Mastering Adulthood: Go Beyond Adulting to Become an Emotional Grown-Up

264 Pages·2019·4.17 MB·English

by  Lara E. Fielding

“Mastering Adulthood does a masterful job of bringing timeless
wisdom and practical solutions to young adults. Current social and
economic conditions can seem challenging to young people who seek
to live lives of meaning, purpose, and joy. Fielding provides evidence-
based methods, humor, and practical enlightenment for those facing
these hurdles. In fact, this user-friendly guidebook for living with
mindful purpose could help just about anybody, at any stage of life.”

—Dennis Tirch, PhD, author of The Compassionate-Mind Guide

to Overcoming Anxiety, and founder of The Center for
Compassion Focused Therapy

“Finally, a ‘how-to’ book for transition age adults. So often manuals
with behavioral skills are either too young or too old for eighteen-to
twenty-five-year-olds. Fielding uses examples, stories, and practices
that will resonate with people who are entering adulthood. Mastering
Adulthood combines mindfulness and current emotion regulation
strategies in a practical, easy-to-use format. This book can be used by
young adults alone, with others, or in a counseling setting. I have
begun to use the dashboard practices and the pauses with my own
clients.”

—Shari Manning, PhD, CEO and founder of Treatment

Implementation Collaborative and SC Center for Dialectical
Behavior Therapy, and author of Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder

“Adulthood is becoming more complicated. All of us need help, and
Lara E. Fielding has written a wonderful guide. Mastering Adulthood
will teach readers how patterned habits keep us stuck, how to then
develop new and more effective behaviors, and the practice of
mindfulness as the key to establishing a more grounded and
emotionally attuned life.”

—Blaise Aguirre, MD, medical director of 3East DBT-

Continuum at McLean Hospital, assistant professor in the
department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and
coauthor of Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder
and Coping with BPD

“I could not love this book more! Fielding beautifully weaves case
examples, personal experience, research, and brilliant use of metaphor
into a fun, easy-to-digest book designed to help young adults tackle the
psychological complexities of growing into emotionally competent,
independent adults. While the language and examples are geared
toward a twentysomething to thirtysomething audience, any individual
interested in greater self-knowledge and psychological growth can
benefit from the evidence-based concepts in Mastering Adulthood—I
know I did!”

—Jill A. Stoddard, PhD, director of The Center for Stress and

Anxiety Management in San Diego, CA, and coauthor of The
Big Book of ACT Metaphors

“Lara Fielding’s enthusiasm for helping those who wish to have an
engaging and meaningful adult life shines through in Mastering
Adulthood. Her ability to guide you through learning how to develop
and practice psychological flexibility, as well as emotion management,
is skillful. She has created a book grounded in solid evidence of
psychological theory and practice that will help those grappling with
“adulting” find new ways to cope with the realities of adulthood in a
fast-paced world. For those thousands of people seeking guidance on
how to successfully navigate this thing called living, Fielding expertly
teaches you how to get in the driver’s seat and steer toward success!”

—Robyn D. Walser, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist;

coauthor of Learning ACT, The Mindful Couple, Acceptance
and Commitment Therapy for the Treatment of Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder and Trauma-Related Problems; and author of
The Heart of ACT

“There is more to adulthood than handling its instrumental challenges.
If you stop there, you will never learn how to create the kind of life
you really want. This comprehensive and cleverly organized book
invites you to look more deeply at your habits of handling emotions, to
find what really motivates you, and then to construct the skills you
need build your life around deeper goals: relationships that matter,
work that prospers, a profound connection with life. Adulthood

doesn’t come with an owner’s manual—you need to explore what
makes you tick and draft your own. This book will help. Highly
recommended.”

—Steven C. Hayes, PhD, professor in the department of

psychology at the University of Nevada, developer of
acceptance and commitment therapy, and author of Get Out of
Your Mind and Into Your Life

“This is the book I needed to grow up. Here is help to know what truly
matters, what you truly care about. And with clarity about core values
comes motivation and a surer sense of direction. Of equal importance
is how Mastering Adulthood helps you overcome the emotional and
mental roadblocks—those nasty passengers everyone carries—that
sometimes keep you from fully embracing life. This masterful book,
based on the principles of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT),
can throw open the doors to becoming a vital, self-directed grown-up.”

—Matthew McKay, PhD, coauthor of Mind and Emotions

Publisher’s Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject

matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering
psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is
needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Rumi, excerpt from “The Guesthouse,” translated by Coleman Barks. Copyright © 1997 by Coleman

Barks. Used by permission.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2019 by Lara E. Fielding

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Shoup

Acquired by Elizabeth Hollis Hansen

Edited by Gretel Hakanson

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Fielding, Lara E., author.
Title: Mastering adulthood : go beyond adulting to become an emotional grown-up / Lara E. Fielding.
Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, 2019. | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018031429 (print) | LCCN 2018032654 (ebook) | ISBN 9781684031948 (PDF e-

book) | ISBN 9781684031955 (ePub) | ISBN 9781684031931 (paperback)

Subjects: LCSH: Adulthood--Psychological aspects. | Emotions. | Stress management. | Self-actualization

(Psychology) | BISAC: PSYCHOLOGY / Developmental Adulthood & Aging. | SELF-HELP Personal
Growth Happiness. | SELF-HELP Stress Management.

Classification: LCC BF724.5 (ebook) | LCC BF724.5 .F54 2019 (print) | DDC 155.67--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018031429

To my Ruben –

For providing so much support and evidence to the contrary…

My passengers could no longer get in the way

of this lifelong valued outcome.

Thank You!

And

In loving memory of

the one who guided me,

and was instrumental to the adult I became:

R. Scott Brooks.

Never Forgotten.

Contents

Introduction

Part I: Waking Up to the Universal You

1. The Emotional Habits That Bind Us

2. Your Mind-Body Vehicle: Your Holistic System

3. Passengers: The Hijackers and Bullies

4. Learning to Love Your Passengers

Part II: Unique You: Getting Self-Aware

5. Tuning In to Your Autopilot Patterns

6. Setting Your GPS for True North

7. Putting Your Vehicle in Gear: Making a Commitment

Part III: Skillful You: Getting Skilled Up for Mastering
Adulthood

8. Making Nice with Emotions: Validation Skills

9. Keeping a Wise Eye on Thoughts: Check Skills

10. Taking Control of Your Actions: Change Skills

Part IV: Successful You: Maintaining Commitment to Yourself
and Others

11. Sharing the Road with Other Drivers

12. Shifting from Autopilot to Mindful-Mastery