Interesting Times Magazine #03

2009·3.3 MB·English

East Anglia
Cyberpunk Noir:
the deconstruction of
Climategate
Terraforming
Planet Earth:
lifestyle hacking the
permaculture way
Intel Report:
predictions for 2010
Cannibal zombies
attack North America:
a "movie review" by Sgt Skull
Will to Power:
personal development
for Nietzschean Supermen
Chaotic Neutral: AHA’s monthly(ish) editorial
C y b e r p u n k 2 o i o .
How Cthulhu stole Christmas (end of year rantfest)
This editorial was produced with the aid of Part 1 the rainbow of success. I will make up my
Fyodor Wodka, Arla milk, Firehouse –Don’t own opinion, never listen to the den of vipers
STFU, you fake vaginas
walk away (The Wrestler OST), the Swedish & thieves we call the gov't & media. I will lead
tax-payers, and much vaseline. with conviction or be led, never accept apa-
There's this meme that whereas the 90's
thy as an option. Yeah, I will keep lifting
were hip and ironic, the 00's were more au-
Part 0: weights too, bizarre NY Times fashions** be
thentic and real. Maybe. We sure had a lot of
damned and mocked. And in all this I WILL be
Fearless Swedish zombie-hunters
reality TV and reality terrorism (I repeat my-
efficient, smooth, effective and happy to be
self). But it's the difference between spout-
alive and have something to live for. So help
So, time to close up shop on this greasy fuck- ing a bunch of contrived Tarantino lines and
me frakking Gods. Hoo-rah!
ing horror show that was the last 10 years sarcastic snarks, and parroting what they
and try to offer some verbal valium for the tell you is "real" and being "aware". You're
Give me the right beliefs and high speed In-
interesting times ahead of us. Maybe even just covering up your atrophied personality
ternet, and I will move the world...
with a bit less rage and desperation than is with a new flavor of garbage. Really being
customary for this cynical grognard. yourself, that's rare.
Part 2
Bad-ass sex0rs
I actually like this time of year, though. The The way you Americans call people dicks
Kali Yuga* always seems to give me the holi- when they are dicks, we in Sweden call peo-
days off, or at least tone down the relentless ple damn vaginas. "Jävla fittor". And that's I'm a rebel without a clue. I'm not a slacker
horror a little bit. Probably placebo, but a no- how I feel about these people going around though, I just find the modern world de-mo-
ticeable effect nonetheless. I call it the +3 pretending they are making a stand against tivating. Believe it or not, cynicism is not my
Christmas ward save. Maybe dressing up like conformity and being all real and aware of natural mode. I'm the type who would fight to
Santa Claus all year round is the key to sanity? the hope & change that is gonna come if the end for something if I truly believed in it.
everyone else can just become as real and Too bad there's nothing around like that any-
Imoto always says I'm a sad, bitter, lonely aware as they are. more. I'm still waiting for the clouds to
meanie. Yeah, well... I'm not the one who's spread and the voice of the big kahuna up-
losing sleep worrying that everyone who took No thank you, sir! I can't be that. I have to be stairs to order me unto my Life Purpose. But
the vaccine will turn into a zombie and start someone else. I will NOT be real, thankyou- idle genuflection gets you nowhere these
eating the living. She sure does know how to verymuch. I will keep watching 80's flicks. I days. So, I sit around and try to level-up a bit
make a pretty 'zine, I'll give her that. But if will follow my own path. I will continue to be- and maybe pay the bills and get some quality
Sweden was a part of the free world she'd lieve in titanic mirth, crushing blues, sense- hedonism in while I wait.
be up in a tower with a sniper rifle. less romantics and raging vitrolics. I will
follow the stacks of tacky self-help books that But invest my energies somewhere, I must.
Moving on... lead to the TV-Shop pot of gold at the end of Rejecting society's standards as base and
Chaotic Neutral: AHA’s monthly(ish) editorial
.
C y b e r p u n k 2 o i o .
How Cthulhu stole Christmas (end of year rantfest)
corrupt, and lacking order-giving fiery
shrubberies and whatnot, I must rely on my-
self.
Figuring out what you want on your own is
really hard. Most never manage it. What do I
want? What do I REALLY want? I mean, not
the Tony Robbins (bless him) spiel of "do you
want to own a JET, do you want to own a MAN-
SION, do you want to own a FERRARI, do you
want to own a BILLION ZILLION DOLLARS!!??"
