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Marriage and Family SecondEdition Marriage Family and A Christian Perspective SecondEdition BarbaraA.Riggs,Ph.D.,LMFT Cynthia Benn Tweedell,Ph.D. ® TRIANGLEPUBLISHING Marion,Indiana MarriageandFamily:AChristianPerspective,2ndEdition BarbaraA.Riggs,Ph.D.,LMFTandCynthiaBennTweedell,Ph.D. Directcorrespondenceandpermissionrequeststooneofthefollowing: E-mail: [email protected] Website: www.trianglepublishing.com Mail: TrianglePublishing 1900West50thStreet Marion,Indiana46953 USA TheAmericanPsychologicalAssociationManualwasusedinthiswork. PublishedbyTrianglePublishing Marion,Indiana46953 ISBN:978-1-931283-41-0 AllScripturequotations,unlessotherwisenoted,aretakenfromtheHolyBible,NewInternationalVersion®.NIV®. Copyright©1973,1978,1984byInternationalBibleSociety.Usedbypermissionof Zondervan.Allrights reserved. ScripturesmarkedasCEVaretakenfromtheContemporaryEnglishVersion©1995byAmericanBibleSociety. Usedbypermission. 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Copyright©2006,2010byTrianglePublishing.Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced, storedinaretrievalsystem,distributed,ortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans:electronic,mechanical,photocopy, recordingoranyother,exceptforbriefquotationsinprintedreviewsandaspermittedunderUnitedStatesCopyright Actof1976,withoutpriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher. GraphicDesign:LynRayn CoverPhoto:©iStockphoto.com/nataq PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica Academic and Peer Review uthorstypicallyinvestthousandsofhoursintheprocessofprovidingatextbookfor A you—drawingupontheirownexpertise,collaboratingwithothersintheirdiscipline, researching,andwriting.Theyhavecollectedandorganizedtheimportanttopicsof thesubjectmatterinaformtheybelieveismostbeneficialforyourlearning. Inadditionto thesignificantinvestmenttheauthorsmake,publisherssolicittheassistanceofotherexperts andprofessorsintheirquesttoprovideexcellentlearningresources. Excellence is enhanced through peer reviews. These reviews are a very important part of theprocessofpublishinganytextbookasexpertsinthefieldcriticallyexaminetheauthors’ work. Reviewers read the text carefully and usually provide the publisher with dozens of pagesofcriticalcomments. Thesecommentsrangefromstrengthssuchasaffirmationabout content and writing style to suggestions about deficiencies—chapter organization, informationregardingcurrentresearch,documentation,formandstylematters,aswellas debate pertaining to the authors’viewpoints. The authors are provided with the review comments and are given opportunity to respond—and in many cases do additional researching,rewriting,anddiscussingissuesandquestionsthatareraised. Thistextbookisnoexceptiontothepeerreviewprocess. Manyprofessionalsinthefieldof marriageandfamilystudies,includingcounseling,legalaffairs,andteaching/learning,have investedhundredsof hoursreviewingthistext. ThePublisherisespeciallythankfultothe reviewerswhohavegiventheirexpertise,time,andwisdominreadingandcommentingon Marriage and Family. Their contribution adds significantly to the content and quality of whatyouareabouttostudy. For your information,some of the reviewers and a summary of their involvement in the field of marriage and family studies are listed on the following page. For those academic administrators and professors who by their choice are not listed here,we truly appreciate yoursignificantcontributionsaswell. Youknowwhoyouare. Withgratitude, NathanBirky Publisher TrianglePublishing v Reviewers SharonCadyreceivedherbaccalaureatedegreefromIndianaWesleyanUniversityandaMasterof SocialWorkdegreefromIndianaUniversity. Shehasaprivatecounselingpracticeinwhichshe enjoysstrengtheningmarriagesandfamilies. Sharonisalicensedclinicalsocialworker(LCSW) andholdscredentialswiththeAcademyofCertifiedSocialWorkers(ACSW). Sheisalsoanadjunct professorforIndianaWesleyanUniversity,oftenteachingSociologyandMarriageandtheFamily courses. SharonhasbeenmarriedtoDonfor27years. Theyhavetwoadultchildren. Dr.SharonDruryearnedthePh.D.inOrganizationalLeadershipfromRegentUniversityin Virginia,andteachesAdvancedLeadershipandOrganizationTheorycoursesinthedoctoral programatIndianaWesleyanUniversity(IWU).ShehasbeenwithIWUforover15yearsand servedpreviouslyastheDeanfortheCollegeofAdultandProfessionalStudies.Sharonspecializes inapplyingleadershiptheorytononprofitorganizationsandhighereducationalinstitutions, andindevelopingwomenforleadershippositions.ShecommittedherlifetoJesusChristasa youngadult,andhasbeenmarriedforover40yearstoDr.KeithDrury,AssociateProfessorof ReligionatIWU.Theyhavetwomarriedsons,DavidandJohn,andfourgrandchildren.Sharon hashiked1,000milesoftheAppalachianTrail,climbedMt.KatahdininMaineandMt.Whitney inCalifornia,andenjoysbicycling“railstotrails”withherhusband. CharlesKaufmann is professor and Social Science Department Chair at Central Christian College,McPherson,Kansas.Hecurrentlyteachesseveralsociologycourses(includingmarriage andfamily)andmanyU.S.historycourses.HereceivedanAssociateofArtsdegreefromCentral ChristianCollege,BachelorofArtsfromBriarCliffCollegeandaMasterofArtsinLiberalStudies