New Roadside America: The Modern Traveler's Guide to the Wild and Wonderful World of America's Tourist

288 Pages·1992·35.68 MB·English

by  Mike Wilkins

The sir-foot Hinged Man
posesw ith Chief Henry, the
world's most photographed
Indien, in Cherokee,N C.
A Fireside Book
Published by Simon & Schuster
Ir{eutY ork London Toronto
Sydney Tokyo Singapore
o
\- .--a,-)
b6w
TheM odernT ravelerG'su ide
to theWilda ndW onderful
Worldo f America's
TourisAt ttractions
doug ken mike
KIRBY SMITH ,WILKIN
..HONEY
FORS USIES,H EILAA,il DK EN'S GIRLS''
FIRESIDE
Rockefeller Center,
1230A venue of the Americas
New York, New York 10020
Qopynght @ 1986b y rlryk Barth, Doug Kirby, Ken smith, Mike wilkins
Revised edition copyr.ight @ l99z by Doug rirly, xen S-ittr, Mike wilkins
All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
First Fireside Edition lg92
FIRESIDE and colophona re registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster Inc.
Manufactured in the United States of America
109
Library_of CongressC ataloging in publication Data
Kirby, Doug.
$iT"th3ea n"effwi: r otaodusirdiesA ta mtterraiccat i:o thne/s Dm ooduegrKn it"rabvye,lK er;';s gBuriidtie, toM thiek eww ildir akninds w.o_nRde;urf.ue ld w.o,r rsldt
p. cm.
Rev. ed. of: RoadsideA merica. 19g6.
"A Fireside book."
Includesi ndex.
l' United states-Guidebooks' 2. Automobile travel-united States-Guidebooks.
8L1-8548!.!K' 56K e1n9,9 d2ate- II. wilkins, Mike. Irr. noaasideA merica. IV. Tiile.
917.304'928-de20
vZ_AW
ISBN:0-O?I-T69BI-6 CIP
prlwings and maps by Doue Kirbv
ts_odyE cleetic medical drawing by'phoebe Gloeckner
N::!t::"ir photographbvi n.ig,lt" Hanesi---""'
ungtnal souvenir photography by Dina Ferri-nte_Smyth
PHOTOC REDITS
SCoYve*rf: Cffairft.e"r* P#eiafnrufit (lPl*la*pi nas,u eBAr )u; nWyeearknni Wr a:cihnj eMmr-eo-rr,vm 6fa ildi(s;- liille;"erkri liVrarcihiiii, iF"L,l)i; nWto;;rl'db,s; ;Lianrgreusyt M, ursekine
KBNiaYnc)g k bl CGv orDbvoyeu.r?:e rD aKibxirhibeivr p-E avKdaeann,ss S, T Emhxidtoh;tr,i; cEM---i;kW;;eeo wsrylidi l(i Hnse.l eonfw dtehanela ep",ia.iCilia!."cAi"e_iWi oi)tf oi aGr-lnodal'dsf.# L argest (UN_";n6ci"le#S ial1m") (iiLlial ken,vG seuo.r"gne,
Attraction photos courtesy of:
Page
l2-Moccasin Bar 82-Prehistoric Gardens
l4-Gatorland Zoo 4l-Liberace Foundationsf or the performinc
lQ-Q-lyde Peeling's Reptiland and Creative Afts/Liberace Museum
20-Marineland oTF lorida 45-Lawrence Welk Resort VillaEe
2l-Noah's Ark 48-Flintstone BedrockC itv
26-Brintta Hanssi 48-The Ralph Foster Museum
29-Dinosaur Lai'il 55 (center)-GregPeretti
(Photo credits continued on page Zf)I)
AehnourIeOgments
Thanks to Stuart Gottesman-the relentless professional( and the only
editor at Simon & Schusterr ecognizeda s a third classr elic by the Catholic
Church). Thanks alsot o Jeff Neuman, our man in the Corridors of Power.
We salute the Chambers of Commerce for providing information and
help, even when they couldn't figure out what the hell we were up to.
We genuflect, as always, to those heroes of tourism-the attraction own-
ers-and the thousands of men and women that continue to keep our
eyes a-poppin.
