Leadbelly…etc—like insane people playing Like, I wanna fuck some dude’s girlfriend while
insane music. White boys hear about it—some do it they watch dude! I just wanna fuck someone’s
good (early Rolling Stones, Kinks), some do it bad girlfriend while they watch!” I told him to go to
(Derek Clapton / Stevie Ray Vaughn) then these Craigslist and see if anyone with a thing for being
original artists (BB King) come back and play some cuckolded was looking for anyone to smut out their
watered down garbage music that the white boys go wife to while they sat around being emasculated,
crazy for. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz—so now, blues has revelling in the heady mix of utter humiliation and
been so overdone that all the people that play it can voyeuristic thrills. He really had a great physique.
do is 12 bar chords and pentatonic scales in between I told him he would make a great bull, and he went
replacing their catheter. on his way.
You put out six releases last year. When I saw When did you feel the most American?
you on tour you were already playing new Like, “This is it—this is America!”
songs. How the hell do you guys do it?! Billy: Fast food. And the first time we went to
Billy: Jake writes a shitload of songs. We jammed a 7-11 in LA. Jake and I ran around like kids in a
lot last year also. candy store. Also the legal guns… that felt strange
Jake: Not sure. We all have full time jobs and try to wherever we went.
practice once a fortnight. When we record we just try Jake: Chowing down burger after burger and
and belt out 25 songs. So I guess that’s how we did it. shooting magnum .44s.
Not putting any creativity or effort into song writing Shaun: Definitely when we visited a firing range
and arranging helps with speed. in Seattle, then went and got legal weed—“Grape
Shaun: I guess all of us write songs individually, Stomper.” I listen to UGK, or whatever, so I was
demo them and bring them to band practice. You can real happy when I could roll the weed up in a
get a lot done when practice just consists of learning Swisher, but I’m aware that this is pathetic. Jake
new songs that are pretty much ready to go. asked for “libido boosters” at a Walgreens cause
he was losing his mind after several weeks of no
Help me out here. I saw a youtube video about sex with his girlfriend. The dude he asked was
Sharpies. You’re the only Australians I’ve ever a goth and an expert on pills of this nature. He
met, so could you explain to me exactly what recommended we try and find one called “Stiff
the fuck that is all about? Nights.” He told us to be careful though. I looked
Jake: These were just sharply dressed lads who it up and Stiff Nights had been banned that month
liked to have a little bit of argy bargy now and then. because it was found to be an untested Viagra
I have many holes in my knowledge. I guess if you’re analogue. We did some pretty cool stuff in Seattle
interested you can start out with Coloured Balls or La actually. I went and jerked it in a porn arcade,
Femme? and the dude manning the counter was wearing
Shaun: Kind of similar to ‘69 skinheads maybe? a Metallica t-shirt. Pretty sure I picked up Ride
The soundtrack to being a sharpie would have been the Lightning earlier that day! Whenever I played
excellent, but I’m judging this basically just off the arcade games I had to adjust to the Happ hardware
Coloured Balls LP. There’s a weird little revival with you guys have up there. This meant I had to play
this sharpie stuff, I’ve seen a lot of mullets and tight- Third Strike at about 60%, but I still got some wins
fitting ‘70s polo t-shirts at punk shows, and a lot of even though I don’t even play that game suckers.
people are listening to glam. The dudes from Power Sanwa forever.
kinda rock this look. If you think about it Sharpies People are always throwing comparisons
are actually kinda like lads, who are sketchy dudes
wearing Nautica and bum-bags who rob you while
using pig latin (literally) and throwing up some sick to you guys that are sometimes obvious:
tags. Devo, Screamers... Really, any punk with
keys. What are the actual influences of
Also, the 50 Year Storm that they talk about in Ausmuteants?
Point Break... is that real? Jake: Devo are a huge influence and I think it
Jake: Yeah, Billy’s dad catches waves in Bells Beach. shows. I don’t think we sound anything like the
He’s 50. You work it out. screamers though. We all listen to different stuff.
