Innis Herald, Volume 29, Issue 1 - August/September, 1994

10 Pages·1994·0.96 MB·English

by  Innis College Student Society

Herald
Innis
Aug/Sep. 1994
Volume 29
Issue 1
The Herald
Inrds
August/September 1994
:
theirmisherald volume29 issue1
Tlie Innis Heraldis publishe<l
(roughly) monthly by the Innis
Colege Student Society The
opinions expressed herein are
attributableonlytotheirautiiors;no
liabilityis attached to the Innis
Herald, the Innis College Student
Society, or to the printer All
material,howevei;mustbe free of
Editorial sexist,radst,ageist,homophobic,
llllllllllllllllll libellous,or)ustplaindumbcontent
wholemessofmyfriendsgraduatedthisyearandI Ifyouhavedificultywithany
haleitThereareacoupleofroom-maleswho111never of the opinions herein, it is an
livewithagain.IhadonegoodfriendmoveloB.C. ArtifactofYourOwnBeing.
Graduating,andMyComplexion aSpnadina.ttI'hlelbeendbeosftfAruigenudsltcsms,yabnedstlifvriinegndwiitshmsotvriannggertso
andalthoughI'msureitwon'tbeasbadasallthat(I
liedaboutlivingwithstrangers),itmakesmerealize
Sincethisis(hefirst issueoftheyear,and howshorttheschoolyearreallyIs. EXECUTIVES:
becausethisisthefirstissuewithmeasediior,Ifeci AndthenIstartedtothink.Allofthisgivesmc
asthoughIshouldwriteaboutthepaper.Thisiswhat anadvanragc. I knowthatIshouldrevelInevery Editor-in-Chief
youneedtoknow: momentofthiscomingyear.ThisisthelastyearI'm CarolynFell
1.Weneedwriters goingtobeastudent,andtoallyoufroshoutthere,
andany2o.nWeewwhiolldboecshaavniyntghicnfTgifcoerhtohuerHseargaailndtchainsysetaorp thereisTnhoatbeItstneortlitfoe.say(hatIwon'tbehappywhenI AssistantEditors
bywhenwe'reintohavecoffee.We'llhavetheofTicc graduate. I'msureI'llbesoHappyI'llwantlobarf SallyAshcroft-Blake
hourslistedinthenextissue,ortheywillbeonthe becausesofaruniversityhas(nojoke)givenmeacne DianeSidik
officedooraroundmid-September. fromthestress(Iswear! Ievenhadlogotoseea
3.Thisissueisacompilationofnewandold dermatologist).
articles.Anythingthatwaswrittenforapastissuehas Sothesearemygoalslohelpmeappreciate NON-EXECS, BUT
beenreferenced,sodon'twriteanysnottylettersto thislastyeartoit'sfullest. Iwillgotomyclassesand
theeditorforstuffwrittentenyearssgo. All articles maybeevendosomeofthereadings.Iwillcallmy IMPORTANT PEOPLE
werecho.scntogivenewstudentsanideaofwhatThe parentsatleasttwiceaweek. Iwillpartymypants NONETHELESS:
Heraldisallabout,andbecausethereweren'tenough off. Iwillworkout.Iwilleatmorefibre. AndIwill
newones. edittheHerald.
4.Youwanttowrite SinceIstartedworkingfortheHeraldabouta Writer-In-Res:
Now.withthatoutofthewayTcanwriteabout yearandahalfagoithasbecomeasignificantpartof
what'sreallyonmymindbecauseIhavetoadmit- myuniversitycareer. Ilovethispaperwithallofmy DanielCurrieHall
rightnowitisn'tthispaper. heart(andI'mnotjustsayingthat)andsoasincentive
I'mwritingthiseditorialinthemiddleofJuly, loallthosefamiliarwithusIpromiselessmistakesIn
thedayafterBrazilwontheWorldCup. Bythetime yourarticlesandperhapsevenlesstypos(Iwould
yougetthis,thatwillprobablyseemlikealonglime promiselessspacingerrorsbutthecomputerreally Contributors:
ago,whichiswhatIreallywanttodiscusshere.The docshaveamindofitsowiiwhenitcomeslothat). AnotherReallyNiceInsomniac
passageoflime.PciiiapsI'vebeenoveriysentimental AndIpromisetobenice.No,1don't.Bui1dopromise SallyAshcroft-Blake
thelastcoupleofweeksbutI'mreallystartingtofeel togiveyoufreecoffeeifyoucomeandhangoutinthe DanielCurrie-Hall
tchheanwgeei.ghtInoffacchtanIgeen.coNuortagtheatitI.haBvuetaitnyatlhwianygsasgaeienmsst offurewSioththues.reitis. IguessmymindIsontheright KareHolmberg
likethethingsIdon'twanttochangearethefirsttogo trackafterall,eventhoughmyaptitudefordigression HugeDare
OrIdon'trealizethatIactuallylikesomethingthe Isoverwhelming. JuliMori
wayItIsuntilIt'snotanymore. Onthainote,goodluckthisyear,haveablast,
So whatdoesthis all mean?It meansthata relax,becool,writefortheHerald.
Illllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllll ContributorsWhoDon't
Ifyouaresubmittinganythingforthenextissue, Know:
Letters to the Editor thesearetherules... Ash
The InnisHeraldhasanopenletters b1e.tYteoru.mJuasytwarsitleonagnyatshiynogu'yroeunwoatnta.tTothaelcarsasshsoelretohre TNiamnoctyhFyiLcodlnagnd
policy. Lettersmustbesignedandin- anything.
telligentandlegibleandgraminatical
sincewe'renotgoingtobothertoedit 2m.axThiemruemisisnoonemiofnithmeusemtlaebnlgotdhpalgoresatyroiuclchsa.veThien
them. LetterstotheEditorshouldbe yourhotlittlehands.Unlessit'saninterviewwitha
addressedto band.Orreally,reallygood.
TheEditoifInnisHerald
2orSdurssoepxtAh/eem,"ifncroounrtomOaiNlbMo5xSat1IJi5mis r3.anTdyopmolsy,aarncdIwnteenltiikoeniatlthaantdwatyh.ecomputerspaces
Collegein room 127. Whatthehell, 4.NO-ONEgetsextensions.Ifyoupromiseduson
comeupandseeusinourcKce,room articleandyoudontsubmititwe'llleaveabigblank
305intheVVfestwingofInnis. spacewithyournameonitandletthewholeworld
knowthatyouletusdown.