I spent years pondering this, and what I came
up with was that, intuitively and gutfeelingly,
there are two things that hold great appeal:
Becoming more like Batman and chasing tail
zle-solving (my version of sudoku is hardcore right: I'm not Herr Schwarzenegger, just his
(Becoming Bruce Wayne?). If you're a bad-
programming & geopolitics). But they don't most pious worshipper.
ass and a Casanova, that's one hell of a good
hold that same life-or-death icy-spikes-of-
situation I reckon! I mean, if you can bench-
dopamine visceral appeal, now do they? The I like to think that my tastes are that of an
press 600 lbs, ninjutsu around multiple as-
only thing to come close would be the arts enlightened barbarian, kinda. But damaged
sailants like they're rag dolls, walk around
and they are, surprise surprise, almost al- by academia. I've read more dusty German
with finesse in awesome black power armor,
ways about love and fighting. dudes than thou, mine philosophy peen is big-
AND pick up 10s at the club, what other
ger than thine, but somehow I don't get off
skillsets do you really need in order to be
Wille zur Batmanheit und foxy Bierbaben? on being pretentious about it. Why can't
happy? The classic meme of war and porn
everyone listen to fuckin' kick-ass quality
driving all innovation comes to mind.
Part 3 80's music such as Skid Row, drink some
simple but effective alcohol, leer at some ba-
All Hail Arnold
I mean, there are other worthwhile motiva-
thycolpian chicks, pet some kittens, watch an
tors in life too: good food, humor, interest-
Arnold flick for the umpteenth time, hang out
ing conversations, nature, spirituality, What's up with all of you confused folks e-
with some witty muchachos, have a good
misanthropy, philanthropy, respect in the mailing me and addressing me as "Arnold"?
fuckin' time, etc? What's wrong with that?
peer group, learning crafts and developing That would be like going around calling your-
Give me the 80's back, Father Time!
competence, video games, inebriation, puz- self God. Can't have that, it's hubris. Get it
Like my friend (and walking philosophy ency- Part 5 Like sheep to the slaughter, like lemmings to
clopedia) Armed Hippie always says: the smorgasbord, kindergarten for grown-
Z’oh mon dieu! It’s full of Americans!
"dammit, I just want my life to be R-rated and ups, pay out the ass for your own downfall, so
A pep talk for those beyond the pond
have a heavy metal soundtrack". Wise words it is in Sweden. So, grow some balls and start
indeed. loving America, you arrogant liberals, you.
You yanks are a bunch of uncouth overpaid What other country could make Arnold the
Why you gotta be all grown up and serious oversexed uncultured redneck hillbillies. But star he deserves to be and produce a politi-
'cause you read Foucault and some other be that as it may. For dammit, you have balls. cal culture where AK-47s in the hands of
overly-abstruse wankers? I just don't un- And I love you. You still have zest for life. You crazy people like me are essential to the
derstand... In all matters of opinion, you in- like guns and big Hooters and cheesy Toby functioning of a free State? We need you to
tellectuals are all inane. Keith songs and getting hammered on horse remain uncouth rednecks and bring back the
piss beer. Not to mention football: a bunch of American Dream. O equals W, as some of you
The 80's fuckin' rocked! And that's a fact. 300 lbs behemoths, yet fast as cheetas, run- have figured out by now.
ning around in fucking power armor. What do
Part 4 we have, a bunch of skinny emos chasing a My friends are all learning Chinese and
preparing to serve the new overlords. I'm
Bracing for the shitfloods
”The difference still holding on to some hope.
What got us through the eighties, nineties and between MDMA
Let's make sure the future slogan isn't "land
naughties won't get us through the... uhm..
on its knees, home of the slaves"...
hormonal teenies? :p and a high school
Part 6
crush is one of
Yes, the world of 2010 is approaching pu-
Fuck sanity
berty. The teenage years will be a core-dump
degree and delivery
of havoc if you ever saw one, trust me on
that. Anno Domini 2010 stands between the mechanisms.” “We’re all mutants. What’s more remarkable
world that was and the unknown future, is how many of us appear to be normal.”
struggling to find out who it truly is and will —Dr. Walter Bishop, Fringe
pathetic ball, milling around indecisively like
become. And throwing tantrums and doing
the average Swedish voter not sure whether
drugs in the meantime. Do we want the truth? Most people would say
to vote for the insane commies or the mod-
that living a lie is not an ideal thing. But
erate commies come next potty-training sea-
Why are people still looking to politicians for they're lying. The pursuit of truth, the REAL
son (aka the great quadrennial spectacle).
answers in twothousandfrakkingnine? They truth, is the weirdest kink there is. Most peo-
won't save you, help you through the calamity ple don't want to open that can of wormwood.
