Loss and grief recovery: help caring for children with disabilities, chronic, or terminal illness PDF
Preview Loss and grief recovery: help caring for children with disabilities, chronic, or terminal illness
LOSS AND GRIEF RECOVERY: Help Caring for Children with Disabilities, Chronic or Terminal Illness Joyce Asliton Lewisville Medical Center Hospital, Texas 1vitli Dennis Asliton Director Private Social Service Agency, Texas Boca Raton London New York CRC Press is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business First published 199G by Baywood Publishing Company, Inc. Published 2018 by CRC Press Taylor & Francis Group GOOO Broken Sound Parkway NW, Suite 300 Boca Raton, FL 33187·27'12 First issued in paperback 2018 © 1996 by Taylor & Francis Group, LLC CRC Press is an imprint of Taylor & Francis Group, an Informa business No claim to original U.S. Government works ISBN 13: 978-0-415-78459-7 (pbk) ISBN 13: 978-0-89503-138-9 (hbk) This book contains information obtained from authentic and highly regarded sources. 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For permission to photocopy or use material electronically from this work, please access www.copyright.com (http://www.copyright.com/) or contact the Copyright Clearance Center, IndCCC), 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, 978-750-8100. CCC is a not-for-profit organization that provides licenses and registration for a variety of users. For organizations that have been granted a photocopy license by the CCC, a separate system of payment has been arranged. Trademark Notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. Visit the Taylor & Francis Web site at http://www.taylorandfrancis.com and the CRC Press Web site at http://www.crcpress.com Library of Congress Catalog Number: 95-40492 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Ashton, Joyce. Loss and grief recovery: help caring for children with disabilities, chronic, or terminal illness/ Joyce Ashton, Dennis Ashton. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0-89503-138-8 1. Grief. 2. Bereavement-Psychological aspects. 3. Children- Death-Psychological aspects. 4. Loss (Psychology). 5. Care of the sick. I. Ashton, Dennis, 1950- II. Title. BF575.G7A7848 1996 155'9'37--dc20 95-40492 CIP VZS' If I hacI a wi-s h .. I wozl cl& wish that. 1 co~~w~ alldk! I would rur and pla,y and all the girl VVML1UJ ClirGaM m e. See it's ha5 to be handicapped in son lays. Like you can't do yc ,~ omeworkw ithout some0 I V" helping you. Sports would be fin to do, an,d I would play basht ball. And I wouldn't miss standina in prone st 'I could 1 In aYs not walking is good luck bec vou get to drive early! (m wh,~elchairA) nd you don't t have to have a licampn Vn Gllr3G. 1V a compw ter all 'f. My ish will ?I! lome trll - -- B 'he ne,rt life! ho I Preface When Dennis and I married we were happy, carefree, and innocent to life’s tragedies. We faced each day with a determination to accom plish goals and make our dreams come true. We both finished college: I graduated as a registered nurse and Dennis with his bachelor’s degree in psychology and master’s degree in social work. We had faith in ourselves, our future, and our God. We wanted a large family and were disappointed when infertility became part of our lives. When we finally conceived, our daughter Joyce D. was born nine months and two weeks after a normal healthy pregnancy. However, she died sometime during labor the night before her birth—“STILLBORN.” Over the next ten years we had four sons: Darren, Cameron, Andrew, Brandon, and a daughter, Ashley. We experienced a mis carriage and various medical problems with each delivery, three of which were C-sections. We watched our children face various chal lenges including Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), learning difficul ties, and asthma. As a result of Cameron’s difficult delivery, he developed cerebral palsy. He lived a happy, productive life for fourteen years. With Cameron’s diagnosis we lost our carefree days and some of our innocence. With his death we lost more innocence and some of our happiness. We have had to find new ways to strengthen faith in our selves, our future, and our God. This book is about that journey and what we have learned. Our hope is to encourage others as they face their own personal challenges through life. V Acknowledgments The task of researching and writing this book was an overwhelming challenge for me. Each day I would wonder where to start and what to write. I found it was only after intense thought and sincere prayer that I would get the insight and direction in which to proceed. Thus, I must give credit to my Maker and the assistance He allowed from beyond this world. I am indebted to the many professionals in their fields. I have relied heavily on their knowledge, experience, and research. I have quoted many throughout this book. I am grateful to Cathy Long and Peggy Benedict who saw a need for a grief support program at our hospital and have allowed me to be the facilitator. I acknowledge the many clients, patients, and parents that have shared their grief and sometimes painful experiences with us. We have learned from them and quote many, with their permission. I am thankful for a supportive husband, children, and friends who allowed me to isolate myself on many occasions to work at the com puter, and who, with other close relatives, loved and supported me through my own grief. To my professor father who taught me to seek knowledge, my mother who believed in me and taught me faith, and my sister who listened and comforted me through my darkest days. To Jack Morgan who saw the potential “contribution” in our work and referred us to Baywood Publishing Company, where Stuart Cohen, Lorna Roher, and Bobbi Olszewski provided additional support and professional expertise. Vll viii / ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I wish to thank my friend and great American Impressionist, Leslie Young for the Cover painting. Its title is Impressionistic Abstract. I feel it depicts Illness, Loss, and Grief Recovery beautifully. Leslie also did the illustration in Chapter 3, page 31. Although I have compiled our material and written most of this book, I have relied heavily on my husband, Dennis. His professional expertise and experience, resource material, and editing have been very valuable. And of course without CAMERON, WHOSE LIFE AND DEATH IMPACTED US BEYOND DESCRIPTION, this book would never be! Contents Prologue ....................................................................................... 1 CHAPTER 1 3 Introduction: The Challenges of Our Numerous Losses CHAPTER 2 11 Our Struggle with the Diagnosis CHAPTER 3 25 Caring for Our Child at Home CHAPTER 4 49 Building Self-Esteem and Self-Worth CHAPTER 5 69 Recognizing and Managing Our Grief CHAPTER 6 91 Reconciliation of Our Loss: Adjusting, Accepting, and Healing CHAPTER 7 109 Our Relationships: Marriage, Friends, and Family (Other’s Reactions to Our Loss) CHAPTER 8 131 The Role of Spiritual Healing ix
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