Table Of Content

IT’S A GUY THING A Owner’s Manual for Women DAVID DEIDA Health Communications, Inc. Deerfield Beach, Florida www.hcibooks.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Deida, David. It’s a guy thing : an owner’s manual for women / David Deida. p. cm. ISBN-13: 978-1-55874-464-6 (trade paperback) ISBN-10: 1-55874-464-9 (trade paperback) 1. Man-woman relationships—United States. 2. Men—United States—Psychology. 3. Women—United States—Psychology. 4. Intimacy (Psychology)—United States. 5. Interpersonal communication—United States. I. Title. HQ801.D44974 1997 97- 306.7—dc21 21703 CIP © 1997 David Deida All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher. HCI, its logos and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc. 3201 S.W. 15th Street Deerfield Beach, Florida 33442-8190 Cover design by Lawna Patterson Oldfield CONTENTS 1. Understanding Men Why Are Men So Difficult? Why Is He So Rigid? Why Doesn’t He Pay More Attention to Me? Why Does His Work Seem More Important Than Me? Why Isn’t He Aware of How He Hurts Me? What Can I Do When He Seems So Burdened? Why Is He So Obsessed with Perfection? Why Do I Feel Him Rejecting Me So Often? Why Can’t He Be with Me Emotionally? Why Is He Afraid to Commit? Why Can’t He Be More Vulnerable? 2. Thank God Women Are Not Men Can Geographical Places Have Sexual Characteristics? Why Do Men and Women Shop So Differently? Why Do We Fight So Much? What Are the Essences of Masculine and Feminine? What Do Soap Operas and Sex Movies Have in Common? Why Does He Say I’m Too Emotional When He Seems So Rigid? Why Can’t He Love Me When His Career Isn’t Going Well? Why Does He Like to Go Places Without Me? 3. The Snap, Crackle and Pop of Sex What Is Sexual Polarity? Why Does My Career Turn Him Off? Should I Tell Him About My Day? Why Am I Attracted to Him One Moment and Repulsed the Next? Aren’t Some Men Naturally More Feminine? Must I Always Act Feminine If I Want to Be Sexy? Why Do I Enjoy Having Many Men Friends? How Does Housework Relate to Passion? Isn’t It Better to Be Balanced Than All Masculine or All Feminine? 4. Ungiven Sexual Gifts Why Are Men Afraid of Women? Can a Man Be Strong and Also Feminine? Why Don’t I Trust My Man When He Just “Hangs Out”? Is Fairness Always Best? Who Should Pay for Dinner? Are Artists Always Feminine? Do I Really Want a Masculine Man? Why Is It So Difficult for Him to Honor Me As a Woman? 5. Culture Is the Enemy of Sex Why Does Our Intimacy Seem So Lifeless? Why Has the Passion Gone Out of Our Relationship? Can Spending Casual Time with Men Be Harmful to My Sexual Health? How Has Our Culture Changed the Way Men Look at Themselves? Is Feminine Energy Less Competent Than Masculine? Why Do I Feel Silly Around My Lover? How Can Men Strengthen Their Masculine and Women Strengthen Their Feminine? 6. Understanding the Drama of Woman and Man Will We Ever Stop Hurting Each Other? What Happened to the Juice? What Does He Really Want from Me? Should a Man Obey His Woman? How Do I Attract a Strong Man? Who Gets to Make the Decisions, Him or Me? What Can Men and Women Learn from Each Other? Why Do Men Balk at Commitment? Why Is So Much Emphasis Placed on a Woman’s Attractiveness? 7. Dealing with a Difficult Man Why Do Men Always Blame Women? Why Isn’t My Man More Self-Directed? Why Do I Attract Lazy Men? What Can I Do When His Sex Drive Suddenly Disappears? Why Can’t He Express His Appreciation for Me? How Can I Reach Him Without Making Him Angry? Why Is He So Afraid of Getting Close? Why Does Intimacy Seem Less Important to Him Than to Me? Should I Just Accept the Fact That Men Are Selfish? Why Can’t He Receive My Love? What Should I Do When He Ignores Me? How Can I Get Him to Express His Real Emotions About Other Women? 8. Money, Sex and the Workplace Shouldn’t Women Be Paid As Much As Men? Why Does His Financial Irresponsibility Bother Me So Much? Why Do We Always Fight About Money? Why Doesn’t He Like to Talk About My Workday with Me? What If I Am Better at Handling Our Finances Than He Is? Why Are Men Often Hostile Toward Professional Women? Does Working with Women Ruin My Man? When Discussing Business, Why Do Men Like to Exclude Women? How Serious Are Men’s Sexual Fantasies About Their Female Co-Workers? Should I Support Myself Even If He Wants to Support Me? 9. Why Talking Doesn’t Work How Do I Create Intimacy? Why Can’t We Communicate? How Can I Talk So He Understands Me? Why Does He Think I’m Stupid? Why Does He Criticize My Emotionality? Is He Blind to How I’m Feeling? What Should I Do When I’m Unable to Speak? Are All Men Dishonest? Why Can’t He Listen to My Suggestions? Shouldn’t I Be Able to Say Anything I Want to My Man? If He Isn’t Interested in Talking About My Day, What Should I Do? Why Does He Cut Me Short and Interrupt Me, Even When I’m Loving Him? What Should I Do If My Man Keeps Talking Business and I Want to Play? Why Do Our Conversations Feel So Empty? How Can I Change My Man’s Ways? If He Can Tell Me What to Do, Why Can’t I Tell Him What to Do? How Can I Get My Man to Make a Decision Without Creating Tension? 