Is It Love or Is It Addiction? - Second Edition PDF
Preview Is It Love or Is It Addiction? - Second Edition
title: Is It Love or Is Addiction? author: Schaeffer, Brenda. publisher: Hazelden Publishing isbn10 | asin: 1568381409 print isbn13: 9781568381404 ebook isbn13: 9780585307602 language: English subject Relationship addiction, Love. publication date: 1997 lcc: RC552.R44.S34 1997eb ddc: 158.2 subject: Relationship addiction, Love. Page iii Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Second Edition Brenda Schaeffer Page iv Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176 1-800-328-0094 1-651-213-4590 (Fax) http://www.hazelden.org © 1987, 1997 by Brenda Schaeffer All rights reserved. First published 1987. Second edition 1997 Printed in the United States of America No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Schaeffer, Brenda. Is it love or is it addiction?/Brenda Schaeffer. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 1-56838-140-9 1. Relationship addiction. 2. Love. I. Title. RC552.R44S34 1997 158.2DC21 97-27921 CIP 02 01 00 99 9 8 7 6 5 4 Book design by Will H. Powers Typesetting by Stanton Publication Services, Inc. Cover design by David Spohn The vignettes in this book are composites of actual situations and persons, although some story lines in the vignettes have been created by the author for il- lustrative purposes. The autobiographical sketches are real, although the names have been changed. Any resemblance to specific persons, living or dead, or spe- cific events, is entirely coincidental. Page v For my children, Heidi and Gordy, that they may know healthy love; for my late father, Ralph Furtman, in grati- tude for his steadfast support and caring; for my late mother, Bernice Furtman, in acknowledgment of her permission to be all that I can be. May the souls of my parents know a peace they so deserve. Page vii A good book is a supple and yielding thing. It is meant to be argued with, challenged, marked up. It is a battle ground for ideas and should show some evidence of a fight or at least some preliminary skirmishes. It is good for igniting minds. It is not the be-all and end-all of a balanced and productive life, but it can touch off needed thoughts and action. NORMAN COUSINS, Human Options Page ix CONTENTS Acknowledgments xi Preface xiii I The Reality of Addictive Love 1 3 The Power of Love Healthy Love 3 Addiction 5 Types of Love Addiction 10 Love and the Unconscious Mind 17 2 19 The Roots of Love Addiction The Role of Biology 19 The Role of Culture 24 The Role of Spiritual Quests 30 Self-Actualization 32 The Role of Psychology 34 3 37 The Psychology of Love Addiction A Psychological Understanding of Dependencies 39 The Child Within: Addictive Dependency 41 The Myths behind Love Addiction 43 II How Do I Love Thee? 4 49 Addictive Lovers Identifying Addictive Love 49 The Characteristics of Addictive Love 51 Page x 5 77 Power Plays Power 77 The Beginnings of Power Plays 78 Twenty-Three Power Plays 79 Options 83 The Goal: Mutual Respect 85 6 89 Healthy Belonging Our Need for Others 89 The Characteristics of Healthy Belonging 90 Power Sharing 108 III Hope for Tomorrow 7 115 From Addiction to Love The Way Out 116 Out of Addiction and into Healthy Love: The Process 117 From Addiction to Healthy Love 126 Sometimes, We Need to Let Go 135 8 141 Helping Yourself out of Love Addiction The Self-Help Method: Awareness, Assessment, 143 Decision, Exploration, Reprogramming, Renewal, and Expansion Notes 177 Bibliography 183 Resources: For Further Information 187 Index 189 How to Contact the Author 195
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