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Men After Being an Ally in the Fight Against Sexual Harassment Kenneth Reinicke Men After #MeToo Kenneth Reinicke Men After #MeToo Being an Ally in the Fight Against Sexual Harassment Kenneth Reinicke Department of Social Sciences and Business Roskilde University Roskilde, Denmark ISBN 978-3-030-96910-3 ISBN 978-3-030-96911-0 (eBook) https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-96911-0 ©The Editor(s) (if applicable) andThe Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2022 This work is subject to copyright. All rights are solely and exclusively licensed by the Publisher, whether the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting,reuseofillustrations,recitation,broadcasting,reproductiononmicrofilmsorinanyother physical way, and transmission or information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed. 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ThisPalgraveMacmillanimprintispublishedbytheregisteredcompanySpringerNatureSwitzerland AG The registered company address is: Gewerbestrasse 11, 6330 Cham, Switzerland Contents 1 Introduction 1 1.1 The Point of Departure 4 1.2 Why Focus on Men? 7 1.3 Bad Men or Mad Men? 8 1.4 Men as Allies 10 1.5 The Interview Material 14 1.6 Data Analysis 16 1.7 Overview of the Book 16 References 20 2 The Concept of Sexual Harassment 25 2.1 Basic Definitions 29 2.2 Who Is Violated by Sexual Harassment? 30 2.3 The Consequences of Sexual Harassment 31 2.4 Societal Explanations of Sexual Harassment 32 2.5 Reading AboutWomen’s Experiences 37 2.6 The Crime Paradox 38 2.7 Women’s Reactions 40 2.8 Sexual Harassment Versus Being Flattered 46 v vi Contents 2.9 Summary 47 References 49 3 The Danish #MeToo Context 55 3.1 The Nordic Countries 55 3.2 Politics of Masculinities in Denmark 57 3.3 The First #MeToo Wave: 2017–2018 60 3.4 The Second #MeToo Wave: 2020 66 3.5 The Debate About the Sexual Assault Law 68 3.6 Summary 72 References 73 4 Why Have Men Not Been Held Responsible? 77 4.1 Hegemonic Masculinity 79 4.2 Men and Gender Equality 81 4.3 Men and Feminism 84 4.4 Men’s Negative Health Outcomes 86 4.5 The Invisibility of Men’s Destructive Behaviour 88 4.6 The Gender-Neutral Approach 90 4.7 Stories from Popular CultureThat Defend Sexual Harassment 93 4.8 The Man Box 95 4.9 Non-Hegemonic Masculinities 97 4.10 Ethnicity and Violence 99 4.11 Summary 100 References 101 5 Who Perpetrates Sexual Harassment andWhy 107 5.1 Socio-demography 109 5.2 The Social-Psychological Model 109 5.3 Typological Descriptions 111 5.4 Social Bonding 113 5.5 Peer Pressure and Lad Culture 117 5.6 Youth and Rape Culture 119 5.7 The Penetration Norm 125 5.8 Do Men Know When They Violate Someone’s Boundaries? 128 Contents vii 5.9 When Sexual Harassment Is ‘Allowed’ 130 5.10 When Men Are Exposed to Inappropriate Sexual Behaviour 133 5.11 Summary 135 References 138 6 Men’s Responses to #MeToo 145 6.1 Positive Reactions 149 6.2 Defensive Reactions 152 6.3 Men’s Overall Responses in Denmark 157 6.4 The Attitude of the Interviewed Men Towards #MeToo 159 6.5 The Debate Is Important, but… 162 6.6 Has #MeToo Changed Their Views on Sexual Harassment? 165 6.7 Summary 166 References 167 7 Flirting After #MeToo 171 7.1 Does No Always Mean No? 174 7.2 The Missing Language 176 7.3 The Consent Law 179 7.4 Does Sexual Harassment Have a Statute of Limitations? 182 7.5 Naming the Perpetrator 183 7.6 Summary 185 References 186 8 Will MenTake a Stand? 189 8.1 The Bystander Approach 191 8.2 Why Do Men Not Challenge Other Men’s Sexist Attitudes? 193 8.3 Talking to Male Friends About #MeToo 194 8.4 The Challenge of Having to Intervene When Other Men Sexually Harass Someone 196 8.5 Speaking Publicly About #MeToo and Feminism 201 8.6 How toWalk into ‘New Man’s Land’? 