It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition

254 Pages·2006·4.06 MB·English

by  Meg Kennedy Dugan

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It’s My Life Now
SECOND EDITION
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It’s My Life Now
SECOND EDITION
Starting Over After an
Abusive Relationship or
Domestic Violence
Meg Kennedy Dugan & Roger R. Hock
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Published in 2006 by Published in Great Britain by
Routledge Routledge
Taylor & Francis Group Taylor & Francis Group
270 Madison Avenue 2 Park Square
New York, NY 10016 Milton Park, Abingdon
Oxon OX14 4RN
© 2006 by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock
Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis Group
Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
International Standard Book Number-10: 0-415-95325-1 (Softcover)
International Standard Book Number-13: 978-0-415-95325-2 (Softcover)
Library of Congress Card Number 2005030193
No part of this book may be reprinted, reproduced, transmitted, or utilized in any form by any electronic,
mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying, microfilming, and
recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission from the publishers.
Trademark Notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only
for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Dugan, Meg Kennedy.
It's my life now : starting over after an abusive relationship or domestic violence / Meg Kennedy
Dugan, Roger R Hock.-- 2nd ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-415-95325-1 (pb : alk. paper)
1.Abused women--Life skills guides. 2.Separation (Psychology) 3.Single women--Life skills
guides. I. Hock, Roger R., 1948- II. Title.
HV6626.D84 2006
362.82'924--dc22 2005030193
Visit the Taylor & Francis Web site at
http://www.taylorandfrancis.com
Taylor & Francis Group and the Routledge Web site at
is the Academic Division of Informa plc. http://www.routledge-ny.com
Dedication
For our loving, supportive,
and patient spouses,
David S. Dugan and Diane Perin Hock.
This book is also dedicated
to survivors of relationship abuse
and domestic violence
who are, or will be,
on the path toward healing.
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Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction xi
Self-Exploration “Healing in Progress” xix
Part I: Looking Back 1
1. Were You in an Abusive Relationship? 3
Self-Exploration I “Abusive Behaviors Inventory” 16
Self-Exploration II “Abusive Behaviors Analysis” 17
2. Are You Out of Danger Now? 21
Self-Exploration “Assessing Your Safety” 34
3. How Could This Have Happened? 39
Self-Exploration “Stereotypes Your Abuser
Believed” 46
4. The Hidden Horror: Sexual Abuse 49
Self-Exploration “Self-Talk” 61
5. How Could You Have Loved an Abuser? 63
Self-Exploration “Why You Loved Your Abuser” 69
6. Abuse of Men by Women, and Abuse in Gay, Lesbian,
and Transgender Relationships 71
Self-Exploration “Your Unique Challenges” 80
vii
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viii It’s My Life Now
Part II: Now 83
7. Losing Your Partner, Your Dream, Your Life 85
Self-Exploration “Expressing Your Feelings” 94
8. When Feelings Overwhelm You 97
Self-Exploration “Assessing Your Feelings” 108
9. Signs of Unfinished Healing 115
Self-Exploration “Assessing Your Healing” 123
10. What About the Children? 127
Self-Exploration “Child Assessment” 140
11. The Reactions of Others 143
Self-Exploration “Evaluating Your Friendships” 152
Part III: Looking Forward 155
12. Practical Considerations 157
Self-Exploration I “The Practical Side of Healing” 166
Self-Exploration II “Just How Much Money Do You
Need to Survive?” 168
13. Beginning to Heal 173
Self-Exploration “Do You Need Professional Help?” 181
14. Believing in Yourself 185
Self-Exploration “Who Are You?” 191
15. The Temptation to Go Back 193
Self-Exploration “Considering Your Options” 201
16. Is Your Abuser Still in Your Life? 203
Self-Exploration “Planning Ahead for Contact” 210
17. Loving Again 213
Self-Exploration “What to Look for and What to
Avoid” 221
Postscript 223
Resources 225
Index 227
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Acknowledgments
Many thanks to George Zimmar, publishing director at Routledge,
for his support and encouragement on this project. We would also
like to thank Patricia Connolly and Takisha Jackson for their tal-
ented and expert manuscript editing.
Meg Kennedy Dugan extends her deepest gratitude and her per-
sonal appreciation to her family for their continued love, support,
and guidance. Roger Hock expresses his heartfelt thanks to Diane
Perin Hock and Caroline Hock who lovingly and unselfishly endured
the necessity of a temporary decrease in their treasured time together
as a family during the writing and preparation of this book.
ix
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