Okay!Sincetherearen'tanyletterstotheEditor. 5.Wehaveageneralnoccnsorshppolicybutjusiso
I'mgoingtousethisspacetoletyouknowwhatstafl' thingsdon'tgetoutofhandwehavealimlioften
weneed: swearwordsperarticle. Beyondthatwe makeup
appropriatesubstitutions.
Columnists
Reviewers 6.A1Isubmissionsshouldbetypedandhavenames
DIsributors andphonenumbers.Wett-on'tprintyournanKifyou
CopyEditors don'twantbutitain'tgoinginifwcdon'tknowwho
Photographers wroteit.
Carloonist.s
Someonelodoanusword 7.1(Carolyn)amIncharge.
Musicians(thekindwithlonKhairand
dreamyeyes)
lessllason
Portry/FicllonHrllcra
theirmisherald volume29 issue1
Random
Thoughts
I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I
A LETTER FROM RALEIGH
by Daniel Currie Hall
"Corrupt the minds of itwouldn'tbeappropriatetowish there. (Ifyouarenotafrosh,orif Heraldfaithfullyandthoroughly,if
innocentyoungfrosh",myeditors youahappyNewYear,althoughwe beingbrainwashed isagainstyour perhapsnottooclosely,forsakingall
toldme(justsoyouknowexactly liketopretendweare amonthly.) religiousbeliefs,plca.se,slopreading such inferior publications as the
whatI'mtryingtodohere),and1 EvidentlyIammoresasceptibleto now.) Repeatafterme: Gargoyle,theNewEdition,andthe
thought,"Well,hey. whynot?" I hypnotism thanmost,becausenot "IfIhaveanyliterarytalent GlobeandMail. Imayevenbelieve
thoughtthisfortworeasons:first.I only did I become a madly whatsoever- andjudging by this someofwhatIread."
am spending the summer in my scribblingminionoftheHeraldiWke article,itdoesn'ttakemuch-1will Fini.shed? Welcome tothe
lovelyhometownofRaleigh,North hordesofothers),1actuallystayed dedicate my pen/typewriter/ Herald. It'sgoingtobeagixxlyear,
Carolina, which wasnained fora with thepaperforthe wholeyear computer/crayontotheserviceofthe orelse. (Weknowwlicreyoulive)
third-ratepiratewhocouldn'tspell (like fourothers),andeven now, InnisHerald, and dammit. I will
hisownname,andwherethemain overadistanceof1300kilometers, stickwithit."(Wefaithfulfewarea NEXT DEADLINE:
excitement is that tomorrow is the siren call issuing from the bit touchyonthispoint.)"If1 own
Independence Day andthe slate crampedthird-floorofficecompels acamera,andvaguelyunderstand Friday
legislature has recently legalized metowriteon. (Ihearandobey,O how to u.se it, I will load it
fireworks, soa lot ofneophyte SporadicallyPublishedOne!) with black-and-white filmand
pyromaniacs are going to give Sonowit'smytumtobeon point itatthingstheHeraldwants
themselvessecond-degreebumsto the cori^pting end, and I look to write about, especially bands, 16
show offtheirpatriotic sense of forward to the task with relish. becausetheHeraldcansometimes
history. Second, I have been (Actually,Iwasjustgoingtowrite getmeinfree.
brainwashed.That'sright.Justlast areviewofSwampOphelia,butthen "Ifi can type at speeds in Please drop
year,myowninnocentyoungmind Irealizedwritingmusicreviewsis exces.sofsixwordsperhour,Iwill submissions off in the
was being corrupted by the nofununlessyouhavesomething .seat myselfbefore the Herald's box outside of room
notorious Orientation Issue of nasty tosay,and 1 really like this capriciouscomputerand hammer 305, third floor of
that very unreliable publication album. Butmessingwithyourmind outthewordsoftheprophets,maybe InniB College above
kIsnaoywunntaesiitahbeleI,nnIimseHaenraIl'dm.n(otWshuerne wasmySoselicsotnenducph,oiaclle.y)oufroshout evenco"rIrnecatniyngevtehenitr,sIpewlillilnrgeaasdItghoe. 'gHltlhtetbCxafi,norrboimn1o2u7r.
Television and Tater Tots - (OrientationAug. 1993)
byAsh
tboutyoouutAisonftcyhoiomsuirinssgetlhvfeerosos.rhiIefwnhmtaaettmiootnoryiesxsspueeeiczt1e,st,nhooytuoguohutatrteohfabtruinIgishvtheoreusyiletddy,epxbepurlsashieyn, 5mV.eorSrbtearliaamnfpgfoeirrtlmaoangttikotnpoBogvfealsiylmmsy.pt-aormt:icTlehedoHneeratlhdandetaodldionethiesteosmsoaryrwoowr.tIhti3s0m%ucohf
tailed and thirsting forknowledge. You cannot wait to enter the mymark...
institutionknownasuniversitywhereyouwillnolongerbetreated
likeapinheadandwhereyoucanexploremorediversifiedpathsof 6.Moictelevisionaddiction.
study. You plan toattendevery lecture andyou are even looking -YouwatchbothepisodesofTheNextGenerationeveryday
forwardtotheassignmentsasachancetoshowyourcolours.Well, andstartreferringloyourprofas"Homer".
altthatisabouttochange,...Wonderful,dazzlingthingsareaboutto Verbalaffirmationofsymptom:1don'tthinkIwantlowriteanes.sayforthe
happentoyou.morethanyoucouldhavedreamtpossible.... typeofhumanbeingwhocan'tseethatDataistheholiestmanalive.
recentlAyltdhiosucgovherIewdouunldderlitkheetPoitbfloarmmeythleaceknoefrgaymbsiutciokni,ngitdseeveimcse 7.G-oTahlesphriefstssu.regelslobeloomuch.
tshtautdesnotmsewsittuhdemnytsbarleooidmmtuypnee..WPherohakpnsotwhse?3XB6u0t0y0oounmlyamyanbiepunelxatt.esI aVnerybmaolrea.ffIi'rdmarattihoenrobfesayrmopctkoma:ndIrodloln'sttarw.a(nMtustiocbleyraincsEanpgpleiasrhiSnppelcaiacleiostf
willexplainthesymptoms,andyoumayusethisarticleasacheck anessayonHamlet.Example:oohbaby,oohbaby,ooh.)
listastheyearprogresses.*NOTE*Thesesymptomsusuallycrop
upduringessayorexamtime. 8.Evenmoietelevisionaddiction.
