Influence of therapists' gender and professional and personal experience with infidelity on the promotion of disclosure of affairs in therapy

2004·10.1 MB·English

by  Upchurch, Rosaria Carlone

INFLUENCEOFTHERAPISTS'GENDERANDPROFESSIONALANDPERSONAL
EXPERIENCEWITHINFIDELITYONTHEPROMOTIONOFDISCLOSUREOF
AFFAIRSINTHERAPY
By
ROSARIACARLONEUPCHURCH
ADISSERTATIONPRESENTEDTOTHEGRADUATESCHOOLOFTHE
UNIVERSITYOFFLORIDAINPARTIALFULFILLMENTOFTHE
REQUIREMENTSFORTHEDEGREEOF
DOCTOROFPHILOSOPHY
UNIVERSITYOFFLORIDA
2004
Copyright2004
By
RosariaCarloneUpchurch
DEDICATEDTOTHEMEMORYOF
StephenJuliusNittolo
April9,1955—December18,1991
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Completingthisdissertation,andreceivingmydoctoraldegree,signifiesforme
—
theachievementofwhatIperceiveasoneofmyfamily'snoblestdreams onelong
—
overdue theonethatreflectsthat,despitethemanybarrierscreatedbylife'schallenges,
apersonstillhasaccesstoknowledge,opportunity,achievement,andacceptance. Ihave
verymanypeopletothank.
Firstandforemost,Iwishtoacknowledgeandthankthechairofmydoctoral
committee,Dr.SilviaEchevarria-Doan. Sheretainedherfaithinme,despiteallmy
resistance. Ithankherforherwillingnesstogenerouslycollaboratewithmethrough
plansA,B,C,D,etc. Shecounseledme,supportedme,andcontinuedtoremindmethat
Icould. Sheunderstandsmystruggles. Toher,Iwishtosay:"MuchasGracias
Profesora."
Next,Ithanktheothermembersofmycommitteewho,inafashionsimilartomy
chair,havebeenmymentors,mycolleagues,andmyfriends. Ihavebeenfortunateto
havethemostamazingcommitteeofalltime: Dr.PeterA.D.Sherrard,asoftplaceto
fallandakindredspirit; Dr.EllenAmatea,apillarofstrengthandhighstandards;and
Dr.DavidMiller,amanofmanytalentsandagenerousheart. IthankDr.Randall
Penfieldforhispartinmyjourney. Ifeelprivileged.
Ithankmyfellowstudentswho,bynow,haveeitherreceivedtheirdoctoral
degreesorsoonwill. IthankLynGoodwin,ErikaHollander,AnnAllenRai,
IV
CandyHodgkins,DavidMarshall,KittyFallon,IbrahimKeklik,andsomanyotherswho
crossedmypathandenrichedmylife. Ithasbeenanhonorto"run"withthem.
TherearemanyothersattheUniversityofFlorida(UF)whoofferedmewisdom
andsupport. IthankfacultymembersDr.HarryDaniels,Dr.MaxParker,Dr.Sondra
Smith,andDr.JoeWittmer. IthankUFstaffmembersPattyBrunerandCandySpires,
whomadetheprocessflowsmoothly. SpecialthanksgototheUFlibrarians,especially
DamonAustin,whoenthusiasticallyassistedmeinnavigatingmoderntechnology.
IamespeciallygratefulfortheworkandsupportofJeffreyMiller,a
psychometricspecialistwhoseintelligence,knowledge,anddiligencewerebeyond
expectations. Ithankhimforhishardworkand,moreimportantly,forhisfriendship. I
alsothankmyeditor,MaryJaneSchaer,forherdedicationandsupport.
Next,IthankBeverlyColella,whoseconstantandcaringattentiontomy
marriageandfamilytherapypracticeassuredmethatmyclientswerewellcaredfor,
whetherIwasthereornot. Ithankmycolleaguesinmyhomecommunity,Dr.R.J.
Parlade,Dr.ShirleySpooner,Dr.SusanMorey,andmanyothersforencouragingmeto
stayfocused.
