Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love

308 Pages·2013·2.08 MB·english

by  Glenn Geher

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Mating Intelligence
Unleashed
The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love
GLENN GEHER
and
SCOTT BARRY KAUFMAN
1
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3
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Geher, Glenn.
Mating intelligence unleashed: the role of the mind in sex, dating, and love / Glenn Geher,
Scott Barry Kaufman.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978–0–19–539685–0 (hardback : alk. paper)
1. Mate selection. 2. Mate selection—Psychological aspects. 3. Man-woman relationships.
4. Sex. 5. Dating (Social customs) 6. Love. I. Kaufman, Scott Barry, 1979– II. Title.
HQ801.G388 2013
306.82—dc23
2012026352
1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2
Printed in the United States of America
on acid-free paper
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GG: To Kathy, my life’s solid rock. And to Andrew and Megan—the future of my
entire lineage—wrapped neatly up in two bright, smiling packages.
SBK: Th anks mom and dad for mating. While I don’t like to think about it,
I appreciate your mating intelligence, for without it (as well as your nurturance
and support), I could not have co-written this book.
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CONTENTS
Preface xiii
Acknowledgments x vii
1 Introduction: Cupid’s Cognitive Arrow
1
2 “I’m Too Sexy for Th is Canvas”: Why Creativity Is Sexy
21
3 Wanted! Neurotic Mess: Th e Role of Personality in Mating
45
4 What’s Your Cue?: Attractiveness and Mate
Choice in the Real World
69
5 Game Plans: Th e Highly Contextual Nature of Human Mating
Strategies
85
6 “She Totally Wants Me”: In the World of Mating,
Biased Perceptions Are Everywhere
123
7 “I Really Am a Tall Doctor—and of Course I Love You!”:
Mind-Reading, Emotional Intelligence, and Deception
141
8 Do Nice Guys Finish Last?: Th e Multiple Routes to Mating Success
155
9 Mating Intelligence Saves the World
197
Epilogue 217
Notes 2 33
References 253
Index 288
vii
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THE NEW “MODERN SYNTHESIS”
Foreword by Helen Fisher, B iological Anthropologist Dept.
Anthropology, Rutgers University
W ith breakthroughs in genetics in the 1930s and 40s, Mendel’s theory of genetic
inheritance and Darwin’s theory of evolution by natural selection became inte-
grated. With this “modern synthesis,” as it is hailed, our intellectual forebears
fi nally began to understand how speciation and evolution actually work. But
I have come to believe we are now in the midst of a far greater synthesis of
scientifi c ideas.
R esearchers have begun to understand some of the brain pathways associ-
ated with feelings of romantic love, attachment, social conformity, and religios-
ity. Others have uncovered some of the neurochemistry of trust, altruism, and
wanderlust. Some of the genes linked with curiosity and creativity have been
established. Th e mental machinery that guides our mating strategies is becom-
ing understood. And with inroads into epigenetics, scientists have begun to
show how environmental forces turn genes on and off , aff ecting how we—and
our off spring—are likely to behave. Th e nature/nurture argument is dead. We
are witnessing the true fusion of biology and culture, of psychology and brain
architecture, of personality, neurochemistry, genetics and evolution, of brain
and mind.
Th is synthesis is not complete. Some therapists cling to the concept that we
emerged from the womb as “blank slates,” that our childhood makes us who we
are. Some psychologists still overlook the importance of functional magnetic
resonance imaging (fMRI) and other forms of brain research, regarding the
brain as just a standard toolbox that can tell us nothing about what makes us
tick. Many neuroscientists study brain activity without considering why these
activation patterns evolved. And many deride evolutionary psychology as a
ream of just-so stories.
I fi nd this narrow focus strange, for both practical and intellectual reasons.
I work regularly with the press. And in my 30 years of fi elding their queries, I
have never once found a journalist who resisted the evolutionary, neurochemi-
cal, or genetic approaches to explaining why we do the things we do; journalists
ix
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x the new “modern synthesis”
and many others outside the scientifi c community want holistic explanations.
Moreover, uncovering the biological foundations of human behavior does not
threaten the social sciences. On the contrary, I suspect that the more we come
to understand the biological and evolutionary forces that drive human cogni-
tion and conduct, the more we will discover the powerful role that culture plays
in sculpting human action.
Regardless of these naysayers, the growing fusion of the social and biologi-
cal sciences is ushering in a vastly wider and deeper view of humanity. And
this book by Geher and Kaufman is a wonderful contribution to this new
synthesis.
E volutionary psychologist Geoff rey Miller has written that “the mind
evolved by moonlight.” He was referring to Darwin’s brilliant idea of sexual
selection, the concept that many of our thoughts, feelings, motivations, and
aptitudes evolved to win the mating game. Take poetry. One doesn’t need
the poetic skills of Shakespeare, Frost, Baudelaire, or Akhmatova to survive
another day. Like the peacock’s elaborate tail feathers, our outsized poetic tal-
ents (and many other seemingly unnecessary human capacities) most likely
evolved to enchant a potential mating partner. Th ose forebears who were more
talented with words, song, or some other exaggerated human trait won more
sex, bore more young, and passed along their extravagant abilities to us.
G eher and Kaufman go further down this road. Using data from many
disciplines, including evolutionary biology, behavior genetics, neuroscience,
sociology, anthropology, developmental psychology, social psychology, and
personality psychology, they discuss the myriad unconscious neural mecha-
nisms and evolutionary forces that prime us to do the things we do. I agree with
them when they write in their introduction that “human mating is arguably
the single most important behavioral domain of human functioning.” To this
end, they neatly unclothe many of our human sexual motivations, stripping
them of the standard psychological explanations, then dressing them in their
true evolutionary garb.
We are living in a thrilling time of scientifi c discovery. “Ah-ha” is on the
lips of many who investigate the mental machinery of human thought and
action. And I suspect that when our descendants look back, they will regard
the modern synthesis of the 1930s and 40s as just the fi rst step in the emer-
gence of a far broader scientifi c synthesis—in which those of many desperate
disciplines shed light on that ultimate palimpsest, the human mind. Darwin
would tip a glass to Geher and Kaufman for their contribution to this growing
enlightenment.

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