Manhood: The Bare Reality PDF
Preview Manhood: The Bare Reality
manhood: the bare reality Inspirational Inspirational: A mixture of ‘Inspire’ and ‘Rational’, the thing about that is; once inspired, rational thinking goes out the window so with that in mind: Can I cause you to follow a dream you had, to make you into a ‘better’ version of your dad? Will I make you take stock of your life to be a ‘better’ wife? What if my words lingered in your mind and in days you find yourself doing the ‘right thing’? That you pick up that dusty instrument and start (again) to sing? What if old passions were inflamed by my words and how they were framed? Let’s say I painted pictures with my words and you saw a farmer with a herd. Are you going to leave your nine to five, pack your car, drive, drive and drive until you reach the countryside and when you get to somewhere quaint, unpack your car and paint? Should what I say remind you of a time when you were free, will you quit your life as it is shouting ‘I’M NOT BEING ME!’? What if, in this little verse I said ‘There is nothing worse than not following your dream.’? Would your heart give a little scream at the memories of your youth, that halcyon summer spent in the DJ’s booth? Would a flashback come to mind of when you used to write in rhyme? That instrument you played, how did it get waylaid? Did you invent a thing but didn’t get a patent? What dreams are in you but unfortunately latent? I want to bring your passion to the fore so when you get home and go through your bathroom door, stand in front of the mirror, stare at your own face, smile and think about your place in this humdrum world, think about the universe through which you’re being hurled, realise your strengths, confidence and slightly selfish part, notice the swelling of the good bit of your heart, focus all your energy on the best bits of you and really understand that you can be SUPERYOU! Carl Chamberlain, Poet One of the 100 men in Manhood: The Bare Reality manhood: the bare reality Laura Dodsworth Contents Poem by Carl Chamberlain ‘Inspirational’ Foreword Introduction The Stories Methodology Acknowledgements Please note that all the stories in Manhood are personal opinion. The views expressed are those of the contributors and are not endorsed by the creator or publisher. No book can replace the diagnostic expertise and medical advice of a trusted physician. Please consult your doctor before making any decisions that may affect your health, particularly if you suffer from any medical condition or have any symptom that may require treatment. Foreword Laura Dodsworth has photographed 100 penises and published them. It makes a lovely addition to the coffee table for when company drops by. Perhaps the kids would like a look? And there you have it. Our nearly universal anxiety when confronted with what Dodsworth describes as something completely taboo. Namely, the male reproductive organ. But Dodsworth’s images aren’t the central focus of this book. The central focus of Dodsworth’s book is men’s personal stories. Which brings us to more taboos of a different sort. Men are are all the same, right? This idea underlies every story we have about men in bars, men at work, men on the street, men in marriages, men in love. Describe the fellow at the office who won’t stop making awkward jokes about women, and we all nod our heads in agreement. Yeah, him. But here’s the challenge. The often ugly stereotypes we have about men flourish in the absence of more personal stories; in what is a near vacuum of any intimate understanding of actual men’s lives. What do we ever hear of men’s anxieties, fears, challenges, and secret joys? Men are daily policed and bullied to hide these stories because our culture enforces a version of manhood that is emotionally stoic, self reliant and unrelentingly self assured. We live in a culture where “real” men don’t fail or cry and they sure as hell don’t need any damn help. Telling our stories is an act of giving and receiving help at the most basic human level. When we tell our stories of living, of our struggles, our joys and losses; healing and affirmation are granted to the teller and the listener, equally. But when generations of men are taught from a very early age to hide their private selves, their intimate stories, a narrative vacuum ensues. And as we all know, nature abhors a vacuum. So, men’s stories are told for them, by the red headlines of rape and war, blood thirsty CEO’s and power mad politicians; themes that rush in to take over the narrative, declaring men, in the collective silence, to be this or that, or the other. We rightfully honor women’s stories about their bodies, their journeys, their lives. The challenges women face in our garishly photoshopped world of unyielding abuse, violence and murder are spirit crushing. Women bravely unyielding abuse, violence and murder are spirit crushing. Women bravely telling their stories are acts of defiance and liberation. But what of men? It turns out that images of penises are the perfect metaphor for men’s most private