Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy PDF
Preview Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy
Love Is Never Enough How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy Aaron T. Beck, M.D. To Phyllis Contents Introduction The Cognitive Revolution in Psychology Dissolution of Marital Ties What Is Needed To Sustain a Relationship Untangling the Knots The Plan of the Book 1 The Power of Negative Thinking The Cognitive Approach Mind Reading The Invisible Mind How We Misinterpret Misreading the Signals Symbols and Meaning Bias 2 The Light and the Darkness The Infatuation “Program” The “Turn-Ons” (Activators) Disappointment Broken Promises The Grand Reversal Making Balanced Judgments 3 The Clash of Perspectives Open and Closed Perspectives Framing Conflicts of Personalities 4 Breaking the Rules Setting Expectations Making the Rules Applying the Rules Rules That Sabotage Enforcing the Rules Tyranny of the Shoulds Breaking the Rules Punishment Emergence of Rules Dealing with Rules and Attitudes 5 Static in Communication Indirectness and Ambiguity Defensiveness Missing the Message Monologues, Interruptions, and Silent Listening Deaf Spots and Blind Spots Differences in Pacing Use of Questioning Differences between the Sexes Explanation for Differences in Style Origin of the Sex Differences 6 Breakdown of the Partnership Threats to the Marital Compact Areas of Conflict 7 Silent Thoughts: The Eye of the Storm Secret Doubts Origin of Doubts about Self and Spouse The Secret Shoulds 8 Tricks of the Mind How Symbolic Meanings Twist Our Thinking The Spreading Factor Examples of Typical Cognitive Distortions Mental Distortions in Action 9 In Mortal Combat Barbed Messages Preemptive Strikes Overkill Behind the Fights: Basic Beliefs Controlling Anger Inhibition, Anger, and Self-Assertion The Anatomy of Anger 10 Can Your Relationship Improve? Resistances to Making Changes What Should Be Changed? Creating Problems Instead of Solving Them Redefining the Problem How Do People Change? A Program for Change 11 Reinforcing the Foundations Cooperation Commitment Basic Trust Assuming Good Will The Benefit of the Doubt Loyalty and Fidelity 12 Tuning Up the Relationship Loving and Being Loved Keeping Track of Positive Behavior Lifting the Blinders 13 Changing Your Own Distortions General Guidelines The Nine Steps 14 The Art of Conversation Pinpointing Problems in Communication Rules of Conversational Etiquette 15 The Art of Working Together Explanation of Differences Use of Questioning Flexibility Compromise Accommodation Setting Priorities 16 Troubleshooting Clarification of Differences Understanding Your Mate’s Perspective Specific Rules for Troubleshooting Sessions 17 Taming the Furies Source of the Problem: You or Your Mate? Gains and Losses from Expressing Anger Defusing Hostility in Your Mate 18 Special Problems Reduction of Sexual Desire Self-Therapy for Sex Problems Infidelity Stress Two-Job Families Problems in Remarriage Notes Bibliography Searchable Terms Acknowledgments About the Author Other Books by Aaron T. Beck Credits Copyright About the Publisher Love Is Never Enough is based on case material, including quotations obtained by me and my colleagues in counseling couples. However, all the names and identifying details have been changed without affecting the integrity of the illustrations. In some instances, I have created composites for the purpose of further disguising the identity of the individuals.
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