Verbalaffirmationofsymptom: IfNorthernExposurewasaday long-
1.Suddeninexplicableillness. whatadayitwouldbe!
-Anunsettlingfeelingovercomesyouduringyourdesignatedstudy
times.Maymanifestit.selfascoldorflusymptoms,orevenasasudden 9.Personalizedessayhumour
onslaughtofmono. -Thewords"Iamtheeggman,IamtheWalrus,Googoobajoob"keep
Verbidaffirmationofsymptom.I'mloosicktostudy.I'llgoseeaband tryingtoworktheirwayintoyouressay.
instead. Verbalaffirmationofsymptom:Mypointbecomesclearwhenjuxtaposed
withNorthropFrye'spiercingquestion,"1wonderhowTaterTotswould
2.Self-pcrsuaslon. gowiththismeal?"
-Youbecomearaa.steratconvincingyourselfofanything.
Verbalaffirmationofsymptom:If1gooutfornbeernow,I'llbeableto 10.IVfathematicalcalitiesareobscured.
concentratetwiceashardwhenIgetback. -Youstartcalculatingbyhowmuchyoucanfailyourexambyandstill
passthecourse.
3.Perverseinsatiabledesies. Verbalaffirmationofsymptom.If Jdon'thandinthisessayworth25%of
Verlntlaffirmationofsymptom:Imustcleantheovennow,now,beforeit's mymark,Ican.stillgetaBinthecourse.
toolate.
Itisnotguaranteedthatthesesymptomswillstrikeyouasseverely
4.Televisionaddiction. astheyhavestruckme.1simplywishlobringthemtoyourattentionsothat
-AfteralongdayofIhcaforementionedsympmms,nothingismore ifyoufeelIhemcomingyoumightbeabletoniptheminthebud.AsIsaid
beneficialthanaonehourdo.seof90210.1thinkthatyouwillagreethat earlier, theenergy suckingdeviceseemstoaffect .some Innis .students
thisinnovativeshowaboutrealissuesworkslikeBirthingelsetofurther regardlessoftheirlocationinrelationlothePit,andothersnotatall.Ifyou
one'seducationinrealityavoidance. dohavethewrongHattdtypeandareaffected,asIam,inthemostextreme
Verbalaffirmdiionofsymptom: howcan!beworriedaboutwritingmy wayYOUARENOTALONE!ContacttheInnisCollegeProcrastinator's
essaywhenKellymayboanorexic? Union(meetingshelddailyii)theICSSoffice).
thefnnishmld volume29 issue1
Random
Thoughts
llllllllllllll
ISSUES
by Sally Ashcroft-Blake
I'vefinallygotit. Asmall terrifiedthatthepublicmightfind Thatsystemevolveswithsupport academicjargon,Sonjaposedthe
space in an actual publication thisout." Hewentontodiscuss fromthetaxpayingcommunity question,"dowomenaskforit?"
dedicatedtoissues/wanttospew thewreckageofmen'slives,men thatcanbuildawelleducatedand TherewasonewomanontheNo
about.Godhelpyou,InnisFrosh, whohavebeen"lefttobleed"by well trained army of welfare sideandonewomanontheYes
butyou'regoingtohavetoread an uncaring, Amazonian-like workers. Itdoesn'tevolvefrom side. Bothhaduniversitydegrees
my thoughts every month organization in the businessof a"backlash". Ifweconcentrate andbothhadwrittenbooksontte
(hopefully) for the next two ruiningonehalfofthepopulation. ontheabusers, wheredoesthat subject. TheYeswomanargued
semesters. Don't worry, Innis I'msorry,butIdon'tbuy leavethevictims? about '"relationship dynamics"
veterans will bewithyouevery it. It'sallpartofadisturbing andhowconflictingpersonalities
stepofthe way. I'm expecting Falseaccusationsand,even trendinacademic-mediacircles. oftwopeoplecanwearawayata
lots ofskanky hate mail to be worse, false convictions, are (Ifthat'snotanoxymoron).Once healthyrelationship.Translation:
droppedoffbyshadowyfigures painful and ruinous to all fashionable shows on child "don'tsaysomethinghedoesn't
attheWcraWoffice. Don'tletme involved. Granted. ButCoren molestationandwifebatteryare wanttohearorelseyou'regoing
down! writesasifallmenfallimderthis beginning to appearpasse. It togetasmackintheface". Her
Nowonwiththeissue. category,or,atleast,arevictims seems that every woman and logic was flawed and, worse,
Forthoseofyouwhoread of a prejudiced jury and are childonTVthesedayshaseither exhibitionist It may be a new
somethingother than theInnis overlydisciplined. Thiskindof beenabusedorraped. Ninetimes outlook,butit'sjustplainwrong.
Herald,theGlobeandMail,for attitude opens upa frightening outoftenit'sbecausetheyhave, Violence is not a subject to be
instance,youmightbeaquainted avenueofopinion. Itcompletely butthatdoesn'tchangetheeffects toyed with by academic
withacolumnonthebackpage ignores the fact that many of"mediaboredom"onviewers. opportunists.
dedicatedtoMen.NotthatIhave childrenarementally,physically They want to hear something Of course there are
a problem with anything or sexually abused, or a new. So TV producers and relationship dynamics and of
dedicated to Men, (I read GQ combination of all three. It newspapereditorsgiveittothem. coursetwopeoplecanworkeach
quitediligently), what 1 usually ignoresthefactthat96%ofall Along comes Sonja other up into a crazed anger.
haveaproblemwithistheMen these abusersare male. And it FriedmanofCNN'sSonjaLive. That'swhatDivorceCourtisfor.
