Loving Someone with Anxiety: Understanding and Helping Your Partner

201 Pages·2013·2.03 MB·English

by  Kate N. Thieda

“For the person whose loved one has anxiety, or for the person with anxiety
himself or herself, Kate N. Thieda’s book is practical and solution-oriented.
Especially reassuring is that the author blames no one, nor does she claim to
teach the reader how to ‘fix’ anyone. She offers both understanding of the
anxious behavior and tools to change one’s response to it.”
— Kristi Webb, PsyD, licensed psychologist, DBT
therapist, and a specialist in depression, anxiety, and
trauma
“As an anxiety disorder specialist, I frequently see my clients’ loved ones at
their wits’ end—not knowing what to do, how to help, or how to cope. If your
loved one suffers from anxiety, I strongly encourage you to read this book.”
— Julie Pike, PhD, licensed psychologist and expert in
the treatment of anxiety disorders
“This is a very easy-to-read book that provides a clear understanding of the
ways that anxiety affects relationships. As Kate N. Thieda points out, good
communication is critical in any successful relationship—and especially one
that is hampered by anxiety. This book presents readers with important infor-
mation on how to use effective communication strategies and other techniques
for improving relationships impacted by these problems.”
— Jonathan S. Abramowitz, PhD, ABPP, professor and
associate chair of psychology at the University of North
Carolina (UNC) at Chapel Hill, director of the UNC
Anxiety and Stress Disorders Clinic
“Countless clients with anxiety ask about a book that will teach their partners
about anxiety and offer suggestions for how to help. At last, this is that
book! With compassion and practicality, the author offers an understanding of
how anxiety impacts a relationship, as well as excellent strategies for how to
tackle anxiety and stay strong as a couple. This is a must-get book for anyone
loving someone with anxiety.”
—Annette R. Perot, PhD, licensed psychologist
specializing in the treatment of anxiety disorders
“A must-read for partners living with a love one experiencing any form of
anxiety! Through both partners’ eyes, Thieda provides robust and engaging
content on the common thought patterns, reactions, and behaviors creating
anxiety, along with reflective questions, exercises, interpersonal tools, and
strategies for supporting loved ones. She skillfully incorporates mindfulness
strategies (including affirmation and self-care) as enhancing practices for
living in the present moment, dissolving anxiety, and promoting inner calm-
ness. Kate’s book is chock-full of helpful examples, insights, and resources for
both partners!”
—Judith C. Holder, PhD, director at Duke
Occupational Mental Health Programs, leadership and
life coach-consultant, and author of Mastering Life’s
Adventures: On the Beam
The Loving Someone
Series
If your loved one has a psychological disorder, you
want to do everything you can to help them feel loved,
supported, and safe. However, it’s also important for you
to establish personal boundaries so that you can avoid
becoming overwhelmed.
New Harbinger’s Loving Someone Series was developed
to help readers like you truly understand a loved one’s
disorder, the medication or treatments that are available,
and how to take care of your own needs so that you
don’t lose yourself in the process. As the family member
or partner of someone with mental illness, you face your
own set of unique challenges. Our books can provide
powerful, evidence-based tools to help both you and
your loved one live happier, healthier lives.
For a complete list of books in this series,
visit newharbinger.com

loving
someone
with
anxiety
Understanding &
Helping Your Partner
KATE N. THIEDA, MS, LPCA
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in
regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the pub-
lisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional
services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent profes-
sional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2013 by Kate N. Thieda
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup; Acquired by Melissa Kirk;
Edited by Jasmine Star
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Thieda, Kate.
Loving someone with anxiety : understanding and helping your partner /
Kate Thieda, MS, LCPA.
pages cm. -- (The New Harbinger loving someone series)
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-60882-611-7 (pbk. : alk. paper) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-612-4
(pdf e-book)-- ISBN 978-1-60882-613-1 (epub) 1. Anxiety. 2. Couples--
Psychology. 3. Interpersonal relations. I. Title.
BF575.A6T48 2013
152.4’6--dc23
2012047225
Contents
1
Introduction
1 7
Understanding Anxiety and How It’s Treated
2 33
How Anxiety Affects Relationships
3 61
Typical Responses to a Partner’s Anxiety
4 79
Communication Strategies That Can Help with Anxiety
5 99
Techniques for Reducing Anxiety and Promoting Relaxation
6 117
Responding to Specific Types of Anxiety
7 145
Lifestyle Choices That Can Reduce Anxiety
8 161
Self- Care for the Caregiver
183
Resources
187
References

Introduction
Loving someone with anxiety can be both tiring and frustrating. It
may seem as though no matter what you do or say, it’s never enough
to help your partner relax and feel safe. You may find yourself living a
lifestyle that you never intended because you’re accommodating your
partner’s anxiety. Whether your partner has the kind of “everyday”
anxiety that all humans experience or struggles with a diagnosable
anxiety disorder, this book can help.
Do any of the following situations sound familiar?
• Do you constantly reassure your partner that the worst-
case scenario is not actually going to happen?
• Do you participate in rituals with your partner that seem
strange or unnecessary, such as washing your hands a cer-
tain number of times a day, arranging items in the pantry
or closet “just so,” counting objects or steps, or checking
the door locks and windows numerous times before leav-
ing the house or going to bed?