fromWichitaStateUniversity.HeisanordainedministerintheFreeMethodistChurchandhas 24yearsofpastoralministry.Charlesandhiswife,Lori,havebeenmarriedfor35yearsandare theparentsof fivechildrenandthegrandparentsof threegrandchildren.Charlesenjoysroad bikes(especiallyhisrecumbent),sprinttriathlons,andbackpacking. Dr.RBKuhntaughtatAlleghenyWesleyanCollege5years,followedbyservingasMinisterof ChristianEducationandPrincipalatFaithMissionChurch/StoneCityChristianAcademyfor19 years.Since2001,RBhasbeenanadministratorinIndianaWesleyanUniversity’sCollegeofAdult andProfessionalStudies. HiscurrentresponsibilitiesasDirectoroftheSchoolofLiberalArts includeoversightforGeneralEducation,Electives,CriminalJustice,Religion,andAddictions Counseling.He continues involvement with Triangle’s author focus groups and editing,and participatesinproductrepresentationinnationwideconferencesettings.RBisafreelancewriter, musician,worshipleader,andkeyboardprojectproducer—activitieswhichspanmorethan32 years.HehasbeenmarriedtoPamela(apublishedauthorof 40titlesof Christianeducation curriculum)34years,hasa teenagedaughter stillat home,onemarrieddaughter,andthree beautifulgrandchildren. vii MarriageandFamily Dr. Paul Stoltzfus is currently in private practice with specialties in neuropsychology, pediatric psychology, forensic consultations, and is an adjunct professor at George Fox University.HecompletedanundergraduatedegreeinClinicalPsychologyatGeorgeMason University(Virginia),andreceivedMasterandDoctoratedegreesatGeorgeFoxUniversity in clinical psychology. His dissertation researched treatment efficacy in adolescents in residentialtreatment.Dr.Stoltfus’professionalinvolvementincludesbeingamemberofthe OregonStateBar,BoardofBarExaminers,PresidentofGeorgeFoxAlumniBoard,andElder at Newberg Friends Church. His past employment has included: staff psychologist in communitymentalhealth,clinicaldirectorinaprivatementalhealthtreatmentcenter,and theclinicaldirectoratanadolescentresidentialtreatmentcenter.Paulandhiswife,Janette, aretheparentsoffourchildren,liveonahobbyfarm,enjoygardeningandraisetheirown pork and beef. Hobbies include reading existential psychology,practicing contemplative disciplines,tennis,archery,mountainbiking,andhiking. Paulisfullyinlovewithfamily, friendsandthewide,wildNorthwest. Dr.JudiSchwanzistheProfessorofPastoralCareandCounselingatNazareneTheological Seminary.She also serves as Research Consultant for the Doctor of Ministry program at NTSandisthedirectoroftheWynkoopCenterforWomeninMinistry.Dr.Schwanzholds aPh.D.andM.S.inPsychologyfromPortlandStateUniversity,andanM.A.inCounseling from Western Evangelical Seminary. She is an ordained minister in the Church of the Nazarene.Inadditiontoherteachingresponsibilities,JudicounselsNTSstudentsinpersonal and professional matters.Judi has written Blessed Connections: Relationships that Sustain VitalMinistry,publishedbytheAlbanInstitute.Shehaswrittennumerousarticlesandspeaks at retreats and workshops. Judi and her husband, Keith, are the parents of two married childrenandhavefivegrandchildren. Dr.TerriS.Watson,Psy.D.,ABPP,isanAssociateProfessoratWheatonCollege,whereshe coordinatestheM.A.ClinicalPsychologyprogram.BoardCertifiedinClinicalPsychology andanApprovedSupervisorwiththeAmericanAssociationforMarriageandFamilyTherapy, Dr.WatsonteachesgraduatecoursesinMaritalTherapy,ClinicalSupervision,Humanistic /ExperientialTherapy,andPlayTherapy.Shepublishesandpresentsonavarietyoftopics including integration of psychology and Christian faith,women’s issues,child and family therapy,andsupervision. Additionalreviewerspreferrednottobelisted. viii Contents AcademicandPeerReview .................................................. v Preface ................................................................... xi 1. WhyMarriageandFamily?............................................... 1 2. TheChangingFaceoftheAmericanFamily:EarlyHistory .................... 23 3. TheChangingFaceoftheAmericanFamily:ModernHistory ................. 54 4. Dating:GettingtoKnowYou ............................................ 83 5. LoveandMateSelection:What’sLoveGotToDoWithIt? ................... 107 6. MarriageandFamilyLife:TheEarlyYears ................................. 127 7. MarriageandFamilyLife:TheParentingYears ............................. 158 8. MarriageandFamilyLife:TheMiddleandLateYears ....................... 197 9. FamiliesandWork:TheJugglingAct ..................................... 231 10. Time,Energy,andMoney:ManagingFamilyResources...................... 257 11. CulturalVariationsinMarriageandFamily ................................ 283 12. ConflictinFamilies ................................................... 314 13. DivorceandRemarriage ................................................ 339 14. BuildingStrongFamilies ............................................... 376 Epilogue:TheFutureoftheFamily ........................................... 397 Glossary ................................................................. 404 References ............................................................... 416 Index.................................................................... 451 AbouttheAuthors......................................................... 458