Mark Twain's helpful hints for good living : [a handbook for the damned human race]

223 Pages·2012·3.223 MB·English

by  Twain, Mark, Fischer, Victor, Salamo, Lin, Twain, Mark, Frank, Michael B., Gardner, Grover

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JUMPING FROGS
Undiscovered, Rediscovered, and Celebrated Writings of Mark Twain
NAMED AFTER ONE OF MARK TWAIN’S BEST-KNOWN AND MOST
BELOVED SHORT STORIES, THE JUMPING FROGS SERIES OF BOOKS BRINGS
NEGLECTED TREASURES FROM MARK TWAIN’S PEN TO READERS.
1. IS HE DEAD? A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS, 2003.
2. MARK TWAIN’S HELPFUL HINTS FOR GOOD LIVING:
A HANDBOOK FOR THE DAMNED
HUMAN RACE, 2004.
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Mark Twain’s Helpful Hints for Good Living
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Mark Twain’s Helpful Hints for Good Living
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(cid:1)
(cid:1)
A HANDBOOK FOR THE DAMNED HUMAN RACE
(cid:1)
Edited by Lin Salamo,Victor Fischer,
and Michael B.Frank of the Mark Twain Project
(cid:1)
THE MARK TWAIN PROJECT IS A RESEARCH AND EDITORIAL PROJECT
HOUSED WITHIN THE MARK TWAIN PAPERS AT THE BANCROFT LIBRARY,
(cid:1)
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY.
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA PRESS
Berkeley Los Angeles London
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Frontispiece: Mark Twain, September 1908.
Photograph by Isabel V. Lyon.
   
Berkeley and Los Angeles, California
University ofCalifornia Press, Ltd.
London, England
© 2004 by The Regents ofthe University ofCalifornia
© 1991, 1997, and 2001 by Richard A. Watson and JP Morgan
Chase Bank as Trustees ofthe Mark Twain Foundation, which reserves
all reproduction or dramatization rights in every medium.
Library ofCongress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Twain, Mark, 1835–1910.
Mark Twain’s helpful hints for good living : a handbook for the
damned human race / Mark Twain ; edited by Lin Salamo, Victor Fischer,
and Michael B. Frank ofthe Mark Twain Project
p. cm.—(Jumping frogs ; 2)
Includes bibliographical references.
0-520-24245-9 (cloth : alk. paper)
1. Conduct oflife—Quotations, maxims, etc. 2. Conduct oflife—
Literary collections. 3. Twain, Mark, 1835–1910—Quotations.
I. Salamo, Lin. II. Fischer, Victor, 1942– III. Frank, Michael B.
IV. Bancroft Library. Mark Twain Project. V. Title.
1303.S25 2004
818'.409—dc22 2003024224
Manufactured in the United States ofAmerica
13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 05 04
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements
of/39.48–1992 (1997) (Permanence ofPaper). 8
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The human race consists ofthe
damned and the ought-to-be damned.
(cid:1)
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy
conscience: this is the ideal life.
  ’ , 
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+ ∂
Contents
List of Illustrations / xiii
 / 
 ::   / 
A Letter ofApology / 
About the Effect ofIntemperate Language / 
Be Good, Be Good. A Poem. / 
An Innovative Dinner Party Signal System / 
About American Manners / 
Breaking It Gently / 
Courtesy to Unexpected Visitors / 
At the Funeral / 
A Telephonic Conversation / 
 ::      / 
A Christmas Wish / 
Proposal Regarding Local Flooding / 
Complaint about Unreliable Service / 
Notice about a Stolen Umbrella / 
An Appeal against Injudicious Swearing / 