who write in it. Case in point, ignoresthefactthatmostofthese Billed as a talk show for But not violence. The minute
MichaelCoren. casesoccurinthehome,therefore "intelligent people", (must be somebodytakesitintotheirhead
HislatestGlobeand Mail makingitnecessarytobreakup intelligently unemployed tohit.hurtorkillsomebody it's
diatribe poured ang-st all over families and separate the father consideringthehouritcomeson time for something called
Canada'schildwelfaretaskforce fromhischildren. TV), SonjaLive discusses the personallesponsibilityAndthat
and it'sunfairtreatmentof-you 1don'twanttosoundlikei new and groundbreaking issues goesforMenandWamen. Once
guessed ii- Mea According to think all men are potential ofsocietytoday. Whereit'satand that idea is lost then the whole
Coren, thousands of innocent abusers. That'sridiculous. And who'sonthecuttingedge,soto ideaofviolenceasacrimeislost
menarcbeingfalselyaccu.sedof ifyou'rewondering,Idon'thate speak. AfterO.J. Simpson was too.Andwe'rebacklowherewc
childabusebyourpro-feminist, men. WhatIdohateissuffering, arrestedforthemurderofhis ex- started. Whichiswhatabacklash
red-communist, pig-dog social especially inrelationtochildren. wife and her lover, Sonja isallabout,right?
welfaresystem. Hequotedone It is important to have a decided to have a showon
male social worker as saying, balanced system that can the effects of abuse in a
"ll'll be an incredible backlash. examine and act on these relationship. Withatwisl.
Cliildren's Aid societies are situations fairly andobjectively. Scantily disguised in
The Idea File -Feb. 101979
Asthetitlesuggests,HaroldInniskeptacardfileintwoshoeboxes. Tendencyoflawlobecomeconcernedwithstatuteandjuristicsciencelo
Thefilewascross-indexedandcontainedideas,notesonreading,andremarks workoncodehampersrelationsoflawlolife.
onanythingandeverything.AsInnisreachedthemid-yearsoflife,hewas
cut short by cancer (1952) : at that lime he was most interested in
communication-thehistoryandimpactofthemediaonus. Problemofcostoflaw-ifloocheapevco'onecanuseit-mereintroduction
Ihavechosenquotesfromtheideafile,randomly,asIbrowsedthrough ofsuit anattackon character- high cost checks abuses but favours
it;verbatimasInniswroteIhemdownwhenreadingorcontemplating. exploitationbylawyers.
Atpresent,theIdeafileisaloosemanuscript(alphabeticallyarranged
bytopic)of350pages,copiesarcavailableintheUofTArchivesandinthe
InnisCollegeReadingRoom. Strongoraltraditionevidentincommonlawincontrastwithwritten
-EUIMARCUS traditionofRomanlaw.Oraltradition,flexibleandadaptablelodemands
-Frenchrevolution-Rous.seau'sgeneralwill-aprotestagainstflexibility
ofwrittenromanlawtradition-UnitedStateswrittenlaw-constitution
Sociologyofleum,ng oppressedgroupssuchasJewsemphasizinglearning protestagainstrigidityoforaltraditionoroforalcombinedwithwritten
asdevice forpenetrating classstructureoremphasizingarts generally tradition-newspaperlendstokeepwrittentraditionlinkedtooraltradition
lilcrolurc.etc..involvesconstantdisturbanceonpartofhighlyspecialized -politiciansproblemofkeepingcloselooralit^tionorofnotlosing
class - Marx, Heine - Marx attempted lo penetrate class structure by touch.
emphasizingcla.s.sstruggle.
Positionofuniversityasadcstn'vyerofnewideasiwascreatorand
Commonlow•thatancientcollectionofunwrittenmaximsandcustoms.' destroyerofIdeas-new ideas txing taught lo.se frcshncASam) Miality.
university ofParis had restnctivc affect on ideas - EngUnd escaped
restrictiveeffectIhrxxighscpanuonofuni«riiiiesfromcapitalanddivision
Lawisanythingb<ildlyassertedandplausiblymaintained.' betweenuniversities.
)
theinnisherald voiunve29 issue1
Random
Thoughts
lllllllllllllllllllll
Activism, Apathy and Other CLUB OF WORDS (or
Social Diseases; Or How To Be
C.O.W. for short)
Smarter Than Your Average
by Sally Ashcroft-Blake
Bear. -August 1990
AnIntroductionForThe FirstYear
Student
Ifyou'reawriterandyouthinkyou'regood(letmerephrase
that: ifyou'reawriterandotherpeoplethinkyou'regood)thenew
COW
NancyFriedland InnisoItkgnanoiwzawthioantyou'reissasyoimnegt,h"ianngotyhoeursIhnonuisldclcuhbecthkato'ust.goingto
lastthelengthofit'sfirstmeeting". NormallyIwouldjoinyouin
Havingrecently beena firstyear regardingtheIssues.Ifoundilvery yourcynicism,butthistimeIhavetobunkout. Fortworeasons. I
sntouwd.enwtit(hthaatsiusm,mlaesrt'yseapre)r,sIpefcitnidvteh,atI emaosmyentotugmel ocfaugthhtisupconinstatnhte gIo'imnsgtatrotiwnogrikt.up(withgoodfriendSteveBarber) 2)Ireallythinkit's
Tai'nmsvovialnrviaeomupesonsetixtotirioanlcautcnokijctuuhldeargreeoacfmtiiynviUtoiweosn.f eototihKaeocru'crsoambgpaelcmkises.nhtIataglnoadtveopfamtgteoinotghdeotpfhoienwagecsrh. tenorCfiOftWeenwiylolubnegaCsaonratdoifaInnnwirsitleirtsertaorygestohceiretiyn.aTshiengplleanroisomtoogneet
Itispossible,andaltogether Ispoketomyphilo.sophyT.A.about ortwoeveningsamonth.(That'soneortwotimesasoftenasthe
muchtooeasy,tojustgetlostinthe the lack of female/feminine //er<i/</ispublished, youhungry-for-exposurcwritersyou.) During
universityshuffle. Butfortunately, perspective in the first year thosetimeswewillreadanddiscussourstuffie.shortstories,poems,
youcleverfirstyearstudentyou,you curriculum.Istoodupforthingsthe excerptsfrom novels,etc.andmethods,both legaland non, togel
havechosen thesmall, somewhat groupbelievedinevenwhenIwas publishedandgetknown. Althoughthefirstfewmeetings will no
friendly, somewhat artsy-farlsy, aminorityoutsidethegroup.Ifelt doubtuncoverlongloststoriesofclosetfame,thegoalistoencourage
somewhat "film noirish" Innis thatIhadthepowerallthosevery newworkfromwritersthroughouttheyear. Attheendoftheyearwe
College.Here,youcangetinvolved smartpeopleinthegroupbehindme. willselectastoryorpoemorwhateverfromeachwriterandcreatea
in (he Cinema Studies Students But I also dismissed tho.se COWcollection,whichwillhopefullybepublishedby.someback-
Union,youcanwriteforthisvery views I had formerly respected of-tlie-woodsCanadianpublisher.
