Mindful Discipline: A Loving Approach to Setting Limits and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

190 Pages·2014·1.94 MB·English

by  Shapiro

“This reader-friendly book is a masterful guide for parents. With great
gentleness and humility, Mindful Discipline weaves together the rigor
of science, the wisdom of reflection, and decades of clinical
experience, offering parents one of the most exceptional road maps on
how to raise happy, resilient, and emotionally healthy children.”
—Andrew Weil, MD,author of Spontaneous Happiness and
Eight Weeks to Optimum Health
“If you raise your children with respect for who they are, nourishing
compassion, clarity, and wise limits, they will bloom and blossom. The
tools for mindfully doing so are here in these pages.”
—Jack Kornfield, PhD, author of A Path with Heart
“I’m deeply impressed and inspired by what [Shapiro and White] are
offering the world! It fills such an essential niche, and moves forward
our understanding of ‘how to’ in an important way.”
—Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and
True Refuge
“This intelligent, tender, and beautifully written book helps parents tap
into their inner wisdom and create the optimal emotional environment
for their child’s growth and development. Loaded with powerful
exercises grounded in clinical expertise and scientific theory, this book
will help all of us navigate the path of parenting with greater ease,
clarity, and grace.”
—Kristin Neff, PhD, associate professor of human
development and culture at the University of Texas at
Austin and author of Self-Compassion
“Coming from an expert on mindfulness and a leading pediatrician,
this deeply wise book shows parents how to nourish both self-
discipline and self-worth inside the children they love. Grounded in
research, full of personal examples, and loaded with down-to-earth
suggestions, this book is a gem.”
—Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Hardwiring Happiness
“Mindful Discipline should be read by every parent. This book
contains the operating instructions for family life that none of us
received in school. Twenty-five years ago mindfulness saved my life.
Now it informs all of my actions, including the way I am with my
children.”
—Noah Levine, author of Dharma Punx and Refuge
Recovery
“Shauna Shapiro and Chris White have created a wonderful integration
of the power of mindful awareness and the insights from studies of
child development and the brain to lovingly guide us to a more
rewarding and effective way of being as parents. The science of
attachment reveals that the most robust predictor of our child’s
development is how we have come to make sense of our lives from the
inside out. This book beautifully illuminates how the previously
independent fields of attachment and of mindfulness actually share
common ground—that knowing yourself is the best gift you can give
to your children. An effective way of achieving this parental presence
is through mindfulness, and the stories, ideas, and exercises of Mindful
Discipline offer a fabulous guide to creating the deep and receptive
internal knowing that will empower your children to become resilient,
reflective, and compassionate beings themselves. What better gift can
you offer of yourself to your child, and the world?”
—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, clinical professor at the University
of California, Los Angeles, school of medicine; author of
Brainstorm and The Mindful Brain; and coauthor of No-
Drama Discipline, Parenting from the Inside Out, and The
Whole-Brain Child
“This finely and sensitively written book points to the fragility and
resilience of a child’s soul and demonstrates so clearly how in need
each child is of an equally fragile and resilient adult’s guidance. An
adult, however, having been on the Earth much longer, has been able
to add experience to the fragility and resilience and thus becomes the
author of the child’s life until he or she is experienced enough to
become the author himself or herself. This beautiful book is a
wonderful guide to parents who wish to lovingly, mindfully, and
clearly accompany their children at the beginning of their life
journey.”
—Meinir Davies, management and teaching team
coordinator at the New Village School, Sausalito, CA
“Mindful Discipline is the perfect guide for conscious parents and
teachers. Grounded in solid neuroscience, it shows how to be loving
and remain centered, while teaching children to develop their own
internal wisdom and good hearts. This book is a gift!”
—James Baraz, cofounder of Spirit Rock Meditation Center
and coauthor of Awakening Joy: 10 Steps to Happiness
“Mindful Discipline is an intelligent and creative approach to the
omnipresent challenge of parenting: how to be kind and loving yet
firm and in control. I was struck by the multiple levels of authority the
authors drew upon: deep scholarship, personal struggles with
parenting, and hard-earned meditative insight.”
—Fred Luskin, PhD, director of the Stanford Forgiveness
Project and author of Forgive for Good
“The wonderful, authoritative, generous, and warm-hearted guidance
offered by these two skilled parents, educators, and researchers
confirms that the medium is indeed the message. This book, unique in
a world of instruction manuals, engages, encourages, and inspires
parents both old and new to trust their own inherent goodness and
kindness to connect with the impulse to flourish that is part of every
child’s potential, so that parenting and growing up—the most basic of
experiences—become a sacred joy! What a treasure this book will be
to so many people!”
—Sylvia Boorstein, author of Happiness Is an Inside Job:
Practicing for a Joyful Life
“From the opening pages, Mindful Discipline is practical, authentic,
and compassionate. The authors simultaneously support our deepest
desires as parents and acknowledge the messy realities of parenting.
