Table Of Content

•% A -^ '^^, ;i I SAM WOLFSON'S BRYAN FOGELand The Chosen Bookfor the Chosen People ($32.99INCanada) BXFLOKETHESTBKBOJyFBS! BXFBKIBNCBTHBÛILT! LAU^HyOUKTUCHUÔFF! From Bryan FogelandSamWolfson, thecreatorsandstars ofthenationalsmash hitplayJEWTOPIA, comes ahilar- ious,over-the-topguidetoJudaismunlikeanythingyou've ever seen. JU^r LOOK AJSOMB OF THB THIN^ YOU'LL KBAP ABOUT: •Top 1 ThingsThatJewsThinkAboutWhile in High HolidayServices (#8:"WhodidAllieGoldberg's nose?") • AGuideto theJewish Bachelor Party (questions to askthestripperinclude"Haveyouconsideredputting two dollars from every lapdance into an interest- bearing savings account?") •The Ultimate Neuroses Quiz (Find out just how neurotic you are.) •Important Moments in Jewish History (1993: PresidentClintonsays to Rabin andArafataftersign- inga historic peace treaty, "Hey, let's celebrate! I've got aJewish girl in my office I think you'll love!") ^fOMTINirIIDOM l(A( K ITAI>) Digitized by the Internet Archive 2012 in http://archive.org/details/jewtopiachosenboOObrya FOGEL&SAMWOLFSON'S BOOK ^^^-SJ^thechosenpeople Written and Edited by Bryan Fogel Sam Wolfson Additional Writing Amy Shearn Original Drawings and Illustrations Drew Beam Layout and Design Amy Marrin Kim Schuman Additional Material Aryeh Cohen-Wade Adam Markowitz Deirdre MacNamara Research Hannah Seligson Special Thanks Ralph Bishop, TimZeller Q \AARNER BOOKS Nl-W YORK BOSrON m BOOKFOR^=^ rVlOSEN ^^J^XHECHOSENPEOPLE Contents tnTKODUcrran VI VI ponet£70RD " Travel: Planes, Trains, and Diarrhea 'CH^pTeK s: ,, - 123 » Jewtopia's Guide to Life: t ' I From Bar Mitzvahs to Bowels\.' CHNPTER S: Conspiracy Theories: Do Jews Control the World?! TH£ EK^ro f=tn^L 209 ^f=TEKC7DKD. How Good a JewAre You? 212 ^CKnDC7L£DGrj:£nTS 213 PHDTD CKEDITS. , ntroduction In 2001, we were two struggling actor^WVfflS^^fWHollywood. Bryan was a prop comic doing 1:00 AM sets at the Improv pulling foot-long plastic alligators out of his pants. - a gopherfortheJeffFoxworthyShow, getting daily phone callsfrom his moth- er saying, "We spen^^fejghty grand for you to go to Northwestern and you're doing WHAT?!" erate to get a break, Bryan came up with an '(^^^flHBPûce an industry one-act , leHival, where actors and writers could perform materi^^^m audience of Hollywood agents, managers, casting directors, and producers. For the festival, the two of us de- cided that we would write and perform an original scene. The scene, which would later become Act One, Scene One of Jewtopia, was the highlight ofthe night and the two of us felt that we were on to sonrMaifeing special. vr =;<« .^.; Over then^xt year, Jewtopia wKKKm was created. Once we finishSfe V^t draft, we did a reading of the play for frienos and family, then spent another six months rewrit- 'ing. During this time, we were promised money from investor after investor to mount the production, but in the end none of them coughed up the bucks. In an act of final desperation,^HfljH^Br^HHKards and borrowedthe r^cH^Hwî'Dur parentsto raise t^HPfleJ^ên the $80,000 th " Jewtopiapremieredon May8th, 2003, attheCoast Playhouse Angeles underthe amazing direction ofAndy Fickman. The stal L!_L. jfj^didn'tworkout,wepromised ourselveswewouldfinal le Hollywood dream and find something else to do with our to mention never hearing the end of it from our parents. We'WpWied to rave reviews and the show immediately found ai audience. Unfortunately, we were also the sole producers on the play, so not only were we performing and extensively rewriting the show nightly, we were handling the box office, placing the advertis- ing, doing group sales, castinc^nd rehearsing understudies, and J doling out paychecks to thSMIIr Seventeen months later, we had become the longest-running original comedy in the history of Los Angeles theater and were being courted by just about every New York theater producer wanting to buy our show.