But lately, you've been having a mid-life cri-
ahead. Isn't it clear to everyone by now that Humans evolved all kinds of mental hacks,
sis, getting all excited over a fistful of hopes
we are dealing with a cabal of malevolent heuristics and half-guesstimates to KEEP us
and some pocket change. What's up with
traitors at worst, and a gaggle of disinter- from knowing reality, feeding us just the right
that? Should you become more like us? Is the
ested beancounters at best? Fuck politics, amount of drug-laced information to main-
Swedish model all that...? Yeah, it is. But it's
carve out your own success. If you live like tain homeostasis. Breathing & fucking is what
extremely fragile, not easily transplantable,
politicians demand, you will end up fat, lonely, it all boils down to, philosophy is just a really
and comes with its own set of nasty bugs that
miserable, undersexed and penniless. Stop weird side-effect. We are overclocked
politicans keep calling features. I'm a huge
feeding the hand that bites. aquatic monkeys running a bunch of hacked-
fan of Sweden but you'd have to use violence
together scripts and infected to the yin yang
to get me to stop complaining about this
So, yeah... just skip the foreplay and give me with weird malware. And there is no reboot
country. It's one thing to talk about the wel-
the sodomy straight up on the rocks. button.
fare state, another to be molested by Social
Science has proven that depressed people
Democracy on a daily basis.
have a more accurate perception of the two personality traits with a tendency to need a project where we call the shots,
world, their abilities and their personal situ- clash violently. So, stop gazing into the cthul- where our creativity counts, where bureau-
ation than the euthymic (aka the "normal"). hian void, will ya? cracy is seen as the enemy of life that it truly
There's a term for it: depressive realism. A is. This is my starship Serenity, my little mini-
clear perception of reality is something we Don't worry, be happy! kingdom where I am Captain. What starship
as biomachines are not really built to handle. will YOU build in 2010?
In fact, it's often counter-productive to our Part 7
genetic programming (again, the breathing Merry X-mas and Happy New Year! May you
What doesn’t kill you
and the fucking). While there is an evolution- clean out the bullshit styes of the Neo-
only makes you stranger
ary advantage to being a truth-seeker (it Augean stables we call life and party like it's
helps you implement the four-mammoth prom night in 1985!
workweek), that only goes so far. When you So, here we stand. Brand new year, brand
go too far, the tribe gets freaked out and they new decade, the sci-fi feeling is getting Want to offer AHA a writing gig, some sug-
ostracize you, which is pretty much death to thicker. Cyborgs, clone armies, mind control, gestions or just some good old hate? Send
our 10 000 BC atavistic brains. World War 4chan, all just around the corner. all your messages to editor@interesting-
Often, nay consistently, life seems to mimic a timesmagazine.com
The belief that society and people in general shitty sci-fi B-movie plot these days.
are of sound mental health is a huge lie. Sane * According to the Hindus, the last age before the
people are in the minority. But sanity is over- And we're supposed to be in crisis. The sky is end of the world. Total corruption, moral decay,
rated anyway. The sane people are the cyn- falling. We'll all starve when the economy loss of all hope, etc. Uplifting as fuck, I know. But
the way I see it, there ain't no better party than
ics, the miserables and the misfits (and a few crashes and then we'll be fubar'ed by climate
the one just before Doomsday.
Buddhist monks). The insane ones are the change. If we manage to get past 2012, that is.
rest of the herd, constantly exaggerating
** "It's hip to be round" – http://www.ny-
their own importance, rationalizating away All this crap is strangely invigorating though,
times.com/2009/08/13/fashion/13POTBELLY.ht
uncomfortable facts, altering their social isn't it? Everything is coming undone and the
ml?_r=1&ref=fashion
status according to where they perceive they future is up for grabs. The wily entrepreneur
rank in some imaginary neolithic tribe, bas- sees opportunity where others see adver-
ing their belief system upon what is popular sity, and acts accordingly. I am reminded
and accepted, and inferring a bunch of crazy of Caesar's "De bello gallico". The bar-
things and passing snap judgement based on barians would switch up their unevenly-
way too little data, all the while being inter- sized property lots every few years so
nally sprayed through and hosed down with a everyone kept their balls and their
potent cocktail of drugs that cause them to drive and no one got fat, lazy, compla-
feel love, optimism and hope. (The difference cent. Thrive on adversity. Maybe
between MDMA and a high school crush is one there's something to that. Me, I'll
of degree and delivery mechanisms.) Srsly, defend my Punisher comics to
this is sanity? To quote Tyler Durden (the the last breath.
