Interesting Times Magazine #01

2009·7.8 MB·English

#1
Survive and Thrive
september 2009
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Contact [email protected] more information.
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nn 4 Cyberpunk 2009: Or how I learned to stop
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worrying and love these Interesting Times
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ee Booze, blondes & blizzards: Why Americans
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should study in socialist Sweden
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1 of my dreams
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Review of The modern survival manual:
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x How to survive the economic collapse
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by Fernando "FerFAL" Aguirre
Review of Emergency:
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This book willsave
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your life by Neill Strauss
6 So you want my lifestyle:
Professional poker player
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and law school slacker in Sweden
Betatesting Life:
0
RPG:s as a tool for
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personal development
Review of Becoming Batman:
O m 9
To
MOail.c The possibility of a superhero
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layout gazine@g NGBERGntart.com by Dr. E. Paul Zehr
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Cyberfpunk
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Cyberpunk
Or how I learned to
stop worrying and love
these Interesting Times
Being a paranoid survivalist was way easier back in the Cold
War. Back then it was all acute black and white scenarios like,
say, global thermonuclear war. Cut and dried, simple and
straightforward. You’re either vaporized or you’re Mad Max.
As a kid, I always wanted the apocalypse to come, so my life
could be like Fallout.
Today, not so much.
Today, the problems are fuzzy, poorly understood and chronic.
We’re in the suckiest place: the drab reality that sits between
the Good Times and the cool post-apocalyptic wastes with their
supermutants, sawed-off shotguns and nifty leather jackets.
It’s the soul-crusher of a place and a time where everything is
stacked against you.
Where everything is slowly going to Hell, but the government
is still around to squeeze you for taxes.
The feces in the fan’s a different
color today, to be sure. Sure, we
still worry about the world- ”Like the man said,
ending scenarios to some extent, but
there’s just so much more variety
these days. All those dystopic cyber-
punk novels of the 80s?
specialization
Bah. Child’s play. Today is probably
what you’d call neo-post-cyberpunk
or something like that.
We got Taser shrapnel artillery
is for insects”
shells, mini-helicopters with full auto
shotguns, frikkin’ pain rays mounted
on bomber planes. There’s cyborg in-
sects buzzing around your hive. Psych
meds in the water. Economic melt-
down. Brainscanners probing your
inner soul for unpermitted thoughts.
People with artificial limbs barred
from the Olympics ‘cause they’re too
good. Chinese Internet addiction
camps beating kids to death. Rumb-
lings of a coming world government.
Mind-boosting drugs popped like
candy by college students. Wars being
fought and won by coldhearted
kill-bots. Covert cyberfronts opening
up between countries, agencies,
corporations, and who-knows-what.
Elections and revolutions being twit-
terized in real-time. Shadowy merce- Go ahead, convince me this is not logical in nature. As in, keeping from
nary armies running amok in conflict Cyberpunk! going absolutely batshit insane. The
theaters foreign and domestic. Mas- In short, there’s plenty of stuff constant overload of information that
sive virtual realities with millions of around to mess us up good, without we find it harder and harder to make
junkies in participation and economies outright offing us. sense of ensures that there’s no shor-
that rival those of medium countries. tage of pins jabbing at our souls. We
Scientists lifting up the skirts of God’s You may not have thought of it get no release either, that equalizing
creation and redefining what it means this way before, but I am absolutely rain of ICBMs never comes.
to be human (and finding out that it’s convinced that the numero uno survi- There’s just taxes, crime, making
all a dirty Perl hack anyway). val problem we face today is psycho- love to your right hand, chems in your
Some unplug and try to get away and time management, various forms
from the modern world. That kind of of hacking not limited to the digital
”Like the man said, works, but if you want to do more realm, tactical ops, superhuman buff-
than just survive, if you want to ness and strength through optimum
thrive, you have to find a way to navi- training & nutrition, the latest in IQ-
gate the straits of cyberpunk in a rea- boosting and life-extending research
sonable manner. That’s where we chems, how to make true friends and
specialization
come in. After all, why is it that we get hot chicks to fawn over you, the
want to survive? What’s it all for? art of chilling out amid the constant
worries and stress and info overload,
The answer is basically what it and all kinds of other useful skills and
always was: to live the good life. The tricks that you will be able to put to
is for insects”
bad news is that there is no one tel- good use to get through the coming
ling us what that means anymore. times, interesting as they will prove
People have stopped believing in God. to be. Like the man said, specializa-
Politicians have turned into unin- tion is for insects.
spiring bean-counters. The media is a
hysteric joke. And the school system (Incidentally, we’ll be covering
indoctrinates you to be a good little power armor as well as how to find
fit in the lifestyle of semi-skilled time enough for love...)
white collar slavery. Faced with this,
people try to drown out the void with We are aiming to give you what
precious bodily fluids, and one more idle consumerism and approval-seek- Tim Ferriss calls eustress, the good
season of American Idol to watch. ing conformity. Like Tyler Durden kind of stress where you constantly
We’re frogs and the water is slowly foretold: our Great Depression is our have exciting stuff on your plate and
getting warmer. lives. get full enjoyment out of your life.
Think of it as Tony Robbins meets
A lot of people believe we live in The good news is that the capable Burn Notice meets Arnold meets Neu-
the interregnum, that an old order is individual has more options than ever romancer meets your typical greasy
about to be toppled and we are living before. The paradoxical thing is that confidence artist. And they all have a
in an age of strife. while this is eminently true, the glorious lovechild that gets raised by
Whether you choose to believe effect on the masses has been one of Swedish superbabes and diapered
Wallerstein’s theory about the end of increasing conformity and group- with polar bear furs.
the 500 year capitalist cycle, Kur- think. Or something like that.
zweil’s prophesies of eternal life and So, the top end of the game For the man who knows his path,
technological Singularity just around is even more accessible these days. our modern world is ripe with oppor-
the corner, or Panarin’s talk of immi- It takes an open mind and a wide tunity, a gold mine waiting to be ex-
nent civil war in America, I guess we array of skills, however. This is why ploited. You can have everything you
can all agree that something is in the you’re going to see us run all kinds of want, despite what you have been
air, brewing up, building up in the materials, including modern surviva- told.
calm before the storm. lism, entrepreneurship, productivity All it takes is the right manual...