SpecialthanksgotoDr.GeorgeLindenfeld,Dr.MarkHarter,Dr.Robert
Kennerley,andDr.PeggyKennerley,andtotherapistsDr.MarieBracciale,Karen
Spicer,JaneDevine,JaneUpdyke,CindyNewman,BuddyJowers,andSibelGuelseren,
fortheirtimeandtheirwillingnesstosharetheirexpertexperienceandwisdom. Iam
blessed. Ialsothankmycolleaguesintheclinicalfieldwhogavetheirprecioustimeand
participatedinthisstudy.
Tomymanyclients(theyknowwhotheyare),Isendaspecialwordof
appreciation,becausetheirstrugglesinspiremetodobettereachday. Manypiecesof
thisdissertationarerootedintheirstories. Infact,itwasFred'sandJane's(nameshave
beenchanged)couragetorebuildtheirmarriageafterthedisclosureofinfidelityintheir
relationshipthatprovidedtheimpetusformetopursuethistopicformyresearch. I
thankmystudentsforprovidingmewithavenueforvalidationandaffirmation.And,I
thankDr.PatriciaCrawfordforherencouragementduringamostserendipitous
experience.
Ithankmymanyfriends,withspecialemphasisonandacknowledgmentoftwo.
Tomyfellowhens,MaureenWeissandPatriciaWhitsitt,wordscannotdescribethe
gratitudeIfeeltowardthem.Theydrovemychildrenplaces,madesuremychildrenwere
fedandentertained,andstillfoundtimetotellmehowproudtheywereofmethatI
would/couldpursuethisdegree—theyassuagedmyguiltbyremindingmethatmy
actionsservedasrolemodelingforourdaughters—toopowerfulastatementtoignore. I
wantthemtoknowthatIaminaweofthem,andtheworktheydo,eachday,asmothers
andhomemakers.
IthankDr.RichardWeissforthemanytimes,frequentlylateintotheevening
afteraverylongdayofworkwithcancerpatients,thathewaswillingtopatchupthis
noncompliantpatient,quickly—renewingmeforthenextlegoftherace.
IalsothankSteveandLenaCieciurawho,whileIwasgrowingup,watchedfrom
afartomakesurethatIstayedonthepathtobecomingeducated. Ihaveneverforgotten
theircaringandtheirfinancialassistance.
vi
ToJulieandLucyNittolo,IthankthemfortheirspecialsonStephen,withwhom
Iwasluckyenoughtosharea25-yearfriendshipbeforehisuntimelydeathattheageof
36.1wantthemtoknowthattheirsonservedaspositivepeer-pressureandhelpedme
createavisionformyselfthatincludedthepursuitofhighereducation,whichhasmadeit
possibleformetoassistothers. Iwantthemtoknowthathewasagoodteachertome
andthathislifehadpurpose.
Onthehomefront,Ithankmybrilliantparents,FiorenzoUmbertoCarloneand
AngelinaPepeinCarlone,whomademajorsacrificestogivemetheopportunitiesinlife
theythemselvesdidnothave.Theyinstilledinmeastrongsenseofbelongingandself-
pride. Myfatherdiedin1990,andIregretthathewillnotpartakeinthiscelebration.
Hismusic,humor,andzestforlifeliveinmyheart. HetaughtmethatIcanbejoyful
evenwhenlifeishard,andheshowedmebyexamplehowtobringpeopletogetherin
—
celebration. Iespeciallythankmymother,awomanbornbeforehertime determined,
strong,capable,innovative,andhardworking. Mymomalwaysfoundaway. Despite
havingonlyafourthgradeeducation,shechampionedmetowardmyintellectual
potential. Iwishtohonorherbywritinginournativetongueandsaying:"Lamia
mamma,cometantealtredonnedellasuagenerazione,volevanoenonpotevano. Iosto'
erettasullelorospalleeleringrazioperlabellavista" (Mymom,likesomanyother
womenofhergeneration,wantedtobutcouldnot. Istandontheirshouldersandthank
themforthebeautifulview).
