Intercultural Parenting: How Eastern and Western Parenting Styles Affect Child Development

253 Pages·2019·5.657 MB·English

by  Koong Hean Foo

Intercultural Parenting
How do parenting styles differ globally? How do different, inter-
national, parenting practices impact on children’s development? Can
we bring together and hybridise different international parenting styles?
Intercultural Parenting explores the relationship between family, cul-
ture and parenting by reviewing established and evolving Western and
Eastern parenting styles and their impact on children’s development.
Authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and neglecting approaches, as
well as newer techniques such as helicopter parenting, are compared
with filial, tiger and training approaches, and mixed parenting styles.
Practical application sections show how cultural understanding can
help demonstrate how professionals might use the information and
ideas in their clinical work, whilst parental questionnaires encourage
self-assessment and reflection. Dr. Foo Koong Hean brings together the
traditional and evolving approaches to the art of parenting practices
and also showcases relatively neglected research on Eastern parenting
practices.
This book is important reading for childcare professionals such as
health visitors, early years’ teachers and those in mental health, as well
as students in family studies and developmental psychology.
Dr. Foo Koong Hean isapsychotherapistandanadjunctseniorlecturer
atJamesCookUniversity,Singapore.
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Intercultural Parenting
How Eastern and Western
Parenting Styles Affect Child
Development
Dr. Foo Koong Hean
Firstpublished2019
byRoutledge
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AcataloguerecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheBritishLibrary
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Names:Foo,KoongHean,author.
Title:Interculturalparenting:howEasternandWestern
parentingstylesaffectchilddevelopment/FooKoongHean.
Description:Abingdon,Oxon;NewYork,NY:Routledge,
2019.|Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.
Identifiers:LCCN2018060675(print)|LCCN2019002443
(ebook)|ISBN9780429507083(Ebook)|ISBN9781138580862
(hardback)|ISBN9781138580879(pbk.)
Subjects:LCSH:Parenting–Cross-culturalstudies.|Child
development–Cross-culturalstudies.
Classification:LCCHQ755.8(ebook)|LCCHQ755.8.F662019
(print)|DDC306.874–dc23
LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2018060675
ISBN:978-1-138-58086-2(hbk)
ISBN:978-1-138-58087-9(pbk)
ISBN:978-0-429-50708-3(ebk)
TypesetinDanteandAvenir
bySwales&Willis,Exeter,Devon,UK
Contents
Listoftables vi
Preface vii
Acknowledgements x
Introduction 1
1 Family,parenting,andinfluencingfactors 5
2 Fatheringversusmothering 39
3 Western(individualistic)parentingstyles 62
4 Eastern(collectivistic)parentingstyles 88
5 Otherrelevantparentingstyles 126
6 Comparingparentingstyles 146
7 Theroleofsignificantothers 179
8 Assessingyourparentingstyle 198
9 Overviewofparenting 223
Index 234
Tables
1.1 Prosandconsofsmallandlargefamilies 9
1.2 Summaryoffactorsinfluencingparenting 30
2.1 Fatheringversusmothering 57
3.1 ProsandconsofWestern-styleparenting 82
4.1 ProsandconsofEastern-styleparenting 115
5.1 Prosandconsofotherparentingstyles 139
6.1 Analysisofparentingstyles 173
7.1 Prosandconsofparentingbysignificantothers 194
8.1 Assessingyourparentingstyle/practice 211
9.1 Commonparentingbehaviours 230
Preface
Parenting, I firmly believe, is a natural human behaviour. Given the
nature of the mother (and now perhaps that of the father), with her
given genes, hormones, and natural instincts, loving and caring for her
baby is a natural process, though it may progress heuristically. Adding
to the mother’s learning in parenting is the experience from other
mothers; for example, the grandmothers or mothers from other fam-
ilies. So, what is it with parenting (both parents) that it is now quite
a major concern? I say “major” because fewer children are being born
and raised in a family (I’ve called this “small family parenting”, which
is described in detail in the book Negotiation Parenting), and parenting
thus becomes crucial to children’s survival and success—a supposedly
natural human behaviour has become an experimental process. An
experimental process whereby the parents are experimenters and the
children are the participants, going through a process of learning and
unlearning for both sides.
The second reason for parenting to be a major concern is that par-
ents believe they know much more than their children, so the latter
have to be protected, fed, taught, and guided at all times in growing
up. What parents have experienced, children must be taught. What
parents fail at, children must not go through. What parents have done
well, children must do, the same or better. What parents have not
tried, children must not do until parents have discussed it. Children are
seemingly a blank slate without knowledge, other than the basics.
viii Preface
Evolutionary nature, however, has informed us that somehow what
parents know and do is passed down to their children through the
genes. Neuroscience is unveiling this daily. You may know that, for
example, as your father is a good chess player, you somehow love the
game when you are young and play well as you progress learning it.
Just like having a flair for it! Right?
A possible third reason for parenting to be a major concern is that
children are not just offspring but pets and possessions. By “offspring”,
I mean they continue the family line. By “pets”, I mean treasured
things. By “possessions”, I am referring to parents saying, “They are
mine”, “We cannot lose them or let them be hurt”, “It is our duty to
raise them well”, and “It is our responsibility to care for them for life.”
Once parents hold these beliefs and thoughts, children are no longer
beings free to develop.
Time passes generationally and sees parenting change for better or
worse. I’d say better, because humans have gained and shared know-
ledge about parenting, thus improving the methods and processes of it.
What is and is not to be done to a child by the mother or father is put
in place for the betterment of the child’s growth. Coupled with eco-
nomic and intellectual growth, among other factors, parenting becomes
of prime importance in a family, especially for the few children. What
is missing or not done in the parents’ lives or in the past is preferably
not allowed to happen to the next generation, unless tradition dictates
it, or some of it; hence, parenting becomes loving and caring for chil-
dren to the best of one’s abilities.
When I say parenting can change for the worse, I mean that, given
the same advantages and shared knowledge about parenting, parents
go to the extent of interfering with the child’s natural growth, and pos-
sibly depriving the child of his or her freedom of personal choice to
make themselves better human beings. What is more confusing is that
given access to the internet, parents from developing and developed
countries are “doing their best” to make their children better intellec-
tuals; in the process, their children’s natural growth and development
are not realised, but rather the wishes and plans of the parents.
Simply said, parenting in the modern world is no longer a natural
process. It has become a host of tactics for upbringing and survival—
an experimental process, as said earlier. Hence the proliferation of
varied sources on parenting to guide knowledge-hungry parents. Bear-
ing in mind the numerous factors that mediate or moderate parenting,
Preface ix
culture being a major force, parenting becomes ever more complex
and puzzling.
Thus, this book attempts to put two and two together to inform
interested parents and adults on the recognised literature and research
on parenting to illuminate this critical act or process in life. The mater-
ial on parenting, however, is broad and huge, including that in the
public media and other languages besides English. So, the best I can do
is to mention the fundamentals, provide the substance, summarise the
necessary information, and list the references. Feedback from readers is
most welcome on this provocative topic.