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Ever heard of Sweden? You know, the land of IKEA furniture, blonde supermodel nym-
phomaniacs, ancient Viking vampires, and polar bears in the streets. Ah yes, good old
Sweden. Known to neighboring Denmark as ”Forbudslandet” (”prohibition country”).
The place to be if you lust for safety-approved adventure, hot chicks and a socialist
cornucopia of free stuff.
Come to Sweden and have the sixth best time of your life, or something like that.
The objective is pure Pareto Principle: to get the Swedish experience with as few
cash outlays as possible while maximizing fun and games. The most reliable attack
vector is obviously to become a student, getting your share of the plunder as well as a
decent education.
Why is this directed at Americans? There are, to my knowledge, two ways to get into Swedish uni:
For the following reasons: as an exchange student or as a free mover. The advantage of the
1) They really like going to college. former is that you are more likely to have cash and living
2)They have some very odd pre-conceptions about Europe, arrangements taken care of. There is fierce competition for some
that can readily be exploited. courses like medicine and law, but most are quite lax with admit-
3) To make them feel special. tance. Any way you slice it, you are pretty much guaranteed to get
admitted to something. And it’s free, so why the hell not?
I know y’all are busy people so here’s
the powerpointized sales pitch: 2Quality of education.There’s no equi va-
lent of Yale or Harvard, but Swedish terti-
1Free education.You can’t beat this really. Paying tuition is ary education is generally very good. You
an unknown concept in Sweden. The government takes care will have to be smart about this. Some courses
of everything. You still have living expenses, though. Swedish are junk, and others aren’t applicable to your
students get something called CSN, which is 25% free money and career when you go back. You can’t go wrong
75% discount student loan. You don’t get it, however, so you will with hard stuff like medicine or engineering.
have to rely on scholarships, personal savings or working. But hey, If you’re just looking to put some
if you’re reading this magazine you are probably a resourceful college stuff on your CV, liberal arts in
individual. You always hear about the exchange student n00bs who Sweden is surely more exotic than the same in
camp out in the city park and eat the ducks and stuff like that... Bumfuck, Montana.
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3Nature. Here’s everything you need to know. No polar bears but rather the people themselves, their mannerisms and ways of
or penguins to be found, but plenty of green goodness. thinking. This is something unique that you won’t find anywhere
A love of nature is one of those Swedish cultural quirks that else. Even other Scandinavians consider Swedes to be... special.
pops up all the time (another one would be the pagan midsum-
mer ritual of going out into the boondocks, frog-dancing around 5Close to Denmark. If you are in the mood for a bender, Den-
gigantic phallic symbols and getting shot to hell on strong alco- mark has all those things that you can’t easily acquire in Swe-
hol). Swedish cities are full of parks, trees and mountains. There den: cheap and legal hookers, anarchist communes, buying
are lots of skiing resorts. Swedes booze in regular stores, decriminalized
spend more time with their pets weed, smoking in bars, biker gangs
than they do with other people. ”The weather is like upholding the public order, etc. And
The German national sport is col- where do you think Danish pastries
your psycho ex”
lecting Swedish ”beware of the were invented? Tim Ferriss, our patron
moose” road signs. The weather is deity and all-round sexy beast, has of
like your psycho ex. She was all nice and warm for 6 months while course written about this, just google ”tim ferriss happiest country
she lulled you into a false sense of security, then she went insane denmark”.
and tried to kill you by pummeling you with large chunks of ice.
6College subculture. And a huge one, at that, seeing as how
4Culture. Sweden is not exactly a huge warehouse of ancient some cities are 50% college students. Swedish fraternities
culture. If you want to max out on castles, paintings, (”studentnationer”) have managed to circumvent the usual
museums, and the cool grace of the Occident then go to Italy byzantine rules about serving alcohol by pretending to be a mem-
or something. Sometimes you’re in the mood for your supermodel bers-only society dedicated to protecting students’ rights.
girlfriend’s homely cousin from the country, know what I’m say- In reality, their main activity is to arrange parties and night
ing? clubs, and to provide a complex hierarchy of cool staff titles so
The most interesting part of Swedish culture isn’t castles, the nerds can get laid. If you want to drink for free and look cool,
royal family or native food (mostly rotted fish and Absolut Vodka) contact the head of the Nation and volunteer to be a bartender.
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7English compatibility.A lot of college courses are given Also, be prepared to discuss the works of a brilliant documentary
in English. And you can always charm some girl in class into maker called Michael Moore.
translating the materials for you anyway. Swedish people
have seen more episodes of Sex and the City and American Idol 8Very (socially) liberal, Obviously, hookers and drugs are
than you have. They will effortlessly switch to English and no one the exception here (see point 4) but other than that, Swe-
will expect you to learn the local language. den is exactly like the decadent euro stereotype. If you like
Swedes love Americans, just make sure you voted for Obama. your abortions, legal 15 year olds, unabashedly promiscuous
women, gay parades, stem cell labs, free government-issue
contraceptives, tolerance towards minorities, free health care, etc,
then Sweden is your place. Beware, however: libertine does not
mean libertarian. Think Brave New World, not Declaration of
Independence. Swedes are basically to PC what Bat-
man is to crimefighting, and they sure
do love their taxes.