For leads, theories, encouragement,a nd cameras, special thanks to:
Christine Agnelli; Gail and Scott Archibald; Jack Barth; John Crouch;
Rob and Darilyn Dinsmoor; the Doherty family; Erwin Dugasz; Kevin
Dzuban; Scott Fischler; Richard Grigonis;Ward Halligan; Ollie Hallowell;
Brigitta Hanggr; Celeste Hoffner; Eli Hull; Michael Kaplan; Steve Kes-
sler; Fred, Carolyn, and Julie King; Jaek and Marlene Kirby; Jay and
Denise Kirby; Dan Lieb; Fred Malley; Wayne and Cheryl Mason; PauI
"Montana" Mcleod;Jacquie Mraz; DonnalynneP ompper; Margaret Pultz;
Carol Riley; Paul Rother; Mark Sarto; Herbert and Anita Smith; Sean
Smith; Ron Spooner;S teve Szubak;L inda and Wayne Torbett; Joe Val-
eriani; Perry Vasquez; Betsy Wilkins; Jeff Wilkins; Robert and Gloria
Wilkins; Dottie Wilson; and the late Curtis J. Frick.
Gontents
InlroductioRno:a dsidDee lirium
Animals
11
Gators' Reptiles ' Aquarena Springs. Performing Animals . Dinosaurs
. Bu.gs. Dead Animals . Pet Cemetery of the Star pets
Gelebrities
41
Celebrity Museums ' Our Teleuision Fauorites . Hometown Heroes .
Twitty City . Country us. Rock anl, Rott . Motmcad,eo f the Damned, .
Graues
SciencMe,e dicinaen, dB eyond 67
Space Junk . Com,puters. Th,eA tomic Tour . Maruelous Med,ical Mu-
seums . The Body Eelectic . Aliens, Monsters, and Bugaboos . Mystery
Spots . Mythical Animnls
OueTr here0 yerH ere gg
StonehengesL' oony cuckoo Battle. "whu LeaaeA merica?" Ma,p. palace
of GoId. Curse of the Pyramids . South Of The Border
History
111
War anl, Peace.B lacksa nd,C onfederate. sT lw wildWest. Ind,ians!!!
' Presid,entsc' rime and,P unishmpnt.M useumo f Museums
GivicP ride 1gg
TreasuresB, oasts,a nd,S well-HeoneHd okum. BiggerI s Always Better
' Mond,oS miley . ToumP ets. KookyL oon Battle . Eat WeM ust . Chnir
Battle . Bathtub from U.S.S. Maine
Earth 151
Roadside Rock Ga,rden. Big Bru,tus us. Big Muskie . Caues. Inatiornl
Geogro'phics. U.S . Centers . Big Trees . Bunyans . Water . Merrnaid,s .
The Doom Tour
c
175
MadeIn Ameilca
o
Ind,ustrial Magic. Fu,n with Guns 'World of Coca-Cola'You Can Do N
It! . Wimps ' Th,eB oring Tour
T
E
197
Ghristianity N
T
Crossesa nfl,C hrists . Catlnlic Slwinesa td, Srottoes' SaintsPreserte
s
Themselae.s B ible Birds , Itty-Bitty Churches'H olylard's' Precious
MomentsC hapel
Meata ndl {uts 217
Nut Museurn. PeanutsE nW ' SquinelWars' Meat Map' Canruibalism:
Wh,ereN uts and Meat Meet
229
Dreamerc
Dem,entia Concretia . Twine Ball Battle ' Collections of Number Eai-
d,enceo f Genius. Castles. Houseo n the Rock ' FantasA Worlds'Wade's
Page . Santa'sV illages' DopeA Utopias
Meccas 259
Photo Opportunities . Gift Shops. Wall Drug ' Eatirry an'd Sleepin'g '
Attraction of Tomomow
EpilogueA: GuratoAl lone 278
lnder 280
I
'*
ffi
ffi,+
Bqo0gt0Dee lilffium
Highway string cheeses tretchesa luead-h'ot, black, pungent. Sign'posts
,ti, up out of the shimmering efipanse. Billboards sla'p against yaur
eges tike a d,eclao f thumbed,p laying cards. Faster! Full tank, snncks'
t6-go,a leaky cooler . . . keep mouing! Is that giant grasslt'oppers tntue
tit at night? Driue 200 miles and fin'd out!
"Let us be your travel brain." That was our request when the first
edition of Road,sid,Ae merico was published in 1986. Amenable readers
allowed us to bumow into the soft, spot on the back of their heads and
assumec ommand,a t least for a week or two. We traveled, we Saw, we
Iaughed with abandon.