Trying to find some link between Euro disco and
On this last tour, when did you feel the most American hardcore and Australian garage punk is
Australian? Just so completely out of your what I try to do.
element? Billy: Definitely Devo but lately, all the bands we
AUSMUTEANTS
saw in America. interesting to me. I love the way it sounds,
Shaun: A lot of nu-metal. A lot of Regurgitator: and usually I can’t make any sense where it’s
probably one of the best Australian bands ever. derived from. You wanna give us some of your
They’ve never had a U.S release, but down here personal favorite Aussie-isms? Any American
they would consistently make the top-ten in slang you were struck by when you were over
their hey-day. I genuinely think Ausmuteants here?
sounds more like Regurgitator than the Billy: In Seattle our friend Meghan told us you guys
Screamers or whatever. I remember reading a call doing a U-turn “flipping a bitch.” That’s crazy!
young adult novel where a character relished Our friends in St. Louis thought that us referring to
the opportunity to blast his Regurgitator CDs having sex as “getting a root” was hilarious. We traded
when his parents left the house. Same character heaps of AUS/USA slang that night. An Aussie favorite
also jerked it to classical music. My first of mine is judging how far away somewhere is by how
girlfriend tried to have sex to Bocelli’s Romanza many beers you could drink on the walk, e.g. “the
and I couldn’t stop laughing. She was mad for supermarket’s only two beers that way.”
the rest of the night. Jake: “Gotta point Percy at the porcelain” (have a
piss). “She’ll be apples” (everything will work out fine).
What exactly is an Ausmuteant? Am I “No sweat” (no worries). “Up ya bum” (get fucked).
one? Can I become one? “Ridgey didge” (fair dinkum) [Now I’m twice confused/
Jake: Brazilian mushroom that was once intrigued!—Ray] “Hooroo” (bye bye).
strong in the ‘60s and now has grown stale. Shaun: Lad Slang: Lass (female lad). Eshay (yes)
Adlay (lad). Red hot (related to a crime/desirable).
Who’s cuter: Lumpy or the Dumpers? Gronk (an idiot). Chat (generally bad)—refers to a
Jake: How can Martin compete with John and suburb in Sydney called Chatswood, Shards (crystal
meth).
AUSMUTEANTS
Gabe, the cutesy wootsy, glitter twins? Their slime
is silver and sparkly. What is the absolute worst part about being
Billy: John Birkner. in a band?
Shaun: The most handsome member of this band Jake: Relatives saying, “Seems like you’re going
is without question, John Birkner. somewhere,” after a self-funded overseas tour or
getting played on a radio station. But if you’re like
You guys talk a lot of shit about where you “We played at the Tote front bar with some mates,” it
live in your songs. Is there anything cool is responded with, “How much?” and “Why?”
there? Shaun: All the time spent practicing that could be
Jake: Yeah, Australia rules. Some of the people used for like, Street Fighter, or cooking, sleeping,
here suck. Most of those songs have taken the you know.
“think of shit / make it rhyme” approach. Laziness
on my behalf. What are the future plans for Ausmuteants?
Shaun: I can’t wait to move all the Deore-Xt
What’s the punk scene like? running gear from my touring bike with a totaled
Jake: It’s great! It goes in waves, but it’s good! frame onto something really nice. Maybe even get a
I went to a show last night which was UV Race, Dawes Galaxy or something, go off on some sweet
Orion, Constant Mongrel and Housewives. A few adventures. There’s a F.W Evans touring frame on
other bands too... But that line up exclaims how Ebay that’s been up for a couple of months, maybe
good Australia can be for music. if it’s still there in a few months I can low-ball the
seller.
Australian slang has always been really Jake: Stay regular.
AUSMUTEANTS

If you haven’t heard The Best Show with Tom Scharpling before, I feel bad for you. Luckily it’s something easily remedied.
Go over to thebestshow.net right away. If you haveFrom it’s inception until December 2013 the show was a weekly music/
comedy/call-in live show on New Jersey’s legendary free-form, independent radio station, WFMU. After 13 years of doing
the show for free, Tom made the decision to take it off the radio, get some sponsors, and make it an internet show – still live,
every Tuesday night.