Tomysisters,TeresaFloraScaturroandElviraOlgaKoury,andtomybrother,
AntonioCarlone,Iknow1wastheonethatdestinyplacedatthefront. Iowethemmuch
forlettingmehavethatspot. Iwantthemtoknowthatitisgoodtobetheirsister. Very
vn
specialthanksgotoElvira,forshowingmethateyesightisnotessentialforseeing
beautyandgoodness. Shetaughtmethattheheartisthecoreelementforclearvision.
Andtomyniecesandnephews,Iwantthemtoknowthatthedooriswideopennow.
IalsothanktheUpchurchfamily,afamilyofchampions,fortheirsupport,
especiallymymother-in-law,BarbaraNehringMacLeod,whoseexpressionofpridein
meovertheyearshasmademefeellikeatruedaughter. Shewasoneofthepioneersof
womenattendingcollege,and,eventhoughhavingattendedaprestigiouscollege,still
feltinherlifetheimpactoftraditionallimitsplacedonwomen.
Last,butnotleast,Ithankmyimmediatefamily,whoseconstantsupportcannot
bemeasured. Tomymagnificent,brilliant,powerful,talented,andbeautifuldaughter
MeganMariaUpchurch,IwanthertoknowthatIhavelearnedmuchfromherandthatI
loveandrespectthepersonsheis. ItwasthroughwatchinghergrowthatIhavehealed
andlearnedtorejoinwithpartsofmyself. Shemakesmeproudtobehermom,every
day. Istartedthisprogramwhensheenteredhighschool,andIwillgraduatejustasshe
completesherfirstsemesteratWakeForestUniversity.
Tomyamazing,witty,brilliant,sharp,andfun-lovingson,RockwellDavid
Upchurch,Ithankhimforthemanytimeswelaughedtogether,andthemanytimeshe
helpedmerelaxbywatchingmovieswithme. Hemeltsmyheartwithhissenseoffair
playandwithhisabilitytounderstandandcareaboutothers. Iloveandadmirehim.
Tomyhusband,PaulNehringUpchurch,theluckiestdayofmylifewasJune17,
— —
1977,whenIwalkedinto"achancemeetingofpurehearts" hisandmine andfounda
profoundconnection. Ithankhimforhiscontributiontothegoodlifewehavebeenable
tomaketogether. Iespeciallyappreciatethewayheneverallowedhisownimpressive
vin
successtohamperorovershadowmine. Ienvyhishumility. Ithankhimforconsistently
supportingmyundertakings,frequentlyathisownexpense. IrememberfondlywhenI
signedupforthemostdemandingsemesteroftheprogramandaskedhimifhewassure
hecould/wantedtocontinuewiththehardshipsitcreatedforus. Hesimplytookbothmy
handsinhis,lookedatmesquareintheeyes,andreplied,"Ifyouarewillingtodoit,I
amtoo. Wearegoingthedistance." IthankPaulforwhathehasgiventohelpmakethis
endeavorpossibleforme—butthenagain,itisnotmuchofasurprisetomebecausehe
helpsmakeeverythingpossible.
IX
TABLEOFCONTENTS
page
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS iv
LISTOFTABLES xiii
LISTOFFIGURES xv
ABSTRACT xvi
CHAPTER
1 INTRODUCTION 1
OpeningStatement 1
FactorsInfluencingTherapists'andCounselors'StancesintheTherapyRoom 7
NeedfortheStudy 14
PurposeoftheStudy 18
PromotingDisclosure 19
DefinitionofTerms 20
GuidingQuestions 24
OrganizationoftheRestoftheStudy 24
2 REVIEWOFRELATEDLITERATURE 26
Introduction 26
PartI:Couples,Couples,andCouples 28
PartII: Love,Sex,andBetrayal 46
3 METHODOLOGY 94
Introduction 94
ScopeandLimitationsoftheStudy 95
Participants 98
SamplingProcedures 100
ResearchDesign 101
ScaleDevelopment 103
FinalVersionofSurvey 112
DataAnalysis(MainStudy) 112
x