pick-up guy, not Brad Pitt): "Most people are
not too concerned with objectivity. As long as The resilient multidabbling
their model of reality keeps them alive that's lifestyle artist who is the
all that matters." Green Beret of his own
army and knows op-
It sounds like I'm knocking optimism. Nothing portunity when he sees
could be further from the truth. I'm just mak- it is the guy who will make it
ing you aware that cheery and realistic are through to the other side. We all
.about INDEX
Interesting Times is a self-help magazine for extreme people, helping you
survive and thrive in the cyberpunk future of today. Headquartered in
Sweden, the magazine provides a unique perspective on the current age
of possibility, where every new happening holds the potential for both
disaster and groundbreaking success.
The magazine aims to implement total world domination using a shock
& awe toolbox of positive thinking, power armor and pornstar girl-
friends, edifying the reader with an eclectic mix of interesting subjects
including lifestyle design, preparations for the post-apocalypse, and the
pursuit of superhuman fitness through batmanesque bodyhacking.
Building better bad-asses is our main objective and we aim to please.
The suck stops here!
Interesting Times, your train to awesome town since 2009!
Cover: All I want for Christmas is a case of 00 Buckshot
Artist: Stefan Härnström
Editor-for-life: A.H.A. [email protected]
Layout: Imoto [email protected]
Visit the magazine at www.interestingtimesmagazine.com
Contact us at info@interestingtimesmagazine
.about INDEX
8
Terraforming Planet Earth:
Lifestyle hacking the permaculture way
12
Adventure Racing: the sexy polymath
of endurance sports
16
Cannibal zombies attack North America;
a ”movie review” by Sgt. Skull
20
Will to power; personal development
for Nietzschean Supermen
22
Sanity-checking your social Interactions
25
Intel Report: Predictions for 2010
42
East Anglia Cyberpunk Noir:
the deconstruction of Climategate
46
Muscle and babe connoisseur: an
interview with Nate Green of T-Nation.com
50
An introduction to male enhancement
TERRAFORMING PLANET EARTH:
When was the last time you stopped and asked,
“What are we doing here? What is our goal as a
society?” By just looking at the outcomes, we
are pursuing neither happiness nor trying to
maximize human potential – that is assuming we
aren’t grossly ignorant and incompetent.
The goal of our society surely isn’t to ensure about by trying to force industrialism upon on Earth, so you could be forgiven for think-
human survival. Agriculture is the corner- the natural world. While assembly-line think- ing that they have it tough compared to us.
stone of civilization, but we are degrading ing may have the advantage of being easy for Yet it only takes the San 750 hours a year to
soils worldwide at a faster rate and a greater the human mind to comprehend, it does not survive. Our extra 1250 to 2250 hours a year
scale than at any time in history. It is to the mesh with the complexity of the natural en- seems to be mostly for the sake of gadgets
point that in some places on Earth, one ton vironment. and luxury items.
of crop comes at a cost of twenty tons of top-
soil. Amid this environmental crisis, net reported Is this what we really want, considering that
happiness levels are decreasing and anxiety we sell moments of our life away to attain
The energy that modern agriculture depends is increasing. This has occurred even though this lifestyle that makes us progressively
on is in decline as we appear to have reached our overall standard of living, measured by a more unhappy and anxious? If you were of-
the peak of oil production globally. This spells materialist yard stick, has gone up steadily fered a viable alternative, would you sacri-
disaster for an agricultural system that re- until the recent financial meltdown. fice some of your current lifestyle to live one
quires an average of 10 calories of energy to In the developed world, people are work- that gave you more time for yourself while
produce one calorie of food. ing between 2000 and 3000 hours a year, being healthier and more environmentally re-
yet we are supposed to be living the easy sponsible at the same time?