Road,sid,Aem erica was a starting point. since then, we've learned to
pack better. compression is the code we live by now, in word and deed.
rni. edition is crammed with new places, old places that got better,
forgotten places, barely remembered places. We boil weeks worth of back-
breaking researchd own to a sentence,t hen we throw that sentencea way.
The first things we jettison are phone numbers. Next to go are hours,
admissions, and directions. You want to see what we saw? Get on the
road and look yourself! Does your head hurt at the end of the day? Drive
another 500 miles! Maybe you didn't see enough!
Wil that bolognaf actory tour closef oreaer, iust beforeA ou reach it?
Drtue faster! Interstate construction is yorn poison-teeth gritted, clwlce
it d,own,g et on th,oseb ack roads! More (Ielays! Loser taurists clotfa'ctory
outlet storesi n loser destinations. Wild West towns bum up iust oaer
the horizon. Ancient, dodderingE lder Kneiael "cottonballs" weauet an'
tatizin4ty across th,e road, ahnod, their puffa white hnir a red flng of
hort'or. Not todny! Bullet past and tlte roa'd is yours!
Tourism does not sit sti[. Wily attraction owners are constantly im-
provising, bending with the magnetic force lines of the economy. New
attractions appear, established meccasf all, old friends get turned into
parking lots. Small towns desperately look to tourism for their next mebl.
They'll do almost anything to get you to stop. Like ducks at a petting
zoo, they krnw you have corn.
T we've seen, digested, written too many notes, and tried to strike a
H balance.I n these pagesy ou'll find the eccentriea nd the stupid, the rock
E solid and the ultraweird. We give an oxen statue that pees a farr shake
against any celebrated" folk art environment." And maybe we like the
OX even IIlOf€. r
N
As always, our findings are authenticatedw ith impeccablefi eld instru-
E ments, such as the six-foot-tall Hinged Man (a scientifically calibrated
w method of mea$uringc laimso f largeness)o r the Mystery Spot Test Kit".
our computer databases pits out weird maps, sorts readers' tips, and
losesf iles at the speedo f light.
R
o Nighttime, e,ndR oad Hypnosis. Ideas crachle, d,efectiuen eon in th,e
darlc distance. Photo opportunities hop into our head,tights-and, are
A gone! Euerythiw is uacationg rist. Grain silosb lurinto sacredM, ad,onna
D mirages; windmills apeD on Quinotic themep arks. Familiar phantasms
S race up to peekt hrough our bug-congealewd indshield,-our old,p ublicist,
I cackling'AM Des Moines!/ got you on AM Des Moines!,,t hrough rotted,
teeth; and' the relentlessL ady Bird Johnson smashing bittboard,sw ith
D
her ten-tonf i,sts.
E The New RoadsideA merica is our baby-a two-headed,p sychoactive
monster baby. One is the benevolenth eado f hearty appreciationa nd fair
A play. The otherri s the wrathful heado f judgment, brought down on those
M who bulldoze our favorite attractions, turn old Stuckeys into notions
boutiques, and charge gl?.gg to watch glass get blown.
E
Battles faceu s at every interchange.U ncleanv andalss pirit away mon-
R uments and gravestones.M oralists demand that attractions give back
I their Indian bones,y et cozyu p to the superrichw ho stole Geronimo'sh ead.
c Entrepreneurs and readers nag us about sites they couldn't find in our first
A book, never understandingt hat if it wasn't in Road,sid,eit,j ust wasn't
goode nough.u nless, of course,i t happenst o appearin the New Road,sid,e.
Look out! A horrifying head-onc ollision! your foot finatty fi,nd,st he
brakep ednl am'id a shifiing dunp of loose-pa,cbkr ochu,reas nd,r no,gt.S rww
globesa nd cedart rinkets tumble acrosst her ear wind,owl ed,gea s Aouu eer
into the lane of the liuing. A'Bago with out-of-statep lates bunusa long
th'es ltoulder! catch it on camcordera nd,k eepm ouing! Keep mouing!!!
Will your preciousd ays of leisure end in another excursiont o the dull
wastelandso f Six Flags, BuschG ardens,a nd Disney?O r has the restless
spirit of true tourism gotten hold of you?
Let The New Roadside America show you the way. we're in your
head. we know what you're thinking. You'll never get us out.
-Doug, Ken, Mike