Oplloravneyelotyuorcraa—gnhabaynndgguyomouut—wcitathnheutsnhaievveDeretsaehd.e bvIeirceeaawlusiszoeefdtththheeaytgdrtihodou.nps'.etwOcenorlneynf'ontromewnttiohraetvlheye WeatSIonuninsdarinetaerelasitdinbga?ckDosonr'ttowfobruryn,chnoanpdortthfioslgiorsouaprcwirlelqubierendo.
Heads In the Pub, ifthey have mybeliefsIwasstandingupfor. I different(exceptwemightactuallydosomethingexciting). Allthat's
survivedanotheryear. had forgotten how to think for required is a modicum oftalentand a whole bunch ofdedication.
Beyondthehallowedhallsof myself. ' • Thefi.Titmeetirig(a,whodowehavehere,kindofmeeting)willbe
Innis, however, there lies much InthinkingcriticallyilIsalso heldinSeptember. Allarewelcome. Feelfreetocallme(Sally)for
more. Not necessarily anything Important,especially Intheoh-so- anyadditionalinformationduringthesummer. (416-941-8983)
better, just more. More serious cynicalworldofuniversitystudents,
papers,moreseriousactivistgroups, nottobecomeloocritical.You will
moreseriouspeople,moreserious notice the constant banter in the
seriousness. Yes, Dorothy, look letterswrittentovariousnewspapers
beyondyourownbackyardandyou inwhichsomeone'srage and fury
willfindthedark,graveunderbelly aboutsomeveryminutedetailinan
ofUofT.I,myself,haveventured article,orsomesmallmisprintIna
thereandia.ssureyouitain'tKan5a.s. b<x)k. isvented.Youdon'thaveto
Letmesaythoughthatthere bemuchsmarterthanyouraverage
isabsolutely nothing wrong with beartorealizethatthisnit-picking
seriousness,ifthat'syourbag.But represents a certain loss of
by all means try something that perspectiveonthings.Askyourself
mightnotbeyourniche,forthatis whichIsmoreimportant:thei.ssuc
theverypurposeoffirstyear.This at hand that is being somewhat
was my experience offirst year, ignored,orthemisprintoverwhich
althoughmywordsofwarningcome oodlesofpeopleareupinarms?
frommyownexperiencewiththis Obviously,I'velearnedalot
"seriousness"ofwhichIspeak. from my involvement lastyear.
Shortlyafterfirstyearbegan Primarily,I'vediscoveredthatany
I got Involved in organizing and groupthaiisformedaroundamoral
participating in an intellectual position Is very powerful and
di.scussiongroup.Intlieory.andfor sometimesdangerous.Itmeansthat
awhileinpractice,thiswasagreat youwillbejudgingpeoplenotby
Idea. Il was an open forum for theiractionsbutbytheirbeliefs,and
discour.seonanysubject.Wetalked ifyou have the right—todo that
a lot about feminist issues, the doesn't everybody be it
environment,politics:Younameil Greenpeace saving seals or the
wehadanopinion.Butnowaslook AyatollahKhoumanIcondemninga
back I .'iee thai the discussions man todeath for publishing his
weren't.soopen.Thiswasn'tcritical beliefs.
discourse.Criticaldiscoursewould So.Thereyouhaveit.Ifthe
meanthaiwehadtobecritical.We first yearstudenthasanything to
w—ere, but notofideasoropinions learnfrommymistakesletitbethis:
ofeach other: orpeople who Getinvolved,dowhatyouwantto
weren'tal the meetingthatdayor dotiutdon't gettooseriousabout
people who couldn't hear us everything.Actasanindividualand
whisperingaboutthem. thinkforyourself.Andbygum,asa
Il was a very self-righteous wisemanoncesaidtome.don'lhave
group that only looked for suchanopenmindthatyourbrains
reinforcementofitsmoralpo.silion fallout.
(heinnisherald volume29issue1
Fiction and Poetry
Ill I I I I I I I I I I I
AFTERLIFE Now TIGARE
byAino Auberge byAinoAuberge
Sound,hearil
Tasteeverything
YouarcallinvCintendietoasarycocucpa(rieo;n, GFeoelthwrhoautghcatnimbeeetxopueirhicedncing WSuhnegniInfaeellanthgautagliefeIidsoann'toupnedrearstand.
TInhieinecndidalocfltyhfeyowololurwlwidinl.glconwwhenyouaren'i. ABrbisnogrblierenetorgtyhefdreoamdtheliving TIhcaotmfmoirntemiyssaelsfilwenitthpatnh.eknowledge
Refreshmentswillbeserved: Existnotonly
sowillyouth. Butcreateandcare
Atwhichyoumayexchange Forthefuture
Coniplinicntsandsecrethints -Anonymous
Onulifewelllived,
Checkyourcoatsatthedoor,
alongwithyourbodies.
Andatwhichyoumaylaughtogether
Overallthelittlemistakes.
Suchasnianstaughter,
orneverteamingSpanish.
Andvownevertorepeattfitm.
Youwon't.
A STORY ABOUT A Women End Up
"Ail Just
SHORELINE (WARNING: A
Screwing You Anyway!''