Add to this the pollution emitted by our mod- life? Consider the San of the Kalahari Desert.
ern way of life. All of these problems come They live in one of the harsher environments Permaculture, a methodology designed by
TERRAFORMING PLANET EARTH:
LIFESTYLE HACKING
text DOUGLAS BARNES
THE PERMACULTURE WAY
Australians Bill Mollison and David Holmgren or captures more energy than it consumes. caring for the Earth and is dooming its peo-
in the 1970s, is a design system that makes For instance, I am currently building a home ple.
such a life a possibility. It is a way of design- that I have designed to be sustainable. The
ing human environments to meet material concrete in the home comes at an energy Design in permaculture comes from observ-
needs in a sustainable way that improves the cost of 1.5 kWh per kilogram. ing nature. In this way, we see not only what
environment along the way. The word itself n my home the concrete will not only be a works in a given environment, but how things
is a portmanteau of “permanent” and “agri- structural element but will also be a heat sink work as well. From observation, we learn that
culture”. Often mistaken for some system of for the 957 Watt hours per square metre interactive diversity builds redundancy in a
organic gardening, permaculture is con- that is available from the sun on a clear day. system, making it resilient. In this way, if one
cerned about much more. It guides climate- This will significantly reduce the amount of element fails, the entire system does not col-
specific house design, water systems, waste heating the home needs. lapse. Consider what would happen to con-
management systems, food production, and ventional agriculture should fossil fuels
community development. Permaculture is also the only design system become uneconomical to use. It would com-
guided by a set of ethics: Care of the Earth, pletely grind to a halt.
The key to understanding permaculture is to Care of the People and the Return of surplus
provide a clear, unambiguous definition of the to the Earth and its people. Observation shows us that there is a Law of
term “sustainable.” Any system or operation These ethics hold design to the standard of Return: that which you take must be given
is sustainable if, over its lifetime, it produces sustainability. Without sustainability, one isn’t back. Nutrients from wastes must be cycled
In the developed world,
people are working between 2000
and 3000 hours a year, yet we are
supposed to be living the easy life?
through an environment to maintain long cold climates, more sensitive plants can be and the greater the yield you will have. If, for
term fertility and to avoid the pollution that planted on the sunny side of rock faces to example, you are growing birch trees, you
comes from excess waste. One of the rea- provide them with more heat. can collect the sap in spring and make syrup.
sons forests in north-eastern North Amer- The tree provides shade and can act as a
ica are in difficulty is because the nutrient Nature shows us that we should design action windbreak to increase the productivity of
transport system that delivered 3 billion kg around energy, not energy around action. crops and animals. The wood can be used for
of phosphorus a year was taken away when Typically, people plan what it is they want to timber and the branches for fodder. The
the passenger pigeon was made extinct. In do, and then import the energy they need to branches can be chipped and used to grow
the west, the decline of salmon is having a do it as an afterthought. It is better to take mushrooms such as oyster mushrooms
similar effect on the overall phosphorus the energy we have locally and design our ac- (Pleurotus ostreatus). After being used as a
cycle there. With natural systems in decline, tions around that available energy. We do this mushroom substrate, the chips can then be
holding on to what we have by cycling wastes in permaculture by placing elements in zones fed to cattle, pigs or chickens, soaked in cold
within the system becomes all the more im- of activity. Elements that need frequent at- water and used as an insecticidal fertiliser,
portant. At the same time, we cannot allow tention are located in the closest, easiest to or used as a nematode-reducing mulch. Thus
waste to accumulate unused as it does in fac- reach places. Elements needing less frequent we can see that making more connections to
tory farm operations. What would be a re- attention are placed farther away. For ex- elements makes the total system more re-
source becomes a pollutant when in excess. ample, our kitchen garden is located as close silient and more productive.
to the kitchen as is practical, whereas long
We can see that we should also capture and term timber production is located at some If all this sounds like too much work for you
store as many of the inputs that come to us distance from the house. to start to put into action, let’s consider how
as we can. Terraforming with earthworks can you might be living today. Your food likely
be used to capture water, storing it for fu- Nature also shows us to put elements comes out of a fully industrialized system.
ture use and replenishing water tables. In through as many duties as possible. The You likely drive about 10 minutes to reach a
deserts, fences can be used to capture or- more you make each element of the system supermarket where you will spend about an
ganic material to assist in building up soils. In do, the more efficient the total system will be hour picking out a week’s worth of groceries.