selves, walled off from our collective awareness by shaming, held in check by our collective uncertainty about why we should give them our attention and for what possible purpose? Refreshingly, you hold a book full of men’s stories and men’s bodies, their appetites, their joys, their insecurities and the path their lives take. One would have to assume that having your penis photographed keeps it top of mind. As such, these are quite surprising stories, refreshingly frank and honest observations, funny and sad. By constructing her book in the way Dodsworth has, balancing straight forward images of men’s penises against their winding complex stories, Dodsworth dares us to look. Which is an important pattern breaking moment, both personally and culturally. And when we do take that risk, when we do look, we discover not only the refreshing courage of each man’s choice to be visible, but also the importance of acknowledging how vastly diverse men actually are. Mark Greene Senior Editor, The Good Men Project Author, Remaking Manhood Introduction For two years I photographed and interviewed women about their breasts and in May 2015 Bare Reality: 100 women, their breasts, their stories was published. As I undertook this project I assumed my next project would continue to explore women’s stories. Instead, after the book came out, I found myself drawn, perhaps compelled, to create an inner psychological and creative balance, and explore men’s stories. In recent years, Bare Reality and many more books, plays, films and art projects have allowed women to share their stories and reclaim their bodies, but penises remain the last taboo. Subject of exaggeration, source of pleasure, means to reproduce, cause of emotional anxiety, why don’t men talk more about their penises? It’s time to reveal men’s thoughts and feelings and celebrate this important body part. It’s time for Bare Reality with balls! Discussions about masculinity, boys in crisis, male suicide rates, male body image, men’s rights activists and a backlash to feminism are on the rise. While women may have suffered from their breasts being appropriated, packaged and sold back as an idealised aesthetic currency, men’s penises are almost completely taboo. In the age of both internet porn and the ubiquitous airbrush, it’s never been as important to dispel myths and ease anxieties. In a similar style to Bare Reality, 100 men were photographed and interviewed. The photographs are educational, sensitive and honest, presenting the normal spectrum of size and shape, hopefully helping men with body image anxiety. There are no digitally-expanded ‘packages’ in underwear advertising, no huge jackhammer porn penises, just real-life men in all their diversity and glory. Many more men than I could have imagined have suffered from the feeling that they are too small, too inadequate in some way, and this belief has bled into different aspects of their life. Why should these notions about size blight lives and perpetuate shame? Breasts and penises are not direct counterparts but both embody ideas of femininity and masculinity, womanhood and manhood, and offer intimate windows into our emotional and psychological worlds. Feminism has helped women to re-interpret womanhood and break down feminine stereotypes. I don’t feel this has happened enough yet for men. I don’t claim to hold the answers but instead offer 100 men’s thoughts, feelings and stories. In some ways, Bare Reality was a response to the men in my life and the male stories all around me in society and the media. I became more comfortable with my own womanhood and redefined being a woman on my own, fresh terms. But I didn’t feel I knew enough about men. What stories would men tell? These days we are all less bound by gender and traditional roles, but is there more confusion about what being a man means? In a world where men’s magazines can feature moisturisers and face scrubs, but honest, heartfelt emotional confessions are rare, it’s time to hear from men themselves. If we’re moving past the old definitions of masculinity, who better to talk about where we are now and where we’re going than men. From veteran to vicar, from porn addict to prostate cancer survivor, men from all walks of life, aged from 20 to 92, share honest reflections about their bodies, sexuality, relationships, fatherhood, work and health in Manhood. One of the stereotypes about men is that they don’t talk about their feelings. Masculinity is equated with ‘strong and silent’ and the ‘stiff upper lip’. Undertaking this project was a risk – would men talk? Would they talk to me, a woman? I found they stepped into the conversation with hunger, and a surprising honesty. This project exists because 100 men did talk frankly about their feelings. What a privilege, and how fascinating, these exchanges were. I hope that Manhood will open up conversations about what it is to be a man. Young men may recognise their own aspirations and anxieties. Women will find Manhood enlightening and moving – I don’t think many will have ever heard men talk like this. I hope