Trying to describe The Best Show with Tom Scharpling to someone who’s never heard it is an incredibly difficult thing to
do. The format is plain enough -a call-in style radio show with music segments. Scharpling comes to the table with a few
topics, opens the lines, and people call in. And that’s where things get crazy. Touting itself as “three hours of Mirth, Music,
and Mayhem,” Scharpling, along with with his comedy writing partner Jon Wurster (of Superchunk/Mountain Goats/Bob
Mould band drumming notoriety), holds court over one of the most consistently entertaining programs currently going on
right now. Beyond coming up with hilarious call-in topics, and being one of the quickest wits in live comedy, the world that
Tom Scharpling and Jon Wurster have created for the program – the fictitious town of Newbridge, New Jersey – is one of
the most ridiculously intricate mythological universes ever made. Think Middle Earth, if it was filled with Wa-Wa’s, fans of
the late Kevin Allin, and a cavalcade of characters filled with a little too much unearned self assurance bordering on hubris.
Interspersed with the public calls are scripted bits featuring Wurster as one of the citizens of this comically insane universe.
The duo have really lifted the classic two-man comedy team to new and hilarious levels. Coming out of a punk/indie-rock
background it’s as if their comedy is the comedy of the 2000 Year-Old Black Flag Fan.
You can listen to the show live every Tuesday night at thebestshow.net, or download it as podcast. There is also a fan
community message board at friendsoftom.com. We did this interview via Skype, an hour later than we had originally
scheduled due to completely inability to get any right the first time when it comes to technology. Tom was patient, and kind,
enough to wait out the technical problems and still do the interview. I also had the feeling that if I was talking to him on his
show, as opposed to him talking to me for this zine, I would have been Bad Companyed, if not outright GOMP’d. Which I
would have taken as a compliment. Intro and interview by Ray Martinez. Illustrations by Shaina Perry.
Tom Scharpling
Ray: First, more people than I ever could if
thanks for doing this. I appreciate I was interested in doing things
you taking even more time out of in front of people—but I’m in a
your day to do this. room, by myself.
Tom: Let’s make magic happen. Ray: Another behind-the-
Ray: I really appreciate you doing scenes thing you did for a long
an interview for a fanzine. time was working on Monk.
Tom: Of course. I’ve always been curious about
Ray: You used to do a fanzine, that it because you never really
was also a record label, and you do talked about that on The Best
the radio show… It’s a lot of behind- Show.
the-scenes, doing a lot of stuff that Tom: Yeah.
people aren’t seeing. What drew Ray: How did that come
you to do that, as opposed to being about—working on that
on a stage or in front of a camera? program at all?
Tom: I’ve always kind of been more Tom: My day job, or what I hope
interested in stuff that is behind- my day job is, is writing and
the-scenes, and I’ve never really making stuff in terms of TV
had the compulsion to do stuff in shows, or movies, or whatever.
front of people, like really be on So I had been trying to get a job
stage. That was never any kind of in TV and ended up working
calling. I never felt the attraction with Andy Breckman. I ended
of that. I always liked writing and up getting to know him through
just making things but not having WFMU—he has a show on
to make me be the thing, or kind of WFMU also. We became friends
the presenter of the thing. and started working as his
Ray: With The Best Show you’re assistant. He was a guy who had written a bunch of
definitely the main focus of, like, 90% of the show. It’s movies, and had written for Letterman and Saturday
interesting because you’re still kind of the thing, but Night Live. So I ended up working as his assistant
not being the thing… while he would be writing a movie and that was
Tom: Yeah, but that’s radio. Maybe that’s the appeal of kind of my audition for Monk, which he had created
radio—you can be in a room all by yourself, but you’re but hadn’t started yet.
still performing for a whole lot of people. So it’s kind of a Ray: So you worked for him as an assistant, not at
funny, kind of ironic, thing there that I’m performing for the radio station?