My Son Fred- Living With Autism: How Could You Manage? I Couldn't, I Did It Anyway

193 Pages·2004·0.58 MB·English

by  Maud Deckmar

My Son Fred – Living with Autism
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MIND Book of the Year 2001
My Son Fred – Living
with Autism
How could you manage?
I couldn’t.
I did it anyway
Maud Deckmar
Translated by Ewa Wulkan
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including
photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not transiently or
incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission of the copyright
owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or
under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, 90 Tottenham Court
Road, London, England W1T 4LP. Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to
reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher.
Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may result in both a civil
claim for damages and criminal prosecution.
The right of Maud Deckmar to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in
accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
First published in 1998 in Swedish under the title of Freds Bok: En mammas berättelse om när livet vänder
by Ord och Tanke, Trångsviken.
This edition first published in 2005
by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
116 Pentonville Road
London N1 9JB, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright © Maud Deckmar 2005
Translation copyright © Ewa Wulkan 2005
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
Deckmar, Maud, 1951-
[Freds Bok. English]
My son Fred—living with autism : how could you manage? I couldn’t, I did it anyway / Maud Deckmar ;
translated by Ewa Wulkan.— 1st American pbk. ed.
p. cm.
ISBN 1-84310-312-5 (pbk.)
1. Deckmar, Fred—Mental health. 2. Deckmar, Maud, 1951- 3. Autism in children—Patients—
Sweden—Biography. 4. Parents of autistic children—Sweden—Biography. I. Title.
RJ506.A9D43313 2005
649’.154—dc22
2004019612
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN-13: 978 1 84310 312 7
ISBN-10: 1 84310 312 5
ISBN pdf eBook: 1 84642 115 2
Printed and Bound in Great Britain by
Athenaeum Press, Gateshead, Tyne and Wear
To my beloved son
If your work and mine
can give comfort to one single person
or help just one person a step along the way
the pain has not been in vain
With my deepest love and respect
Mummy
To my family with love
Contents
Dear Readers 9
Chapter 1 Unto us a child is born… 11
Chapter 2 People around us 23
Chapter 3 Another baby – will I dare? 35
Chapter 4 “Just for today” is all I can handle 42
Chapter 5 As if he wasn’t there 52
Chapter 6 Lights – camera – action! 57
Chapter 7 Pre-school 63
Chapter 8 A few minutes of rest in borrowed peace and
quiet or The difference between real solutions and
makeshift ones 80
Chapter 9 School 88
Chapter 10 The children’s home 105
Chapter 11 It has always been us needing the staff – they
have never needed us 116
Chapter 12 Are you a bad person when you can’t cope
any longer? 127
Chapter 13 Moving to his own apartment 144
Chapter 14 The police report 158
Chapter 15 When a member of staff leaves – is it because he
or she has died? 165
Chapter 16 He’s started at the day centre or The tale of
budget and reality 169
Chapter 17 To forgive yourself 180
Chapter 18 My fears right now 187
Chapter 19 Moving on 190