It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace

200 Pages·2013·1.21 MB·English

by  Anne Kreamer

How would you answer the following questions?
Your supervisor tells you that she wants to discuss your
performance. Which of the following do you think?
a. You and your boss have different styles and you’re pretty certain she’ll
be critical
b. You feel a sense of anxiety about the meeting come over you
c. You imagine you’ll be complimented for all of your hard work—after
all, good things come to hard workers
d. You mentally prepare a list of what you accomplished compared to
your stated objectives from your last discussion and feel confident
you’ve exceeded expectations
You’ve worked an entire day on an assignment for your boss only
to discover that a co-worker failed to share a crucial piece of
information with you. And you have to redo everything. Which of
the responses below might describe how you’d deal with this
situation?
a. In no uncertain terms, you let your boss know how much your co-
worker’s stupidity has cost you, and you storm out of the office
b. You think to yourself, “This is exactly why I don’t trust parts of my
projects to others!”
c. You call your best friend and think how lucky you are to have
someone to share your problems with
d. You take the annoying information for what it is, and stay at work
until you get the assignment done
You’re in a “no-idea-is-a-bad-idea” brainstorming session. What are
you thinking?
a. You’re in heaven—“Creative Thinker” is your middle name
b. You’re terrified someone will ask you to suggest something
c. You like it when everyone works toward a shared goal
d. You’re uncomfortable and feel like someone should soon steer the
conversation to what all this means
Your spouse just lost her job, your kids have the flu, and a big
project is due. What are you thinking?
a. There’s almost nothing a couple of glasses of wine won’t fix
b. You do what you’ve got to do, but make sure everyone knows how
tough it is on you
c. You’re glad you’ve got friends outside of work to support you at times
like these
d. You make a plan—prioritize what needs to happen and ask for help
when you need it
You walk into the employee’s room and overhear a group of
employees bad-mouthing one of your co-workers. What do you do?
a. You join in—it’s important that you fit in on the job
b. You avoid the gossiping group
c. You distract people from the conversation, introducing a new topic
d. You stand up for the person
In general, which type of work environment suits you best?
a. An organization where ideas are debated publicly and the best ones
win
b. A job where I know what’s expected of me, and I’m given the time and
resources to do it well
c. An organization that cares about employees’ values
d. One in which decisions are made based on fact, truth, and numbers
As you imagined yourself in each situation, were you aware of what you
were feeling? Anxious, angry, elated, frustrated, fearful, compassionate?
Maybe you felt a combination of several emotions? If you were aware of
your emotions, was your impulse to trust them, or try to override them
with logic? Did different questions arouse different kinds of feelings? Do
you know that those feelings contribute to your professional success or
failure by consistently shaping the choices you make?
If you found that your answers fell predominantly into one category—
more a’s or c’s, for instance—you’ll discover in this book a set of
diagnostic tools that I’ve developed—The Workplace Emotional
Evaluation Profile—that precisely defines what those answers indicate
about your individual emotional work style as well as your typical
approach to handling emotional situations. But a diagnosis of your own
emotional makeup is only one part of the emotional mastery equation—
learning to identify and understand how others deal with emotion is
nearly as important. It’s Always Personal will help guide you, offering
concrete strategies that will help you improve your skills at managing
your own emotions and navigating your colleagues’.
Getting smart about emotion at work is not some airy-fairy luxury,
rather, emotion management is an essential skill set for professional
success. If you want to be more aware of those emotions and learn to
channel them more productively, read on.
Praise for
IT’S ALWAYS PERSONAL
“Throughout this heartfelt book, Ms. Kreamer comes down on the side of
accepting and expressing one’s authentic feelings, though in sensible and
constructive ways. It’s Always Personal is not a manifesto for workplace
encounter groups, but the book does argue that greater emotional
openness could lend vitality to American business, and it urges both men
and women to ‘bring their full, true selves to the game.’ ”
—The Wall Street Journal
“It’s Always Personal will transform the way you look at office culture
and work relationships. In an insightful analysis packed with research,
evidence, and real-life examples, Kreamer demonstrates why emotion
matters so much in the workplace—and, with practical advice, she
identifies ways to be happier and more effective at work.”
—GRETCHEN RUBIN, #1 New York Times
bestselling author of The Happiness Project
“Anne Kreamer … has hit the ‘It’s about time!’ button with her latest, It’s
Always Personal: Emotion in the New Workplace. Finally, someone is
willing to unpack the morass of anger, anxiety, sadness, and joy that
drives the workday. Yes, this bears repeating: drives the workday … what
makes Kreamer’s book transcend Who Moved My Cheese-yness is the
tension that thrums beneath her ex-executive optimism and also her own
still-palpable disappointment in the corporate sphere.”
—Elle
“This will be one of the most fascinating and useful books you’ll ever
read. In this groundbreaking study, Anne Kreamer looks at emotion in
the workplace through first-hand experiences, scientific research, and
empirical data. What’s the role of anger, fear, empathy, anxiety, and
tears? This book explains them in ways that will make you a better
worker, boss, and human being.”
—WALTER ISAACSON, president and CEO,
The Aspen Institute and former CEO of CNN
“Big girls do cry—and yell—at work, according to this lively, well-
researched exploration of emotions on the job.”
—O: The Oprah Magazine
“It’s Always Personal made me want to stand up and cheer! I love this
book. And every person who has ever been a boss or an employee needs
to read it. Superb reading and highly practical!”
—CHRISTIANE NORTHRUP, M.D., New York Times
bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom
“Kreamer makes a solid case for her philosophy in the most compelling
way possible … an extremely readable, well-reasoned volume.”
—Publishers Weekly
“A magnificent book, deeply researched and fun to read, It’s Always
Personal is destined to become a classic in the field of men, women, and
work.”
—LOUANN BRIZENDINE, M.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Female
Brain
“So what should be the rules and boundaries for showing how you feel
while you work? That’s a question asked and answered in Anne
Kreamer’s fascinating book.”
—The Washington Post
It’s Always Personal is a work of nonfiction. Some names and identifying details have been
changed.
Copyright © 2011, 2012 by Bedoozled, Inc.
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Random House, an imprint of The Random House Publishing
Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
RANDOM HOUSE and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
The Emotional Incidents in the Workplace survey, the Workplace Emotion Evaluation Profile
diagnostic and related graphics © 2009 J. Walter Thompson U.S.A., Inc.
eISBN: 978-0-67960493-8
www.atrandom.com
Jacket design and illustrations: Daniel Rembert
v3.1
Let’s not forget that small emotions are the great captains of our lives. —Vincent van Gogh
Contents
Cover
Quiz: Do You Need This Book?
Praise for It’s Always Personal
Title Page
Copyright
Epigraph
1. The Moment of Truth
2. Emotion 101
3. The Anger Epidemic
4. On Being Afraid
5. Our Age of Anxiety
6. Empathy: We Do Get by with a Little Help from Our Friends
7. Big Girls Do Cry
8. Beyond the Facts of Life
9. The Four Profiles—Which One Are You?
10. Bouncing Back
11. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy: Creativity at Work
12. We May Have Come from Mars and Venus, but We All Live on Earth
Discussion Guide
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Bibliography
By Anne Kreamer
About the Author