BIT SURREAL.) byAnother Really Nice Insomniac
By Huge Dare
1stoodoutbythewater,it'scoolfingersrunningthroughmy Bitterness spatfromafuming husband,ditchedby hiswife
newtoes. Iwavedgood-byetoallmyfriendsandsmiled.Thesun forreasonshejust couldn't fathom. Ofcourse, these wordswere
baskedmeinit'slightasIraisedmyarmsandflew. onlyintendedforonesetofears,thoseofthewife,notme.However,
Theheavenswerealwaysaplaceofparadiseforme,anditwas Ilookthisasapersonalassault..Iwasn'tthewifewho"screwedhim".
for me alone. Others would look up and stare in wonderwhile I I'mnotthecauseofhisanger,hisfrustration,orhisfear.Asamatter
laughed and dodged the stars. The air, the wind, the endless offacthedoesn'tevenknowme.
andromeda. Itwirledinamazementasmyhairtangledonmyhead. This ratherexaggerated statementwas deliveredat thedinner
Iswoopedamongthetrees,theanimalsfrozeinplace. Iflew tableduring areception, (badprotocol to insult yourtable-mates,
aboutoverbranches,undernests,andcausedapanicamongthebirds. guy!) So. theoretically, I wasn't eavesdropping. I was merely
Their flapping wings surrounded me and I gleamed in glorious "observing",sotospeak.
triumph.Ipausedonlytowrestmyselffreefromatreewhosesetof Anyway, who knew the reasoning behind his spontaneous
thornshadcaughtmyclothes. outburst? Myonlyconcernisthatthiskindofaltitudeleadstoevents
Ipressedinland,tolaughabovethecitiesandmockthepeasant likethe deathsof fourteenwomen,singledoutduetotheirgender,
folkbelowwhocoulddonothingbutshuffletheirfeet.Iwascaught way back when... Itcould have been me. 1 could have been my
upincloudsofsmokeandbecamelostinamazeofglasstowers.1 mother.Ilwouldn'thavemattered.Wearefemale.Thai'swhatseems
dancedaboutandflewaround,lookingforpeopletoadmireme.Faces tomatter.
begantoappearinwindows,eachfilledwithcuriosity. 1 loopedin Theresultswereobvious.Inonehate-filledstatement,thisman's
iheairandwavedmyhands,mysmilewasmygreeting. 1hoveredin resentmentparalyzedme.Ishegoingtopulloutagunandshoothis
midflighttoexaminetheirresponses. wife, then me, then my mother? This is the ideal selling right? A
Thepeoplewereangry,theyshooktheirfistsandyelledatme. publicplace,severalbluntanddangerousweaponsavailable,anumber
Theirscreamsfellsilentbehindthewindowpane.Confusedandscared ofwomen,andplentyofwitnessestowatchhimasserthismasculine
Iflewawaytothesky. Suchhatfed,suchmaliciousness! 1couldn't control.Okay,so I've been accu,sedofhavinga vivid imaginalion.
understandwhy.1flewbackoverthelandandheadedtowhereIhad ButwhatwasthaiMcMaslerex-girlfriend,JoanHeimbecber,thinking
came, Ilandedintothewatersandfeltit'swarmfingersslowlypass whenshewaslookingdownthebarrelofthatsawedotTshotgun?
over my feet. Surprised, I looked downward and stared at the Given the circumstances, bluning oui such a statement
shimmeringsand. serves asmore thanjust ahuge breachof etiquette.Itisalarming,
I saw u wretch ofa being staring hack at me. Acreatureof frighteningeven. Thaiman'shostilityinstilledboth Tearandanger
tangledhairthaidroopedacrossmybeing,scratchesetchedacross inme. What I was more alarming, however, was the safely of his
mybtxlyanddirtpaintedmyface.1lookedatthesunsetandsawmy wife. IwenthomewonderingifiinotherNicoleSimpson"incident"
friendscomingtome.Theywerepleasant little hipposwhoseskin wouldoccurthatnighl.
glistenedinthesun.Ttieircycslookedthroughmine,neverwavering
astheyswamonthegenllecurrent.1reacheddownwardsandpicked
one upwith itiy hand.The hippo'sjaw gaped open and it'sstubby
earsflickeredhappily. I placedherbackdownontothewiuniclcai
waters.Ismiled,gaveupmyhumanform,andcamehome.
'
theinnisherald volume29 issue1
Inrds College Stuff • iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Welcome to Irmis College and the I.C.S.S. For The Non
Apathetic
Students
Firstofall,whatdoYOU this Vice President - Services: sports due to his authoritative
l.CSS.standfor? "...responsible for the associationtheAthleticsDept.of Another school year
a) The Inier-Colonial Stamp developmentandformulationof UofT.Hehasal.soexpresseda begins and with it brings new
Society; I.C.S.S.policieswithregardsto willingnesstobeacounseloron smilingfaces.Tliismaybeyour
b) TheIncessableConspiracy I.C.S.S.sponsoredservices." theHairAbuseHotline. firstyearatuniversityorjustat
toSueSAC; FrankKocis Innis college, but whichever
,
c) The International Also a rare, contagious and Women's Athletics I'mhere totell youabitabout
Confederation of Serious incurable mental disease; Representative: "•...responsible the .social events at Innis. No!
Students; remember,thisispurgatoiy,you formaintaining and developing Life doesn't end after
d) The Inmates Coalition to can'tjustleave! an athletic program open to all orientation. Classes only run
ServeSushi(inthecafeteria);or femaleI.C.S.S.members." from Monday to Friday, 9 to 5
e) TheInnisCollegeStudent Treasurer "...responsibleforthe Unoccupied (unless you are taking evening
Society. formationsofanannualbudget... Co-EdAthleticsRepresentative: courses.Blah!).Sotherewillbe
bythesecondweekinOctober." "...responsible for maintaining extensivetimeperiodswhenyou
Ifyouguessed: PeterSmith and developing an athletic can amu.se yourself by other
a) you'dbetterfindtheTardis Watch out for this executive program open to all I.C.S.S. meansthanwatching90210.*So
orsomeotherteleportaiiondevice power-hecan'tevenfixadesk members." come out with your new
realquick! drawer!Peteisalsosoontobethe JoyceVfee orientationfriendsatInnis.
