Love Your Neighbor and Yourself: A Jewish Approach to Modern Personal Ethics

386 Pages·2006·5.081 MB·English

by  Elliot N. Dorff

Love Your Neighbor
and Yourself
Dedicatedl’dor v’dor
in honor of
Shirley and Arthur Whizin
who taught the value of tzedakah,
and in honor of our children and grandchildren,
with whom we are blessed to share
a love of life.
Shelley and Bruce Whizin
Whizin Foundation
and
In honor of our mentor, teacher, and friend
Dr. David Lieber
and his lovely wife Esther
Rachel and Jack E. Gindi
ELLIOT N. DORFF
Love Your Neighbor
and Yourself
A JEWISH APPROACH TO MODERN
PERSONAL ETHICS
5763 2003
The Jewish Publication Society
Philadelphia
Copyright © 2003 by Elliot N. Dorff
First edition. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any infor-
mation storage or retrieval system, except for brief passages in connection with
a critical review, without permission in writing from the publisher:
The Jewish Publication Society
2100 Arch Street, 2ndfloor
Philadelphia, PA 19103
Composition by Book Design Studio
Manufactured in the United States of America
03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Dorff, Elliot N.
Love your neighbor and yourself : a Jewish approach to modern personal
ethics / Elliot N. Dorff.— 1st ed.
p. cm.
ISBN 0-8276-0759-8
1. Ethics, Jewish. 2. Conduct of life. 3. Jewish way of life. 4.
Philosophy, Jewish. I. Title.
BJ1285.D67 2003
296.3'6—dc21
2003004773
In gratitude to our extended family,
Close friends, near and far,
Models of morality and caring,
Whose love enriches our lives.
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Leviticus 19:18

Contents
Preface xi
Acknowledgments xvii
Chapter One Judaism and Ethics 1
Ethics Versus Morals 1
The Variety of Ethical Theories 3
Consequentialism 6
Deontology 8
Virtue or Character Ethics 11
Jewish Ethics 15
Jewish Morals 19
The Human Being 20
The Family 26
Education 28
The Community 29
Social Action and the Messianic Future 31
Not in the Heavens 31
Chapter Two Privacy 33
The Internet and Privacy 33
The Values and Concepts Motivating a Concern
for Privacy 35
Contrasting American and Jewish Interests in
Privacy 38
Intrusion 40
The Jewish Principles Governing Intrusion 41
vii
Work: Spying on Employees 43
Videotaping and Photographing 45
Overriding Privacy in the Name of National
Security 46
Privacy and Diversity Versus Safety 48
Disclosure 50
The Jewish Principles Governing Disclosure 50
American Legislation Banning Disclosure 50
Exceptions to the Ban against Disclosure 52
Proposals for Protecting against Intrusion and
Disclosure 66
Confidentiality as a Value 68
Duty to Prevent Temptation 70
Considered Restraint 70
Sanctions 71
Education and Personal Responsibility 71
Chapter Three “This Is My Beloved, This Is My Friend”:
Sex and the Family 73
Sexual Relations: Fundamental Concepts and
Values 74
Two Fundamental Concepts 74
Six Fundamental Values 76
Sex within Marriage 82
Marital Companionship 82
Parenthood 95
Nonmarital Sex 111
A Special Note for Teenagers 118
Masturbation 120
Homosexuality 120
Making Sex Meaningful, Joyful, and Holy 126
Chapter Four Parents and Children 127
Filial Duties: The Perspective of Jewish Classical
Sources 127
The Two Basic Duties: Honor and Respect 127
Fulfilling Parents’ Physical Needs 135
Personal Presence 136
Two Exceptions to Personal Care of Parents 137
Caring for Elderly Parents in Today’s World 139
Parental Duties: Applying Jewish Classical
Sources to Contemporary
Circumstances 143
Teaching Torah and Teaching a Trade 143
“Marrying Him Off to a Wife” 150
Chapter Five Family Violence 155
Types of Abuse and Their Jewish Legal
Status 155
viii
The Importance of the Conservative Legal
Method to Abuse Issues 155
Acknowledging Family Violence within Our
Community 157
Beating Wives or Husbands 159
Beating Children 166
Beating Parents 171
Sexual Abuse 173
Verbal Abuse 176
Witnesses to the Act or Results of Abuse 179
Defaming Another Human Being 180
Shaming Another 183
Informing Civil Authorities: The Issue of
Mesirah 185
Defaming God 187
The Scope of Parental Prerogatives 188
The Abused Party: Making One’s Way Out of an
Abusive Situation 190
The Abuser 192
Investigating an Allegation of Abuse 192
Making Amends 196
The Role of Rabbis, Educators, and Lay
Leaders 200
Reconnecting with God’s Image within Us 204
Chapter Six The Elements of Forgiveness 207
God’s Role in Forgiveness: The Guidance of the
Prayer Book 207
Obstacles to Asking for Forgiveness 209
Obstacles to Forgiving 210
Factors Promoting Forgiveness 211
Pardon, Forgive, and Reconcile 212
The Process of Return (Teshuvah):Becoming
Worthy of Forgiveness 215
Return: Its Problems and Promise 220
The Promise of Forgiveness 228
Chapter Seven Hope and Destiny 231
God 232
Individuals and Community 234
Providing Physical Support 234
Providing Emotional and Social Support 235
Individual Destiny 240
The Journey to Death and the Hereafter 240
Life after Death 244
Communal Destiny 249
ix