10. How to Prepare a Man for Intimacy Are All Men Obsessed with Something Other Than Intimacy? Does He Really Want to Leave Me or Is It Just a Phase?. Why Does It Seem to Make Things Worse When I Try to Help Him? What Can I Expect If My Man Is Just Beginning to Grow Strong? How Can I Teach Him to Receive My Feminine Gifts? 11. The Ups and Downs of Masculine Sexuality What Does My Man Feel When He Stares at Other Women? Why Is My Man So Mechanical During Sex? Why Isn’t He More Present with Me After He Has an Orgasm? Why Do Pictures of Naked Ladies Turn Him On So Much? Do All Men Fantasize About Other Women? 12. How to Attract Your Perfect Partner What Makes a Perfect Partner? How Can I Evoke My Man’s Passion? How Do I Attract a Man Who Cherishes My Feminine Energy? Why Do We Doubt Each Other’s Love? Why Do I Get Bored with Men Who Feel “Safe”? Why Do I Attract Wimpy Men? 13. Reclaiming Your Native Feminine Force What Happens When I Reject My Own Feminine or Masculine? Why Would a Woman Suppress Her Own Feminine Energy? What Do I Have to Do to Be Feminine? Should I Try to Be More Feminine in Order to Attract My Man? Why Am I Afraid of How Feminine He Makes Me Feel? Why Do I Feel Incompetent When I Relax in My Feminine? Why Is He Afraid of My Emotional Force? What’s the Fastest Way to Cultivate My Feminine Energy? How Do I Develop the Masculine Part of Myself? Shouldn’t I Try to Balance My Internal Masculine and Feminine? Since Men Don’t Seem to Have Much Integrity, Why Should I Trust Them? 14. Deciding If He Is the Right Man Is It Possible for Partners to Grow in Different Directions? How Can I Leave Him When I Still Love Him? Why Can’t I Let Go of My Old Relationship? Will I Ever Stop Fearing That I Will Lose Him? How Can I Choose the Right Man? How Long Should I Wait for Him to Change? Is It Easier for Men or Women to Leave a Relationship? What Is the Bottom Line in a Relationship? Should I Leave My Man If He Is Addicted to Drugs? Should I Stay or Should I Go? 15. Succeeding in the Real Practice of Intimacy How Can I Change Myself? Will I Ever Find a Man Who Gives Me the Love That I Want? How Can I Get the Love I Used to Have? How Do I Grow in My Ability to Love? What Should I Do When My Relationship Feels Hellish? How Do I Get Rid of the Tension in My Relationship? Should I Tell Him How Afraid I Am? Will He Always Bring Out the Worst in Me? How Can I Avoid the Negative Feelings That Come Up in Intimacy? Will I Always Fail in My Relationships? Is It Possible to Achieve a Perfect Relationship? Why Is Loving So Painful? Why Should I Commit to Intimacy If It Is So Painful? Wouldn’t He Treat Me Differently If He Loved Me? Why Should I Give Him Love When He Pulls Away from Me? Why Should I Trust Him If He Hurts Me? 16. Embracing the Parents in Your Head and in Your Bed Why Do I Always Get Involved with a Man Who Can’t Give Me What I Want? How Does My Mother Affect My Intimate Relationship? How Can I Change His Need to Control Me? Why Do I Feel Like I’m Still Trying to Please My Mother? How Can I Get Rid of the “Mother” I Still Hear in My Head? 17. Practical Exercises for Healing Your Relationship What Can I Do When He Is in a Bad Mood? How Can I Tell Him I Don’t Want to Be His Mother? How Can We Regain the Passion We Had Before We Became Parents? How Can I Learn to Enjoy Sex More? How Can I Stop Flip-Flopping Between Feeling Helpless and Feeling Strong? How Can I Connect with My Intuitive Wisdom About My Relationship? Is Discrimination or Surrender More Important for Real Commitment? How Can I Clarify Whether I Really Want to Stay with My Man? 18. Surrendering into Ecstasy Can a Bad Relationship Prevent Me from Discovering God or Divine Love? How Can I Experience Ecstasy in My Intimate Relationship? How Can I Love Without Getting Hurt? Should I Just Passively Surrender to Whatever My Man Wants to Do? Do I Have to Surrender Myself to Really Enjoy Sex? Am I Ready to Surrender into Love with a Man? For More Information 1 Understanding Men