b) takeanumber. presidentoftheFacialHairClub This woman is a great spiker, If you haven't already
c) you don't belong to this forMen. really ! And a warning to all guessed I'm one of Ihc Social
College and are not the target women,incaseyouintendtoplay Representatives of the Innis
audienceofthisarticle. CommunicationsCommi.ssioner: football forany othercollcge6: College Student Society. My
d) you'restillwonderingwhy "...responsibleforpublicizingany don'tplaycentre! nameisKareandmyco-worker
thispublicationwassenttoyou. andallI.C.S.S.services.''4 is Kathy, and along with other
e) youmayhaveal.soguessed JuliMori SpiritChallengeRepresentative: less members we are in the
thatyou'reamember! Currently lobbying Pete for Unoccupied initialstagesofplanningsomeof
money to start a Hair Abuse the events for the forthcoming
That'sright,allstudentsofInnis Hotline,shealsodrinksrawsugar Clubs Representative: year.Rightnowwearclooking
are I.C.S.S. members. To -givehersomeandwatchhergo! "...responsible for giving athavingaBandNightattheend
discovermoreabouttheI.C.S.S., assistanceandadvicetoallclubs ofSeptember,featuringsomeof
itisconsideredbysometobeof Education Commissioner: sponsored by the I.C.S.S. ourown Innis Bands likeAhy
relevancethatyouknowwhoare "...responsible forinitiationand including those already in (whoare not to be missed). In
executive members of this coordination of I.C.S.S. existenceandtonewclubsbeing Octobertherewilldefinitelybe
privileged association. Belowis sponsorededucationalevents." formed." a Halloween bash, especially
a brief explanation of the UnfilledPosition JoelSchuster since last years went .so well.
executivepositionsandsometips Understandable Trustme: stayawayfromJoel; BeforeexamsstartinDecember
onhowtorecognizesomeofthe he's bad news...like eat-your- we are thinking about a Beach
members who are currently Social Representatives: childrenkindofbad,ifyouknow Pubtowarmyour.soulandnumb
holdingtheml orhow toget to "...responsiblefororganizingand whatImean,chummer.Alsokeep yourbrain.TheninlateJanuary
knowthemalittlebetter; coordinating I.C.S.S. sponsored an eye out for the Idaho weare goingtohold ourannual
socialevents,withtheexception Neckslap! semi-Formal,whichisthemost
President: "...responsible for oforientationevent.s."5 luxuriouseveningoftheyear.
ensuring the availability ofall KaieHolmberg Ifyouhaveanyquestionsinthe Thesearejustafewofour
Student Society servicca to all Don't have a drinking contest following weeks, plea.sedo not large functions planned forthe
membersoftheI.C.S.S." with this woman, she's from hesitate to call and leave a nextcouple ofmonths. Along
AaronMagney Northern Ontario. Kare is al.so messagesforoneorallofusat with these there will be other
Ifyouwantthisman'sattention, responsible for providing the theI.C.S.S.office:978-7368 smallerevents,someheldbyour
putyourfingeruphisnose2 and I.C.S.S.withroadkill. studentunionsandclubs.Andif
seewhathappens;hemaynotbe KathyOsterlund youhaveanything inparticular
thatbright,but he lookscute in Ask Kathy for an acrobatic 1 which,uponpublicationofthis youwantustodoorbeapartof
tights! demonstration and she won't article, may be subject to donotbelooshytoapproachus
disappoint you! She's usually changes... withyourideas.
Vicg President - Govcmrneni: found in a very approachable, - 2besuretoachieveatleastpartial Andforthoseofyouwho
"...responsible fordevelopment mellow-frameofmind! penetrationoftheno.siril. want to amuse yourselves in
and formulation of I.C.S.S. 3InnisCollegeCouncil otherways there are numerous
policies with regards to I.C.C.3 Men's Athletics Representative: 4 who the hell do you think is sports and clubs at Innis and
business." "...responsible for maintaining writingthisarticle'? within the university to get
JonZeldman and developing an athletic 5Soifwedon'tgotoHartHouse involved in. So come out and
This is the only man at Innis Programme open to all male froshweek,don'tblamethem! enjoyyourselves.
Collegewhoweknowshavcshis I.C.S.S,members." 6 honestly, fate worse than
legs,butatleastthestaplesinhis AmandeepDhillon death... -KaieHoimberg
headaregone! This man isespecially practical SocialRep.ICSS
tobefriendifyou'reinterestedin
•-KditorsNole-1Itko91)210.mdj^erstmallycan'timagine<ibetterwaytospendaWednesdaynight.
1
theinnisherald volame29 issue1
The Back Page
Beyond Smart and Stupid
A boy's parting thoughts on five years spent at the University
of Toronto -January 1993
by Timothy Long 9.
In 1V64,diemostbrilliantyoungprofessorindwEnglishfacultywasa
recentPrincetongraduatewhotaughtagraduateseminaronCharlotteBronte.Oix;
daylateintheschoolyear,hisbrighteststudentapproachedhimafterclassand
askedwithgreatconcernwhytheclasshadnolyetdiscussedWurheringHeights.
I. Somesaythatwhentheprofessorheardthatquestion,somethinginsideof
WhenIwasscvcnlccnyearsold.Ireceivedabrochurefromasmallliberal himdied.AftercalmlyinformingthestudentthatWulhcringHeightswaswritten
anscollegeinVcrmom.Ilread,inpart,asfollows: byEmilyBronle,andnotChariotte.hequietlywalkedoutofthefromdoorsofthe
Englishdepartmentandquitesimplynevercameback.Afewyearslaterarumour
"Aliberalartsdegreefromourcollegewillprepareyouforaliiiosianyjob.Anilii begancirculatinginthedepartmentthaitheprofessorwasnowinCalifornia,working
willdosomethingmore: ilwillprovideyouwithalifelinieguaranteeagainst inexperimentalfilm.
boredom." Thatyoungprofessor'snamewasLaurenceTcro.Beuerknownlomillions
offansasMr.T,starofsuchavant-gardeclassicsasRoclcyIIandTheATeam.
Alifetimeguaraniccagainstboredom: imaginethai.Ieventuallydecided
noltoattendthecollege,deemingiltooexpensive. Butsometimesthesedays, 10.
whenilsnowsandI'malone.Iaskmyself:would$80,000(fouryears'tuition) Thepointofelementaryschoolistoteachyouthatyoucan'tsing.Thepoint
havebeenloomuchtopayforalifetimeguaranteeagainstboredom?Wasil ofhighschoolistoteachyouthatyoucan'tplaysports.Thepointofuniversityis
somehowaninherentlybelterideatocometoUofT,andpay$10,000foralifetime 10teachyouthatyoucan'tthink,andthaievenifyoucould,youprobablywouldn't
guaranteeagainstenthusiasm? wantto.
