Life After Leaving: The Remains of Spousal Abuse

209 Pages·2011·3.04 MB·English

by  Sophie Tamas

WRITING LIVES
EThNoGRaphIc NaRRaTIVES
Series Editors:
Arthur P. Bochner & Carolyn Ellis
University of South Florida
Writing Lives: Ethnographic Narratives publishes narrative representations
of qualitative research projects. The series editors seek manuscripts that
blur the boundaries between humanities and social sciences. We encour-
age novel and evocative forms of expressing concrete lived experience,
including autoethnographic, literary, poetic, artistic, visual, performative,
critical, multi-voiced, conversational, and co-constructed representations.
We are interested in ethnographic narratives that depict local stories;
employ literary modes of scene setting, dialogue, character development,
and unfolding action; and include the author’s critical reflections on the
research and writing process, such as research ethics, alternative modes of
inquiry and representation, reflexivity, and evocative storytelling. Proposals
and manuscripts should be directed to [email protected]
Volumes in this series:
Erotic Mentoring: Women’s Transformations in the University,
Janice Hocker Rushing
Intimate Colonialism: Head, Heart, and Body in West African
Development Work, Laurie L. Charlés
Last Writes: A Daybook for a Dying Friend, Laurel Richardson
A Trickster in Tweed: The Quest for Quality in a Faculty Life,
Thomas F. Frentz
Guyana Diaries: Women’s Lives Across Difference, Kimberly D. Nettles
Writing Qualitative Inquiry: Selves, Stories and Academic Life,
H. L. Goodall, Jr.
Accidental Ethnography: An Inquiry into Family Secrecy,
Christopher N. Poulos
Revision: Autoethnographic Reflections on Life and Work, Carolyn Ellis
Leaning: A Poetics of Personal Relationships, Ronald J. Pelias
Narrating the Closet: An Autoethnography of Same-Sex Attraction,
Tony E. Adams
Life After Leaving: The Remains of Spousal Abuse, Sophie Tamas
TTTTTTTTThhhhhhhhhhheeeeee RRRRRRRRRRReeeeeemmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnsssssss oooooooooffff
SSSSppoouuusssaaallllll AAAAAAbbbbuuussseee
Sophie Tamas
Walnut Creek, California
LEFT COAST PRESS, INC.
1630 North Main Street, #400
Walnut Creek, CA 94596
http://www.LCoastPress.com
Copyright © 2011 by Left Coast Press, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in
a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior
permission of the publisher.
ISBN 978-1-61132-061-9 hardcover
ISBN 978-1-61132-062-6 paperback
ISBN 978-1-61132-063-3 electronic
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Tamas, Sophie.
Life after leaving : the remains of spousal abuse / Sophie Tamas.
p. cm. — (Writing lives : ethnographic narratives)
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-61132-061-9 (hbk. : alk. paper) — ISBN 978-1-61132-062-6
(pbk. : alk. paper) — ISBN 978-1-61132-063-3 (ebook)
1. Tamas, Sophie. 2. Abused wives—Canada—Psychology. 3. Abused
wives—Canada—Drama. 4. Abused wives—Rehabilitation. I. Title.
HV6626.23.C2T36 2011
362.82’92092—dc23
2011022308
Printed in the United States of America
The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of
American National Standard for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper
for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48–1992.
C
ontents
Acknowledgments 7
Act I – The Story Begins 11
Scene 1: Ring 11
Scene 2: Tissues 13
Scene 3: School 14
Act II–Asking Books 15
Scene 1: Trauma 15
Scene 2: Haunting 32
Scene 3: Recovery 34
Scene 4: Sex 43
Scene 5: Play 46
Scene 6: Testimony 47
Scene 7: People 56
Act III–Asking Others 61
Scene 1: Theory 61
Scene 2: Practice 79
Act IV – Findings 105
Scene 1: Poems of others 105
Scene 2: Assemblage 139
Act V – The Story Ends 155
Scene 1: Pub 155
Scene 2: Home 157
Notes 165
Cast 183
Index 201
About the Author 207
INTERNaTIoNaL INSTITuTE foR QuaLITaTIVE METhodoLoGy
The International Institute for Qualitative Methodology (IIQM), under
the auspices of the Faculty of Nursing at the University of Alberta, was
founded in 1998 to facilitate the development of qualitative research
methods across a wide variety of academic disciplines through
research, publications, conferences, and workshops. The Institute
sponsors volumes that have received the Dissertation Award of the
Institute, then were revised for publication. This book is a revised ver-
sion of the author’s award-winning dissertation.
Other IIQM sponsored volumes available from Left Coast Press, Inc.
at www.LCoastPress.com:
Irena Madjar, Giving Comfort and Inflicting Pain
Ian William Sewall, The Folkloral Voice
Karen Martin, When a Baby Dies of SIDS: The Parents’ Grief and
Search for Reason
Claudia Malacrida, Mourning the Dreams: How Parents Create
Meaning from Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Early Infant Death
Hedy Bach, A Visual Narrative Concerning Curriculum, Girls,
Photography, Etc.
Rodney Evans, The Pedagogic Principal
Colleen Reid, The Wounds of Exclusion: Poverty, Women’s Health,
and Social Justice
Lynne Wiltse, Cultural Diversity and Discourse Practices in Grade Nine
Hazel K. Platzer, Positioning Identities: Lesbians’ and Gays’ Experiences
with Mental Health Care
Helen Vallianatos, Poor and Pregnant in New Delhi, India
Linde Zingaro, Speaking Out: Storytelling for Social Change
Sheri Leafgren, Reuben’s Fall: A Rhizomatic Analysis of Disobedience
in Kindergarten
Kaela Jubas, The Politics of Shopping: What Consumers Learn about
Identity, Globalization and Social Change
A
Cknowledgments
I would like to thank, in no particular order, the people without
whom this book would not exist:
Ć My dissertation supervisor, Dr. Sarah Todd. I met Sarah by
knocking on her office door, nervously describing my pro-
posed inquiry, and asking if she’d consider supervising it. I
had little hope. I was not from her department, she was so
well loved by her students that she probably would not have
the time, and she was about to be going on maternity leave
and sabbatical. But she said yes. When I am feeling bleak, I
remember this as a moment of pure, astonishing grace, one
of the great pivots of fortune in my life.
Ć My research participants. These women gave me the gift of
their time and stories, and trusted me to do something useful
with them. I will keep trying to do so.
Ć My parents, who always believed I was a writer and encour-
aged me, even if they worried about what I might write.
Ć My sweet girls—the three wonderful creatures who give
structure and meaning to my life.
Ć Mitch and Carolyn—my publisher and editor—for their
insightful critiques and unfailing support.
Finally, even though he finds dedications cloying, I would like
to dedicate this book to Shawn.

I truly believe that
unless this work is personal,
you are not really doing it.
—Teresa Bernardez