203 viii Contents 8.7 Educational Initiatives 204 8.8 Engaging Boys 205 8.9 It Is Not Just ‘the Bad Boys’ Who Sexually Harass 207 8.10 An Eye Opener 209 8.11 Summary 210 References 213 9 Conclusion 217 References 229 References 233 Index 257 1 Introduction One summer day five years ago, my wife and I were waiting at a pedestriancrossinginCopenhagen.Ononesidestoodanelderlywoman in her mid-70s and on the other a younger woman in her mid-20s with a stroller. While we were waiting for the green light, a van drove up and kept close to us. The driver of the car, who was in his mid/late thir- ties, looked at us and then said to the young woman with the stroller, ‘Coolthatyoulooksogoodwhenyouhavejustgivenbirth.’Theyoung womandidnotreactandcouldnotevenbebotheredtolookatthedriver in the car. The elderly woman, on the other hand, who may have been hard of hearing, leant forward and said, ‘I beg your pardon?’, at which the man in the car loudly and irritably replied, ‘It’s not you I’m talking to, old lady.’ Thisratherinsignificantepisodeisnotparticularlycrudecomparedto themanyotherexamplesofsexualharassmentIshalldiscussinthisbook. It is nonetheless interesting because it demonstrates a typical reason why men engage in sexual harassment and how men relate to the reactions ©The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature 1 Switzerland AG 2022 K. Reinicke, Men After #MeToo, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-96911-0_1 2 K. Reinicke of victims when they do not reciprocate their comments.1 First, it is interesting to note the man’s sense of entitlement to even imagine that it would be all right to comment on the young woman’s body and appear- ance, as there had been no prior ‘invitation’ or contact between them. Most likely, he may think that he ‘just’ asserts his right to comment on her body, defining her as a sexual object (Tuerkheimer, 1997). Second, it is symptomatic of sexual harassment that if women do not respond to unwelcome harassment and comments, men tend to become offended, angry or—as we shall see later—make threats of violence and rape. In addition, it has been interesting to note people’s reactions when I have told them about the episode.The reactions have varied from comments like‘completelyinappropriateandrude’to‘itwasniceofhimtogiveher a compliment.’ The example shows that there are ongoing discursive struggles over the meaning of sexual harassment. The perception of what constitutes sexualharassmentiscontextdependent,andinmanyrespects,thereisno common understanding of this phenomenon, just as there are no simple diagnoses.Whatissexualharassmenttoonepersonmaybeseenasfunny byanotherandinconsequentialbyathird(Fairchild,2010:194).There- fore, the story of sexual harassment is complicated. Sexual harassment is both reason for and the consequence of women’s inequality. It is not alwayseasy tospecify wherecommonlyacceptedbehaviourhasitslimits and where harassment begins. Power and definitions are linked to each other in intricate ways. It is crucial to ask when sexual harassment can be seen as a culturally acceptable practice related to ‘ordinary’ masculinity, and when it is culturally defined as harassment and therefore constitutes deviant behaviour. The boundary between the two is fluid and varies from case to case and between cultures. If we situate sexual harassment within the broader context of interpersonal violence, it is important to note that whereas domestic violence can represent both a form of power and a source of shame (Hearn, 1998), sexual harassment can be a form of 1When talking about gender in this book, the focus is mainly on cisgender, which means a person whose gender identity aligns with the sex assigned at birth. When talking about men and women, the focus is typically on heterosexual men and heterosexual women.