Intimate Warfare: Regarding the Fragility of Family Relations

319 Pages·2009·1.113 MB·English

by  Martine Groen, Justine van Lawick

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CHAPTERTITLE I
INTIMATE WARFARE
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INTIMATE WARFARE
Regarding the Fragility of
Family Relations
Martine Groen and
Justine van Lawick
Systemic Thinking and Practice Series:
Series Editor
Ros Draper
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First published in 2009 by
Karnac Books Ltd
118 Finchley Road, London NW3 5HT
Copyright © 2009 Martine Groen and Justine van Lawick.
The rights of Martine Groen and Justine van Lawick to be identified as the
authors of this work have been asserted in accordance with §§ 77 and 78 of
the Copyright Design and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored
in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the
prior written permission of the publisher.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A C.I.P. for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN: 978 1 85575 521 5
Translated by Martha M. Otten & Marcel Otten
Edited, designed and produced by The Studio Publishing Services Ltd
www.publishingservicesuk.co.uk
e-mail: [email protected]
Printed in Great Britain
www.karnacbooks.com
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CONTENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHORS vii
SERIES EDITOR’S FOREWORD ix
FOREWORD xi
INTRODUCTION xv
CHAPTER ONE
Domestic violence: characteristics and size 1
Justine van Lawick
CHAPTER TWO
Together you will progress 19
Justine van Lawick
CHAPTER THREE
The downward spiral of violence between partners 25
Justine van Lawick
CHAPTER FOUR
From ill-behaviour to relational behaviour 71
Justine van Lawick
v
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vi CONTENTS
CHAPTER FIVE
Escalation and de-escalation 93
Justine van Lawick
CHAPTER SIX
Violence in families of various cultural backgrounds 99
Martine Groen
CHAPTER SEVEN
The coherence between shame and violence 151
Martine Groen
CHAPTER EIGHT
Rituals of revenge 169
Martine Groen
CHAPTER NINE
The reproduction of violence 183
Martine Groen
CHAPTER TEN
Of young rulers and the terror at home 201
Justine van Lawick
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The therapist as a person 229
Martine Groen
CHAPTER TWELVE
Apprehensive heroes 253
Martine Groen
CONCLUSION 273
REFERENCES 279
INDEX 293
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ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Martine Groenis a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, who
has specialized in the effects of violence and trauma in families. She
is also a trainer, consultant, coach, and mediator in non-profit orga-
nizations. She has been consulting and training traumatized women,
families, and organizations from 1995 to 2005 in former Yugoslavia.
She took part in a conflict resolutions scheme between various orga-
nizations in Bosnia. She has published several books on prostitution,
intimate war, domestic violence, shame and violence.
Justine van Lawick is clinical psychologist, family therapist, and
director of training in the Lorentzhuis, a centre for systemic ther-
apy, training and consultation in Haarlem, the Netherlands. Her
areas of interest focus on addressing violent behaviour in families
with compassion for all involved family members and without
blaming. Another area of interest is working with marginalized
families. Justine has published many articles and a book.
vii
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SERIES EDITOR’S FOREWORD
It is an honour to include the second edition of this book in our
series. Cultural and societal taboos about talking about domestic
violence as well as the consequences of such violence, frequently
leaving perpetrators and victims either in hiding or in the public
domain of the justice system, mean that professionals constrained
by agency requirements easily omit addressing the systemic com-
plexities in cases of domestic violence. In highlighting the systemic
complexities of domestic violence, this book seeks also to inspire
excellence among professionals who recognize that where multiple
agencies are involved with the different needs of different clients in
any domestic violence situation, collaborative working and co-cre-
ation is in the best interests of all their clients. This book is for pro-
fessionals working as sole practitioners as well as those involved in
multi-agency working.
Written by two well-recognized experts in their field, this book
brings to the reader a vast storehouse of wisdom and experience for
understanding and intervening with clarity and compassion in the
lives of wounded and damaged people.
The authors, Martine Groen and Justine van Lawick, are well
known nationally in Holland, a country with a long history of
forward thinking in the provision of services for the marginalized
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