Make Over Your Sex Life...Tonight!: Hot, Fast, Erotic Fixes...And Sensuous Stories to Get Things Started

274 Pages·2005·4.028 MB·English

by  Susan Crain Bakos

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.. SUSAN CRAIN BAKOS
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.. NEW AMERICAN LIBRARY
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New American Library
Published by New American Library, a division of
Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA
Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto,
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Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

First published by New American Library, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

First Electronic edition, October 2005
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Copyright © Susan Crain Bakos, 2005
All rights reserved

MSR ISBN 0 7865 5914 4
AEB ISBN 0 7865 5915 2

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This book is for Tamm,
with love and gratitude
for the concept.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Many thanks to my editor, Tracy Bernstein, and my agent,
Janet Rosen—for their extraordinary patience and faith in
this project.
Thanks to Tiffany Yates for her excellent copyediting. I
am also grateful to the editors of Redbook magazine, who
have nurtured and encouraged my sex research. A “Sex Life
Makeovers” article first appeared in Redbook. The editors
were also first to recognize that the sex technique I in-
vented, the Orgasm Loop, was a fresh, new idea and asked
me to write about it. My best magazine pieces have ap-
peared in Redbook because the editors there know what
they’re doing when it comes to assigning and shaping sex
advice articles.
Some professional associates have encouraged me in this
book and many other endeavors. They include especially
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Dr. Joel Block and Dr. Bob Berkowitz, and also Dr. Patti
Britton. I learned a great deal about the uses of fantasy in Sex
Life Makeovers from Dr. Carole Pasahow, whose own work
in that area is brilliant and groundbreaking.
My closest friends have been more important to me in
this past year than ever before. I thank them for their
friendship, their emotional support, their faith in me—
and for being so much fun. They are Joe Rinaldi, Alex Zola,
Carolyn Males, and Michael and Barbara Hasamear.
To the Sex Life Makeover participants—thank you over
and over again. What great sports you all are!
A special thank-you to my sister, Ellen, who is always
there for me, my niece, Shawn, my daughter-in-law, Tamm,
and the three little ones who bring so much joy to our lives:
Iva Marie, Richard Charles, and Marcella Catherine.
And kisses to my lovers, past and present. I don’t think I
could write about sex if I hadn’t been lucky enough to have
had wonderful lovers.
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CONTENTS
Introduction:Does Your Sex Life Need a Makeover? 1
Part I * THE BASIC MAKEOVER
1.“The Sex Works,but the Thrill Is Gone.” 9
Part II * DESIRE
2. “I Want Sex;He Doesn’t.” 27
3. “He Wants Sex;I Don’t.” 40
4. “We Don’t Have the Time—or the Energy—for Sex.” 54
Part III * AROUSAL
5. “His/Her Body Doesn’t Turn Me on Anymore.” 73
6. “More Foreplay,Please!” 87
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Part IV * PERFORMANCE
7. “He Won’t Go Down on Me.” 107
8. “She Rarely Performs Fellatio.” 119
9. “He Loses His Erection During Lovemaking.” 130
10. “She/He Won’t Try Anything New in Bed.” 141
Part V * RELEASE
11. “It’s Over Too Fast.” 157
12. “I Don’t Come with Him.” 169
Part VI * ATTITUDE
13. “I Get Bored with a Woman After a Few 189
Weeks/Months/Years.”
14. “I Keep Picking Bad Lovers.” 210
Part VII * VARIATIONS
15. “She/He Wants a Little Kink;I Don’t.” 225
16. “He’s Not Putting It There.” 24o
17. “We Never Have Sex Because We Can’t Ever
Agree on When,How,or How Much.” 25o
Part VII * FANTASY
18. “I Shared My Fantasies—and She/He Isn’t
Speaking to Me Anymore.” 259
19. “She/He Wants to Act Out Fantasies,and I Don’t.” 269
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* introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . DNoeeeds Yao Mura Skeeox vLeirfe?
M
akeovers! They are every woman’s (and man’s) version
of the fairy godmother’s wand. We all want a piece of the
magic.
You could transform your life today in many ways: by cut-
ting off your long brown hair, coloring it blond, and trading
those basic midheel black pumps for a pair of hot pink
stilettos; by turning your cluttered office into a true work-
space where creativity can flourish; by painting the living
room a soft, glowing orange and adding exotic pillows, art
baskets, and a huge palm tree or two.
Makeovers are so appealing because they promise to
change us within as well as without. We will becomethe Chic
Blonde, the Writer, the Worldly Sophisticate that our new
exteriors boast that we are. And, unless we fall back into our
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