that awareness of male cancers and men’s mental health will be advanced by this book. Mainly, I hope we can all understand each other a little better and find more kindness for ourselves and the men we know in every day life. Manhood: The Bare Reality is not a manifesto for men, nor my world view. 100 men simply give you their stories, how they think and feel. They reveal their manhood in both senses, with grace, humour, courage, and sensitivity. I fell in love with Men. Perhaps you will fall a little bit in love too. “I lost my virginity to the wife of my school teacher” I lost my virginity to the wife of my grammar school teacher. He was sent to France as a spy and resistance fighter. They had made an arrangement that while he was in France and there was no way they could keep in touch, that if they were sexually interested in someone else, they could have a relationship. They were both in love and would remain that way throughout the war, but it was an arrangement. I was 18 and went to stay with her when I had my embarkation leave. I knew them both and was fond of them both. I was in a single bedroom. In the morning, the door opens, and in comes this woman, in her robe. She took it off and kneeled beside the bed. And there was this 18-year-old naïve boy. Man? Boy. Not sexually experienced at all. I’d never had sexual intercourse. It was an act of kindness. I immediately fell in love with her, of course. I loved her. I’d loved her before. I’d had great feeling for her, but this was incredible. I left with an enormous pleasure. On the other hand, I was in the army. War wasn’t something I’d chosen, I was called up. I had an easy war. I was a driver and a wireless operator. I didn’t come in I had an easy war. I was a driver and a wireless operator. I didn’t come in contact with the enemy. I didn’t have difficult tasks, I just operated a radio. I didn’t like being conscripted, but I didn’t object. It was a justifiable war and I expected to be conscripted. After my school teacher’s wife, my next time with a woman was with a prostitute in a Naples brothel. I stayed all night. That’s unusual in brothels. When I woke up and looked at her, I thought she was lovely. I no longer have an attitude towards masculinity. I am affected by dementia now. A psychiatrist said I have dementia and prescribed drugs. It affects the way you think as well as your memory. Up until the age of 87 I still had normal feelings about sex and attraction, but these completely cut off and disappeared with my dementia. If I look at a pornographic image I have no sexual feeling. I am physically incapable, I couldn’t get an erection now. I occasionally masturbated until a few years ago, but it’s not there for me now, it has disappeared completely. The absence of sexual feeling doesn’t matter to me at all. When I was younger it would have been disastrous. You know, if a man can’t get an erection, he’d go and see a doctor and get it sorted. Like all men, it was a major interest, but I have no interest in it now. I have been married twice and had a number of affairs that mattered to me a great deal. Life has changed for women and men during my life. There is a more liberal partnership between men and women and an improvement. Although when I was young there were plenty of men who weren’t sexist individuals. Longevity is increasing. My grandparents died in their 70s, but they were more like people in their 90s now. Ageing happens later now. Up until I was 87 I felt normal in most ways. OK, I couldn’t ride a bike as well as a young man. I would claim I am a male feminist. What’s the word that covers all the different problems? This dementia… There are other forms of oppression, like class oppression. That’s it, I remember, I’m an intersectional feminist. I believe very much in that. Ninety-two years old “I told cancer to fuck off” I’ve had testicular cancer twice. First when I was 22, and the second time a couple of years ago when I was 34. Shit happens. I was lying in bed, having a scratch down there, masturbating, as you do, when I felt a lump on my left testicle, about the size of a pea. I was too embarrassed at the time to tell anyone about it. If I’d told my mum she would have made me go to the doctor, and he would have felt me down there, which I really didn’t want to happen. I ignored it for a good nine months until it was the size of two fingers put together. I bit the bullet and told my mum I had a lump on my bollocks. She looked it up in a medical book, which said it could be a cyst or testicular cancer. So I went to the doctor the next day. The doctor said it was very unusual and sent me to the hospital. The urologist felt my bollock. By this time I was very scared. He said he couldn’t be sure till after the biopsy, but he was 99 per cent sure it was testicular cancer. I thought I might die. The nine months I’d ignored the lump flashed by me like I was a drowning man. I fainted. It was cancer, but it was in the early stages. I had three weeks of radiotherapy as well as having the testicle removed.
The list of books you might like