They offer guiding principles, specific practices, and, most
importantly, heartfelt compassion for all of us engaged in the moment-
to-moment process of creating healthy, loving relationships with our
children. This book is a valuable resource for me personally, and for
the parents, children, and families I serve.”
—Amy Saltzman MD,author ofA Still Quiet Place
“Drawing from their own experience as parents, plus many great
teachers of our time, White and Shapiro give us invaluable insights
and personal practices to understand and embody the process of
parenting in order to raise loving, conscious humans. This in-depth and
thoughtful book weaves the principles of parenting with precise
instructions for self-inquiry so that both parent and child thrive in the
relationship.”
—Lindy Woodard, MD, Pediatric Alternatives, Mill
Valley, CA
“The wisdom in this book rings true for me on so many levels—as a
psychologist, scientist, mindfulness scholar, and most of all, a parent.
In a gentle and accessible manner, Shapiro and White use both science
and wisdom to explain exactly how to hold firm boundaries and loving
limits while being authentic, present, and compassionate—blending
these ingredients into a recipe for creating a harmonious home and
being the kind of parent all of us aspire to be.”
—Cassandra Vieten, PhD, president of the Institute of
Noetic Sciences and author of Mindful Motherhood
“Whether parents have an established mindfulness practice or are new
to this ancient wisdom, Mindful Discipline readers will gain a fresh
and confident approach to parenting and a life based in mindfulness.
This book’s easy-to-read chapters offer valuable parenting advice
rooted in psychology and practical exercises readers can use to take
their parenting to the next level.”
—Sarah Wood Vallely, author of Sensational Meditation
for Children
“Are you tired of using discipline techniques that strain your parent-
child relationship and only offer short-term results? Mindful Discipline
is an insightful and inspiring book designed to help parents respond
calmly and thoughtfully to behavior challenges, and provide the love,
guidance, and appropriate boundaries children need. Shauna Shapiro
and Chris White show us how a mindful awareness practice, along
with the essential elements of Mindful Discipline, can lead to self-
growth, deeper connection with our children, and a greater
understanding of children’s underlying needs.”
—Katie Vasicek, MA, parent coach
(www.vistaparenting.com)
“Parenting may be the most difficult job on the planet. It also may be
the most joyful and rewarding thing a person can do. Shapiro and
White have drawn upon science, theory, and their deep well of
experience to craft a practical and meaningful guide for fostering the
growth of loving, emotionally intelligent, and responsible children. I
am certain that parents who put into practice the wisdom found in
Mindful Discipline will be offering a blessing to their child for life.”
—Steven D. Hickman, PsyD, clinical psychologist and
executive director at the University of California, San
Diego’s Center for Mindfulness
“Beautifully written. Mindful Discipline puts the research-validated
elements of good parenting—loving unconditionally, supporting
autonomy, mentoring healthy habits, setting healthy boundaries, and
reframing mistakes as learning opportunities—into the context of
conscious and compassionate coaching, teaching parents to guide
children in their natural developmental trajectory from impulse to
judgment to responsibility. Shapiro and White offer simple, practical
tools that develop the capacities of emotional intelligence, resilience,
and self-discipline that grow an authentic inner compass of
responsibility and integrity for both parent and child. I’m
recommending the book wholeheartedly to every parent and parent-to-
be; it’s a masterful gem.”
—Linda Graham, MFT, author of Bouncing Back:
Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-
Being
“Who doesn’t want independent and loving children? In Mindful
Discipline, Shapiro and White provide us with principles and tools to
create a harmonious family life and self-disciplined children.”
—Victoria Maizes, MD, executive director at the Arizona
Center for Integrative Medicine and author of Be Fruitful:
The Essential Guide to Maximizing Fertility and Giving
Birth to a Healthy Child
“Sigmund Freud called parenting ‘an impossible profession.’ In the
midst of our self-help culture’s overly simple solutions to the complex
challenges of contemporary lives, Mindful Discipline speaks to those
facing this impossible task with kindness, deep wisdom, and refreshing
sanity. Digesting the essence of the latest research and theory, it also
clearly sees the messy living rooms of contemporary parents aspiring
to bring their highest consciousness to the sometimes exhausting daily
realities of parenting. It invites you to always keep growing, as best
you can, together with your kids. Your family will never be perfect,
but your mindfulness, and your emotional intelligence, can always be
developing. That’s real; and it’s more than enough to give your kids
what they really need, especially when fueled by the compassion and
wisdom you’ll contact in these pages.
—Terry Patten, senior author, with Ken Wilber, of Integral
Spiritual Practice
“Drawing from their own experience as parents, plus many great
teachers of our time, Shapiro and White give us invaluable insights
and personal practices to understand and embody the process of
parenting in order to raise loving, conscious humans. This in-depth and
thoughtful book weaves the principles of parenting with precise
instructions for self-inquiry so that both parent and child thrive in the
relationship.”