Iwasanaffable,engagingseventeenyear-old.butsomclimcsithinkthata
coupleofrapidblowstotheheadwouldhavedonemcaworldofgood. II.
Youcanalwaystelluniversitystudentsbyihcirinsistenceonutienngsuch
2. life-denyingstatementsas:
BeforeIcametouniversity,tassumedthatthesmartestpeopleherewould /iiafcATV.butjusttogaininsightsintopopularculture.
spendmostoftheirlimesillingarounddiscussingbooksandsuch.Youcanimagine IthinkYeatswasactuallyaprettygoodplaywright.
myreliefwhenilturnedoutthatthesmartestpeopleherediscussednothingbut IhopelogotoOxford.
television. Theappealofthaisubjectisnotimmediatelyapparent.
Oh.sure,youcanoccasionallyfindpeopleinHanHouseorRobarlslibrary Listen,Idon'tthinkmattersareworkingoutbetweenus.
discussingliterarytheoryorquantummechanics.Butthett'ssomethingfaintly
mustyandhalf-heanedaboutthem,somethingapologetic:it'sasifthey'retelling 12.
theworld,okay,I'mbeingboringandirrelevantrighlnow,butI'mjusthavinga YoucanalwaystellpeoplewhohaveneveranendeduniversitybyUieir
baddayTonioirow,Iwillbemorevigorous.Tomorrow1willdiscussWho'sThe abilitytouttersuchlife-affirmingstatementsas:
Boss. /watchTV,justforfun.
IthinkJamesGamerisactuallyaprettygoodactor
3. IhopetogotoDisneyWorld.
Myparentsneverwenttouniversity,andarcthuspossessedofallsortsof Idon'icareaboutthat.
maniacalnotionsaboutthewaythingsworkhere.Towi(;myparentsbelieveI Screwoff.
atlcndcla.Hscsfortyhoursaweek.Nothingwouldshockmyparentmorethanto
learnthatIdidn'tattendasingledansafterspringbreak.Soifyouseethem(they're 13.
aCaucasiancoupleintheirearlyflflics).don'ttellthem,'kay? 1startedlaughingduringmyfirstlecnircoffirstyear,anddidn'treallyslop
untilaboutayearago.1founditunspeakablyamusinghowobtusemyprofessors
4. were,howlazymyfellowstudentswere,andhowlightlyeveryoneseemedtobe
Therewasutimewhenthesmartestundergraduateswentintograduate treatingthisentirebusinessofacademicinstruction.Ihadgrownupthinkingof
sch(X)l,andeventually intoacadcmia.You mayhaveheardofthislime: itis post-secondaryeducationassomesonofreligiousindocuinaiion.onewhichwas
cuinmonlyknownas"themiddleage.s".Thesedays,thebrightestgraduatesinthe bestpursuedwithagrimcountenanceandashindonerightuplothecollar.For
humanitiesaredroppingoutaftertwoorthreeyearsandheadingtoHollywoodto years,thecontrastbetweenthispreconceptionandtheatmosphereofcheerfulidiocy
writesiicomji.Allofwhichisbywayofsayingthaithenexttinteaprofessorgives 1encounteredatUofTstruckmeasendlesslyhilarious.
youabadmark,ortakesissuewithapointyou'veraised,youarc|icrfcctlyjustified Andthenildidn't.
inaskinghimorherifyou'resosmart,why.nrcn'tyouwritingforGrowingI'ainsi
14.
Insomesivioiics,aboy'stransitiontomanhixxliKcurswhenhefirstritually Imustadmitthatpartofthereason1waslaughingsomuchwasallihc
slaysanelk.InothersiKiclics.thistransitionoccurswhenaboyparticipatesinhis drugs1wastaking.Aseveryoneknows,astudentatUofTcan.overthecourseof
firstdrive-byshooting. anundergraduatecareer,ingestaveritablepharmacopiaifhesodesires.Isodesired.
AtIIofT,ihccrucialrileofpassagearrivesmorestealthily.Aboywakesup Fortherecord:Ihavedonegra.ss,1havedonemu,shrpoms.Ihaven'tdoneacid.1
onemorningandsays: youkruiw.Idon'thaveloattendanyofthesecrummy havedoneAquaVclva.1havedoneLiquidPaper.1haven'tdoneLemonPledge.I
classesif1don'twanna.Anddoyouknowwhat?Idon'twanna. haven'tdoneTunicWax.IhavedoneCokeandAspirin.Ihaven'tdoneMr.Dean,
Culturalsensitivitypreventsmcfromjudgingtherelativeworthofthese iK)ughI'vealwayswantedto.
rituals.
6. LS.
Hero'sonequestionthat'svexedmeeversinceI'vebeenhere:Isthisschool I'mtwcnly-twoyearsold.forChrist'ssakcs.I'vebeeninuni\cr5il>forfive
reallyasterribleas1thinkiti.s?WhenI'mfeelingdepressed,Isay:yes,itis.When years.FiveyearsatthefinestunivcpiiiyinCanada,ihchomeofNonhrv>pFrye.
I'mfeelingcontcnl,1say:yes,ilis,butatleastI'vestillgotmyhealth. JohnPolanyi.andMarshallMcLuhan.andIstillhaven'tlearnedhowtoendany
pieceofwritingwithout resorting tothe worst kindofpscudo-cxistenlialist
Amanandawomanareone. 7. pwreerteenn'stiofno.rtMhaeybboere1dio~mo.uldleamsomething,maybeIcvxildgainsomeskills,ifil
Amanandawomanand50,000TV-addledzombiesareone.
16.
R. Theboredom.
Thingsweren'talwayssobadhere.Intheearlysixtiesorso,cveiy.single
departinen!atthisuniversitywaschock-a-blockwithambitious,brilliantyoimg 17,
professors,eagertochangeiheworld.Overtheyears,htiwcvcr,theyalleither Boredom.
movedtootherschiwlsorsuccumbedtoboredom,frustration,orthedemandsof
domesticlife. 18.
Death.
Mr.LongaowstudiesKHglishLiieraiurtatColumbiaUni\rrsiiyGrodaoteSchool.
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2015
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