—Lindy Woodard, MD, pediatrician and mother of two
“We all know that parenting is wonderful, difficult, mysterious, and
challenging. This skillfully crafted book offers an insightful view of
parenting as an opportunity to practice mindfulness and awareness.
You will find helpful and accessible practices for cultivating clarity,
compassion, and resilience for both parent and child. There are many
gems, like reframing mistakes to ‘mistakes’—a great gift.”
—Wendy Palmer, author of The Intuitive Body:
Discovering the Wisdom of Conscious Embodiment and
Aikido
“If discipline in the home is important to you, Mindful Discipline is a
must-read! Combining real-life examples with plenty of research-
based concepts, authors Shapiro and White make a clear distinction
between healthy and unhealthy discipline. They also offer a variety of
tools and techniques to help you practice healthy, loving discipline
while avoiding its unhealthy forms. It is rare to find a book on
discipline that places so much emphasis on the heart of the parent-
child relationship.”
—Scott Noelle, author of The Daily Groove: How to Enjoy
Parenting … Unconditionally!
“Mindful Discipline offers invaluable insights into the dynamics of
child-and-parent relationships, as well as student-and-learning-
companion relationships. Shapiro and White’s profound understanding
of children’s needs perfectly complements the child-centered
education of the New Learning Culture approach. It’s a must-read for
all who aim to be loving mentors for their kids and students.”
—Carmen Gamper, founder of New Learning Culture
“Shapiro and White’s book is an extraordinary resource that will
transform the way parents think. Mindful Discipline empowers parents
and children, striking the perfect balance between love and limits. The
explanatory research and hands-on, practical strategies offer a
masterful guide to parenting through mindfulness.”
—Laura L. Ellingson, coauthor (with Patricia Sotirin) of
Aunting: Cultural Practices that Sustain Family and
Community Life
“A rich and wonderful book on how to nourish strength, integrity, and
character in one’s children; the authors have made a truly important
contribution for all those who love their children.”
—Joan Halifax, PhD, Abbot Upaya Zen Center
“Shapiro and White weave a tapestry of ancient wisdom and current
developmental knowledge to give us a gentle guide to becoming the
loving parents our children need when it counts the most.”
—Gordon Neufeld, PhD
“This is a jewel of a book that contains priceless pearls of wisdom.
Shapiro and White have written a wonderfully clear and inspiring
guide to raising healthy, happy, and emotionally intelligent children.
Drawing on the practice of mindfulness and contemporary scientific
research, Mindful Discipline is filled with expert guidance, experiential
practices, and personal stories that masterfully illuminate the way.
Every parent should read this book!”
—Mark Coleman, author of Awake in the Wild
“What an insightful book! With its focus on attitudes, approaches, and
intuition rather than on strict rules, children brought up with Mindful
Discipline are bound to find a harmonious balance between head and
heart, strength and softness, curiosity and safety. I love it!”
—Peter Baumann, founder of Being Human
“How fortunate parents are to have this courageous and much needed
perspective on nurturing their children so that they may grow up to be
happy, resilient, and emotionally intelligent adults who are able to
work with life’s inevitable challenges—and how fortunate children are
to have parents who might be guided by the words of wisdom written
here! Synthesizing contemporary understanding about what children
truly need and mindfulness practices for nurturing love and
connection, Shapiro and White have written a clear and fundamentally
kind book that encourages parents to trust themselves and their
children in the ever-evolving process of growing and learning together,
moment-by-moment.”
—Nancy Bardacke, midwife, mindfulness teacher, and
author of Mindful Birthing: Training the Mind, Body and
Heart for Childbirth and Beyond
“Mindful Discipline is an interesting, encouraging, and enlightening
contribution to the library of books on parenting. I really appreciate its
focus on relationships, starting with a foundation of parental self-
discovery and self-discipline. The concepts are thought provoking and
the applications and examples are sound and effective. Children and
parents will find mutual respect, learning, and joy from this approach,
with all parties growing and developing into happier individuals and
better citizens. I congratulate the authors on their good work!”
—Chet D. Johnson, MD, FAAP, professor of pediatrics
and associate director for the Center for Child Health and
Development, University of Kansas School of Medicine
“Kids need discipline. While that may be conventional thinking in
parenting, it doesn’t tell the whole story. Living in an age of
distraction and chronic stress, we are raising children with more screen
time, less face-to-face time, more control, less connection, more
anxiety, less peace and joy, and more punishment with less discipline.
Mindful Discipline shines a compassionate light on why true discipline
is not punitive, but intuitive—not controlling but rooted in healthy
connection, and shows us why parenting our children to thrive is about
honoring the purpose of your relationship: to grow together. If